I wish I blogged more often. I wish I understood how writing my feelings down has an impact on my life. Me in the past would be so perplexed by the huge gaps of information about my life and me in the future might wish they weren't there.
Hopefully, I can give you the rundown, possibly not in order.
1. Rob fixed my computer. :D Got me a new hard drive, the sweetheart. Random note, cats are banned from outside by landlord, except for Carlo and Hissy. I did end up getting White Rabbit on my iPod, among many other songs.
1a. Newly into Panic at the Disco. To quote April: "I can see you meeting him and being like 'Omg, Brandon Urie! I love your band 'Panic at the Discount' and your song The Emporer's New Groove!"
1a. Newly into Panic at the Disco. To quote April: "I can see you meeting him and being like 'Omg, Brandon Urie! I love your band 'Panic at the Discount' and your song The Emporer's New Groove!"
2. My second life business grew as usual, as well as made several new online friends. Also started cashing out lindens for real money, which was quickly drained on food expenses. (See number 7)
3. I moved my bedroom to the living room and April now resides in my old room. At least shes out of the tiny room. That was quite a moving day.
4. I started the digital version of my graphic novel. Looked great but did not get farther than the middle of the first chapter. However, my other book has been edited and I wrote one chapter to a new book that went unfinished, which I will include below with all it's flaws.
5. I've decided at 27, I'm finally emotionally mature enough to decide its time to start paying off my loan payments after eight years.
6. Mema is sick and losing parts of herself. I wonder who will care for Papa and praying for both.
7. In the middle of my third week of attempting to go vegetarian. I started at the end of July 2016 and it was probably at the point where I would guess I got my heaviest (but I stopped weighing myself long ago so who knows) all I know if I was outgrowing those size 14s and 15s Mom just bought me (and spent 300 bucks on) and needed to change. I'm poor. Can't afford to just keep getting bigger clothes.
Thankfully, the weight is falling off and I fit them quite comfortably. My ultimate goal is a size five but that may take years of dedication.
8. July 15, 2016 I dropped my iPod and cracked the corner screen. It works as well as it can. Its an iPod 4g and can't download any new apps on it so I may have to upgrade one day.
9. April and I have fought on and off. A lot of tension these past few months for various things. The usual headbutting when it comes to me being resistant ( I am admittedly a stubborn person) to her insistence of following her suggestions according to her worries/over-reactings/skepticsms/paranoias etc. or let her stew in frustration until I give in. That's usually what a lot of our fights seem to boil down to.
That's what happens with two different personalities.
My ideal life is to live one without unnecessary worry, panics, over-reacting, paranoia, etc. not a life of having to negotiate and plan everything down to the most minute detail, even to strange levels and trying to force me to subject my family 'through me (and most unwillingly)' of the unnecessary/ (imho) paranoid worries.
Kinda to the point where I literally stare at my desk in the middle of our arguments and I just get the overwhelming urge to bang my head against it several times. That bad. :/
I'm more happy go lucky, go with the flow, trust everything will be okay, etc. in situations.
NOT April. Not even close. In fact she feels obligated to worry 'on my behalf' (personally don't like anyone worrying on my behalf but I can't help that) Sigh.
This is why I need to blog more. All this frustration stirs up. I also have to copy this to a physical journal one day but I'm broke for one thing, and it's not enough info to add on another hand.
10. I love my wig, only wore it a few times. Couldn't wear it out because the perfumed powder smell bothered April. Not her fault she has a sensitive nose.
11. I draw on and off.
12. Go out to see Mom around once a month and spend a weekend with her (need to do that again sometime.) Last time we watched Cloverfield. O.O
Also, got Grupier Old Men. :D I've become a late fan of the Jack Lemmon/Walter Matthau pairing. :)
NOW!! Since it's been months and my memory is notoriously bad, I'm gonna go through the highlights of my Facebook feed and add to what's happened since my last post.
Harmony's Third Birthday Pool Party was a success and I got AMAZING photos!! Won't share them all here but here's some of my faves:
On the morning of June 11, 2016. My cat did a thing:
June 13th, Some guy flirted with me ON THE JOB while I was playing with Harmony on the playground.
"So do all guys get their pickup lines from some organization in Florida? The last three times I ever got asked out (always by some random stranger stopping me in the middle of my day.)
They ask "You got a boyfriend"
I make it clear I'm not gonna date them.
"WANNA BE MY FRIEND?" What is it with that stupid freakin line that men say when I turn them down. Last three men over time. Same stupid freakin shady line.
All I hear is "I'm a random stranger and I want your personal information to talk to you sometime. The friend thing is just so I think I can get you to change your mind the next day even though you already said you don't want to date me."
Also if I'm with my niece, don't come try to flirt amidst my private family moment when all I want is my attention on her. Not you. She's my priority for attention.
I do not trust men I don't know. If I'm gonna date you, someone I already trust has to vouch for you. Plain and simple. Smh."
Says enough about me, doesn't it? I really am single because I don't trust men...well, I mean. My brain is wired like this: If my radar senses that you are even remotely trying to flirt, get my number, charm me etc. ALL my walls with the barbed wire and blaring sirens will go up and my trust drops to about .000005% It's how I am and why I'm single. Wanna date me? Get to know me a bit and let me warm up to you, then you can ask me out. That's why I'm still single, I guess.
June 15th. Harmony stays over and this adorable video happens!
The same day I also uploaded a video of Drake's Second Birthday party at Chuck E' Cheese but out of privacy reasons with other kids in the video, I will not be posting it.
But you have this one instead! :)
June 20, 2016: Practiced 3D again but never wound up doing anything with this thing:
Personally, I'm thankful to God for Instagram and Facebook. Kinda fun reliving the best moments of the past few months. Feels like longer ago already.
AND as for those comics. Not sharing on my blog to save them from being taken. :P Did it July 27, 2016 to make note.
Decided on going Vegetarian July 31, 2016. The next few posts after that are the vegetarian/vegan stuff because I've yet to make up my mind on which I want to be. Really been focusing on my health the past few weeks.
Zackary just celebrated his birthday a couple days ago.
I tried to sign up for a Sanford Brown Loan Forgiveness thing because the school is closing and I heard loans were being forgiven, turns out it was not as legit as I might have assumed and I had even by then given out my personal info to them (stupid, I know, you don't have to tell me. Beyond stupid. FAR.) so this morning was a butting of heads with me and April through the process of taking anti-identity theft measures. But that got out of the way.
My new morning routine is get up, eat fruit, water, vitamins, go exercise and often nap and get up and eat and computer stuff. I have Bible reading too lol. Still not a perfect Christian.
I keep giving OkCupid a try, only hours at a time with activating and de-activating my account. I have to be in the mood for it.
Tried out Steam last month, doesn't live up tp my roommates hype for me since I'm a terrible gamer.
FINALLY!!! That's the major news. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Share more stuff when I come back again folks. Mwuah. #cherishthesemoments
Oh, all in between: SPN marathon of the series AGAIN. A lot of health documentaries. Never did continue NCIS much after Kate died, been in and out of depression.
Going to be spending a lot of time at the infamous lonely trailer babysitting to attempt to earn money to start paying off my defaulted loans. Not sure how to feel about it yet. One of those things that just has to be done. Yup. Now we're good and caught up now!
BELOW IS SIMPLY A FIRST CHAPTER TO AN ABANDONED STORY.
Little Emily, the only daughter of the Duke Ludwig and Duchess Mary of Chu, third cousin twice-removed to His Majesty the Kind of Whitehorse, raised her chin as she appeared in the stable entrance. "Eric!" she said, booming her voice beyond her years.
A humble boy in a tattered uniform, older than her by a few minutes, appeared from the empty stall. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped. "Begging your pardon, your Grace," he exclaimed, glancing up and down, "but a fine lady doesn't belong in this place."
"You ought to know 'your' place," she sneered, "that is no way to address a courtier and your future master. As you know, one day all of this will be mine and my descendants, including you. Now bow, you peasant!" She pointed to the ground, trembling her finger at him.
A few seconds passed in silence, then they burst into laughter. The boy dropped to his knees, gripping his stomach as he cackled.
Emily wiped a tear from her face and sighed, "I don't know how she does it. I knew she sounded ridiculous when she said it to the other servants. Her Grace Duchess Mary of the year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Sixty-three, who well knows her status and uses it to her every advantage."
The boy laughed harder, sinking his face into the dirt.
"Eric," she laughed, "Rise! I command you!" Her bubbles of laughter halted as a large hand gripped her arm, silencing the stable. Emily faced her dominant father, peering past a wide brimmed moustache and mountainous nose, into his narrowed blue eyes.
"He's right, you know. This is no place for a lady," he said, squeezing her arm tighter. She winced, "You are allowed herE for one reason, and one reason only, to ride. Ride well enough so that one day you may impress a suitor of my choosing. You are not to play with the help, and worse, shame the family to those lesser than us by mocking your noble mother! Remember your place my dear. Your mother would still be a butcher's daughter if I had not married her and I can bring her down as quickly as I raised her, and you with her. After all, you're not the son her social-climbing family promised me, are you?"
Emily looked back at Eric, helpless as he kept his face to the dirt, daring not to raise his eyes to the infuriated Duke.
Ludwig looked at him, then back at his weeping daughter. "Emily, go home. Now."
"Papa, you aren't going to punish him are you? It wasn't his fault--"
"Now. And put your shoes on before your mother sees you and dies of shame!"
Defeated, Emily hung her head in tears as she left little Eric at the mercy, or lack thereof, of her ruthless priveleged father.
Emily brought the hot pea soup to her lips, careful not to slurp and displease the courtiers who judged her. One wrong move and she wouldn't hear the end of it for weeks from them, her mother, and the spies who pretended to be her friends.
Her mother placed her hand on her back. "Straighten up," she said, in a cold disposition, "a lady of breeding does not slouch in her chair."
"The only thing breeding these days are the chickens, and even they disappoint you, mother. The eggs weren't salty enough. How dare they do that to a lady of your standing? They should have known better."
"Emily," her mother spoke, tightening her lips, "what would your father say if he heard you talking like that."
"Father doesn't say much, does he mother?"
Mary dropped her silverware against the soup dish; the clash likened to a shattering vase in an empty hall. She forced a smile, then a laugh.
Emily stared at her father's military portrait above the fireplace; his haunting blue eyes judged her from beyond the grave, his intimidating stature alone as cutthroat as he was in life.
Mary changed the subject, as if gossip saved her dignity. "Lady Jocelyn, I heard the wonderful news yesterday. You and the Grand Duke Berndard of Chance?"
"Yes, yes. It's true," Jocelyn cooed, "I am marrying the most charming nobleman in the countryside, not to mention the wealthiest. His family started..."
Jocelyn's boring conversation trailed, along with Emily's eyes, as she glanced to the strong cheekbones of the Indian servant, glowing in the sunlit window like a bronze statue. Her heart softened as his gaze met hers, and she half-smiled in a secret way that let him know she was bored out of her mind and he was the only thing that saved her. Eric was more handsome than all the nobles in Europe, if only status was just and recognized it.
"Soon, my darling," he mouthed.
She smiled wide, then dropped her expression before her mother could notice.
"You know, Emily is to marry to the Earl of Lighttower in the Fall. I must say, they are the perfect match!" Her mother chimed, "He was quite taken with her portrait according to the letter he sent back, and it is easy to see why. The court painter captured..."
Unabashed, Emily faced in her mother in stone silence as she drawled on about nothing worthwhile. While she could pretend that Emily had no problem with this arrangement, the other four courtiers at the table could not and shared her silence.
Eric avoided facing the Duchess, all too aware that her wrath was an equal match for the late Duke. Worse than any punishment she could deliver, though, was the image of Enily in another man's arms.
"No," Emily said, "I won't marry him."
Mary forced a laugh, pretending not to know the true reason for Emily's defiance. "What? Would you prefer a Prince? A King? Perhaps an Emperor? Oh, that would be a wonderful choice. Only the best for my Emily, after all. She will be of a higher rank than her mother." She laughed harder as the entire room stared in stunned silence.
Emily stood up, placing her palms flat on the table.
"You want to know why I won't marry your strange little Archduke, MOTHER?! Another spoiled insufferable noble to be forced to spend my life with?"
Mary banged the table, stood up, and opened her mouth to shout.
The sitting room doors burst open and every courtier in the room dropped their wares. They gasped in awe and fear at the rocking double doors. Emily struggled to breathe in her new corset as she glanced back at a stunned Eric, longing to yank his silver tray and fling herself into his burdened arms. At this point, she could care less what her mother would think of them.
The man in the doorway spoke, simply, "Oh. Hey. Well...this is not an empty room, is it?"
The ladies glanced at each other. "Hey?" Her mother mouthed to Emily with furrowed brows, forgetting her rage for the moment.
"What odd sort of garment is that?" Emily said, stepping forward. Mary grabbed her arm but she broke free. Her eyes danced up and down at the loose black fabric, straps, and silver trinkets hanging at his legs, "Who is your tailor?" He must be a terrible one, the pants are ill-fitted; far too large.
"Um...yeah," He said, "I'm just gonna--"
He darted down the hall and Emily pursued him.
"Emily!!" the ladies cried out, following behind with the fabric of their skirts balled in their fists.
"Where are your sleeves, sir?!" Emily shouted, "Why do you wear mourning? Wait!" Her smile widened as she ran headstrong with glee.
The man stopped at the end of the steps, staring in hesitation at the towering maze of hedges before him.
"EMILY, STOP THIS INSTANT!!" Her mother grabbed her skirt and the blue silk fabric shredded as Emily ran into the courtyard.
The man turned around, dropping his head with a sigh. He met Emily's widened hazel eyes. "Yes, I wear strange clothes..and black, too. Will you leave me alone now? I didn't meant to interrupt your little...tea party..thing. I'm going. Let's not make a big deal, okay?"
"Sir, this was not a party, only an afternoon tea. I want to know why you are dressed in mourning...and who employed such a terrible tailor? I've never in my life seen a wardrobe such as this." Emily pinched the cotton strap of his tank top.
The man folded his hands together and sighed. "I wear it because it looks good and I don't have a tailor. I wear over-sized clothes because it's comfortable," He said as he looked at her corset, "one of a million concepts you probably won't understand so..can I go now?" He glanced over his shoulders and sighed as the hoard of curious courtiers tip-toed towards them.
"What is your name?"
"You said that was it."
"Tell me, please."
He sighed again, pushing the rim of his glasses up to his nose. "There's no time."
He ran into the maze and Emily followed after him, ignoring the hoard of voices calling her name. He hoped to lose her, but unlike him, she knew this maze like the back of her hand. She played here as a child with other noble children and sometimes, in delightful secret, with Eric.
The lawn was so kept that footprints imprinted any time some one stepped on it, like sand. She followed the trail until she reached him, as he kneeled before a black box.
Her jaw dropped. She never saw anything like it in her life.
He looked up. "For the love of God, will you just go?! Get out of here!"
She smiled wider. "Are you a Catholic? You are. I can tell!"
He heard the crowd approaching and feared she would lead them to him. The last thing he needed was to be suspected of something stupid like witchcraft."I don't have time for this. You want to stay? Fine. Not like it matters," He said, then paused, "no offense."
"I am not offended, sir, " Emily said as she kneeled over him, "I'm fascinated."
He turned the dial on the box as her name filled the maze entrance.
"They're coming. What are you doing?" she asked.
A beautiful chorus of voices, like the children's choir of a Cathedral, rose from the black box.
Emily screamed at the top of her lungs.
The man cowered. "Agh! Don't do that. Look. Look. I know you don't know what this is but it's not gonna kill you. So just chill, okay?"
"How can you be so sure? There are ghosts singing in that box!"
The confused murmurs of the approaching crowd mixed with the uprising vocals of the angelic opera singers, then accompanied by the shattering thunder of fast paced guitars. Emily dropped to the ground, covering her ears as she shrieked along with the startled mob.
"Everyone stop screaming," he said, "Lady, stop screaming. It's alright."
"What is that awful noise accompanying such beautiful voices?" Emily wailed, "Those aren't ghosts, are they? They're worse. Demons!" Her accusation caused screams and soft sighs as noble ladies fainted into the arms of the gentlemen. His fears of a witch hunt, and a possible burning at the stake, heightened.The gravel-like voices of death metal vocalists spewing indecipherable lyrics didn't help his case. He knelt down and whispered, "This is not evil. This is the best music of my generation. Opera metal."
"This is...music?" She said, quivering. It's not any kind of music she imagined. She had the pleasure of hearing the best muscians of her time at every 'important' ball she attended since she was three years old. They never played anything so fascinating, curious, and terrifying all at once. She clutched his arms, letting him help her to her feet. She leaned her ear into the air, grasping the notion as her cheek brushed his. Her fear melted and her smile widened. Her heart still trembled, for an entriely new reason.
Her mother rounded the hedge corner, weeping and trembling with fear as she reached for her.
Eric trailed behind her mother. He paused and his limbs sank as he stared, confused at the sight of his beloved, caught in wonder, in the arms of the terrifying man in black. He was quick to suspect why she was the only one who did not fear him, and he ached at her sudden betrayal. In the same way a person's life flashes before their eyes at death, so played all his memories of her in that moment in his heart, as it too, died that day.
She looked at the man and back at Eric. Her eyes widened and she shook her head, still too close to his for comfort. "No, it's not--ERIC!" The world she knew vanquished into darkness and silence as the box exploded with lightning, swallowing them both.