Wednesday, July 24, 2019

My Acclimation

4:28 p.m. Average day. I'm so tired. I woke up tired at 7 a.m. ish and had trouble keeping my head up on the desk, but I didn't go back to bed.

Oh, and I'm calling it average now because the job training has finally, neatly, been acclimated into my daily life. At least for now.

The past few days I've been getting five hours done a day, and as a reward, I'm now allowing myself to take it down to only four hours a day. It's definitely rewarding, and prospective in the idea of stressing a whole lot less. And at that number, I'm still confident in reaching my goal.

19 hours and 9 job applications left to complete by July 31st. Six days, tomorrow. Seems doable to me.

Sat through another Supernatural marathon on Netflix. Finished season 14 in only a couple days and now I've looped back to season 1, episode 1.

All this means that I've cut back on a couple of my 'extra-curricular' activities, in a much-needed effort not to over-extend myself.

I mean, I already have a few daily chores and tasks to take care of in the home on top of work requirements. :P

Especially need a break, computer-wise. While I allow myself the fun of being a 'free' player on DMK and some social media, I haven't been creating on Secondlife (though I did do a little buying recently) and I haven't gotten my blurb book up to date. And I'm not really writing novels anymore. Though that's been on the back burner long before this.

Oh, and you can probably forget about any extensive efforts to maintain a constant social life. Yes, even online. And dating is not something I even what I want on my radar, right now.

I get the feeling that I'm okay, as long as I'm being 'allowed' to acclimate. Get into my routine in a way that I can actually work AND enjoy my life.

I find that a common theme in my life, where just when I get used to following a certain way that makes my life easier, someone throws a wrench (whether it be a change or piles onto my list of responsibilities) in the mix, (not to say they mean harm by doing so or never have the right) it's just one of my faults that I don't tend to deal with that well. :/

I'm impatient. Stubborn. Emotional. Overtly-so. I tend to react emotionally, even heavily, before thinking things rationally. I tend to not like change, the most when it's changing into a routine I've accustomed myself, too. I have anxiety issues and depression.

One bad mood thrown my way can basically knock me into depression, pretty much.

And I'll usually do what people want if it just means that they'll just stop being mad at me for not initially going their way.

I prefer to work on one project at a time. And when I do, I end up wanting it to have 'all' my focus until I can get it done, as soon as possible.

Not the biggest fan of multi-tasking in those cases, I've often found. And usually I stress myself out when someone wants me to do something that is other than the one task I've set my focus on.

I over-think. When angry, I tend to think unfairly of others...which is pretty common.

Yeah, this all took a dark turn pretty quick. These are a lot of negative aspects, a lot of which I've found prevalent in myself lately, and at times in the past.

Funny how it's easier to think of negative aspects than positive ones. I'm kinda worried with how easy listing the positive ones can just come off a lot like boasting. So maybe I should skip writing that part. I know myself that I have positive aspects, so that's okay enough for me.

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