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Thursday, June 20, 2019

Broken Things.

4:58 p.m. A lot of small things have been going wrong lately in a very short period of time:

  • My Youtube playlist is glitched. i.e. I click a video and it just goes through the whole list until it reaches the bottom. -_- Non-playlist videos play, however.
  • The washer is BROKEN. As in, it won't turn on. I still have my white fur rug, stained by now with blue detergent that's not being rinsed off, until Dad can fix it. As well as a growing pile of dirty clothes.
  • If my computer experiences a hard shutdown, whether by me or the electricity, my mouse and/or keyboard will stop working and require a new usb port to continue.
  • GIMP froze on me today...a lot. -_- Sometimes I've saved a PSD in time, sometimes I didn't.
  • My fan randomly broke last night. Literally..randomly. It wasn't doing anything it doesn't normally do. Some plastic piece broke off on the inside and won't re-attach. So my standing fan is a bust. 
  • I keep getting spam/bot/strange number calls on my phone all throughout the day.
  • My google chrome browser and/or my wifi is iffy when it comes to my desktop, whereas on other devices it can work fine.
  • Stressing myself out continuously over this Career Center kerfuffle and longing for it to be over so I can hop on the job/food stamp track. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost that peaceful state I was keeping up so well in the last month at the house. It does have to do with changes, which is always hard for me.
Anyway! What else is new?

Jen's moving to New York. Good for her. <3 I'll miss the kids as well as her, certainly.

Been making quite a few gachas the past couple days. A LOT today and needed to give myself a break. Funny enough, it happened AFTER I decided to delete those empty gacha machines that were waiting to be filled for months. But now, for now, I seem to be back at it.

Tasks are being completed out of order, but completed it seems, nonetheless.

I keep pondering the idea of getting theme park passes but I have this funny feeling like, there's some chance, that as soon as I get them, a job opportunity is suddenly gonna swing my way (as things sometimes can arrive at seemingly inopportune moments.) and then I won't really have so much time to go. xD That, and Dad and Anna like having me on call here to take care of a few household responsibilities. And I need to save for Ohio more. So..yeah. Lol.

Finished the Kingdom Hearts series. Yesterday, I think. And it's still confusing. :P

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Returned Home.

10:02 p.m. Not a whole lot I want to mention about yesterday.

  • Jen moved in the rest of her stuff.
  • She took me to the Career Center. My case was there, but it was the wrong day. So..I must wait until Friday, if Dad's even available then. -_-
To keep track:
1st week: No case available. Needs a transfer. Can't do orientation. 
2nd week: A lot of phone calls and messages asking for the status on my case. They don't get back in touch. Come the day, Dad is too sick to take me. He says we can just move on.
3rd week: They call for me to come. Dad insists I go. Jen isn't available until the next day. I do the next day, and it's the wrong day. There's a possibility Dad can't take off anymore time.

This is the reason that anything to do with Career Source these days, given I'm only given 30 days since my SNAP rejection to get my stuff together, gives me immediate stress. Even to 'think' about it. Asghsghsgh!!

I was tired when I came home. I did a bit of SL. MAde product images and put a chandelier up for sale.

Had a nice dinner with the family.

Slept well. Day is just beginning for me. Time to get my stuff back on track, me thinks, which means back to my routine.

Monday, June 17, 2019

The LONG Blog About My Concert.

12:23 p.m. Best believe if I wait three months for a concert, I should have a lot to say about it.

DJ and Maranda picked me up late Saturday afternoon. From there, we attended a family gathering at 'Rick's on the River.' which was a lot of fun. Mom's cousin Mike and his wife and kids were there, from South Carolina. I hadn't seen them since my early 20s and never met their kids before.

All kids, theirs, Aunt Steff's, DJ's and Jens, clearly had a blast. I had medium hot wings and fries, lol. Aaliyah took a lot of photos with my digital camera. The photos from that wound up on instagram.

I hung out with the kids a bit. Not much else to tell.

Sunday, day of the concert, watched my Church thing on headphones.

Got dressed around 3 p.m. although, Mom found my outfit a bit weird. DJ dropped by and mentioned he wished he could go. He called Maranda to get permission, and then drove home. Ultimately, it was decided that Maranda would come instead.

Mom gave me a hundred for merchandise, courtesy of Uncle Pat, Praise and thank the Lord.

I was happy with that, as her and I get along extremely well. Aaliyah straightened my hair while she, I, and Harmony watched the Aladdin play.

Around 4:00 p.m. Maranda arrived. Straightened her hair. It started raining. We started to drive and I forgot Mom's phone, which had the tickets, so we had to go back. We drove to get DJ and the kids pizza, then to DJ's house to drop him off.

I started having a huge amount of anxiety, since it was well past four, I think it was 5 maybe, and we had to make it all the way to the venue by 7 p.m.

It rained harder. There was traffic now and then. We stopped to get food and Maranda wanted to park and eat. More traffic. We got off at the wrong exit and had to circle back around. Then the destination lead to a closed off road so we had to detour.

My anxiety was really high by then, in hindsight, it shouldn't have if I'd known better about the opening act needing to go first. Anyway!

Suddenly found $20 was needed for parking, which I had. That got taken care of.

We walked to the venue. It was 6:45 p.m. by then. We made it to the security area, and they almost didn't let me in cause of the size of my handbag. They even pulled out a small measuring tape. Thankfully, the lady took pity on me and let me pass. God bless her, in Jesus name.

We made it to our seats okay. And waded through the opening act, a band called Bear Hands.

I used the time to test out the resolution and lighting on my devices. At one point, I accidentally dropped my camcorder on the lady in the row in front/lower to me. I panicked thinking my iPod fell in some unretrievable seat crack, but thankfully that wasn't the case. It fell between her back and her seat and I apologized.

They passed around these yellow triangle papers to hold up to the flashlight on our phones to 'lead the boys away from DEMA.' (It was crumpled by the end of the night. I kept it, anyway.)

And funny enough, I was overhearing the two young ladies beside me talk and one was explaining the DEMA lore to her (caught my interest, okay?)

Maranda got up at one point to go get red wine, (a small glass which we shared) and later she got big pretzels. She'd come back JUST in time for the boys' arrival, thank God.

They were indeed ant-sized. And my brain was thinking 'layered' thoughts as I watched them below. My brain worked, and felt awkward at itself at the same time, in it's own strange way:

  • They're really here..in this moment..not on social media or video or something.
  • They're 'existing' here. With us all.
  • We're all sharing the same space.
  • Chill. They're just humans, like the rest of us. Not gods.
  • So surreal. This isn't video. They're moving down there..really. 
  • Give it time, you'll chill and feel comfortable at this. 
  • No discernable facial features.
  • I'm seeing the piano..the kimono...in PERSON..though very very tiny. It's a real thing. Silly thing to observe or even care about, but real.
Something like that.


I think the point where it 'really' hit, where I was in the moment that 'Yes, I'm seeing them in person live and it being them and awesome,' was when Tyjo started dancing during Bandito. I was seeing the 'real' smol bean and feeling it. That was one of many favorite moments:
  • Josh ripping open his jack to reveal a hand-made shirt that said Orlando, with Disney Mickey ears.
  • The screams Tyler sang after scaling the pole in Car Radio.
  • Telling us with seat we can sit down during the slow piano songs, after all, Josh gets to sit the whole time.
  • Tyjo's Bandito dance.
  • The iconic piano backflip.
  • Tyjo air kick.
  • The crowd holding Tyjo up.
  • The smol bean dancing, all the dancing.
  • That one joke he made through the show.
  • The crowd doing Marco Polo to pass the time. 
  • The british voice announcing Josh Dun.
  • Josh Dun covering Seven Nation Army. 
  • My extreme feels during Cut My Lip and Leave The City.
  • Security doing funny dances while Tyler thanks them.
  • Screaming at the top of my lungs and no one minding it a bit. :D When else can I do that?
  • My dancing.
As expected, my iPod ran out of space after a bit, despite coming to the arena with 4 GB of storage.

I recorded the rest with the camcorder.

I made one Instagram story on my phone. The camera quality/functionality was not found preferable, so that was about all I did with it.

As you can see, I thoroughly enjoyed the show.

I also ducked out of 'Trees' the finale, a bit early, (I knew how it ended, and didn't mind missing the confetti blow as it fell on the standing room audience, anyway) I wanted to go because when we arrived the line was so long and I was so anxious, I didn't want to wait in a long line for merch.

I also grabbed Maranda's sweater, which was almost forgotten on the floor by her seat.

So! I headed to the merchandise bar, which was, thank God, STILL open, and quickly got a camo cap and a tee. $75 bucks total. They had no beanies, much as I hoped to get one. Online is always an option at some point, God willing. Happy with what I got.

Maranda and I had a little trouble finding the car after we left, but we found it nonetheless. Then had to scour my crowded handbag for the car keys, Mom's phone, and her cigs. She also had her pretzels in there, lol.

Anyway, we toyed with the idea of not going home right away. Old Town, by then, had closed. By this time, it was actually close to 11:30 p.m. (I did NOT expect the concert would last that long, in hindsight, but..that's awesome.) Anyway. 

We thought of going to a bar, but eventually changed our minds. Way too tired and Mom was probably awake and waiting on us as it was.

We stopped at a gas station and finally got to a bathroom (I'd been holding my bladder since we got to the concert.) I got water and boiled peanuts.

Then made it home. The door was locked. We knocked on Mom's window, but Uncle Pat answered. I changed out of jeans into some comfy pants and went straight to bed...almost straight. I charged Mom's phone and downloaded my concert videos on my iPod to Google photos.

Now, we get to this morning. For the following four hours or so, I went through the process of getting my iPod videos, as well as my camcorder ones, onto Instagram for easy storage and viewing. 

The iPod ones weren't a huge stretch. Aside from some having to be uploaded in parts, being over a minute long. 

However, the camcorder vids, over 30 of them, were AVI and wouldn't download to my iPod, therefore I couldn't upload them to Instagram.

1. I spent a long time getting the videos converted. The several over 100mb were uploaded to youtube, converted to mp4, and then the youtube vids deleted...as free sites limited free avi conversions to 100mb and under. 
2. Uploaded said video to Google Drive.
3. Synced Google Drive and Google Photos.
4. Waited on processing.
5. Uploading to Instagram, much of the time, one video had to be uploaded in several parts due to being longer than one minute.
6. Made sure the captions properly labeled them.
7. iPod chose to die right after the last upload.
8. I, then, worked on labeling the rest of the videos.
9. It died again, when finished. 
10. Done.

Meanwhile, Dad kinda riled up my stress this morning. He tries to help, but he's very insistent..much like myself, to be honest. 

Career Center FINALLY called him back and he wanted to know if someone was taking me to go there before 11 a.m. today. So much for being past this. :P I joke.

Jen had Mom's car, therefore Mom couldn't take me. Jen said she couldn't until tomorrow. 

Dad wanted to make sure I spoke to Jen and made it clear I needed to go by 11 a.m. even though she already said so.

He also insisted I call back to find days and times they were open, I insisted it was all online. He was just worried, and I understand, it's just this whole this hits my immediate 'frustration button.' Especially since I do have anxiety and I really don't like calling business establishments. I can't explain it..I just don't. And re-calling is pretty much worse. *frown*

This was amidst the stress I was having being focused on finally getting all this concert footage things on Insta so I can easily watch it in one place.

It seems like, these days, anything associated with having to call Career Center is an overwhelming and immediate dread and stressor. I don't like having to call them, often being told to call again and again and retry and retry.

I was kinda relieved to be past it..and thought it'd kinda stay that way a while.

I hope to God that if Jen takes me tomorrow we can have this resolved once and for all and move on. Get the food stamps. Get the job training. Live my life and get past all the run around so I can get back to a peaceful being I once knew. :P

Speaking of, last night was a wonderful relief from that. Screaming at the top of my lungs to let everything out, and no one caring I did, was a very special kind of feeling. My throat hurt and I thought I wouldn't be able to speak the next morning. (I could, lol.) Still...that was great. Letting things go in the moment through God, with the songs Cut My Lip and Leave the City. 

Of course, this was pre-Career Center issues re-emergence, but it was great while that lasted.

I'm not eating very much while I'm here. Since the last time with the..Uncle Pat coming in and saying don't get food without asking..the thing is my anxiety doesn't let me ask..so I just don't...bother trying. Mom did have some sandwich stuff, but the lunch-meat was gone, so I ate cheese and mayo on white bread. And a pepsi. And that's been my lunch. lol.

I will say this. I'm soooo happy I got this blog down! It was a big thing on my to-do list, and me knowing there was a lot to say, had me a bit nervous. I had to be 'really' up for it, and preferably not wait to long lest I forget the little details.

By the way, Jen has been moving her stuff in here today. She's spending the night, which means it should be no problem for her to get me where I gotta go tomorrow, then at some point, I hope, home. :D

1:29 p.m. It took over an hour to write and edit this entry. DONE.

Saturday, June 15, 2019

Concert Tomorrow~!!

5:00 p.m. I'm a rush so..


  • Yesterday we didn't go to the Career center. They never returned my calls. Dad and I have given up for now.
  • Finished the manor.
  • Finished decor.
  • Put the manor up for sale and need to put the decor up for sale.
  • Going to Mom's tonight. First, we're going out to a family dinner at Rick's on the River.
  • Excited more than words can describe about the concert. I got a digital camera, a camcorder, and two smart phones. Space available or not, I'm fully intending recording this soon-to-be precious memory.
Praying there won't be any issues with our tickets upon arriving though cause..you never know what happens. Egads.

Dreamt Tyjo and Josh were working a fast food joint. My turn came in line and I told them I was going to their concert. Josh Dunn picked me up and spun me with joy..weird. Tyler just ignored I was there. XD He was so chill and just paying attention to his computer.

I gotta goooo!!!!

Thursday, June 13, 2019

THREE Days to the Concert!

12:11 p.m. I was awake kinda early for once, and after breakfast, I spent my WHOLE morning working on that mansion project. I...got pretty stressed. Blurring textures. Leg after lag. Having to texture 'beneath' the physics layer (which allows for the avatar to walk around the house in the first place) My urinary tract was being overactive again.

And after adding a door (yet to be scripted to be open) I'm taking a MUCH MUCH needed break.

The texturing part is almost finished (I have to texture the doors without maps (wouldn't be the first time I tried to work without them. But I'm not planning on getting into that after a decent break.

Siiggghhh. :P This also means my daily task list is off to quite a late start, but it seems to be getting done nonetheless, praise and thank the Lord.

Also, made a little time to chat with a friend from the FIVE14 community. So that's awesome.

God be praised. Seems like the day is gonna be okay. God bless. Jesus loves, lives, saves!

P.S. I find myself getting a lot more stressed the past few days. Hope I can do better and change that. My attitude needs quite the adjustment. -_-

1:10 p.m. Alright, we're cool. Tasks done for today (some 'going' like my laundry) Still taking a break for a bit longer, even have a nice snack, before I let myself dive back into the big mansion project. There's so much to do!! :D God bless!

3:47 p.m. I'm. Exhausted. My eyes are tired of looking at the screen. My neck is a little sore. The house project has come a LONG way from where I began this morning.

I managed to texture the door without the maps, BUT when it came down to scripting it, despite many attempts, was a no-go.

So. I have it modeled with one door closed. Another open.

Next steps, God willing, Idk, are to texture a chandelier. Curtains (when I finally figure out which ones I want to use!) And adding a few knick knacks on the shelves I have in the house to accent the place.

I wanted to add columns but they seemed surprisingly out of place for the space.

I don't think I have the energy to furnish the house. At least not today. There's not a huge rush so...we'll see. :) Furniture means texturing. ADDING POSES! And of course, just trying to make the room look pleasant overall in design. It's a tedious thing. :P I've been thinking too much. God help me.




 4:25 p.m. Dad got home early. We tried to call the Career Source people about seeing if my case transferred, but I always either wound up calling the wrong office, department, or winding up at an answering machine. Left a message God willing, someone decides to call back? *sigh*

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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