A Daily Diary: February 2016

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Saturday, February 27, 2016

Just A Bad Dream...

7:03 a.m. Blogging is just one of many habits I'd like to kick start again. Getting that out of the way, since I keep forgetting my anti-depressant, anti-anxiety meds, there needs to be a better outlet.

Since I believe that when I'm writing, God is both listening and answering (it's been proven in my life on endless occasion when things suddenly fall into place after all my complaining.)

I think people actually forget that about God. He actually wants you to complain to Him about your life and your problems, vent to Him. Go ahead. He just wants to do something about it. :P Thank Him and love Him afterwards.

Anywho!

I had another one of 'those' bad dreams. The ones where I'm lashing out in rage at my loved ones over mundane things. I feel like it's a deeply 'pent up' rage thing...the kind I tend to wisely replace with forgiveness in real life.

Like, ok, in the dream some girl shows up and lectures me about not staying over at my sister's to babysit all the time...instead of being with April while I am not mentally perfect in some places. There was a rant to April about it and then me hiding out in some room, or outside, something like that.

Anyway, I come back in on the first floor (when outside I was on a second floor area) and see a messy room. There's a guy standing there and telling me this belonged to his brother, or some guys. Clothes lying all over the place mostly. He tells me this is going to be my room and I need to clean it up.

I take offense to the stranger but I don't remember saying anything.

There's something about pasta that happens in a moment after.

Then I head downstairs and find this guy and my sister in the kitchen. She's baking and says, I don't get any of this until I get some pasta. I told them you wont get any complaints out of me. There was calm for a few seconds.

The guy tells me again to go clean and I see a pack of energy drinks in a corner he can't see. I think of picking them up and hurling them at him, but I didn't want to hurt him so I thought of being scary and slamming them at his feet.

He sees my growing rage and he snarls, "You're insane." Then I swear at him and flying into wild rage. That's all I recall. Normally, I'd rather forget these dreams, but...I needed to vent. Mostly because I'm not proud of that behavior. It's happened before and very outside my original character.

Off to create for Secondlife..or whatnot. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Later!

11:05 a.m. Been making 3D stuff on Secondlife...Praise God I'm getting a little better at this..

2:02 p.m. Did a little more 3D model practice with mittens. Didnt work out but at least I tried. :P Went through a Blender tutorial series and feeling refreshed...as far as that goes. Physically I'm sleepy as all get out...and crave soda. Hate cravings. Been having those a lot lately...for fried chicken..and soda. Chocolate..candy. Etc.

EDIT:

Wound up watching a 'how to' Blender series, hanging out with April, then playing Secondlife all day where I wound up making awesome avatar art!


Friday, February 26, 2016

3D Modeling is SO hard!

10:40 a.m. Here's venting, list of common problems when I'm making mesh:
1. Can't get an AO map to be made.
2. UV map can only come out funky looking.
3. SL won't upload it.
4. SL will upload it but it won't texture properly.
5. Won't have proper physics to use.
6. Invisible parts that weren't meant to be invisible.
7. Can't get vertices marked the way I want them.
8. Hit some random key combination and mess up what I'm doing.
9. Inability to undo a mode I have no idea I put the viewer in.
10. Forgetting to save.

Its like if I'm clear on all these other obstacles, there's always gonna be one of these. UGH! Frustrating. I an build mesh. I just have trouble with all that red tape listed above to get it working in Secondlife.

-facepalm- I'll keep trying though...

1:27 p.m. I think God really does listen to griping. Making my next mesh was a success, hard work, but a success. feeling relieved.

I tried to make this, I think days agao, and it didn't work out. I gave up. Glad I tried again, praise God. :D Taking a break from the 3D thing at the moment. I need to eat. Also, in today's odd news:


Kinda want to save this moment in history and look back on it ten years from now XD

8:07 p.m. I had no idea Secondlife was running the while time. O.O We went grocery shopping to two different stores, then I hung out in the living room. I once again accidentally locked Carlo in my room but he didn't poo in my bed like last time, Thank God...I think. But yeah, he was just chilling.


Thursday, February 25, 2016

Attempting Again...

7:57 a.m. As far as old defunct blogs go, I realize there is a series of 'trying to come back' posts before the blog is abandoned altogether. For the sake of health, let's hope it does not come to this. I've played on Secondlife but I think I'm giving it a break for now today so work on my blurb book. Wish me the best.

Dreamt of JRM again....somewhere in there. I was on the bus through england and admiring the beaches, comparing themto Floridas, and loving how England's seemed 'tidier with more narrow buildings' more soon....

10:25 a.m. AFTER MONTHS OF PROCRASTINATION, It took around two and a half hours to get that thing up to date...from posts back in SEPTEMBER!! XD

Now I need a break..and to move Garbanzo from my lap. O.O

5:36 p.m. After a day of a vintage Supernatural marathon and making chicken pasta, I had a nap. Dreamt April and I met the backstreet boys, all wearing white with blue floral print, and them hearing my old crush letters about them. XD

Then woke up really hot.

C* Christie Tank - Dollarbie
Roommates. We have a casual thing of 'Air Conditioner' roulette going. One of us is freezing, while another is far too hot. I woke up  way too hot. So I turned the air on. :P I also, in the past few days, have kept my little fan running...re-learning how much I love sleeping to the hum of it even though it doesn't blow very hard.

8:48 p.m. My, how time flies. Just got done making a cute new top in Secondlife. Love it! Plus selling the folds and shading to them full perm and cheap!!


Feelin' like I need to eat and watch Netflix.



1:06 a.m. Been there, did that. Made another top on SL...and about 13 colors of it. >.> Bed time. God, bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves! G'nite!

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

A Lot Has Happened In Almost Two Months.


11:10 a.m. Looks like I got a lot of catching up to do. To get down to the basics:

1. I've been growing my hair out. It's now medium length with blonde tips and I enjoy it very much. Yes, this means the buzzed look is gone and is staying gone.

2. The whole JRM fandom thing has been slowly fading away, probably for the better. I am constantly praying for him and Mara though so there's good news.

3. I'm still a dateless wonder. I re-activated my OkCupid account for a brief time and then let it go.

4.The government cut my food stamps off. For some reason, their logic is that if you don't have a job or means of affording food, we'll see to it that we don't give you any money for food, anymore. Because we think you're lazy and cant imagine someone not being near a job or owning a car to get to one....why can't we imagine such a thing? BECAUSE WE ARE FILTHY RICH! Yup. Sums it up. Anyway!!

5. Coot died recently. :/ RIP.

6. In single day, I found out both of my parents are remarrying (to different people obviously.) As usual, I was not the first to find out but big deal.

My Mom wants to leave Florida and move to Colorado, and thus leave us here in Florida.

I suppose she should follow her dream. All her kids are grown and there just comes that time in life where your parents are going to move far from you and continue pursuing their life. Can't say I won't miss her to death, though. lol.

She helps me out more than anyone in my family. It'll be hard without her.

7. My niece was born. Brooklyn Cadence Smith. I've only met her once since she was born but she is beautiful! I don't think I've seen any of my family since around Christmastime. :/

8. I've been in and out of depression, in and out of laziness. I've spent a lot of time focusing on my growing Secondlife shop and managing THAT blog. I earn around 800L or so weekly now so its going fairly nice.

I suppose part of it was involved with the fact of not writing out my feelings like I used to. I think when I did on a frequent basis it put me in a better place, a better mood altogether.

9. The above was made all the more easy because Rob got help from his family with his computer build. Mom gave me money for a monitor, speakers, and extension cord and now I have my own computer in my own space. No more need to borrow theirs. Needs a Windows 10 activation but Rob's Mom will be kindly helping out with that as well.


10. I finished the entire series of LOST.

11. My iPod touch did NOT break by now! SCORE!!

12. I still do art here and there.

13. I've dreamt of Caleb several times lately. I think he's that subconscious representation of my need to be in a relationship, and more ever to be intimate with someone.

14. I still dream of Jackie. Often just to hug her. I mean, I guessed her sudden death (It's been almost a year now) meant I would be dreaming of her a lot more often than I did when she was alive, but it is always a peaceful thing. I happen to believe Angels can come visit you in your dreams. Some sort of chance to be endearing to loved ones you have lost, without having to be dying first.

Of course, I never mention this sort of thing on Facebook, where both of her grieving parents are, for obvious reasons.

I saw Mike, her Dad, some weeks ago and he just had that look. He smiled at me, but you can't help but see a piece of his former light missing...the piece of him his daughter took when she left this world. Deep breath....hmm? What else.

15. I still dream of JRM and Mara, fewer and farther in between and I stopped writing those dreams down. I had some dream last night where I had a small homely hotel where celebrities stayed...I wanted them to show and they did..also Misha Collins was there and he toured..I don't recall much else.

16. I did just start old episodes of Supernatural again and wound up catching up on Goldbergs and Fresh Off The Boat.

17. I've lost grip on a few things in my life. My eating habits for one thing, hygenics could be better, chores....just kinda wandering through my day most of the time. I tend to look back on my healthier days where I was active and getting things done..then wonder what happened to me to change it all.

18. I cook late at night on some occasions like around 3-4 a.m. lol

19. Uncle Pat is doing well, and not being back in prison. I'm very thankful to God for that.

20. I can't wait until Fuller House premieres on Netflix. I'll be watching with Nostalia glasses but still super excited!

21. Constant plans were made this past month to see my nieces but they sadly came to nothing. For some reason or another, Jen could not bring them by....so that's sad.

22. Garbazno is as cuddly as ever!

23. Also, these headphones O.O

24. I continued work on the Dream Doctor in late January by doing an audiobook (halfway done) and starting the first couple chapters of the graphic novel.

25. That's all for now. I should update this when I think of more. Still need to update my blurb book at some point. God bless. Jesus loves, lives, saves! Bye!


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