Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Fresh Attitude.

7:25 a.m. I woke up just a little bit ago, making sure I got enough sleep. I cried quite a bit last night, a bit of sadness and a lot being moved by God, and I eventually fell asleep maybe sometime around 11 p.m.

I slept well enough. The very last dream I had slipped yet another song lyric, and this time it went deep. So I think God was really trying to tell me something here. In the dream, twentyonepilots (I'm watching my concert footage RL rn btw) released a new single. Only the guy singing didn't have Tyler's voice, but he sang these lyrics (Which I playfully, to myself, almost refused to write down until I realized I couldn't go back to sleep.):

I remember when
I sat by myself
I took for granted 
I was somewhere else

That's as far as the sing let me get. I think my conscious self got too excited about a new song to write down and didn't let me finish the rest. :P God has a plan in everything. 

And just to keep track, here are other verses my dreams have slipped me, to songs that don't exist. wonder if I can make a complete song from it yet.

You're a criminal
You're a criminal
You're a criminal
And it's personal

I like it when we knock things over

Don't feel what it's like
using em' for taking something

Sugar, sugar
tastes so sweet
Try to knock me off my feet

Your sugar leaves me breathless
Your sugar leaves me breathless

Song bout your feels makes me feel so real
I feel like giving up

I like a Ben Guy
I like a Ben Guy
I like a Ben guy-uy-uy-uy

It could be done and all. It'd take some working the lyrics around in the right structure, the right beat, a serious alerting to my singing voice which isn't all that great. Lol. 

These are written from newest to oldest, and the oldest seem to be ditties about finding love. The second to last one about close friends. And this latest one is just about me. about transition. Like, reality.

Anyway, the past is over. Today is new. I'm in a very chill mood right now. Getting things done in the morning as usual. I had to scratch 'Let the lighting in' off my daily to-do list since it bugs Dad and Anna for me to have my blinds open. They didn't say I never can during the day, but I'd rather it completely be a non-issue that never has to come up again. Cause that's me.

With the job thing not being able to be checked on until tomorrow, no Career source due until a letter requests it of me, and it possibly taking a few days before my food stamps status updates...I can finally take a real break from all those today and just..hopefully....not be so anxious today. 

Knowing me, I'd still want to casually check for my SNAP application status, though I doubt it'd be updated so soon, but at least that involves no phone calls. :P

8:36 a.m. Morning is still running smoothly, and I've been running through my to do list, and 'out' of chores to..I think.

Sink is already empty. Laundry is put away this morning. Bathroom is clean. Kitchen is already clean. Living room is already clean. Trash is not full enough yet. My room is pretty clean, but could do with tidying a few things. I guess that's something. I just needed a second chore as I have a goal of doing at least two household chores a day.

I 'want' to continue working on Secondlife stuff today, a gacha project where I'm texturing meshes of cookies. Lingo. 3D models, of cookies. Like, the kind you eat. Anyway, having a little trouble working up to that motivation. I didn't do any like I planned yesterday.

I need to backup my caspervend on SL, but that can be some long and boring work. It's literally packing things into digital boxes to sell in game through vendors.

My USB drive could use some organization. That almost sounds boring as well, but is also a pretty useful thing when I need to find a thing.

Today, I have to watch for a lady that's supposed to come by and buy some doggie steps Dad was selling.

I could walk the dogs, but I want to wait until a bit later in the morning to do that, or even into afternoon.

My other goals:
Job, career source deal, and starting the ohio fund, and such adulting things that 'have' to wait. So yeah..kinda shorts out my goal list.

Maybe it was all easier when I was waking up at later hours, having shorter days that were easier to fill, at the same time it's a good habit to get into.

So yeah, for now, these days at home being jobless, that's some options of stuff to do. *shrug*

9:32 a.m. Well, I 'was' doing SL work. And decided to go pay rent to my store land, only to learn that Secodlife is under routine maitenance right now and I can't. :/ Boo. Meanwhile, since I had a 'lot' of them, I'm burning a DVD of home Instagram movies from March to June. Normally, I'd want to wait longer, but that much in even that short amount of time took up a good amount of the disc. Plus, a LOT has been changing these past few months. Just praying it'll be a success. The changes..and this, of course. Lol. I love saving memories.

12:02 p.m. God is gooooddd!! :D He made a way for me today. He truly did. All Him. Totally Him. food stamps FINALLY got approved!! :D

I checked the status of my application today (not expecting it to be updated) and it said 'complete.' However, there was no 'Notice of Case Action' to give me the results. My heart kinda dropped in fear.

So..I called the place and waited on hold about 9 minutes. Lady confirmed. Praise and thank the Lord! All Him. I'm soo happy!!! NOW MY responsibility will be to keep them by either: a) Getting hired, which I pray happens after I call back for an update on my job application Thursday or b) Do whatever Career Source needs me to do.

This is an unbelievable weight off my chest, and it's been a big weight, praise and thank God, so I'll just enjoy it for now and want to try not to worry about tomorrow. Just saying...wooooo!!!

12:30 p.m. Though I'm still internally celebrating, and grateful, anxiety is now hanging in my gut. I thought there was an agreement that I mentioned multiple times on how I planned to use the food stamps, but Anna wasn't too fond of it. And then she said she'll go with whatever Dad and I agreed. And hopefully hasn't changed his mind about what I thought was agreed.

And I can't help but think that while this is a great blessing, if there's going to be some not-so-pleasant business when it comes down to actually using the card. I worry too much. I think too much. I dread too much. We'll work something out..I hope. I'm not asking too much, I don't think, on my end.

And now that anxiety let go just a little bit. And that's why I write this blog.

6:00 p.m. Spontaneously decided to go to University Mall on my bike at around 2:12 p.m.
  • GPS took me in a circle.
  • Bike's back tire busted late in the way there. 
  • I walked the bike to Livingston Ave and 131st Ave in 96 degree heat, where Dad immediately picked me up. (About 8 miles from home)
  • Got home at 5:30 p.m. 
  • Showered.
  • Exhausted. Simply put.
Never even made it in the mall, but it was kind of an adventure.

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