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Monday, March 11, 2019

Overactive Imaginations.

12:58 p.m. Clearly I haven’t been writing much, not here anyway. I’ve been handwriting my feelings a lot, feel feelings, both good and way bad and often repetitive. 

Been in a shifty mood between sad and typical happy self.

My demons are getting to me pretty heavily the past couple weeks. Been praying. It’s been helping.

Still dreaming. 

I..don’t know if I want to go into it all a second time here after I’ve already dumped such feels in said journal (the brown one) but yeah.

I’ve been in bed a lot. Quite a bit. This weekend. Prayed a lot, but also dealing with the bad stuff. Before that was still working on SL slyboxes and on a break from that now, too.

Playing DMK. Spent 25 dollars. 🙃 Yeah. 

I took a trip with April and Rob to his appointment because I was so tempted to just spend another whole day in bed, and so need to just not do that. :)

So now I’m just in the cab of the truck, taking in the refreshing warm sunshine, praise and thank God. And April’s in the front. She was gonna nap, but I guess not. Rob’s inside. We only just go here.

I was hesitant with the idea of catching up, but it’s a great way to pass the time, honestly. 

Tried up draw an OC I’ve invented recently. For once it’s not a blob thing, it’s an actual human. A guy. He doesn’t even have a name. Just..last night I went over in my head his features.

I think I made it to imagine myself in a relationship. Cause I’ve just been really feeling like I need to find someone to settle down with. 

I often make up my own stories, both nice and tragic, and I do tend to make up stories with a character much like myself, if not actually me.

In one of the tragedy versions, I’m in a bed in a wedding dress watching a wedding video with a giant box of chocolates..sad looking. And I almost caught. And that actually came off comical to me. 

I’ve also got new ideas for spontaneous romantic things, though. :) Even a romantic prank. Haha! 

Anyway. The character.

Kinda seems like a semi-dark honey over-all color from head to toe. He’s got them Disney prince side bangs goin’ on. Kind of a round perky nose. Clean shaved. Kinda big eyes. Lidded. Bagged. Warm and friendly. Not even sure of their color. He’s in shape, but not really muscular or defined. Just average looking, like 170-180ish pounds. JRM-looking tan hands, that look like someone bites his nails too much. :P No tattoos. Warm wide smile. An average mouth. 

Kind of reminds me of a mix between a young Jensen Ackles (lightly) and this teenage guy I liked when I was a kid named Josh Whitaker. 

He was nice. A lot older than me, but he was nice to me, who was just a kid. :) I think he’s married with kids last I heard. (Kinda wish I still had an old picture) Anyway...kinda cruising off topic.

I would be like ‘this is my ideal mate’ but I’m also like like, this guy looks almost cartoonish sometimes and oh yeah, HE DOESN’T EXIST IN REAL LIFE! So nah, I’m not gonna go turn down every future date because they didn’t look like him. ðŸĪŠ You might say I just invented my Disney prince. But that’s about it. Fiction. :P

Also, I tried to draw his face last night...early morning hours...and while it actually came out decent (despite being unfinished when I was done) it doesn’t really look like this invented character.

Last night I got another song that doesn’t exist in my dreams. And this time I actually remembered/bothered to write down the lyrics..and tried to convey the melody.

It was something about sugar.

I dreamt at the same time, Mema was still alive and it didn’t really register to me, as it happens sometimes, that she is ‘really’ passed and that the idea wasn’t a mistake. 

Anyway. She was talking to me about deciding which ice cream place to go to [With her and Papa] and I was thinking at the same time of using my Coldstones gift card (which I have RL) to get us some. But I didn’t mention it.

Afterwards I walked away and the song came, like a commercial jungle, mostly related to some false idea that sugar contributed very little to making you fat. There was even a brief 3D artist concept of the theory with the molecule bouncing off the wavy surface, something like that.

I don’t recall the lyrics right now, but I got them written down thankfully, in my journal at home.

EDIT: Sugar, sugar, tastes so sweet/tryin’ to knock me off my feet/Your sugar leaves me breathless/Your sugar leaves me breathless

Listening to twentyonepilots, which is in its own way it’s own kind of therapy.

P.S. *Wonders if someday I’d be married and still doing this [writing entries in a notepad], and said hubby would be sneaking a peek at my entries. >.> A

Also, I keep getting this random itch behind my armpit and I don’t like it. 😒

1:41 p.m. Got my fill on sunshine. Moved to a much cooler shaded bench, and where I can actually see my SCREEN BETTER when writing. 😂

1:46 p.m. Tfw you itch in random spots, like near an ankle, for no reason. 

1:53 p.m. We moved inside. I like it. Cause I honestly need people time and now I subtely get to have some. 😂 Meanwhile set up a playlist for the day while I’m out. 

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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