A Daily Diary: Quarrels

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Sunday, September 23, 2018

Quarrels

10:20 p.m. I slept well, despite some unpleasant dreams. Woke up with a little more energy than usual. ❤️

Sunday, today, is a resting day. So that’s the idea. πŸ€— I did my computer stuff and now relaxing. I let all the cats out, except Banzo, who was missing. He just appeared as I started writing this. Sooo...he’s gonna want out with the rest of them.

12:34 p.m. Ate at around 11 a.m.

I’m a bit crabby today. Triggered yet again by not being left a single clean plate to eat with.

I ranted. But like any of my rants, nothing may come of it, except an explanation of acknowledging they are they way they are, and resign themselves to that, and thus the reason the problem isn’t going to change.

Any other response, well aside with also being met with patronization, anger, and complaining, would be a complete shock. πŸ˜‘

I tried to go sit outside for a while and cool my brain. I was fine. It was a nice day and I had the stray cat I tamed at my side. 

But I only resurfaced my frustrations a bit by writing this. 

I just want this problem to be over. Not met with resistance. It’s not unreasonable to ask for there to be a clean dish for me to use if I wash it. Is there? Cause apparently, they manage to find reasons that I shouldn’t expect it to be the case.

Oi. I hate my own anger. Frustration. Displeasure. It disrupts my peace. My sense of homeostasis. And hating it only compiles on these emotions. 

And stress raises cortisol, which makes fat, which I’ve been lately focusing energies on trying to lose. ☹️πŸ˜ΆπŸ˜¬πŸ˜‘

And as long as the problem remains. And stalwart refuses to be resolved, the longer the feelings have a chance to surface...no matter how hard I shove them down just so I can be me...who is a  genuinely happy and content person.

And my complaining only makes my molehill (not leaving me a clean dish) into a mountain (lingering negative affects on my mood.) 

God forgive me. Have mercy on my soul.

They’re both asleep. Neither knows I’ve ranted about this is discord and left it for them to see. Ugh!

I’m just dreading the responses. Cause based on least experience, I know they aren’t going to be pleasant and I know it’s not gonna result in any change.

I’ll just be made to seem wasting my breath because they are resigned to the way things are, and have no intentions on making any effort to changing it.

It’s not like they haven’t heard this problem, this song and dance, before. It’s a broken and tired old record and keeps coming up because it keeps disrupting my peaceful/smooth daily routine.

Sigggggggggghhhhhhhhhhghggghh.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhgghhghhhhhh!

Pleh. Pluh. Ploo.

I just need to meditate or something. Move past it and dip into my peaceful happy place where I’m not centering all my energy on this problem. 

The sooner I’m at peace again, the far better. For everyone.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

1:16 p.m. Caved and deleted the wrong post right before one of them woke to see it.

It may have been pointless to write it in the first place. Because it would only cause anger or patronization in return, and no change at all.

Better to just save myself the trouble of dealing with all that. 🀷🏻‍♀️☹️

1:27 p.m. Complained in person to April, who was half awake by the way. Just to get it off my chest.

She argued that the dishes have been getting washed more [instead of sitting in the room] while there were piles of dirty dishes stacked against the wall on her desk right there.

I decided to give up arguing further....except to mention the plate issue. She mumbled something. I didn’t ask what. It just kinda has to be left at that.

Else I would’ve said, if the dishes were constantly washed [and available] this would be a non-issue. 

But she just woke up to this and if she, hopefully, is deciding to do better, I really don’t want to waste energy still pressing the issue. πŸ˜‘

2:48 p.m. I got a new ‘dumpster dive.’ 

This time, the neighbors threw out a complete cat tower! 😱

I saw it piled on a couch on the side of the road and thought “is that a cat towerrrr...it better be a cat tower.” I drew closer. “It is a cat tower!!” “Squee!!!” 

I hauled it inside and snuck it into the living room.

After the cats gave it their immediate approval, I got to work cleaning it up.

There was a lot of loose fibers and carpet lint. I didn’t take a before picture, but it managed to clean up nicely to look like a ‘decently used state.’m
This is one of my favorite hauls to date. 

Cat towers are super pricey!

Praise and thank Lord God/Jesus!!! And remember. Waste not, want not. πŸ˜‚πŸ€—

This boosted my mood. Totally. And gave me something fun to do. 

4:31 p.m. Rick kindly took me to get some fruit. April didn’t feel like grocery shopping (she’s depressed. Again.) Sp this way I’m not going to care when she feels like it. πŸ˜‚ I got my food. Praise and thank God. I’m good.

Sometimes I just can’t wrap my mind about why certain people just hate their life so much. Just putting it out there. Life is a beautiful gift from God and I enjoy it thoroughly. Problems and all *cough* that includes this morning’s complaints.

6:54 p.m. I started eating around 6:30 ish p.m. and tonight I did something I never expected I’d go until recently...

...I ate...an avocado.

For the record, I can’t stand guacamole, and that’s put me off from this healthy plant. (Not sure if it classifies as fruit or vegetable.) 

Edit: It’s a fruit, more specifically, a berry.

Anyway, first impressions. Bitter and tasteless at first. Then as it consumed, my inner body kinda ‘lit up.’ 

So while it is mostly tasteless to me, physically my body seems to be happy with it.

With the desire to get more healthy, and of course improve my intermittent fasting, time and time again people brought up the health benefits of avocados. 

So...I wanted to start incorporating them regularly in my diet (not regularly as in this week, though, as I only bought two to try and April and Rob will fit stew want to have it.) I want to see the benefits of this ‘healthy fat’ myself.

I also feel much closer after this week to eating on a Whole Foods dairy-free meat-free diet. Meat may be harder to get past though. 

At least save it for more seldom occasions and definitely being off processed meats “Tyson nuggets, frozen strips, etc.” 

It won’t be hard. I know that commercial dairy we afford is chocked full of sugar, as well as the frozen breaded chicken stuff. That’s enough to keep me away this month (as I continue my limited sugar challenge.)

In fact, I hope once these 30 days get accomplished to try for another. And of that goes well, God Willing, another. And so on. I want to be in great health for my 30th birthday cruise at the end of December. 

Brief challenges to track have been an amazing motivator, with God’s blessing and help of course. πŸ€—πŸ˜‚ Glory, Praise, thanks to Him, without Whom I could do/be nothing. ✝️

These are happy days and wonderful times. Though in some ways it feels like I didn’t do much today, staying on track is a real blessing. It’s healthy, productive, and wards of depression and low self-esteem. Glorifies Christ. A total win.

8:00 p.m. Big roommate fight over Discord. Yes, about the plates issue. 

And the fact that April left [without telling anyone, mind you] furious to came back to a locked door, and in her anger, dumped the groceries in the kitchen for us to handle. Rob did. Not proud to say, my energy was spent arguing with her having unreasonable expectations and whatever other...whatever. xD

Coming off it and trying to resort back to my peace. All of us.

9:36 p.m. Observed cats in the tower. Finally getting down to Meditation time. Pray it goes...not evilly. πŸ™

11:47 p.m. I did it a bit. Also wound up making both a wedding and funeral song playlist. πŸ˜‚πŸ€”πŸ˜³

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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