7:03 a.m. Blogging is just one of many habits I'd like to kick start again. Getting that out of the way, since I keep forgetting my anti-depressant, anti-anxiety meds, there needs to be a better outlet.
Since I believe that when I'm writing, God is both listening and answering (it's been proven in my life on endless occasion when things suddenly fall into place after all my complaining.)
I think people actually forget that about God. He actually wants you to complain to Him about your life and your problems, vent to Him. Go ahead. He just wants to do something about it. :P Thank Him and love Him afterwards.
I had another one of 'those' bad dreams. The ones where I'm lashing out in rage at my loved ones over mundane things. I feel like it's a deeply 'pent up' rage thing...the kind I tend to wisely replace with forgiveness in real life.
Like, ok, in the dream some girl shows up and lectures me about not staying over at my sister's to babysit all the time...instead of being with April while I am not mentally perfect in some places. There was a rant to April about it and then me hiding out in some room, or outside, something like that.
Anyway, I come back in on the first floor (when outside I was on a second floor area) and see a messy room. There's a guy standing there and telling me this belonged to his brother, or some guys. Clothes lying all over the place mostly. He tells me this is going to be my room and I need to clean it up.
I take offense to the stranger but I don't remember saying anything.
There's something about pasta that happens in a moment after.
Then I head downstairs and find this guy and my sister in the kitchen. She's baking and says, I don't get any of this until I get some pasta. I told them you wont get any complaints out of me. There was calm for a few seconds.
The guy tells me again to go clean and I see a pack of energy drinks in a corner he can't see. I think of picking them up and hurling them at him, but I didn't want to hurt him so I thought of being scary and slamming them at his feet.
He sees my growing rage and he snarls, "You're insane." Then I swear at him and flying into wild rage. That's all I recall. Normally, I'd rather forget these dreams, but...I needed to vent. Mostly because I'm not proud of that behavior. It's happened before and very outside my original character.
Off to create for Secondlife..or whatnot. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Later!
11:05 a.m. Been making 3D stuff on Secondlife...Praise God I'm getting a little better at this..
2:02 p.m. Did a little more 3D model practice with mittens. Didnt work out but at least I tried. :P Went through a Blender tutorial series and feeling refreshed...as far as that goes. Physically I'm sleepy as all get out...and crave soda. Hate cravings. Been having those a lot lately...for fried chicken..and soda. Chocolate..candy. Etc.
Wound up watching a 'how to' Blender series, hanging out with April, then playing Secondlife all day where I wound up making awesome avatar art!
All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!
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