A Daily Diary

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Saturday, December 9, 2017

New Flash. I'm Less Than Perfect, After All.

"The happiest people are often the saddest."

I don't recall who first said that quote, but it really resonates with me sometimes. More on that, later.

Just noticed 'Emperor's New Clothes' by PATD on that screen.
aka 'The Monster Song.'
Dad said she's been playing it over and over for a half hour.
She may be only four, but its her favorite song...and she sings
along. :) 

To catch-up:

  • I spent pretty much the whole day sleeping. 
  • My blurb book package was delayed and is due on the 11th. 
  • My netbook got here yesterday and it runs great! I had to hop in the bike to get it. The 'K' key is loose too but it works, so its tolerable.
  • April's Christmas gift, a fabric Rick and Morty poster, from wish.com, came in, too. ^^ 
  • Playing a lot of Neopets.
  • Playing 25 rounds of gacha on Secondlife for a bonus prize, costing me 1250L (equivalent to $4.70 USD) I got to gift stuff, so that made it all the more worth it.
  • In my virtual worlds, between Neo and SL, definitely enjoying the virtual advent calendars galore.
  • Wrote another chapter for my novel last night. SO close to the ending, praise God!


Aaliyah accidentally found out she's getting my old netbook, so she's happy about that. She and Harmony are at my Dad's right now and I think that makes me miss them just a little more. :P God Willing, I'll be joining them in a couple weeks. :D Can't wait~!


Also, Dad sent me some adorable 'never before seen by me' childhood photos.

Never saw this before. (top) 
I scarcely recall a time in childhood where I got to keep my hair long. Didn’t even know it could’ve been me at first! 😂 P.S. Dunno who the baby is either. :P If I HAD to guess, I’d say it was my cousin Dustin.

I posted them to my Instagram, of course. These different fonts represent their captions.

The blonde is my older sister. (Harmony and Aaliyah's mother. See the resemblance?) 

I recall those days we dressed up like that. I remember that dress she’s wearing vividly. The princess hat came from one the many times we went to the Renaissance Faire. Pic below is us with our Dad. 

All of this really seems to dim the fact that I was actually sobbing unhappily at my computer like 15-20 minutes ago. 

In short, I'll post the conversation, cause it sums things up. Mind you, this all started with the fact that April and Rob tend to keep dirty dishes in their room, instead of taking them to the kitchen, which leaves me without dishes to use.

Rob made dinner tonight, stew, and they went to eat. I had nothing to eat with. They gave me their crusted dishes. They weren't coming clean.

I, essentially, got fed up with it. I complained to Rob, as I am tired of complaining at April for things the multiple times I did this month.

He got mad back at me. I got sad at my anger and well...this conversation with April is what ensued. (I did wind up apologizing to Rob btw so we're reconciled and all.)


I think this conversation gives real insight to how I am inside, ya know? My mindset? The side not many other people realize exists.



In any case, as expected, I've overcome. The sadness just fizzled out into contentment, and will have to again in the future. 

'Kitchen Sink' by twentyonepilots is a really strangely comforting song to hear when sad. 



I've just been sitting here praying, chilling, and listening to my favorite songs. 

I also ate sour gummy worms..and drank sweet tea. I gave into the sugar comforts of sadness.

Thank God for the few friends I got though. I need to be able to speak up about my feelings. 

I don't really feel like I can confide in family about this due to my 'past events' which may make them think I'd take take to dealing with my mild depression to extreme or even dangerous measures....which I never would, to be honest. I'm a God-fearing Christian, to start. But I also know the importance of enduring and letting this pass...so it all gets better. It always gets better. Know that, if you're reading this.

So...yeah. Another thing is I'm glad I started with the happy stuff, so perhaps I can have a happy part of my life to reflect on and be thankful to God for. :) Thank God he has it in my heart to write diaries, after all these years of doing it, cause it really helps. It really feels like what I was meant to do from a very very young age. He gave me a very creative and loving heart.

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