Monday, August 7, 2017

Bittersweet Symphony

10:37 p.m. It''s late. I've just had something really really unhealthy. Two hot dogs on white bread with mozzarella. It's been that kind of week.

I'm constantly hungry. Healthy food is getting psychologically boring because I haven't spiced things up enough. I went from eats rice and lentils all week to regularly eating spinach, lettuce, pickles, and black forest ham on whole wheat bread. It got boring, even when it was an option.

I don't feel like cooking eggs. We've only got two left.

I seriously crave meat, which we lack aside from burger thawing in the fridge, and craving boiled peanuts, which there is no money or transportation for. April ate the black forest ham up quick, with a little help from me. I feel like...if I'm not getting what I'm craving, then I'm constantly feeling hungry, which is making me eat...and eat more soon after. And combined with being bored with health food, not a good thing.

Not to mention staying up late streaming shows also causing temptation to snack.

I also snack on half a shot glass of M&M's now and then. I haven't really given up the chocolate.

Feels like I'm falling back. I felt perhaps writing this out may bring things more into focus. God's always listening after all.

I've been writing my book, watching Angel, playing Skyrim, and working on Secondlife stuff lately.

I was stressed this morning because I basically get annoyed sighs when I complain to my roommates about leaving trash on the kitchen counter for the umpteenth time. As if there are other problems, so why bother complaining about that one. They do apologize, but it just keeps happening.

If APRIL puts up signs to complain, everywhere, we have to face them or she gets testy. If I put up one, it's an eye roll and toss it in the trash. Just had to get that thought out of my head. So yeah, I stressed about that this morning. And maybe another morning the other day.

Oh! I also moved my computer desk next to my bed so I'm not sitting in a hard chair all the time. Nice cushy bed to lay back on, and am doing so now as I type.

At least there's God. He's good to trust that things can pick up.

Speaking of which, writing has me feeling ultra giddy lately. It's hard not to just write out this next part of the plot ahead of schedule and let things stew.

It's turning out to be my favorite part of the whole story...the ultimate questionable fate of my characters...the ones left anyway. I do have a habit of killing them off, but only in ways that seem to affect the later plot. I also have that 'you think they're dead, but think again' thing going for a couple of them. ;)

I mean really. One of my main characters (a former murderess/legendary madwoman) is at death's door after giving birth. This guy, brother in law to one of her most regrettable victims is there. This guy's brother died of grief, leaving this man alone.

He shows up with an axe to kill her and her baby (he was once a torturer for the tyrannical king so he is a bit twisted in the head)....and she's gonna give up her child to him because she took away his family. Aside from her sister Elizabeth, who she's had no contact with since Elizabeth gave her up to be formally executed for her crimes, she has no family left either. It's partially the only way she can truly apologize, as well as a last ditch effort to ensure someone will take her child now that she feels life ebbing away.

He's gobsmacked by her request.

Not to mention moments before this he killed an innocent man who got in the way of his attempt to murder her, so he's reeling from this, too. This innocent man was originally the one Melanie planned to have take care of her child, but he's dead now sooo....yeah.

It's a wild scene. I love that!

My book has so much drama. I can tell because when I tell April my scenes, there's all these interwoven details about the lives and nature of my characters. So excited!

You know where this stuff comes to me? Listening to songs like 'The Sound of Silence' by Disturbed on the way to get groceries. That song, no joke, is the tone for so much of this book.

Praise God. Not for the violent stuff, I mean, just in the direction I can take my writing. Some of my characters do commit evil, but they also have the vulnerability to be sorry for it in some way,

145 pages left before the challenge is finished January 1, 2018. Not counting massive editing that has to occur after but still... (Also, I have to go back and add some foreshadowing scenes to tie things together nicely.)

I never expected to get emotionally attached to a story since the Dream Doctor. I never thought I could top it, to me, but this is the first of probably a dozen tries at writing a novel where I'm genuinely into the story. I want to see it to the end. Praise the LORD!

I do have some interesting writing goals.

1. I want to write a series.
2. I want a story with gothic-looking characters in a non-gothic plot.
3. I want to see if I can write a whole novel in 24 hours. For serious. Again, not including editing.
4. Write a complete novel in one month.

So God bless those, in Jesus name, Amen! :) Yay, goals.

Sure, sometimes I pray to become a bestselling author, but for the moment I am writing for the audience of me..which is fine. I'm also kind of glad I didn't plan out the novel too much to begin with, because it makes it easy for me to surprise myself with twists, and thus surprise the reader...if there ever is one other than moi.

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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