Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Each 'Good' Day is a Victory to Me.

2:47 p.m. As the title says, every day that I feel like I have gotten more past my 'bad place' or whatever set name I could have for it one day, is a victory to me.

Better mood today.

Though I did stay up until early morning hours, whether cause hanging out and/or because meditation failed to make me fall asleep because my urinary tract seems to protest my relaxation (not exaggerating). At least this time I was not awake until early morning hours due to toxic thoughts. Praise and thank the Lord. So every day I get that is a victory for me.

Hanging out with April and Rob today. Very chill. Not so much on the productive end of things yet.

I also wonder if these meditations and the effect they have on my brain have been increasing the frequency of my nightmares lately, which I typically don't find in such close succession.

April theorizes that this may be due to the fact that my natural way is to oppress/repress and shove down all darkness and negative thinking, to maintain my, again, natural and MUCH preferred state of peace and happiness. I think it's something else, faith wise, that I won't say on this public blog due to how crazy it sounds to the regular world, but it is definitely a culprit.

I'm getting better at meditating with my eyes open...I think. Learning how to close my eyes and feel my entire torso fill up with a pleasant, wonderful, and beautiful light. Praise and thank the Lord. It totally makes me smile.

Also, learning about keeping a clear mind. It's been a very fun practice to just put on some music, clear my conscious thinking as much as I can, and observe what my mind puts forth.

Like, now sometimes when I listen to the song, 'Pet Cheetah' my brain tends to go to the image of a cheetah speeding across the African plains. Really fast, or then suddenly stopping itself in its tracks in a cloud of kicked up dirt. Or like today, where 'said' cheetah caught a vulture. Clickies may get that reference. <3

The first time this happened I was a little skeptical of my brain, cause I was unsure if I was actually thinking of a cheetah (I was) or confusing it....with the often confused...leopard.

Anyway, not a lot to comment about today.

German has gotten harder, so I've been finally slowing down and taking my times with the lessons. Currently struggling with the forms of the word 'drinking' in the German language. I'm getting there, though. Haven't given up yet.

Eased up on how much DMK I've been playing. :))) Which is a good thing, actually.

Happy to have taken time yet again to write my feelings down. <3 God bless. Jesus loves, lives, saves. All glory, praise, thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, Amen! God is able to do abundantly above all we ask or think.

3:19 p.m. Went looking for that 'light' gif of Natalie Dormer from 'The Fades' on my google photos (way deep down in there, I might add) only to realize it doesn't feels I was describing.

Like even with the leopard GIF, to illustrate I looked for a GIF that best showed the angle I saw the leopard in.

6:55 p.m. Spontaneous decision to combine a Billie Eilish song with a twentyonepilots video. The lips are a bit off in some of it, but overall I love it anyway. :D Not to mention, it gave me a chance to finally explore my Vegas Pro 14 filters, as you can see are completely overdone. :)

8:20 p.m. So after Google photos refused to let me download the video to mobile, which I could then upload to Instagram, I had to settle for recording a low HQ version, meaning videoing the video, in order to get it on there. Oi. I've seen the video enough times for one night and liked it more each time I watched it, even if some parts are a bit off..haha!'

8:58 p.m. Off soon to go attempt guided meditation, God willing, or if that doesn't work out, Sleep. O.O

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Place a comment here. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves.

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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