A Daily Diary: August 2017

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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Writing Feels.

Wahhhhhhhh!!! I lost my story. My favorite one. I accidentally deleted somehow, at some point. Granted, I didn't really intend on finishing it and only wrote a couple chapters, but they were really good chapters, dude. It was that one about the time traveling boom box. I don't know. I'm not too mad. A little disappointed. I get the feeling God let it happen for a reason. Perhaps so I could write a better version of that.

Speaking of writing, I've been doing quite a bit of it today. Some spent writing, some spent wishing I was writing, and some spent surfing Instagram for things related to writing. Very indoorsy day.

Got a free game with DLCs from someone on steam today, so happy about that. I might actually play it.

But back to my book, oh my God! I LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE where my story is heading. Elizabeth just lost her niece and is about to be forced to marry Steel. Gregory's dead, of course.

She thinks Melanie is dead. And that she has no family left. Just saying, she never saw Melanie's body. It was never said that she was the body Gregory watched in the pyre. Someone is poised for a comeback. :D

Also, my main character. Elizabeth. I've decided she has to go blind, very soon. Very very soon. Thus that should make for some interesting
writing from her point of view. That girl just can't catch a break, can she?

Another reason I love my book. All the drama. The intertwining I've done with my character's lives. I have a deep-seated love for this story. It's like my own fairy tale. Insert a big smile here. It is my original fairy tale...with a little more realism. Lol.

My favorite genres are the princess ones. Toss something 18th century at me and I'll run with it.

So! The dream book I've yet to write:  An eighteen-century tale of two modern gothic-looking time travelers and their time machine boom box which travels via screamo music that spooks the locals. The box breaks and they have to find a way back to their time period.  The plot sounds totally silly, but a dream is a dream, right?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074CN8T6J?ref_=pe_2427780_160035660
I felt sad losing that story by accident but writing this blog post makes me feel a hundred percent better. No joke.

Not to mention I've been posting story excerpts lately and been enjoying reading the same scene over and over, falling in love with it more and more each time.

I want my entire book to be like that. Every scene has to be worth reading over and over and over and not get boring. That'll take a lot of work when/if I hit 365 pages. O.O Patience, patience, patience. God only knows what's to come.

I'm writing this in Zenwriter and listening to Disturbed's 'The Sound of Silence' (a HUGE inspiration for the mood of my book.) and I'm being as relaxed as possible. Writing this, and my book, has been the highlight of my day for sure. It makes me happier just knowing I'm genuinely happy.

I've also realized how much I want to support small-time indie writers myself. Even planning to purchase an indie retelling of Cinderella here soon to support one. Couldn't be more thrilled, God willing. See the link. (I hope the writer isn't going to mind, but I wanted to share.) I'd really love to read this. Best of all, there will be a print version as well as a kindle edition. :)

I've often thought of a full novel retelling the classic tale of 'The Girl with the Yellow Ribbon.' It's a VERY short children's story, so there's a lot of gaps to fill, but it's another writing dream.

So yeah, this started as pouty post and ended with a beaming me. Talk about character development. ;) P.S. Took a break from Secondlife today, for once, and totally not regretting it.

I'm still planning on taking on the challenge of finishing a book in a month. That is a real challenge. Not only working on two books at once, but the new one has to be one I'm gonna REALLY stick to until the end. O.O 50,000 words minimum preferably.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Tiring Day


It's been kind of a big day. I started out by going out shopping a little. That meant taking my bike and finally putting in a little exercise. Dollar Tree put out their Halloween decor (Yes, it's only the end of August) but I've yet to buy any. Instead, I bought a second little rack for my closet and another rack to hang above my bed..to keep some stuff from crowding my computer tower. So...yeah.




Then I went to the thrift shop. There was a sales rack outside the store and some stuff was 0.50 cents a piece. I came away with some jackets and sweaters. One suit jacket I didn't realize had shoulder pads at the time. *.*
I bought a movie classic, or rather movie(s), I've been wanting for a long time now, A Little Princess and the Secret Garden. I don't know how many times I was shown it back when I was in school, lol. I do know I've always loved Maggie Smith's line 'You heard nothing of the sort.' Brilliant.

I got halfway through A Little Princess but for some reason, when the story took it's dark turn, I was itching to do something else. I went on Secondlife and created until it went offline, for hours.

I watched the Goldbergs until it came back. I started creating a second item.

Then we went to Dawn's. Then Taco Bell. I came back and worked on my new SL project some more, but not for long, and felt the strong urge to nap. So I did, until eleven. Then I  got up and ate bananas and black forest ham. NOT together, lol.

I hung out with April and Rob for a little while, then came back and completed my writing goals for today. I love car rides. They are almost always giving me new plot ideas.

I came back and wrote my character's scaffold scene. He was a former torturer who hunted down my main character, Melanie, for revenge, only for her to give him her child as she laid dying from childbirth. It was her effort to replace the family she took from him.

His opinion of her reformed, but not before he has killed the doctor who got in the way to save her life moments earlier. He nearly killed her. The king ordered him to kill Melanie, though he'd already intended on killing her. After my other main character, Elizabeth, confronts the king in public rage about it, he denies his involvement. He orders Gregory's return and immediate execution.

The baby is taken away from Gregory after he is arrested. He named her Mercy, in honor of her mother's final act. The child is soon to be in Elizabeth's hands...for a very brief period.

So yeah, drama.

I used to be so gung-ho for those period drama novels but it seems like, as I observed today, I'm not really interested in buying new ones while I've got the one of my dreams unfolding. I know. I know. A writer is supposed to read, a lot. Especially in the genre and target audience scheme of things. It's just how I feel and am hoping my writing doesn't suffer for it. By the way, this blog is no reflection of the writing standards in my novel. Just so we're clear.

I still have 128 pages of plot to fill before my first draft is complete. Then the real fun begins. Editing. Little hint of sarcasm there. I shouldn't be surprised if this book takes one year of writing and three more of editing before it's finally done. lol. Lord knows The Dream Doctor took ages and while it's a complete story, the editing, even after years of editing and rewriting, is quite mediocre. I'm learning though.

Edit: I realized I had more to say.

I bought a small storage container because I want to start saving up my change. This is as well as what I'm already saving up in my bank account. BUT since I long to save money outside of my bank, and have no access to my bank out here in the boonies, I have to make due.

More ever, can you BELIEVE that I did all that shopping and couldn't find one piggy bank? I had to settle for a pop-top little Tupperware thing. But it's better than nothing.

I also bought A Knight's Tale at the thrift shop. My Mom has that movie and I couldn't ask her to keep it. If i keep asking to have her movies, she might not have many left. Sooo..I bought it. Great film. My favorite of Ledger's, to be honest.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Not A Great Morning.

I'm stressed out this morning, dude. :( I stayed up too late begin with. I tried going to sleep at around 1 or 2 a.m. Spent the next three hours mentally battling old demons from my past...until the point I was weeping and praying. And apologizing to God. 

I got it bad, dude. 

I got up to feed the cats, then came back in my room with a plan to lighten my mood. I said, grabbing my headphones, "You know what? We should meditate. [I know we stayed up late and all] but it'd be good for me. 

Then something caught my eye. 

A big flippinspider..and I'm not exaggerating, crawled on top of my computer tower. What do I do? I THREW MY BIBLE AT IT! O.O Killing it. Also knocked some stuff off the top of it, which I've been hesitant to pick up. 

Yeah, that felt sacrilege, on multiple accounts. First of all, I spent all the time in prayer, only to kill one of God's creatures with my Bible. Now its carcass is just sitting there by my computer tower, curled up and unwillingly guilting me about my action. 

Not to mention my bug phobia is bad. Like, I get scared of the 'dead' ones. Worse, the BIGGER dead ones. 😕  It's ridiculous, I know. I'm reluctant to sit at my desk it seems until I can con someone to collect the dead spider off of it and get it away from me. Nobody is awake. 

On TOP of this, I tried to calm down with some music. To free space, I had some of my iTunes songs converted to 128kbps. 'Trees' by twentyonepilots, was intolerable like that. 

Tried to undo it. iPod insists it doesn't have the space, even after a restore. So I had to do a 'factory' restore instead of a backup and restore, which is in progress now. 

ANNNNDDD on top of THIS, I am writing this entry in Zenwriter on my netbook because my computer is busy AND my netbook can't even handle Blogger anymore with it's XP self. So, yeah. :/ 

Le sigh. Le pooh. I can't even with all this. Not a great morning. I'm partially scared to sleep on top of the insomnia because all I can think is I'm gonna wake to a spider near my face (would NOT be the first time.) Partially considering moving back into the living room if it gets worse enough, eh? 

Playing Trees again. Doesn't seem so bad, now. 

This netbook is testing my patience with its lag. :( 

Oh! And the spider thing? Comes one night after Rob said a big wood spider got in his room. I responded, in now all irony, that I hope the same didn't happen to me. I'd be inclined to sleep in the living room for days. Although now I'm hesitant to sleep even there. 

iPod is almost done restoring. Big relief there, eh? As soon as I said that the Sia song starts mysteriously skipping. Big surprise there, huh? What's with the hours of bad luck? O.O  

One positive note? Dawn cleaned the kitchen. SOO sweet of her. Really. :) 
Carlo just spooked me by jumping on my bed. Jesus forgive me.  

I feel like I'm gonna be up an extremely long time now...like until my body can't stay awake. This isn't good, guys. Not good at all. I'm all kinds of anxious and stress and gyaahhhhhhhrrrrrr. 

My netbook still won't go through with Blogger. I'm using One Drive now, for the moment...which it's barely tolerating. This thing is old. Oi. I just really don't want to be sitting next to the big dead spider right now. :(

Edit: Controlling the good computer from my bed. NOT sitting at my desk, but can finally add this post. Praise Jesus. My eyes are warm and blinky, and I'm resisting sleep.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Sweet Dreams

11:29 a.m. Sweet dreads...sweet dreans...nope. Sweet Dreams! That's me trying to tile this. Hahah.

Anyway, God gave me some awesome dreams as I slept in today.

One of them is I was in France and walking a stone promenade alongside a river. The promenade broke off at the end, literally, and these medium sized waves crashed against it. It splashed as I entered the restaurant at the end.

Now, I read somewhere (Real life) that there is some restaurant that seats you with strangers instead of your own booth. So, in the dream, that's what happened.

I walked in, not knowing much french (besides my numbers and a few words as I later would point out) and raised a finger to signal I was a party of one.

I said hi and one of them leaned in and told their coworker 'American.'

They seated me with a young American couple and when they took my order, I asked for a cheeseburger to start. A few seconds later, a very limp McDonalds cheeseburger was in my hand. I don't remember receiving it, it was just there.

About the couple, one looked of Middle Eastern descent and the woman was a blonde young woman. They were in winter gear, the kind you would wear after skiing in the Alps or something.

So I started conversating with the other Americans. I asked if they could recommend anywhere to stay, and they couldn't think of anywhere that wasn't expensive.

The next thing i remember, fuzzily, is our serve broken down in the corner. Apparently, she was stressed from not being able to get my order from me. I think I said something, then I walked away while another server said 'McDonalds.' (I know I said nothing to do with McDonalds, that much.) So yeah, that was a wild one.

Another one was where I met Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Mara Lane, and their baby. I took a photo with them and for some reason afterward, Jonny had a printed copy and cut me out of a photo (with just me in it.) I recall asking what he was doing that but I can't remember.

In the next scene, I'm at dinner with an African American woman (who was supposed to be Mara) and her friend and April. The woman was in tears and we were trying to comfort her. I guess because he'd been a gone a long while and it was starting to bother her. That's all I remember.

In yet ANOTHER dream, the beginning is fuzzy. It was almost like a rooftop cookout and I remember pointing out that it was day on our side, but when we turned and looked, there was an area in complete night with sparkling stars overlooking a big town.

We all whipped out the phones. I wound up disappointed because I realized I couldn't save these awesome pictures to keep for real life...hard though I tried.

I walked to some sort of edge, then quietly dove off and flew over the town for a while. Then there was a lot of flying around some more, some praying off the devil, and that's what I recall. So yeah.

I've been told I dream quite vividly. Personally, I'm just thankful to God for dreams that aren't dipped in sin. IF that makes sense.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

So!


4:48 p.m. I'm having mixed reactions right now, though.


Adsense has APPROVED my account! Praise Jesus, hallelujah! Finally.

It took some fighting with this however to get Blogger to recognize that, so I had to add my Adsense email (different from the one used to make this blog) as administrator for this blog.

Then I started trying to add ads.

For me, they show up as blank spaces, whereas on mobile, I can see at least one advertisement.



My adblock is NOT on...to my knowledge. Nope. Not. So this is perplexing. I get the feeling like my site could actually be covered in ads right now and I can't even see it. Ya know?
So yeah, bittersweet.

I've spent my whole morning working on SL. I ran into a new fan of mine. She's...chatty. :) I kept working while she was complimenting my stuff. People are sweet...I just...I'm not really into being flattered.. much. None. None is good.

Also, to combat having to include copywritten reaction gifs on my blog. I made my own, less impressive, ones. Ya know..stuff I own rights to?

I don't look like the fancy celebs in actors in those, but this gets the job done.

Update: Alright. Here's how things look on mobile, when I view a web version of the page:



It still doesn't show up on my Chrome browse BUT because of the above, I'm gonna leave it alone and call it a success, mmkay?

9:00 p.m. So I had McDonalds and watched the Goldbergs on binge tonight. Plus side? I bought fruit!! OOOHHH my body was so happy about actually eating nutrients again. You see, my grocery money set aside for healthy stuff got lost last week while I was away at Mom's. April misplaced it somewhere. Anyway, so we had non healthy food this week. Now I get to eat healthier again! Yay!

I made more stuff on Secondlife...a lot of jackets, fur, and velvets lately. Oi.

Something was on my mind, again and again, so I may as well say it.

I refuse to do commissions on Secondlife. Someone asked me if I would recently and I had to turn them down.

The reason this is, is I never had a problem with it until I did one for one of 'those' picky people. It was like over a year ago, I think. I ran into him on Secondlife. He asked me to texture some meshes for him, and in exchange I wanted a mesh made for me.

He wanted another texture made. And another. And one more. And another. And sometimes he'd politely request I fix one...and have me do it several times over..because he found 'white pixels' from the AO map that I could barely see but apparently bothered him.


This was starting to cost me lindens, too. Since he'd approve, I'd send it, and later he'd disapprove because of two or three pixels and needed them removed. 

P.I.X.E.L.S. bothered him. 

It got to a point where I threw my hands in the air. 

I didn't even take a mesh in return like we agreed because I was SO desperate to get out of that commission. It was making Secondlife very 'not' fun. It started to feel like a chore.

 And when it stops being fun, whatever you're offering in exchange for my services isn't worth it. 

Granted, he kept insisting I did a great job, while still asking even gentler to fix the pixels he'd find...again and again and again...etc. I even tried to teach him to do it himself but his excuse was something like he couldn't do it like I did. Something or other like that.

Some time later he came back and begged  me to do another commission. I pushed myself into giving in again, then immediately backed out before it began. Because I got the 'worst' feeling after accepting. Huge dread and unhappiness. I don't think we talked much after that.

So yeah. No commissions. From anyone. Ever again. I politely decline them all.

I think this is coming up because, and I don't recall his name, to spare his feelings I told him he wasn't the reason I won't ever do a commission again, when he was. So..I openly repent that. I am sorry I lied. So yeah...that came up. Glad I wrote it out.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Fab News!



A whole year after applying, I MAY be getting approved for Adsense.

In other news, I got spicy boiled peanuts. -happy dance!-

I started watching The Goldbergs again.

'The Life You Deserve' FINALLY has a complete plot and I can't wait to see it through to the end.

I've got another book I hope to commit to. One of those weird ones that I always hoped to write:
  • Has gothic characters without using a gothic plot.
  • Involves a time-travel device in the form of a (broken) boom box. It works by playing screamo music, though it does scare the period-accustomed locals. Try convincing them that they aren't hearing demons. It's just music.
  • 18th century setting (of course.)
Only wrote a few chapters so far but still, this looks promising. Hmm?

Edit: Adsense rejected me. On the grounds they were trying to approve 'chelsmith18.blogspot.com' which does NOT exist. Need to reapply so they know I meant for them to consider 'this' site.

Lonerness



Don't ask why I picked now to say something. Earlier today I was convinced I barely had anything to talk about.

Then I saw a Castiel Gif today and realized.
Today a few people have tried talking to me on the internet, but I was too busy for them.

When I go on Secondlife, almost daily, I go in my zone. I get focused. I'm not chatty. 

Unless...it's with someone else who is a creator like myself, and we get to nerd out over the  business....meanwhile knowing long pauses mean we're busy in an art program.

I don't do it to be rude. It comes off kinda rude. It's just that feeling of...thanks for saying hi...but it's not a good time to talk. Rarely is, actually. Especially if I'm doing something, anything really. 

80 percent of the time I'm on the computer, I'm busy on something. Another percent is I'm caught up binge watching something.

I'm a go getter. For the most part. When I'm on a task, I want to focus on the task. Conversations makes that...discomforting on some level.

I'm soooo not a social person.

My social life extends to my two roommates, other artists, and occasionally my family members. I don't talk to them enough either.

I'm kinda frowny about it. People make the effort to say hi and I wiggle my way out of a few minute conversation so I can get on with my plans. (The ones talking interrupts) So to those people, I apologize.

To put it in perspective, it's like at a mall. You're on your way, determined to find a specific store. That's your mission. It's what you came to do. A merchant pulls you aside as you're walking and tries to sell you their hair straightener or hand cream for like ten, fifteen minutes. Then at the end you have to apologize and insist you weren't planning on buying it. THEN you get, quite awkwardly, to go on your way. It feels like that to me.

In short: It's not that I don't like people, I'm just too busy with my own plans to make time for them.

Another reason, of many I can think, I'm happiest being single. Forever.

Yeah, it's pretty selfish. I knowww. :/

'I'm too busy with my own thing, focusing on me and my stuff. Me, me, me. I, I, I. My business. I don't want something coming in the middle of that.' Etc. etc. etcetera!

So there's the thought for today.

I know being  so standoffish is not favorable in God's eyes, on a final note. Just being honest here about my imperfections. Sigh.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Having A Great Week

10:44 p.m. Well, my great week more started with the WeekEND. I went to Mom's and spent time over there hanging out and watching movies.

My favorite thing was getting dropped off at the mall for 4-5 hours and taking a massive amount of photos for my Instagram. I also came home with three awesome buffy figurines from some mystery boxes and getting Rob a Deadpool one for a late birthday gift.

We also browsed stores and went out to a nice breakfast where I had a nice steak burger and scrambled eggs with cheese. Also potatoes. :)

Saw the movie Black Butterfly..yessss...with Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Mom didn't even recognize him at first. He's gotten older, as people always do. As for the film, it was one of those that took half the movie to get to the plot, and after that it had some twists and was pretty decent.

Novel Cover Attempt Three by chelsmith18Furious Eight was interesting and funny, and so was Madea: On The Run. I don't recommend Boss Baby, though. That bored us both.

I showed Mom Kirsten Dunst's Marie Antoinette, she liked it. :) I made fun of it a little, but I still like the movie. I also got to share some trivia about the actual queen and compare it to the film.

There was this other one about this blonde girl, like a modern little Dakota Fanning, where she plays a smart kid and her family's fighting for custody over her. That one was pretty cool, too.

But yeah, that's how we spend time, just hanging out on the couch and watching a bunch of movies.

Since I've been home, I've gone back to the norm. Writing, restarting Buffy (after having finished Angel with that agonizing cliffhanger), etc. I think I even designed a book cover....again. My favorite so far.

My writing has been going well as usual and the quest continues to start another book and finish it. God only knows when that will happen, hmm?

I also gave Zack his birthday gift, a memorial t-shirt given out at his mother's funeral when he was five, turns out he already owned one. Ah well. :P

I've spent today sprucing up my Secondlife store, so that was a success.

I'm still hoping to get in better shape. I REALLY want to exercise, but keep distracting myself to out of acting on the motivation.So yeah, just wanted to update there. Will let you know when I have more to share.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Let's Talk Feelings



9:00 a.m. So, to start, I have a happy place. A place where I go to lose myself in my own little world. It's a big orange-rocky cliff overlooking an empty shoreline of large crashing waves. In the corner of this paradise is a tire swing (the flat laying kind) which has it's center filled in with ice.

I bring this up because on many occasions of me basking in this world for a couple hours, I told myself I needed to actually remember to go there one day...like, in my dreams. And on many occasions after, I don't think to do it.

The one time, the other day, I remembered to try while I was still in a dream state, I never actually made it. I tried to go, believe me. But instead I was endlessly crossing sea waters with these huge steel structures which for some reason then reminded me of an 'Industrial Disney World.' There might have been mouse ears, I don't know.

I tried REALLY hard to picture this place in the dream, so I could fly there, but it never manifested.

Boo.

We're just gonna have to wait until I remember to try again, God willing, and see if it happens.

It's weird, cause every time I want a carnival to appear (my other happy place) it does. Almost every time. But with this I could barely put together what exactly this place was supposed to look like, though I can recall it perfectly in my waking mind.

Anyway. Kids start school today, so that's exciting. It's Harmony's first day and all. :)

I did a bunch of Secondlife clothing-making stuff yesterday.

I have been keeping up on my book challenge as well. In fact, the other day, I extended my plot so far in my head that I think I may need two books to tell it...unless the plot doesn't end where I need it to at 365 pages, that is.

I tried to start a new novel, again, but didn't get past the first chapter. Yes, I'm still struggling to find a story I'm as committed to as this one. Although, I'm still brainstorming the perfect cover for this book.

Speaking of weird dreams, I woke from a really strange one today. I dreamt that because we took on a deer from an animal place once, they sent us a black panther as a thank you. It acted like a big cat, really, and bit my wrist once, though obviously not in a painful 'dream' way.

In this other part of the dream, April , Rob, and I were gonna go swimming at a creek...which turned out to be infested by alligators. After we escaped that, we trekked through some waist deep mud/thick water and I lost my shoes. Rob was kind enough to fetch them for me.

In another dream, I attended a party hosted by Hugh Hefner. I think all I cared about was taking phone pictures of the amazing view of the skyline...though we were sitting on the water. Outside, some action movie explosion occurred snd Robert Downey's Jr., in a light blue suit, went crashing into the water. I tried to take a picture of that, too.

While looking through my pictures on my phone, someone was in awe of Kate Winslet (as Rose DeWitt Bukater during the jump scene) who was in there several times...as if I knew her personally. Apparently, I had met her the night before, according to them, but in the dream I couldn't recall...as if I blacked out drunk. So yeah.

Back to reality. Money came in my bank this morning.

I distributed to my savings account as planned.

I, then, tried to log into my savings spreadsheet (to keep track) on OneDrive, but the thing wouldn't load on my desktop. Grr.

So I had to get to it on my netbook, which had the internet off so I had to turn that on, then actually 'find' the file on OneDrive (which did load) because I overlooked where it was on the tiny screen.

The point is, I've met this week's goal and if I watch my spending, I'll have enough for next week's goal, too. Praise the Lord. This is going quite well.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Bittersweet Symphony



10:37 p.m. It''s late. I've just had something really really unhealthy. Two hot dogs on white bread with mozzarella. It's been that kind of week.

I'm constantly hungry. Healthy food is getting psychologically boring because I haven't spiced things up enough. I went from eats rice and lentils all week to regularly eating spinach, lettuce, pickles, and black forest ham on whole wheat bread. It got boring, even when it was an option.

I don't feel like cooking eggs. We've only got two left.

I seriously crave meat, which we lack aside from burger thawing in the fridge, and craving boiled peanuts, which there is no money or transportation for. April ate the black forest ham up quick, with a little help from me. I feel like...if I'm not getting what I'm craving, then I'm constantly feeling hungry, which is making me eat...and eat more soon after. And combined with being bored with health food, not a good thing.

Not to mention staying up late streaming shows also causing temptation to snack.

I also snack on half a shot glass of M&M's now and then. I haven't really given up the chocolate.

Feels like I'm falling back. I felt perhaps writing this out may bring things more into focus. God's always listening after all.

I've been writing my book, watching Angel, playing Skyrim, and working on Secondlife stuff lately.

I was stressed this morning because I basically get annoyed sighs when I complain to my roommates about leaving trash on the kitchen counter for the umpteenth time. As if there are other problems, so why bother complaining about that one. They do apologize, but it just keeps happening.

If APRIL puts up signs to complain, everywhere, we have to face them or she gets testy. If I put up one, it's an eye roll and toss it in the trash. Just had to get that thought out of my head. So yeah, I stressed about that this morning. And maybe another morning the other day.

Oh! I also moved my computer desk next to my bed so I'm not sitting in a hard chair all the time. Nice cushy bed to lay back on, and am doing so now as I type.

At least there's God. He's good to trust that things can pick up.

Speaking of which, writing has me feeling ultra giddy lately. It's hard not to just write out this next part of the plot ahead of schedule and let things stew.

It's turning out to be my favorite part of the whole story...the ultimate questionable fate of my characters...the ones left anyway. I do have a habit of killing them off, but only in ways that seem to affect the later plot. I also have that 'you think they're dead, but think again' thing going for a couple of them. ;)

I mean really. One of my main characters (a former murderess/legendary madwoman) is at death's door after giving birth. This guy, brother in law to one of her most regrettable victims is there. This guy's brother died of grief, leaving this man alone.

He shows up with an axe to kill her and her baby (he was once a torturer for the tyrannical king so he is a bit twisted in the head)....and she's gonna give up her child to him because she took away his family. Aside from her sister Elizabeth, who she's had no contact with since Elizabeth gave her up to be formally executed for her crimes, she has no family left either. It's partially the only way she can truly apologize, as well as a last ditch effort to ensure someone will take her child now that she feels life ebbing away.

He's gobsmacked by her request.

Not to mention moments before this he killed an innocent man who got in the way of his attempt to murder her, so he's reeling from this, too. This innocent man was originally the one Melanie planned to have take care of her child, but he's dead now sooo....yeah.

It's a wild scene. I love that!

My book has so much drama. I can tell because when I tell April my scenes, there's all these interwoven details about the lives and nature of my characters. So excited!

You know where this stuff comes to me? Listening to songs like 'The Sound of Silence' by Disturbed on the way to get groceries. That song, no joke, is the tone for so much of this book.

Praise God. Not for the violent stuff, I mean, just in the direction I can take my writing. Some of my characters do commit evil, but they also have the vulnerability to be sorry for it in some way,

145 pages left before the challenge is finished January 1, 2018. Not counting massive editing that has to occur after but still... (Also, I have to go back and add some foreshadowing scenes to tie things together nicely.)

I never expected to get emotionally attached to a story since the Dream Doctor. I never thought I could top it, to me, but this is the first of probably a dozen tries at writing a novel where I'm genuinely into the story. I want to see it to the end. Praise the LORD!

I do have some interesting writing goals.

1. I want to write a series.
2. I want a story with gothic-looking characters in a non-gothic plot.
3. I want to see if I can write a whole novel in 24 hours. For serious. Again, not including editing.
4. Write a complete novel in one month.

So God bless those, in Jesus name, Amen! :) Yay, goals.

Sure, sometimes I pray to become a bestselling author, but for the moment I am writing for the audience of me..which is fine. I'm also kind of glad I didn't plan out the novel too much to begin with, because it makes it easy for me to surprise myself with twists, and thus surprise the reader...if there ever is one other than moi.

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