Rob moved out to go live with his girlfriend, Dawn. I've moved into his old room.
And April and I sat down and had the long and hard talk about the fact that the time is coming up pretty soon, maybe in the next year or two, where we're ALL gonna go our separate ways. She has a friend she wants to be able to help out, one I don't know and who wouldn't be comfortable living with me. And I'm certainly not going to stand in her way.
Both of us, in our own ways, are unprepared for living on our own right now, individually.
Thankfully, Rob said he's still gonna pay the bills here, but we're not planning on staying too long to make him pay for a house he no longer lives in. This is now officially just a temporary holding place until we have what we need, or at least until April does...to move out.
We want to use the time to get our act, our lives, and our savings together and prepare the for the real world we're supposed to face as thirty-year old adults.
I'll admit. I cried. I had a brief moment of fear that for the first time in my life I was gonna be well and truly, alone and on my own. No more friends around. April and Rob were it.
I didn't want to go back to living with my family. Much as I love them, (And I forgive the past) the environments in their homes are a bit volatile compared to the warm and safe shell that is this place.
I don't drive. Because people were either too afraid to teach me or those that weren't didn't get around to it. April isn't, and she wants to do it.
I have no savings. If I count SL, I have a bit over fifty dollars to my name. I need to start a savings fund, but this is also a time where I've planned to start tithing as well, so I'm gonna be trusting God with that. Both my circumstances, and my finances. :)
And I would need to get serious about my saving my money. To stop spending it on the fun stuff.
We've had our few years of fun and carefree time here, but the time has come for us both to get very serious about our adulthood.
Ultimately, my goal is to make it to Columbus, Ohio someday. I've finally found a church I want to be a part of and I'd really like to regularly attend it in person. I'm gonna trust God to make a way, if He so wills it. In the meantime, I'd have to put in the work.
Which is another thing.
Work. Me not having a job right now. I've applied to places around here before, but have been turned down or they say they aren't hiring at the time.
They're opening up a new Burger King in town, but I'm reluctant to apply. My time with McDonalds had a lot of low points. And I'd ultimately realized I couldn't sacrifice my happiness for money. Not sure I still could. I don't want to be left sitting in the stall again, sobbing.
Realistically, Secondlife doesn't make all that much money. I can save what I could from there, but it certainly wouldn't be enough for a home. Part of me wishes I could build one of those 'tiny' houses or something, cause I think I'd do well with one of those. I happen to like small spaces.
I could write, but that's also really hard, to get a book made, edited, published, and sold. Doable, but very difficult. I'd have to buckle down and stick with it, God willing.
Ideally, I'd like to find someone to spend my life with and settle in with them and start a family. But, I don't exactly feel in a hundred percent control of making that happen. It takes two people.
I've got a couple years to get ready...cause this is real. We'll 'have' to leave here at some point in the future, which is closing in on us at this point, and go live our own new and different lives.
I really, normally, try not to be worried about the future. Cause it doesn't do any good to do so. I mean, it happens. But I prefer not to be. Cause I trust God and I know that He works everything out in the end if I follow Him. :) I'm just kinda weighing things right now, whether or not they mean anything. :P
I took up the brief notion of taking the nomadic route. It hit me. Giving up a lot of my possessions. Take only what I can carry with me, enough money for a plane ride, (APRIL could drive me to the airport, no one else) and just show up in Ohio on my own with a little money in my pocket..maybe even hit up a homeless shelter.
Wow, I'm actually considering that. Last resort kinda thing. Maybe I should? ............. if I'm that determined to follow my heart.
Last resort it is.
No, seriously. My heart is totally settling that in right now as an option. Cause..I trust that much God would be with me. And honestly, it sounds like some kind of eye-opening adventure.
I wouldn't mind going that far to get to Columbus, Ohio. I think. Especially to go to that Church. :) I think my heart for the moment (without being in that moment) is romanticizing it, a journey many in this world may have undertaken. And hopefully it'd be a pleasant one.
:))) God has a plan for my life, we'll leave it at that.
At least some shelters exist with job placement or training and whatnot, so that's cool.
At the same time, I'm pretty sure my family would worry, nor would they be thrilled/approving of the idea of me ending up in a homeless shelter...which isn't a bad thing by the way, if that's where I'll have to be. It's nothing really shameful. It's just an option there for those that need it.
Again, we are talking a last resort here.
There's needs to be a backup plan. And maybe even a backup plan for a backup plan. Like, i.e. going to back to one of my family's houses, after all. Cause like I said, this looks like it's happening.
So in short, the reality of adulthood just came crashing into my world yesterday. No savings. No job. Can't drive. Totally single. Real world, here I come. Life's little adventure, it is. In Jesus name, amen!
But again, MAYBE this should kind of be a 'last resort/fallout' plan.
The whole 'dropping off my possessions here and heading to the Ohio church' thing. I still want to gather up plenty of savings. Still wanna tithe and plan to, but yeah. All of a sudden I feel better. I feel a dream coming on. :))) I feel a bit of weight off my shoulders, to be honest.
7:30 a.m. It looks like I'd need a few hundred bucks to make the move to Ohio. If I were to, ya know, only pack up what I can take on my back, and go. And two years or so is more than enough time, plenty more to save for that.
Okay, I'm...really. Really. Liking this plan. Uh...maybe I should do it? Like, main plan, wise? *shrug and smile* Life's short. Have an adventure. Live a story.
12:35 a.m. Today I hung out with April. I didn't do too much besides my laundry. My allergies had me in huge sneezing, burning, and leaking nose fits. The allergy meds didn't really work so much as they used to. BUT now that I am awake, I got just a little productive.
I tacked up two papers to my wall, both designed to motivate/inspire/track my new goals for this Ohio thing. Cause the more I thought about the idea, the more I liked it. And I think before I got into detail, this requires a whole new post.