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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Ducks In Their Rows.

6:44 a.m. So after a period of long trials, well, even amidst them, it seems my ducks are falling into a row.

I'm waiting on the food stamp interview call today, so pray that goes well. I just hope they call from the DCF number I now have saved to my phone and not a different one, as the vast majority of calls I get on my phone are spam numbers. And I don't want to miss the interview.

I am kinda nervous, though. Cause..I, lately, have been bumbling, stuttering, and anxious when talking over the phone lately. xD I need to chill.


I'm also expecting in the next couple days, hoping, to hear back from Dollar General Market about the job application. If not, call and check up on it myself. And God willing, a successful interview and new job follows that.

THEN, the idea is, once the food stamps are on, as well as the job, I contact DCF and Career Source so they are made aware of my employment, God willing it happens. It goes in the system. I possibly get food stamps lowered (but far better than having none at all) and ergo the ducks being in the rows I've desired.

In short, my current steps/plans are these:
  1. Successful food stamp interview.
  2. Check on the status of my job application in a couple days.
  3. Get the approval notice on food stamps.
  4. Get the interview.
  5. Get the job.
  6. Contact DCF and Career Center to notify them of employment.
  7. It goes in their system.
  8. I'm set. I work. I get paid. I get easier access to healthy food.
  9. I can FINALLY begin building up Ohio savings again. As well as setting a budget with that.
And thereby, I will be accomplishing what I expected to get going once I moved in here.

April got a job at Wendy's, so I'm proud of her. It actually inspired me to try a bit harder than I have been with this job searching thing.

I think I may like working retail a lot more than I did fast food. Different responsibilities required, even simpler ones, and it seems like a nice environment.

I was awake pretty early again. Around 4 a.m. ish. I backed up my Instagram photos and videos, (All the way from March this year to present) including 90 of them on the concert lol. I decided against making a DVD compilation of the concert, just for now.

*Still surprised Youtube doesn't have a full HD video of that concert like I expected* :/

By the way, I'm back to eating healthy. Mainly by eating a lot less carbs than I used to, drinking water, and abstaining from the soda. I've even been resisting the chocolate birthday cake in the fridge. Lol. 

It takes a while, but even as off track as I get, it's pretty easy to get back on it, I've found. Praise and thank God. And thankfully, Anna is in the mood for having less breads in the house as well, though Dad's not gonna be a fan. We'll be fine. 

I just think once, God willing, this food stamps thing can get underway, I can easily have access to as much healthier food as I need. :) We all can. And I feel like I'm getting back to it at just the right time. :) God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Yo.

8:57 a.m. It's been a highly productive morning. :) I called the SNAP people to do my interview, but got a voicemail, so I left a message. Clean laundry's put away. Dirty laundry's being washed. As well as other chores being done. All all before having a bite to eat this morning.

I'm waiting until 11 a.m. Intermittent fasting and all, and hopefully over time adapt my body to being hungry at that time.

It's just gonna be a bit harder today because I was up way earlier than usual and got so much done today that I might find myself tempted to eat from boredom. xD Then again, what do I know?

2:17 p.m. So it took  few hours of trying to get ahold of them today, but I got my SNAP interview done. The strike is definitely removed and it's noted that I did the Career Source thing in their system.  I asked if everything looked good and approved, she said yes, however, it's not up to her. So I won't really have a final answer until the application status updates...in however many hours that takes.

I called Dollar General Marker about my application. It wasn't in yet, but I was told I could call back on Thursday.

The dogs went on an extra walk. The laundry got done. It's most been a very quiet day. It feels long, cause I got up too early. I had a slice of cake. Watched/Finished Ralph Breaks the Internet (been watching in bits and pieces in my downtime) and I have clothes to fold.

Haven't been much up for SL creating though.

AND I saw a hawk in Dad's backyard today. lol. A few times. Glad I finally could get him on camera..though by then he was the farthest away of the three times I saw him (On a post, low branch, and later the high branch.)



3:22 p.m. Clothes folded. Today's chores done. Watching and smiling at some home movie DVD's. I really needed that smile today. <3 The little ones grow up so fast and every little moment and every little place, where we spend a very temporary time, (Even if we don't think a time will come where we won't get to see it as much) is so 'very' precious.

8:55 p.m. So..I'm depressed. The night ended on kind of a sad note. Seemed like the latter part of the day involved things left and right that I was doing wrong in other people's eyes:

1. Dad didn't like my answers in the interview.
2. Dad and Anna don't like me having my blinds open all the time. Though, for good reason. Peeping Toms. It's not like things were in Fort Meade.
3. Anna had to lecture me on not listening enough. (Because Dad had brought it up in the past, but at the time I didn't think it was that big a deal.) I would do it cause I like the morning light in my room after waking up.
4. Anna sounded frustrated when I was suddenly hesitant about doing the 'volunteer for a veggie basket' thing..because I wanted to wait and see what might happen Thursday. If I'd get an interview. If I'd be needed for work immediately. 

And because..if the food stamps things worked out...I may not need the co'op thing for more veggies..and I'm not really passionate for it. At least, not right now. 

And I don't want to be guilted into volunteering if I decide it's not exactly the time I'm ready to do it..not that I think that's her intention. 

Although, that part's my own fault. She invited me to join the group and such, but I've made no effort to interact with them. Kinda feels like I'd be this kid amongst middle aged-southern woman. Not really my most relatable crowd. But that's just an excuse.
5. Anna being frustrated again, because I'm on this new kick where I'm trying to eat less refined carbs, (Granted, I'm not all the way off them, but still like to lessen them) and she made white rice...that I declined. And she said she wishes I had told her first or she wouldn't have made so much.

After so many things in a row, at some point I just get really tired of making mistake after mistake. 
I'm sitting here crying cause it's hard to say it, but it's true, especially since I'd rather be more positive. 

And I can't really talk to anyone about this..I don't 'feel' like I can. I'm not gonna go post about it on social media outside the blog (that my family doesn't see, to my knowledge) only to have unnecessary drama ensue or have it skewed the wrong way. (I desperately need some therapy, I guess) but the way things have been, I've got enough on my plate without trying to arrange that and make it work..WITH a potential job. Unfortunately.

And April doesn't seem to be online..and even if she is..she doesn't always give the most fruitful advice. :/ In my opinion.

I'm not saying that I'm in the right about that list of stuff above. I can empathize. I just have my weak spots, and constant failure, or failure/disappointing people happens to be one of them.

Not that they said I disappointed them. I just have a history of hating to be of any frustration to people. I'm genuinely not trying to be.

And what usually follows is just this downtrodden day and the desire to just go hole myself up.

So...I wrote this out. Maybe now it's out of my head. I'm tired. I've been up since 4 a.m. and I'm pretty sure if I just get into some meditation, as I plan to, I'll feel a while lot better than when I'm writing this right now. P.S. I love you. God is able.

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