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Thursday, March 14, 2019

Depressionish.

10:14 a.m. I’m so tired, today. I’ve been just a little better (compared to the past few weeks) at controlling my thoughts. So that’s good. I hope that’s finally passing. 

My allergies have kicked in, so I’ve been taking that allergy medicine, often on a kind of empty stomach.

Last night (well, more like very early morning hours) I took two pills instead of one. 

I got up around 4-5 a.m. ish and fed cats and just recently woke up. I’m still tired though but...feeling kinda ashamed to be?

Like, I don’t want to spend my life away sleeping? Or maybe it’s some new thing where I’m most energized sleeping until the afternoon. 🤔 I don’t know. That’s not too great either.

I have less direction than I used to. Less motivation. I’ve been eating less, so that’s kind of okay. Not overeating. 

I think there’s just still some lingering feelings of depression from this whole issue I have with my sexual thoughts. It’s not a thing I want to be comfortable with. That’d be bad. 

I dreamt a 14 y/o Tyler Joseph and his brother and some family made a music video. He was rapping a bit and had a buzz cut with like points on the sides. He was soooo smooooooollllll. 😳 Oh, and had all the sass of his adult age, of course. *side glare into the camera, deadpan*

I say 14 cause in the dream the video was made in 2003 and the dude’s like only a few days younger than me. 😂

Anyway, at some point his Mom (a blonde woman) comes in (and behind) Laurie Metcalfe (simultaneously playing his mother), both acting as concerned parents. 

Some scenes repeated. Cause that’s just kinda how my brain works. Some day dreams I have, I’ll repeat them over and over again with newer dialogue or slightly changing the scene. Though unfortunately this goes for the bad thoughts as well.

I’m feeling the urge to stay in bed and write today, though I don’t have the slightest clue what I intend on writing about. 🤔 

Happy to have added an entry for today. Even if I don’t finish it, like has been the case lately.

Rob went back to Dawn's house and April and I hung out last night. The couch broke and we fixed it. We added contact paper to the coffee table, even if it’s bubbled up and not seamless. It’s well over ten years old to boot.

11:32 a.m. Happy to say I've updated my blog today. I've had about a month's worth of entries sitting on my iPod, just quietly waiting to be migrated here. And further still, they wait to be moved to my blurb journal for future publishing, God willing. Lol.

P.S. Trying online dating again. x.x I've seriously been feeling that itch lately to be in a relationship, just preferably with not someone stupid. >.>

12:03 p.m. Ugh. Still tired. Need to eat. Something. Possibly ramen? *shrug* I WANTED to continue working on my Secondlife skyboxes but my eyes are just like...bllecchhhhhh. So tired. P.S. I love you.

5:39 p.m. I accomplished finishing up my Secondlife skybox, so I'm very happy about that. 14 down, 9 to go by late November 2019. Made chicken and fettucini alfredo. Had a nice shower. Listened to a great sermon that really blessed my life today. And the rest in between was a pretty casual day, one that I didn't spend entirely in my bed, which I also consider an accomplishment. :)))

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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