Friday, October 14, 2016

Um...Single Much?

7:51 a.m. Yesterday is easily summed up. I took my laundry off the line around 3 p.m., folded it, watched Across the Universe, went to bed and stayed asleep until Midnight. I got up and made pasta, then brownies and have been chilling out ever since.

Now, in regards to the post titles, I think my brain has been sending me relationship signals. In the sense that, it was pretty much what I was dreaming about.

I'm getting butterflies in my stomach just writing about it but a couple of them somehow involved Brenden Urie, probably because I can't get that goofy adorable youtube video of him out of my head. XD

I'm not in love with him or something but he's adorable. In one of the dreams, he looked like Jude from Across the Universe, which makes me think really, subconsciously, it's the whole swoon and charm of a male singer, haha!!!

Anyway, all of them fuzzy feelings have been pushing that I would experience a special kind of happiness if I could just find a partner. If I could find one that didn't offend me somehow within the first few weeks, that'd be great.

Dating sites are not promising. Almost every guy I talked to last time goes down a long list of 'standard' questions, a lot of which are answered RIGHT there on my profile to begin with, and there is no REAL conversation. It all just kinda drags along like an interview where both parties are clearly bored until they stop talking. Then usually if there is a connection, they have to go kill the mood with profanity (nails on a chalkboard) or something of a sexual/violent/offensive nature that they like the joke about. Buzzkills, man.

I don't know. I LOVE the freedom that comes with being single, not having to obligate myself to upkeeping a social life on a near daily basis, but then there are those days where someday you just want someone to roll over, smile, and cuddle in bed with for hours on end. (in my case, after marriage of course.) It's all pretty conflicting. :/ I'm gonna go with something extra and say I'm not looking for a charming or romantic man, just someone normal and chill who manages not to offend me.

Christianity is the biggest bonus, obviously, but not so far as to come off judgemental...which can be surprisingly tough to find.

Like I know I'm not a perfect Christian, but if I got issues, can't I just work that out between God and I? XD I don't know. Christianity is complicated sometimes, I don't understand it all, not that I have to in order to be apart of it contrary to others' opinions, but I wouldn't leave it for anything. Now we're just kinda sailing off the original topic.

Thus, in short, single and ready to long as you aren't boring, offensive, and can work with me on this hermit thing. Thanks. ;)

8:39 p.m. It's eight-thirty ish at night and I just woke up. After a few hours on OkCupid, I crashed and slept the entire day away...on purpose. It's better than boredom binge eating, lemme tell ya. I had more dreams, of course, involving being in a relationship and some other involving pirates. Don't ask. XD

Every time I woke up after a few hours, I ate a small brownie, took a swig of Crystal Light, used the restroom (not always in that order) and dived back into bed. That has pretty much been my diet for the vast majority of today. We are low on groceries. I wanted something quick and calorie satisfactory between sleep, so yeah. Life is what it is.

As for my experience on OkCupid. One guy was fine until he managed to offend me (brought up something sexual) and then proceeded to call me a pet name -shudder-.

For those who don't know, giving me a pet name is among my largest turn-offs. It's creepily clingy in the sense that I feel like when a guy is saying it, he thinks he's hit it off with me so he can label me with it. 99.9999999 percent of the time, it couldn't be further from the truth.

Pet names feel like a label, a flirtation reducing me to being an object or idea rather than a person, or even implying ownership, and are somewhat degrading towards me as a woman as innocent meaning/sounding as they are, so I outright do not like them.

They make me squirm, cringe, and difficult as it makes me sound they are nearly a deal breaker. See why I'm difficult to date? It's tough in a world that embraces them as the norm and acceptance, when I have not.

Another had me carrying all the weight trying to get an ACTUAL conversation going, it was mostly quiet, and I would REALLY try to get details out but he was very generalized (no real details to pluck out and work into conversation) and had one-worded answers with smilies. -_-

Another dude messaged me. He seemed nice and I would talk to him again. He seemed a little bored and was kinda going through the motions in conversation BUT he didn't manage to offend me. XD So there's a bonus, right?

9:20 p.m. So that last guy got sexually explicit. Bummer. Two men on there brought up sex in a message and I'm just wondering what is WRONG with the world! It'd be sexist to say all guys want to talk sexual stuff, so it's natural, but the reality is its in the vast majority. Where can I find a decent guy, please?

Offending me like that drops chances of a date to very low level. Like in my mind, I'm gonna know that this is a place your mind is gonna go to and I'm just not compatible with that. It could lead to an influence I don't want and I know what comes of that from years of self-destruction that resulted from it before.

11:06 p.m. So, I guess spamming is a thing on OkCupid now. I got some message from someone telling me to check out this 'better' dating site, followed by a phone number.

I'm also not interested in men in, or near, their fourties at this time. I'm not even thirty yet for a couple years so dating someone that much older feels closer to my parents age, or the age of their friends, than my own. Ick. -shudder again- I have no luck here, do I?

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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