Monday, May 13, 2019

Long Day After A Day Off.

11:34 a.m. Took a day off from my tasks yesterday. Most interesting thing was maybe a trip to Wal-Mart, Taco Bell, and eating even more chocolate while hanging out with April. :P

I've had a series of nightmares, most of which I won't go into detail because they are best forgotten (although in one I was fighting demogorgons as if they were demons; like keeping them away with the Cross, praying, and whatnot.)

The whole nightmares thing put a damper on my mood and kinda led me to getting a late start. It wasn't until the morning hours I finally started having dreams with happier endings.

I got up around 10 a.m. ish or so and am kinda 'slowly' working my way through my daily goals tasks.

I still have yoga to get to today after breakfast, so we'll see if that's gonna boost my energy.

I think a mix of a not-so-great diet, nightly nightmares lately, and too much chocolate are threatening to weigh my body down with depression (though I still consider myself a positive person) just gotta get back on the horse, ya know? That well-to-do horse I was riding last month.

Pretty quiet and calm inside, right now. :) Which is nice. Clear mind. My ears kinda feel like they need to pop. SL sales are steadily climbing and hopefully by the end of the month, I'll have a decent amount to work with.

Just, regarding today, I gotta get my physical 'ummph' going, you know? I'm saying 'you know' a lot today, I guess. :P

1:33 p.m. Went through normal daily tasks. Decided to start a new streak for eating less sugar. That may, God willing, fend off future bodily depression? Sleepness? Durdgieness? I? I don't know. :P

I do know today's brief yoga session was highly beneficial, mixed with my praise and worship thing, and now I'm back to a good place for the rest of the day. And longer, I hope. Body and self is not on the curb of depression anymore and I'm my comfortable, positive, happy, and productive self. Thanks to God.

2:30 p.m. Got another page of my novel in for today. Man, that was kinda sad and dramatic. Just how I end up writing, it seems.

So far the main character is a ghost, and doesn't realize it. She is watching as her mother mourns, but merely assumes it's just her in another one of her common and eccentric drunken states.

3:11 p.m. Got my clothing item, the ripped tank, up on SL..with minutes to spare before the storm cut the power to my monitor. The computer is shut down. I'm on my Chromebook. April has quietly and mysteriously disappeared once again and I'm looking to spend time, thanks to God, with some chocolate and maybe watching something on Youtube. Or some other streaming thing, I don't know.

4:41 p.m. Watched some of 'The Mummy' always a favorite. Had some chocolate. Ate some pizza. April came home upset because she got caught out in the heavy rain walking into town for an hour and had trouble getting a ride back (among other personal things she's going through)

I proceeded to almost aimlessly play on the computer and that's the story.

7:47 p.m. Hung out with April and went with her to pick up the truck. :) Her and I toyed with the idea of just taking the truck and running out of state together..but realistically, we both need more money first. O.O

9:55 p.m. Not much new. Winding down for the night. Listening to music and chatting with neo friends.

Closely watching and trying to unlock Pua from Moana on DMK by tomorrow. I got 16 hours to pull it off. Needing four tokens, which can take 4-6 hours each to pull off (several characters trying for it at once, so there is a chance of multiples, and sometimes they come back with no tokens....) ssoooo *shrug* we'll see if we wind up with a cute piglet on my DMK squad or not. At least I got close, lol.

11:11 p.m. Update. Pua needs 'one' token to unlock, and I have 14 hours to get it. :o

In other, humongous news, April dropped the bombshell that we may be hightailing out of state much sooner than expected, as she is expecting for things to go south in her situations. She also said tomorrow we are supposed to be getting boxes, to put that into perspective.

I dropped the news about me going to Ohio to my family. I have every confidence God's gonna take care of me if I go, God willing. MY worry is because I don't believe in their confidence in me..and it breaks my heart to break their heart because they worry and love me so much, and don't want me to go.

I want to go to Ohio, so I can go to this Church, and be a member of this church. It's my dream now, and I want to follow it. It serves God, soo..why shouldn't it happen? Still, that's also a part of it that I have trouble, God forgive me, telling my family..because I don't believe in myself that I could make them understand why I'd go all that way to go to a church. God has the plan. His love rests in me.

I'm confident in Him that whatever comes, I'll be okay.

"So, there is a kinda MAJOR BOMBSHELL to drop. And If you're my family, you're gonna wanna read this.
I'm intending on leaving soon. To New Albany, Ohio. My roommate is leaving the state with me, to go to Missouri.

There's not a set date...yet. I have some money saved up and plan on applying/arranging a job before I go..but it seems this is kinda..really..happening.

Like my roommate said 'tomorrow, we're going to go get boxes' happening. Cause this person is getting out of state, too, and needs it. And I'm not staying here by myself.

And no offense, but I'm not willing to move in with you guys, either. You don't get along all the time, and it makes for a really stressful, uncomfortable, and unhappy environment for me. (Much as I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.) Add to the fact that In don't think there's any room in the first place.

And I thought this was only gonna be going on in a couple years, but there are certain life events going on for my roommate that are pushing the move date (whatever it will be) way forward.

This will probably scare ya'll to death, too..cause somehow I'm considered the least responsible member of my family (much as you love me.)

NOT everything is figured out. I know that. I'm human. I'm working on it, fervently. There's still time, at least. Still, I don't even imagine a single approving positive reaction to this post. 
Especially in regards to where I'll be staying...but I'm set on this. I'm grown. I'm 30. I want to go. I choose to go, and I'm old enough to decide to go. I 'need' to go. And 'grow' up.

I'm choosing to leave with my friend..whenever we go. And I'm not afraid to go set out on my own, at all.

Literally, the only worry/problem I have on my chest is what you guys think. How this is gonna make you feel. Because it's not gonna be good. It's the worst part of all this. And I really wish that the fears you have for me and my life wouldn't risk holding me back from going wherever I'm dreaming of.

I want to learn to be independent like I should've a long time ago. Cause the baby bird's gotta be pushed out of the nest at some point.

I wish you could be as confident in me as I am in myself, but I haven't exactly earned that in your eyes, again, much as you love me.

No, I'm not driving. But you'd be surprised at just how far I'd go on make it on a bike and honestly, a car is too huge of an expense for me starting out anyway.

The smart thing is when we do have a date, I start applying to places in Ohio and start lining job interviews so there can be an immediate form of income when I get there.

Again, still working out where I'm gonna stay. We aren't 'leaving' tomorrow, but we are getting boxes, so it's happening soon. I believe.

I'll keep you updated. My roommate and I are still hashing out the details, so no, I don't have all the answers.

Please know that writing this whole thing was very scary for me, like 'shaking' scary, cause I'm concerned about how it makes you feel...

but I'm glad I'm at least saying something now and not waiting until it's the night before I go, or something, to say I'm leaving the state..cause that wouldn't be right.

*sigh* I love you.

And if you please...PLEASE don't freak out on me over this (Already a fragile emotional state going on as it is on my end) because it was hard enough to say this, already.

Please, give me time I need/can get to get everything together, because believe it or not, it CAN, and everything will be okay. It really will. Love you.  Trust I'll be okay. God bless you. Love you all!"

So yeah. That's that. Since I can trust God to handle my circumstances, I can trust he'll get me through my family's reaction to this. If it's His plan, then let it be known, in Jesus name, Amen!

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