A Daily Diary: 2016


Friday, December 30, 2016


Am I seriously blogging? Taking a day of from creating and having a Kardashian marathon.

More soon. Too much to type on an app.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

2016: Year in Review

This account of my year in review is a collective of all my statuses, pictures, and memories from various social media....because my memory is not all that fabulous.

January 2016
Started the Oi Bae! Facebook page.
Anna's mother passed away. :(
Drew a Hello Kitty drawing for Jen and turned a sketch into a digital painting. Started practicing 3D modeling with my Oi Bae! store sign.
The government cut my food stamps off.
Got halfway through making an audio version of my novel, The Dream Doctor.
My niece Brooklyn was born. <3
Attempting my graphic novel.
All the re-attempts of trying to get back in a relationship, and failing. :/

February 2016
I installed a profanity filter on my browser. :)
Fell in love with the song, Salted Wound by Sia. :D
Getting my own computer and my own space with Mom's help.
Coot died.
Dad gets engaged.

March 2016
Still practicing 3D modeling.
Attending my niece's and nephew's beauty pageant! :D
Yet another diet, lol.
My favorite Thrift Store burned down. :(
Wonderful park day with Aaliyah.
Patty Duke dies. :( At least she's in Heaven.
Walking closer with God.

April 2016
Visiting Mom's AMAZING backyard for the first time, her little piece of paradise.
Dryer broke.
Got an influx of donated groceries from friends of April's Mom.
Joining ipsy and then later regretting it the next month when I realized I got nothing useful to me from it except the bag. XD
Getting glasses.
Nostalgia Critic. Enough said. :P
Painted an avatar likeness of myself in secondlife.
Bought a new webcam! :) and ordered the 'This Fabulous Century' series.
Got into Wish.com.

May 2016
Took a rare Coldstones trip with the family. :)
Harmony turned THREE!
Computer starts breaking.
'White Rabbit' by Jefferson Airplanes becomes my favorite song.
Zackary had a military ball.
Took quite a break from a lot of social media like Blogger and Instagram all the way into around August. O.O
New wig!! :D

June 2016
Harmony came over for a wonderful weekend to remember. :)
Drake's Chuck 'E' Cheese party for his second birthday, also memorable!
Casual practice with 3D modeling.
Drawing again.

July 2016
Dad hip-hop dancing with their daughters were my favorite viral videos.
Tried actually drawing again.
Cloverfield being the most intense film I ever watched in my life. But at least Mom bought me 'Grumpy Old' Men.' :) Love Jack Lemmon and Walter Matheau.
Took my first up-close photo of a butterfly.
Attempting, but never finishing, a digital graphic novel of The Dream Doctor.
'Considering' veganism.
Newly into Panic at the Disco.
Rob fixes my computer.
Moved my bedroom to the living room.
Attempted and failed to try making loan payments.
Cracked my iPod. Still works.

August  2016
Mema starts having mental problems.
April and I get in more arguments.
Wrote a chapter to a book I never continued.
Made Booksmart up to date.
Working out more often, losing weight. Running into a cute alligator in the meantime.
Digitally painting myself.
Deleted my congested Tumblr account.
Deleted congested Twitter account: Tud0r.
Attempted signing up for AdSense.
Blog overhaul.
Made a single comic.
Editing The Dream Doctor.
The long stay over at Jen's house. O.O At least I met the sweetest cat, Binx.
Mom gets me a lava lamp. :D
Nightmare toothache.
A lot of cashing out from Secondlife to buy my own food while away.

September 2016
Marley's birthday party.
Across the Universe becomes my favorite film of all time!
Rob buys me a new domain: adailydiary.com!
Editing the Dream Doctor before it can be ready for publishing.
My allergies start flaring up. :(
Long walk to the Dollar Store for some fun shopping!
Ordered 'The Dream Doctor' and notices some problems with it after.
Found my glasses after they went missing for ages.
Adele's 'Send My Love (To Your New Lover)' becomes my favorite song.
Learning the clothesline is home to spider families. O.O
A piece of tooth broke off, leaving a jagged edge cutting up my tongue. I eventually filed it down with a nail file.
Blurb refuses to send my book (and plans to send it back) so I get a ride from the neighbor tog et it from the post office before it's too late. I then started revisions.
The size of my store gets expanded in Secondlife. :D
Rob buys me the Sims 3!!!
I watch a lot of Third Rock from the Sun, Sims, and Across the Universe.
My computer starts messing up again.
Getting muted in a certain Secondlife group and then struggling to be forgiven and get back in.
I learn JRM and Mara marry, yay! :D
Hulu gets rid of Supernatural. :/
After a Windows 10 Update, my graphics card kicks the bucket and my computer stops acknowledging my monitor.
Computer comes back next day.

October 2016
Moved bed back to my bedroom and spend a long time leaving a livestream of space up 24/7.
Moved files to April's computer, which would later prove very useful indeed.
Got into 'Stranger Things.'
Graphics card calls it quits again.
Drake and Brooklyn come and visit, and incidentally, unintentionally, get April sick, who gets Rick and her Mom sick.
More exercise.
Another little shopping spree for early Christmas gifts. :) Lost my wide angle lens for my iPod though and had to buy another.]
I took the old laptop from the top closet, which went up there for over  a year after not having a working mousepad and it worked PERFECTLY! Praise Jesus!
Had an exciting run in with my Family at Wal-Mart while they were on their way to Sea World for Aaliyah's birthday. before Mom even says hi, she reaches in her wallet and hands me twenty bucks, lol.
OkCupid fails.
Jackie is remembered on what would have been her 20th birthday. R.I.P.
Garbanzo jumps on top of my door for some reason. O.O
The famous 50L mega-shopping spree in Meli Imako's SL store.
Getting back in touch with Caleb.
Cat gives me a scare when I think I hear him peeing on the Christmas presents when really it's another cat in the litter box.
Uneventful Halloween.

November 2016
'Dumpster diving' with the kids, lol. Don't judge me. Having Aaliyah and Harmony over was a really good time.
Supporting Zackary at his JROTC competition.
Visited Cheryl and saw her son for the first time since he was little.
Vacation at Mom's beautiful backyard paradise, including getting a pedicure with her, Harmony, and Maranda.
Visiting Mema's house, then Dad's (seeing him for the first time in two years.) Did more Christmas shopping and got a personalized luggage set as an early Christmas gift and a camcorder for the bday.
Sweetest dog followed me around and I tried to find it's owner but couldn't. Hope it's okay.
Learned more about my parents back when they were together.
Also, straightened my hair for the first time in AGES!!!
Then back to Mom's again.
Got my first pair of leggings and found Across the Universe by a miracle on DVD. :)
Rebooted a new Twitter and Tumblr page.
Drawing practice.
Cats dropping dead squirrels on the porch and scaring the daylights out of me.
Found April's old Android. :D Been attached ever since.
Politics. -_-
Got back into Neopets.
Blocked Caleb....again.
More OkCupid fails.
Turning my handwriting in a font.
Heavily getting into drawing with April's tablet, wishing for my own.
Drinking more water.

December 2016
No update from Blogger.
More fitness and water drinking...for a short period.
Tablet wishing.
Planning hosting Christmas dinner for the first time, despite my skepticism that anyone would show.
Start an intolerance to bananas, as they hurt my stomach now.
Finding old negatives of Aunt Heaather and Zackary and scanning those previously lost photos.
Computer officially dies, for good. Beginning saving for a new build. -_-
Christmas dinner ends up becoming one of my fondest memories and all on tape, some of it even shot by the little ones.
However, days before, April and I got colds. For her it developed into bronchitis, then pneumonia. I am getting better though, by God's grace and mercy in Jesus name, amen! Cause God can.
Did a lot of Christmas traveling which was an opportunity for more home movies and memories.
Been continuing working on my Secondlife store while Rob had been away the past couple weeks at his girlfriend's house. Also, he got me a Supernatural coloring book .Very awesome!
Marthoning the Kardashians, trying to see every episode.
Anticipating a new year. Decided to do my year in review. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, and saves! This has been long and exhaustive. Later home nugget!

Monday, November 28, 2016

It's My Birthday!

9:10 a.m. I started out my day with a little Secondlife, which is still running, and doing something I've been wanting to do for a long while now. DESIGN A FONT IN MY HANDWRITING~! Praise Jesus, what an age to be alive!

I did it in both normal handwriting and cursive, a reputed dying art. I love it! I can't even...-sigh- Happy day and later we bake a cake from scratch with confetti sprinkles and m&m's. Gonna be a nice day, today, I tell you what. I do need something to eat though, just wanted to say this. Praise the Lord, God does above all we ask or think!

2:09 p.m. Perks of being an artist: I can see a cute picture and say, "Ohh! I want to draw that! Then whenever you draw it you own all the copyright, mwuahahah! XD

I also did this today for practice with April's tablet, but honestly I like the kitty better, which felt like it only took 20 minutes to finish. Key word: Felt!

I also used said 'cat image' to try to further convince Mom to get me this for Christmas:

If not, I have every intention of earning and/or buying it myself. ^_^ Then I wouldn't need to sneak on April's Wacom like I'm doing today. Well, not so much sneaking, I told her I'm using it. O.O Asking for forgiveness rather than permission, still though.

8:53 p.m. So today was awesome! I finished up ANOTHER painting, followed by a dinner from Rob, bacon cheeseburger with fries, and April baked me a cake.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Now I'm Home!

10:17 p.m. Praise Jesus! I'm home again! The major highlight of yesterday though was this amazing book haul I had. ALL for four dollars! :D I read the bogie one and am already started on 'To Marry An English Lord." #winterreading.

A photo posted by Victoria Anne Marie (@chelsmith18) on

I have also restarted my Tumblr tonight, after watching Rob scroll through his. If you recall, I deleted both Tumblr and twitter, chocked full of junk previously and have only recently decided to reboot them both, fresh. The fun part was trying to get my feed the way I wanted it, just for starting lol.

But anyway, I'm skipping ahead by mentioning that. SO! When I had Mom come get me this morning, she took me to Walmart and got me the cake mix and frosting I wanted for my birthday TOMORROW, as well as some Aussie hairspray and Axe-female-esque kit in a cute faux white leather bag. :D I've had a seriously good week.

This is the loot I brought home, with the personalized luggage set being an early Christmas gift and what I didn't buy myself, were birthday presents from my parents. :D Thanking God/Jesus as this is an enormous blessing, there was also the hair straightener I got for a dollar from the yard sale yesterday (and above mentioned huge can of Aussie spray.) Fabulous! :D

I ALSO, tonight, finally brought that little desk from the garage and washed it off 'in the shower' since we do not have a water hose. Seriously. BUT, it fit in my tiny space and ultimately, I am pleased. :D

Anyway, that's the MAJOR news for now. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves as always folks, good night! P.S. Pray for me, been having major heartburn lately. #notfun

A photo posted by Victoria Anne Marie (@chelsmith18) on

Friday, November 25, 2016

Post Thanksgiving

2:09 p.m. I started my morning at around 8:30 a.m. I took a long walk down to the library to see what time they opened, not until ten a.m. Then I went up and down the street trying to find that yard sale I saw yesterday.

All the while, this sweet pit bull followed me around. I went into the post office to call animal control, and they said she belonged to a nearby trailer. I insisted I didn't know the area and she pointed out a white trailer.

I can see why she thought the dog belonged there. It was a white mobile home with a big yard, fence and no tresspassing sign enclosed, and an open front door.

I called out and about six pit bulls busted through the door, barking wildly. That got their attention. But alas, the dog was not theirs but noted that despite lacking a collar, she was clean and well fed. So she belonged to SOMEONE. Dad said that was also why I shouldnt let her follow me around.

I let her follow some more and she lost me after I stopped to rest at a nearby park. A lone kid there pointed me in the direction of the yard sale. I thanked him and walked there.

I came away with an unopened girly board game for four bucks (for Aaliyah for Christmas) and a hair straightener for me for only a buck!! AND THE STRAIGHTENER WORKED!! :D Beautifully, I may add. :) Did a wonder on my mop, lol.

The rest of the day has just been TV, Netflix, snacking on my cheetos and checking the library one more time, only to find they are closed for the day. I also briefly accessed Secondlife via netbook.

Now just hanging out with Dad until we go to the bank. He's got an errand to run.

2:34 p.m. Once again, I write a meaningful post and blogger deletes it. Anna and I were sharing stories and we talked all night last night and she shared tales about my parents from back when they were married.

They divorced when I was a baby. My sister was about two. And her stories filled in a blank in my memory. I have one memory of my parents "together" and that was the night my brother was born, when I was five.

Niether of them wanted to be married but their families insisted. Dad partied too much, 18 year old Mom buckled down.

They divorced when I was a baby but he came back when DJ was born since a father wasn't in the picture. He was studying for a degree, Mom was messy, and three kids was too much noise for him. So they called it quits. He was still in our life and to this day they are friends. It does explain why I have this one memory of them together, though they were divorced.

She shared other stories, too, but that was the most significant for me.

#thanksnothanks to the Blogger App making me rewrite this story. -_-

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving!

9:18 a.m. I apologize for the lack of updates. This thanksgiving week, I have been visiting my family.

I spent a couple days at Moms. I had a bingo night with her and she gave me sixteen bucks.

We attended Zackary's JROTC event all day, the next day. I don't envy how much work they had to do. Lot's of trials and obstacle courses in the hot sun (although the morning was pretty chilly lol)

Then we visited Moms friend Cheryl and their friends...we sat around discussing death and politics. (No joke.)

Cheryl's son was there, who I had not seen since early childhood. He grew up to be such a nice (and reallllly cute, shhhhhh!) guy. Don't tell anyone I said that, it's awkward cause he's like family practically, (though there is no blood/marriage relation.)

Then the next day there was the pedicure with Mom, Maranda, and Harmony. Harmony enjoyed it, I got a lot of pictures which I will share later. AND SHE BOUGHT ME ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!!

We couldn't find it at Wal Mart and I almost gave up checking the racks of random DVDs at Big Lots, but I turned around (after telling myself, 'Don't Give Up!') and checked for one more second, and there it was!

We watched the film with pizza and wings and she swore she saw it before, but it was great. OH! And she bought me galaxy leggings!  The next morning I came to Memas, accidentally leaving them behind. Instead I accidentally took her new 'Bridesmaids' DVD, lol.

Due to car complications, I never made it to Aunt Doris's, which is okay since it's mostly strangers and me quietly eating, lol.

Ive been dying to secretly say this, "You cant watch tv with the elderly, they tell story after story without skipping a breath."

Its been fine here, lol. Even had pizza, jalepeno cheetos, and somehow, wifi, when I couldn't get it working on other devices. Watched a LOT of Catfish marathons. I've been briefly on and off SL, saving lindens to cash out for Christmas shopping, and I've been on OkCupid. Deleted and restarted my account.

Watched the latest Supernatural episode last night on the CW app. :)

Had to block Caleb on Facebook again.

It was only a matter of time. He found yesterday was a great day to try to incite a debate over my Christianity. This directly after a guy on OkCupid wanted me to justify why I'm abstinent and said it made him feel like everything he would do would be wrong. Yesterday, men just stressed me OUT! Grrrr ......

I have a bad habit of ghosting men on OkCupid, admittedly. Its only because I lose interest, as well as avoiding an argument. What small percentage of guys will take no for an answer? Why risk it?

Onto a new subject, I'm helping mema prepare food this morning to take to Dad's, (I just recently paused writing to ice and sprinkle cupcakes) where I will be staying another few days. Then Mom's until my birthday on the 28th, then home!! P.S. Have not been able to reach April or Rob for days so I have to wonder what's up? More soon. Watching the Macys Parade. :D God bless, give thanks, Jesus loves, lives, saves!

Mema had to get onto me this morning. I waited sixteen hours to eat again this morning, having last eaten at 5 p.m. last night. Two breakfast sandwiches this morning...which as it turned out I was not supposed to eat. #awkward My apologies today for that.

On a bright side, considering I'm not eating every hour and them out of house and home, I'm not fat-shaming myself over it. Thank God. Don't need that today. Past couple days have been trying to be better to my body. More water, less soda haha. There! Now I THINK I`m caught up. This being done on an Android with a little touch keyboard. O.O

11:47 a.m. All packed, ready, and watching the parade...by myself. We've not left yet for Dad's but no rush. I took a couple pictures in the meantime. ^_^

I made a connection with a nice guy on OkCupid so here's hoping that goes somewhere, right?

4:11 p.m. I'm at Dad's now, all stuffed and tired, and watching Barney Miller. I held off on the wifi until mema and papa left. I want a nap soon. O.O

Also, Dad gave me a mini camcorder for my birthday so that's awesome! He forgot to give me a cord though. :P 

He and Anna also got me a hot pink overnight bag which I love!!! It was an early Christmas present since I won't be here for that (Spending it at April's parents.) Anywho, Hot pink is my favorite color. ^.^ So I was even more excited. I want to go set up in the guest room here in a moment.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016


That moment when you look as beautiful on the outside as you feel on the inside:

#selflove #bodypositivety

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Got It Done!

8:52 p.m. I spent the entire day creating on Secondlife. I got my group gifts finished and stuff up for sale, which already started selling so I'm pleased with that. ^_^ I just tweeted about it. The new twitter account has zero followers so we may as well think of it as a mini-archive.

Apparently, I'm going to have a A LOT of traveling this Thanksgiving holiday. On the 18th I go to my Mom's, then my Aunt Doris's, then Mema's, then Dad's, then BACK to Mom's house, then home. This will be quite the Thanksgiving/Birthday week, no?

I'm kinda beat. I tweeted while blogging. Really trying to get back into twitter but I can't say I would stick with it long, as the pattern is I dive headfirst into something and use it to death for like a week and then end up leaving it alone a lot. Hey, add me @ProtagonistLex. :)

I wound up using my Games Fortune cookie I've been saving for a 5X play today on Neopets, which is celebrating it's 'own' birthday so that was a nice bonus this morning.

P.S. I've since migrated to my room as April is playing Cards Against Humanity. Not the game for someone like me, obviously. And no, that was not sarcasm.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Two Weeks Since

3:37 p.m. Latest update on the Caleb thing, I can only say it's been a peaceful reconciliation. His memories of our past relationship were a bit different than mine (He did not seem to recall just how bad things really got back then) but that is water under the bridge. I did tell him about finding that Facebook page and he was surprisingly kinda excited about it, not creeped out.

Thanksgiving plans were made and settled. I go to my Mom's on the 18th of November, in four days, and then my Dad picks me up from there. I am staying there until around the 24th and I am hoping to get some birthday time with Mom squeezed in after. All in all, I am expecting it'll be close to my birthday by the time I get home.

I've been heavily heavily hinting, or more outright begging, for a graphics card for a hirthday present this year. Anything to get me back to having Secondlife and Skyrim on my OWN computer. Speaking of which, I still have two group gifts to do for Oi Bae! within the next four days. Sounds easy, sure, but motivation is needed. Advent calendar got finished, inworld store redecorated tastefully, so I am pleased with that.

I had a wonderful weekend with my nieces as well. :D We went to the park, I taught Aaliyah to play Sims 3, and we baked homemade brownies. Oh, and Harmony wore my wig, lol.

We also, ahem, 'dumpster dived' (a term, not actually digging inside a dumpster) on this huge pile of stuff my neighbors threw out on the side of the road. Don't judge me! We got three toddler sized bikes which we washed and they worked perfectly fine, one doubled as a stroller which was convenient for the long park walk. I'm still sore from it, nonetheless lol.

Anyway, we just happen to keep getting neighbors who throw out a lot of good stuff. Computer desk (still needs hosing from the spider webs) which will fit nicely in my small bedroom. In the past, we got a couple small bookshelves and a sturdy wood-based couch both still in use.) as well as several porch chairs.

I can't believe it's been two weeks. Feels like way longer. I voted Hillary, Trump won. Wasn't my choice BUT I have to trust God has a plan so I need to not complain and accept that. :)

Rob's Mom took us. And the sheriff ran unopposed, but Rob disagreed with him so in the blank option below he wrote his own name in for sheriff! He should have told me as I would have written his name in, too. lol. And we also had a nice Mcdonalds trip. I ate one of those mega versions of a Big Mac, Grand Mac or something, and it tasted okay. I don't like the sauce and it was too much bread, other than that it was great. Very filling and calorie dense, haha.

I met Rob's new girlfriend, who was very sweet. She even made a gesture of buying us all hunting pocket knives for 'protection.' I do not think in the case of any assault, I would have the gall for murder. I shall never kill or even stab a person, obviously, even in self defense. From a more practical standpoint, it is a decent sharp object to clean my dirty fingernails with, lol. Don't tell but I already did that with April's knife. >.>

Rob and I grocery shopped yesterday after April and her stepdad had a huge argument, and though it was settled down he stood her up this morning (either intentional or not, we don't know) to take her over to her Mom's as she typically would have gone today.

It was over the incident weeks ago where I watched my brother's kids, niece and nephew, and thus April got sick and then got her Mom and stepdad sick. And after my sister's kids had left, he asked if they had been sick or if she was sick and she said no, and he advised to be careful not to bring them over when they were sick and she took it to mean 'banning them' which he says he did not mean and it just blew up into a whole big thing. Thus, he did not come because he did not want to take a chance on her being sick and bringing an illness back over, even though she claims she is not...which she isn't.

Drama much? Sorry about that. >.> Anyway!

As for the grocery shopping, we ran into the most enthusiastic sample lady I ever met. She said in a sweet southern accent, as we passed, 'Ya'll come on over here and try some of this!' It was this little pack of Italian meatballs and she had us try two different types. Whatever she's doing, it worked. We bought the little pack of meatballs, fancier brand to us than usual, for about five bucks with a coupon. :) Nice lady.

That old Android April gave me has been lost for months and conveniently, it's been on Rob's desk the ENTIRE time! Just in time for me to use Twitter. I made a new account after deactivating the other one, Tud0r, a long while back. Only my iPod is so old it can't download the app, so Android to the rescue! I have to remember to bring my busted tablet over to my Dad's for fixing when I leave as well. The charger is charging that Android phone nicely for now.

I've very blessed by God and want to thank Him right now for this and everything else. I have an iPod, Android (now found) a netbook, a tablet (that needs repairing) a desktop computer, a borrowed laptop (which miraculously works after sitting a year atop the closet), and access now and then to borrow two desktop computers from my roommates. I am VERY thankful. :D Praise Jesus, God is able!

Just think, though we've kept in touch, I've not seen my father in about two years!! I certainly don't hold it against him, not that I would ever hold anything against him. I love my Dad far too much and I live far too long away, and it was always something that got in the way of a simple visit but this is much needed. It's sad but celebratory at the same time.

I feel like that about covered the highlights of the past two weeks, aside from bad eating habits which will need to get under control sooner rather than later, admittedly. Also, Garbanzo is allowed outside now and that cat couldn't be happier...though days later I was greeted with a fresh dead squirrel outside the front door. >.>

Monday, October 31, 2016

A Long Hiatus

11:17 a.m. I haven't written in eleven days but before I break down what happened, I got a dream to tell. It was more like one of those dreams broken up into a series of little dreams one after the other.

The gist of it was that I decided, out of nowhere, that I wanted to marry Caleb. I tried to apply blue glitter liner to my eyes, then enlisted April's help with the makeup, until it got to the point where she was trying to have it the way 'she' wanted it, instead of my own way, so I lashed out at her. I ended up doing thin black liner and coming back to apologize to her.

So we are planning this super secret wedding that not even Caleb knew about, until I called him and told him that I was planning a wedding for us to take place in six hours....while he was one state over still. He seemed unusually calm about it and said he'd jump on the next flight and be there in a little over an hour.

Later, my family showed up and I explained that I needed to go shopping for a dress. Mom explained that my Dad will not be able to make it to the wedding because he was working in Mexico, but he sent his well wishes. I jumped on the back of Mom's motorcycle where I planned to pick out a cheap dress.

I originally wanted to go completely casual down the aisle, for the both of us, and then I decided to get something dressy and a nice dress for the reception. We got there, and while I passed some glittering gowns on the racks, we headed straight to the dressing room where someone handed me 90's style clothes, including overalls. I mildly complained and then the owners, the band TLC (including the late Left Eye) showed up and were making comments I cannot recall.

The next thing I remember is coming back and Caleb was there, and I gave orders to everyone to hide me as he was not to see me for the first time until I'm walking down the aisle. (In real life, we talked for five years but never met face to face.) I wore a hoodie and in a ridiculous fashion, covered up my face until we got into the house.

Then there was this creepy thin goth guys in a suit who was following after me and I remember trying to dodge him, and comparing him to being 'the thing that is Caleb's worst side was another person, it would be him.' There's also some random scene where I'm riding on a river in a motorboat and talking to myself, but idk when in the dream this was.

So cut to the bathroom scene, at the end in a red dress and applying mascara, I was talking to the camera about suddenly planning a secret wedding to be held in six hours, where no one, even the groom knew about until after planning started, with a man I had never met and had only spoken to a few times over the years. I spoke rather ironically.

Then came the moment where I started walking down the aisle with my 'son' (who was about 6-7, who I had out of nowhere) holding the train. Then we got to the end and he made a joke-able protest and I laughed and said I was glad the decision was not up to him. The dream ends about here before any words are spoken.


About the past eleven days. I've been creating and continuously buying Meli Imako's 50L full perm meshes while I still could, before the prices went up (as they have been more and more daily.) We've been grocery shopping, Netflix, hanging out with friends, and my Dad invited me to an upcoming Thanksgiving stay for a few days. I haven't really felt like blogging.

Last night, I played a app similar to pictionary with online people while April playing Risen 2, after she could get it to work anyway.

The cats have turned my little room into a hangout since I leave the windows open all the time. I do have to shoo them out from time to time in order to get some sleep.

April has been home more often, not because she's so much sick anymore, but because her Mom got sick. Wishing all the best for their health, in Jesus name, amen!

Finished the series Stranger Things again as well as Luke Cage, and really enjoying the new season of Supernatural.

I've had my share of weird dreams over the past couple weeks, most I'm glad to forget, but this is one that I really felt like writing. I'm half tempted to tell Caleb himself.

Secretly, I've contemplated the idea of retrying at a relationship, but I've since realized that little has changed since when I knew him in his early twenties. The cussing, (my biggest pet peeve) not so much on the same level with religious beliefs, the sexual interests he has that are clearly still there, (I'm not entirely convinced he's lost interest in most of the awful fetishes as well that he was into when I knew him) which is all off-putting and not worth going through a second time. O.O

I remember this, the day my name got written in the snow.

This was me at 19, in 2008, which was probably the prime time of that relationship. Psyclon Nine band proudly displayed on the myspace profile in the background.

Same profile picture on the myspace message page in the background. Pixeleted by me for privacy sake. I found myself asking why I keep this kind of stuff, if its even a little creepy, (I do keep a lot of old photos) but I think I'm just very nostalgic about that time, not for all of it, certainly, but for a time where I felt in love. I haven't been in love again since I broke things off at 21, around 7 years ago.

It was tolerable when I was a completely different, if not worse, person than I am now but it wouldn't work with my current self. Even though we were never physically associated in the five years we got to know each other, looking back that was enough to know what went on between us was NOT healthy or okay, and dangerous at times. This was just a dream, written up there, an ideal.

I would like to be wed, obviously to the right person. For someone who would very much like a husband and kids, I find commitment a bit scary and I am not emotionally stable with young children. So I got my worries, I guess, I just need to trust the Lord. Oh, and happy halloween!!! :D

This gif and the google search for it tempts me to watch Buffy again, of course I mean on Netflix. A former online friend of mine once got me the big box set for my birthday although it has gathered dust. O.O Thanks, Netflix. XD

12:03 p.m. I did the weirdest thing. We still keep in touch now and then on facebook and I went ahead and confessed where I got the photos. Hope he doesn't mind. O.O If you're wondering, it was off a seriously old myspace profile. P.S. Hope you're not judging me. Admittedly, though I still wouldn't pursue a relationship, the things that happened back then leave me deeply connected to that part of the past and some of the pictures leave a fine impression.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

My Sleep Schedule Is Gone.

5:39 a.m. Instead of going to bed at a decent hour and waking up in the morning, like a normal person, I have picked up a habit of just taking naps throughout the day and night in between working on Secondlife stuff when I could.

Like today, I got ALOT of new releases done because April has started feeling better and going back to her Mom's again.

Still kinda going through the motions, not a lot of new events to share. Yesterday, Garbanzo decided to jump on top of my door for some reason. O.O this is just a picture but if I remember, I'll try to post the video version as well, lol.

Sorry for the low resolution. I had to brighten the photo just for decent visability. This took me by surprise as he's never done this before and didn't do it again...yet.

The cats have taken a liking to my room, mainly because it barely gets air back there and thus, I have to leave the window open and they plop a seat throughout the day in the fresh air. :)

I quite like the air myself, to be honest. Still running that loop of the space satellite, too. :)

Speaking of the earlier thing, I'm planning on eating and then getting some more sleep soon. It's hard to keep track of when I sleep and eat anymore. We can always hope that will change. right? God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves!! :D SERIOUSLY need a computer break, yo. O.O

11:30 a.m. So much for that plan! I got my stuff uploaded to secondlife and just completed a long project for the advent calendar. I should sleep, but I seem to be resistant... P.S. The newest SPN episode should on tomorrow on the CW site. Can't wait! :D

Monday, October 17, 2016

The Latest Stuff!

8:56 a.m. The 'nice' guys seemed uninterested or revealed their true, often perverse, intentions. Where are all the sane men in the world who don't treat women like the meat they think they are entitled to a piece of? O.o And they wonder why women complain....in short, once again I disabled OkCupid.

I've just been going through the motions this week. Heavy sleeping or Secondlife, playing the livestream of a satellite view of Earth in my room 24/7. April is still here and sick...still. Poor dear. They have been kind enough to let me borrow their computers but I don't use it much lately for something as heavy as creating.

HOWEVER, yesterday Rob paid me 2K lindens to wash dishes and I went on a heavy-duty ultra fun shopping spree. I'm getting close to a few conclusions.

1. Once again, I need to stop buying new mesh so much until I've run through the ones I already have.
2. Go back to NOT gaining weight, because over a month after quitting, it shows and the confidence slips day by day.
3. Read more of my Bible.

I DID finally catch the Supernatural premiere...after days of wondering why it wasn't aired on Hulu yet. Turns out they lost rights to air it, permanently, so now I must catch my show on the CW with commercials once a week. It was an intense first episode.

For funzies, I've recently restarted the series on Netflix for the umpteenth time. :D

Oh! Also when April and I went grocery shopping, we ran into my family. April pointed out these people that 'looked' like them and we paused at first before we realized. I called after tham and Aaliyah heard me. They were leaving our Wal-Mart. (They aren't usually shopping at one out this far) and before I could really say hi, Mom reaches in her wallet and hands me a 20, lol. We really needed it anyway as since April has been out of commission, we were lower on grocery money. They were on their way to Sea World for Aaliyah's birthday..the whole gang was there except for Jen.

We said hellos and goodbyes. April also had a doctor's appointment which we got to. Other than that, not much else to report. Just eating pizza and chilling out.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Um...Single Much?

7:51 a.m. Yesterday is easily summed up. I took my laundry off the line around 3 p.m., folded it, watched Across the Universe, went to bed and stayed asleep until Midnight. I got up and made pasta, then brownies and have been chilling out ever since.

Now, in regards to the post titles, I think my brain has been sending me relationship signals. In the sense that, it was pretty much what I was dreaming about.

I'm getting butterflies in my stomach just writing about it but a couple of them somehow involved Brenden Urie, probably because I can't get that goofy adorable youtube video of him out of my head. XD

I'm not in love with him or something but he's adorable. In one of the dreams, he looked like Jude from Across the Universe, which makes me think really, subconsciously, it's the whole swoon and charm of a male singer, haha!!!

Anyway, all of them fuzzy feelings have been pushing that I would experience a special kind of happiness if I could just find a partner. If I could find one that didn't offend me somehow within the first few weeks, that'd be great.

Dating sites are not promising. Almost every guy I talked to last time goes down a long list of 'standard' questions, a lot of which are answered RIGHT there on my profile to begin with, and there is no REAL conversation. It all just kinda drags along like an interview where both parties are clearly bored until they stop talking. Then usually if there is a connection, they have to go kill the mood with profanity (nails on a chalkboard) or something of a sexual/violent/offensive nature that they like the joke about. Buzzkills, man.

I don't know. I LOVE the freedom that comes with being single, not having to obligate myself to upkeeping a social life on a near daily basis, but then there are those days where someday you just want someone to roll over, smile, and cuddle in bed with for hours on end. (in my case, after marriage of course.) It's all pretty conflicting. :/ I'm gonna go with something extra and say I'm not looking for a charming or romantic man, just someone normal and chill who manages not to offend me.

Christianity is the biggest bonus, obviously, but not so far as to come off judgemental...which can be surprisingly tough to find.

Like I know I'm not a perfect Christian, but if I got issues, can't I just work that out between God and I? XD I don't know. Christianity is complicated sometimes, I don't understand it all, not that I have to in order to be apart of it contrary to others' opinions, but I wouldn't leave it for anything. Now we're just kinda sailing off the original topic.

Thus, in short, single and ready to mingle...as long as you aren't boring, offensive, and can work with me on this hermit thing. Thanks. ;)

8:39 p.m. It's eight-thirty ish at night and I just woke up. After a few hours on OkCupid, I crashed and slept the entire day away...on purpose. It's better than boredom binge eating, lemme tell ya. I had more dreams, of course, involving being in a relationship and some other involving pirates. Don't ask. XD

Every time I woke up after a few hours, I ate a small brownie, took a swig of Crystal Light, used the restroom (not always in that order) and dived back into bed. That has pretty much been my diet for the vast majority of today. We are low on groceries. I wanted something quick and calorie satisfactory between sleep, so yeah. Life is what it is.

As for my experience on OkCupid. One guy was fine until he managed to offend me (brought up something sexual) and then proceeded to call me a pet name -shudder-.

For those who don't know, giving me a pet name is among my largest turn-offs. It's creepily clingy in the sense that I feel like when a guy is saying it, he thinks he's hit it off with me so he can label me with it. 99.9999999 percent of the time, it couldn't be further from the truth.

Pet names feel like a label, a flirtation reducing me to being an object or idea rather than a person, or even implying ownership, and are somewhat degrading towards me as a woman as innocent meaning/sounding as they are, so I outright do not like them.

They make me squirm, cringe, and difficult as it makes me sound they are nearly a deal breaker. See why I'm difficult to date? It's tough in a world that embraces them as the norm and acceptance, when I have not.

Another had me carrying all the weight trying to get an ACTUAL conversation going, it was mostly quiet, and I would REALLY try to get details out but he was very generalized (no real details to pluck out and work into conversation) and had one-worded answers with smilies. -_-

Another dude messaged me. He seemed nice and I would talk to him again. He seemed a little bored and was kinda going through the motions in conversation BUT he didn't manage to offend me. XD So there's a bonus, right?

9:20 p.m. So that last guy got sexually explicit. Bummer. Two men on there brought up sex in a message and I'm just wondering what is WRONG with the world! It'd be sexist to say all guys want to talk sexual stuff, so it's natural, but the reality is its in the vast majority. Where can I find a decent guy, please?

Offending me like that drops chances of a date to very low level. Like in my mind, I'm gonna know that this is a place your mind is gonna go to and I'm just not compatible with that. It could lead to an influence I don't want and I know what comes of that from years of self-destruction that resulted from it before.

11:06 p.m. So, I guess spamming is a thing on OkCupid now. I got some message from someone telling me to check out this 'better' dating site, followed by a phone number.

I'm also not interested in men in, or near, their fourties at this time. I'm not even thirty yet for a couple years so dating someone that much older feels closer to my parents age, or the age of their friends, than my own. Ick. -shudder again- I have no luck here, do I?

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Finally Making Progress!!

12:40 p.m. Both April and Rob were generous enough to lend me their computers recently so I could complete the four group gifts I finished yesterday!! On top of that, I've started my freebie group and can't wait to get new members. I also downloaded GIMP, after a fresh reinstall of Firestorm finally let me log in, and I got to work on a new clothing item on the laptop...where I am not worried about taking up someone else's computer with hours of work.

I started out making my Secondlife creations on the this big old laptop and I found that encouraging enough to give it another go, like old times, and it seems to be working out so far. I just finished one of the last four outfits I wanted to complete to minimally finish my 'Mama Bae!' Maternity line for Secondlife. I still have to make hangers and an ad for this one but no biggie, right? :) We'll see if the laptop can stand PACKING them first. O.O That is often the most stressful part, believe it or not.

In other news, I'm expecting BOTH Aaliyah and Harmony on Sunday (Today is Wednesday) and can't wait to give her the play-doh gifts. Like I predicted, my sister was not thrilled I got her daughter play-doh but she simply said not to do it in the future so it wasn't any argument or anything.

I slept well this morning because last night I think I actually went to bed at a decent hour, so that's positive news. :) I hadn't felt so energized since I tried to go vegan. Definitely no longer vegan, or even vegetarian, mind you. In fact, we will have to start dividing up the Tyson chicken meals, and the like, evenly because they keep getting eaten before another person in the house has a chance to get them. At least it's a compromise.

Today, I cleaned the bathroom a little and got my laundry going. I need to go hang it on the line here in a moment. Then when my laundry finishes, I can shower, dry with a clean towel, and wear fresh clean clothes. :D Jesus rejoices. That's all for now. O.O God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Take care, home nuggets. I'm out.

1:34 p.m. SL stuff is promoted and I just hung my laundry to dry. I always have to be really careful because spiders have invaded the clothing line, nesting inside the clothespins which have rotted in the sun. O.O P.S. Suddenly feeling sleepy.

8:30 p.m. I took a much needed nap until nearly 6 p.m. Slept straight through. Rain happened though, so my clothes are not dry and must wait until a hot tomorrow afternoon to come off the line.

In the meantime, I fed the cats, finishing off Season 11 of Supernatural on Netflix and made another maternity gown for the Mama Bae! line. Two down tonight, two more before I've reached my goal. :D I honestly think that the second one turned out better than the first. :) Super pretty!

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

SL Inhibited Ambitions

4:35 a.m. AGHH!! -shakes fist in a non aggressive manner- There seems to be a trickle down effect from a single innocuous decision. That day where I moved my computer to the floor to save it from getting knocked over by the cats, and thus put the nail in my graphic card's coffin, led to me trying and failing to get SL to work on the laptops. I get to borrow April's computer to do so SL things, and that works for a while, until I take on a babysitting job that made her sick. This also means less grocery money from her this week because she can't earn it.

My head fills with all sorts of ideas, then I get excited to wait until I can borrow her computer the next day (mind you every VERY literal waking hour, not exaggerating, she is on her computer when she is here)....but thus I am unable to do it. I took on a babysitting job that unintentionally made her sick yesterday, and today, so I am squirming with a little impatience and anticipation.

Current secondlife goals:

1. Complete my maternity line. Still have four more outfit to complete my MINIMUM goal.
2. FOUR group gifts that have to be done by the end of October.
3. All the work that goes into a freebie group. Uploading the signs, recruiting, making the group gift for it (see number 2) and promotions.
4. I had an idea to FILL my store with free gifts, one for an example of my work for the styles I offer beneath the vendors. I still need to count how many. Not only that, but it's a wonderful hard working business promotion opportunity. WORD. OF. MOUTH. It'll bring in new customers.
5. Not to mention keeping up with major sales only happening Inworld.
6. Finish the last nine Advent calendar gifts.

And all of the delays to get on with what I need to do was because I unintentionally ruined my graphics card.

Netflix and sleep....God be with me...it is. -_-

Mind you, she is not aware of any of this. I'm not going to go up to her desk and be like, "Hey, you said I can borrow your computer, and I think I'm entitled to do it whenever I want even if you're on it right now." I mean she said I need to mention these things, but that's what I think I will sound like if I ask to borrow it while she's here. So let's not blame her, either. I just need to have patience. O.O Lest I really have to close my inworld store because the upkeep I want to do is no longer possible.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Physical Excertions.

8:14 p.m. I don't recall much about what happened on the seventh, except babysitting that night and the entire next day and night following.

Most of it was fine. Some more than I could handle. Over 24 hours with no proper sleep. Made 35 bucks, 15 for groceries fund.

I went shopping today and then slept like five hours. Physically exhausted still. More on that when my iPod is not dying.

8:24 a.m. Let me try that AGAIN. I'm on my netbook now. I hadn't slept very well on Thursday, I must not have, because I was too tired to go grocery shopping with April and Rob Friday morning. Not only that, it was raining and there was only room enough in the cab for two, so I opted out.

Then, I slept so deeply that by the time they got back, it felt like they had only been gone five minutes. The day went relatively normal, then DJ called for a babysitter. With my foot down, I absolutely refused to go over there as I don't like that trailer. Love my family, just not the living conditions of where they live.

So April suggested Brooklyn and Drake, she is one and he is two, be brought over here to spend the night and they were SUPPOSED to get picked up the afternoon after. When they got here, there were a couple hours of light playing and putting them to bed.April had to help with that. They went to sleep at 11:30 p.m. ish. O.O

The next morning, 4 a.m., after being unable to physically fully sleep because my body refused to let me REM as long as children were in my care to physically worry about, Brooklyn woke up and I attended to her for several hours until she fell asleep again.

Then DRAKE woke up shortly after and I tended to him, with a little bit of April's help. There were a lot of cycles of one being asleep when the other was not, or the brief time they both were, but mostly times where they were both awake and had needs to tend to.

Then April fell asleep and I was left, on no real sleep, babysitting two babies on my own until around 8 'frigging p.m.' at night!! Some delay happened apparently and they didn't get there until that time.

In the course of it, I think I lost all my sanity for about two different durations, kind of like a roller coaster of emotions. I had nausea, a slight headache, NO sleep in around a 24 hour period, internally ripping my hair out, (when April woke up I lashed out at her, again after having no patience left) and there were periods where no matter what I did, I couldn't get Brooklyn to stop crying. [Turned out she was teething] I'm on my period, to boot. All emotions amplified when TWO babies are crying at once in my state. -_-

I calmed down at the end of the night after April helped me (this was also after I lashed out at her) and then TALKED, calmly, about my feelings and actions. I told her I was thinking of cancelling my post-birthday weekend with Aaliyah but she said that may not be needed. She says the younger kids are, the less I'm able to handle myself emotionally, which is true. Aaliyah is old enough to be less of a stress on me.

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Mind you, me acting like I've completely lost my mind in a single night, did not lead to a backlash on the kids.

On the contrary, Drake was actually very well behaved and listened to what he was told and Brooklyn, aside from periods where I couldn't fix her crying, was not so bad herself. It's not like I screamed at either of them or, God forbid, hurt them. I'm not a monster. (aside from my growling to myself occasionally, lol.)

Like I told myself, they are not responsible for my emotions, it's all me. I still tried to do my duties and saw to their care. Mostly all this nonsense due to was the physical wear on my body exacerbating what was inherently stressful to begin with. And the fact that my brother said it was only until the afternoon, not for the whole day and night.

But alas thank the Lord Jesus, it ended when they FINALLY showed and I got my sleep.

The next morning, I was feeling better and took a long walk up to the dollar tree for my early early Christmas shopping. Walking up there was not as hard as it usually is, then I got Mcdonalds breakfast for me and the roomies, and stopped in Church on the way before getting a ride home with a nice old man.

I came home and April helped wrap my presents and then I passed out for over five hours. I woke up, ate some food and watched Supernatural, and already I'm back to being sleepy and having no patience for typos in this blog post. Ridiculously, no patience. Oh, AND I got Aaliyah a belated 9th birthday gift. Play doh.

Jen might not be happy with that gift choice. There are close family members who have an aversion to children having play-doh in the house...all else fails, she can keep it here for here.

That is not the toy I would get the most flack for. You see, I got Drake's Christmas present as well, (just a first in what more could follow in the coming months should I acquire the funds) a HARMONICA. Yup!!! I bought his two year old a harmonica and I can't wait to have a huge grin on my face when his parents give me that look.

Here's the shopping haul (gifts are wrapped, so no pictures, sorry)
Aaliyah: Lisa Frank coloring book and pony stickers.
Harmony: Egg-shaped sidewalk chalk, six pack.
Drake: Harmonica. -grin-
Brooklyn: Plush pink princess wand with a bendable handle.
April: Mini hacksaw (she loves tools) and two white candles (she loves those too.)
Rob: Cookbook of chocolate recipes (he LOVES kitchen stuff and baking) and some gothic coasters that say 'Poison' on them and have skulls. Because Halloween has all the good stuff at the Dollar Tree.

I also lost the wide angle lens add-on for my iPod on the way so I simply bought another one. I bought a gothic-ish decorative kitchen sign.

This was the last photo taken before I lost the lens, lol.

Three sausage mcmuffins (one for each of us) plus a hash brown for April. She later told me she couldn't get past the mcmuffin breading but it was otherwise great.

ALL OF THIS FOR LESS THAN TWENTY DOLLARS!! :D I'll call that a good haul any day of the week.

I'd share pictures of the landscapes from my walk, the ones taken with that lens before I LOST it, [EDIT: added after the post was finished] but they are on my iPod which is busy charging right now. So yeah, that goes more in depth, I'd say. :) Jesus rejoices. I still hear those words in my heart from time to time so I just needed to write it. ^^

Thursday, October 6, 2016

What Is Life? XD

11:52 p.m. Kind of a late post but just sharing what the past two days have been like. First of all. I've got SIX clothing items done for the Mama Bae! brand, in five colors each. That's thirty new clothing items in two days and I am really broke on SL, lol.

Finally released a Facebook freebie for the store and added some lucky chairs, as well as a sit and win. If you get SL. you get what I mean.

As for the real world, Sims DOES work on my computer, praise Jesus!  And...I'm on April's pretty much the whole time she's at her Mom's....like she is right now. The weekend crept up on us and yeah...it is what it is.

Aaliyah's birthday is coming up. I've been trying for weeks to get her to have a weekend over but Jen always has other plans for her, and I'm sure her birthday weekend will be no exception. I really want to teach her to play Sims, lol. I think she'd REALLY like it, you know?

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Wake Up Call.

4:53 p.m. So I literally just slept in the entire day, quite purposefully. I enjoyed the dream world, what can I say? It was more interesting. I got out of bed around five minutes ago. I went to use the bathroom and the moment I flicked off the light, the power went OUT!! This is Florida, so even a light drizzle like it is now can kick power, but I can't help but wonder if I accidentally did it in my first minutes of waking up.

It also meant I couldn't eat a hot meal for breakfast so I sat outside for some air and ate a protien bar. Garbanzo tried to sneak out past me but the porch door was closed off. I stuck him right back in the house, having none of his nonsense.

So the power is still out and I'm just typing this on my netbook because it needed to be let out. I had weird dreams, being on an island with two U.S. presidents (one was G.W. Bush for sure), and a couple dolphins (one a protective mama who like to nip people) and I remember trying to write about it while on the beach. I was elated, because I actually thought this scenario was REAL!   

Another was me preaching about the ease of Christianity and it's mercy from God, passionately, while outside where my family (including my Mom) and some stranger were. Then followed several celebrity parties, including the actor who played Harry on Third Rock From The Sun.

I'm certain there were more but these dreams but all I could remember were in the later part of my sleep duration. Ironically, I also just woke as my two roommates were going to sleep so while they pass out, I'm going to be wide awake. O.O WHAT an interesting morning.

Oh, and April's schedule changed! She is only going to be here on Wednesdays and weekends. The former schedule was just her being here Tuesdays and Thursdays. She stayed home today because she had a migraine. This also means I THOUGHT I would be on Secondlife tomorrow but it turns out not. Ah well. I will have time in the meantime to earn a little linden from sales and finally get back into creating...while I wait for the mega sales to release during the Full Perm Fair on SL. :D It's what I've been saving my store credit up for with Mesh Agency. Woot!!!

Life is strange, yo. I also went to bed around 6 a.m. ish this morning. I've nearly finished the first season of Stranger Things. Its still like a cross between Stand By Me and Super 8. There's also this character who looks like a perfect blend of David Bowie and Norman Reedus, so much so I thought I had seen him in other stuff before but according to the filmography on IMDB, I actually have not. XD

This is appearing to be a lengthy entry to start the day but that is due to the power being out, which means no internet. It's timing is also terrible as it is going to be evening soon and-----the power just clicked back on. Surprisingly, so is my desktop with the screen normally being an issue. So, that outage only lasted like 16 minutes but went kinda fast, wow.

5:13 p.m. Update. April IS going Wednesday because she was supposed to go today and did not. She is also refusing to sleep from now until tomorrow because she...said she will just sleep and wake at midnight then be too tired for her Mama's. Strange logic. Nonetheless, the power is back.

5:22 p.m. So Banzo just tried to escape again when Rob reacted to all the smoke from the fire pit creeping up the porch. Everything seems to be fine though. I'm just chilling out with April, at the moment.

6:15 p.m. Surfed all the little social network things, including Pinterest and even Neopets, where I'm waiting to turn my pet Magma. That'll be in like, an hour. You just never expect these kind of days, huh? April is Minecrafting, and I, and being my quiet boring self. P.S. This past week, I've given up on Adsense accepting me. Oh well.

10:28 p.m. Been on a 3rd Rock From The Sun marathon and been chatting up some online friends. 

It took a reinstall to run Firestorm for the moment, on the lowest graphics, so..that's all there is to talk about. In a little bit of a snacking mood. 

1:19 a.m. Rob made tacos and I just finished Stranger Things. I was SO into it in the last couple episodes, cringing and whining and begging at the tv. Good stuff. Just chilling now. :) See you next entry? Unless something interesting happens.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Everything's Fine and Dandy!~

5:26 p.m. Today, I managed to get my files moved to April's computer, and installed on her side. I played Sims for the first time since my graphics card quit last week AND ran Secondlife VERY smoothly. Although, I did spend a lot of lindens. OOPS. I get really into shopping for full perm stuff and LATELY, I've been thinking of starting a new maternity line.

I cannot advertise it or set it up at my mainstore because, adult sim, but I have other options. Other rental possibilities, ya know? We'll see. For now I went broke trying to up my store credit for Mesh Agency (pardon the SL nerd talk if you don't know what that means.)

April is home now so she will have her computer until she heads to her Mom's again, possibly on Wednesday. Until then, I bide my time.

8:23 p.m. Chatted up a friend on Skype. Not much else of note this evening besides me eating hot dogs and elbow macaroni while watching Netflix's 'Stranger Things.' I was curious about starting the show before (having no idea what it was about, just knowing it showed up as recommended after every 3rd Rock From The Sun episode.) and it happens to be one both April and Rob watch so I watched the first couple episodes with them last night...now continuing the season on my own.

I can do without the sexual content aspect, but other than that its an enjoyable show so far. Kinda seems a mix between the films 'Stand By Me' and 'Super 8.' Actually, that perfectly describes it!!

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Dreams and Boredom

2:38 p.m. I slept in until near two, ate, and still feel drowsy...with a side of bored.

I went to sleep sometime around 4 a.m. So it is safe to assume that my sleep schedule is thrown off.

I had one weird dream where I was giving my family a RL tour of my Secondlife store and how there were parts dedicated to my little cousin Malania. There was even a little brunette doll meant to represent her (even though the girl is blonde) and she got excited.

Next thing I remember is the store turning into a cluttered mess from over-exploration.

In some other dream, my sister handed me a tablet where she was planning my entire life, including my Secondlife schedule, and I had a breakdown at her about it, citing that I'm not wanting to be on Secondlife everyday if I don't feel like it. Then we just argued. It reminds me of my issues with authority. One of my weaknesses, unfortunately.

Another part involved these new McDonalds toys to be given away as part of a job. One was a short and fat 'dual wall tumbler' of sorts, like a cup fitting inside a thick insulated tumbler.

Another was a medium plastic cup with a foil lid (a small part broken in) and a plastic sippy cup lid that went over it.

Some dream involving Harry Solomon, about him having a baby. (in relation to an RL episode I watched late last night)

And another MAY have involved Sarah Michelle Gellar. Idk I saw her picture (speaking of real life now) and had the impression I had, just not a full memory.

The other day I dreamt I was on a porch and saw my loved ones that passed. The first person I requested to see was my late step-sister Jackie (2015), who passed at 19 years old. I got a big hug from her.

Then there was Grandma (2009) and Joe. (1999)

Although, I think my memory of Joe's image may have been distorted by time. There are very few pictures of him existing and the ones that do exist were from the mid-80's. I was very close to him when he passed, when I was 11 years old, and it was the first time I had to deal with death. I took it hard and cried for months.

He was still old (passed at 72) but thinner than I remember him in life. At least he smiled. :)

My Papa (Grandpa on my Dad's side, still living, praise God, though paralyzed on one side of his body) was also there and with barely the help of a walker, I think, he was walking! I remember cheering.

The rest of the dream was kind of a blur but it was worth remembering. I think they only showed up in the dream because while I was still dreaming, I prayed for it. So thus it was. :)

Today I'm just quietly chilling with Rob. April is doing that thing with the group that I, nor she, feels okay with me participating in. That is all for now.

God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves! Bye folks! More soon!!

9:12 p.m. Today was a lazy day, Third Rock From The Sun marathon, and then more sleep. I haven't been drinking enough water so that explains the drowsiness. However, I got up and made dinner (Alfredo pasta with bacon, hamburger, and corn) and cleaned a bit. Dishes still need washing but I am so chill right now. :)

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Looking Up!

11:25 a.m. It's that wonderful day I was waiting on when things looked up again. April is willing to share her computer with me, for one thing.

She said she's gone most of the week anyway.

Also, I've started getting sales back on Secondlife, as well as praying more.

Then, of course, Im also still happy about that group kerfuffle being finally resolved.

I managed to get at least ONE of the three group gifts released before SL quit working with my XP netbook.

My next wish is to be able to get my computer going long enough to back up my precious files. O.O That would mean a lot to me, especially my much-needed PSDs for mesh templates. God willing. It doesn't look like its happening so far but we can hope for a positive outcome...

We are also supposed to go much-needed grocery shopping. I was gonna stay home to do SL stuff but I may have to go because Rob is sleeping.

11:49 p.m. Over twelve hours later. That moment after a week of crashing and burning, everything comes up sweet sweet roses. Pah-raise JESUS! :D Totally. Seriously. Definitely.

First of all, after fifteen minutes of fiddling randomly, the computer screen CAME ON!! Thus, I could start backing things up like crazy...except we were also rushing to leave. So all that had to be handled after we got back from grocery shopping.

Many hours were spent transferring the files from three flash drives (16 GB, 8GB, and 1GB while my other 8GB was missing!!) to an entire backup folder which was made on my netbook. Then followed hours of organizing and deleting of files because for months I was lazy and stuck files in folders that weren't very specific to them.

I noticed towards the end that on both of my computers, I had now completely erased my selfies from 2013. Not replaceable, unless there are some in my physical photo album, I don't remember, but hours were spent on recovery programs which did not find it to any avail.

A small break included hanging out with April and Rob and laughing at Youtube videos.

My last resort was seeking a laptop I knew I had some backup files on, which had been sitting atop the hall closet gathering dust for over a year. There was no guarantee it would even turn on. It wound up there in the first place because the mouse had stopped working. BUT I gave it a try. At first, it was completely dead. So I scuffled for the plug in the closet, which I found. To my elation, it worked! I could type and use a mouse and it felt wonderful!

The bad news is that missing folder was not on here with the old backup stuff (which I also no longer needed and deleted just now) and is thus considered forever lost. XD

However, I am typing this entry on said computer this very moment.

Also, unlike my netbook and desktop,  Secondlife stands a chance of running to some low degree on here. Not perfect, by any means, but maybe just enough for basic needs. Typing this entry is lagging so that is discouraging but we won't know. Also, the cord is acting more as a lifeline (staying at 0% instead of raising the charge) I have to beg the question if this is the right cord, or if over a year of neglect has caused this. Again, God only knows. :) Still thrilled! :D

12:56 a.m. Cleaned up the computer and doing a routine antivirus check. Also just chilling out and watching 3rd Rock From The Sun. Haven't tested out Secondlife on this recently restored laptop yet but looking forward to it. Just in a little bit of a snacking mood. O.O

1:54 a.m. So I was able to release the group gifts, so I'm happy about that! The bad news is I look like a ball of light so that may make creating out of the question. However, since April will be letting me share her computer, I can go on doing it...just when shes not here and on it, lol.

Friday, September 30, 2016

End of one issue, So begins another

5:24 p.m. This morning, through a forced Windows 10 update (before which I was trying NOT to have my computer shut down while on its last legs), my graphics card has officially kicked the bucket and is putting up with me no more! :(

Basically, it refuses to acknowledge my monitor exists. My monitor plugs just fine into the tower, but when in the graphics card it's a black screen even though the computer is on.

Without that graphics card, I cannot play either Secondlife, or the recently acquired Sims 3, and the computer is dramatically slowed with the monitor plugged in the tower. Secondlife will not even start. So!!

I can forget creating with it. My option for SL is my low powered XP Netbook or to resort back to using April or Robs computer to create with, God willing.

Either way, the graphics card is a lost cause and my computer independence is at best, "kabloom!!!"

On a positive note, that SL group fiasco is fully and officially resolved. I have chat rights again and can put this behind me, as well as guilty pits in my stomach. I expected they would forget about me but I was pleasantly surprised to find otherwise. :) Shows how much I know.

Although, said group tends to involve teleporting to graphic-heavy places, which I can no longer do with either the graphics-deficient computer or my netbook. Great news about the group, but the computer issue is the worst possible timing for it.

I have group gifts I was supposed to release in the morning. Now I don't know if I'll be able to do that. :(

On another plus side, my sales have been slowly coming back this weekend. If I'm smart, given what would be a delay in making new releases, Ill save what I can this time.

So here's today's good and bad news. Praise God Jesus anyway. Take care!! 

P.S. During my nap, Garbazo slept on my side...then a little on my legs. Him randomly plopping on my empty lap just now reminded me of that just now.

Edit: Computer remained useless throughout the day. The day otherwise went normally. The toast of the night was Rob's friends coming over. We snacked and watched Tarzan.

Also, I fell asleep on the couch and when I got up to move to Aprils room, I slightly jumped to finding her there, sitting at the computer, having not noticed she had come home. O.O she had a giggle.

I went to sleep in my own bed for what was probably the first time this week since it was sprayed because of an ant infestation. Yeah, that was a thing.

Read the next post to see the continuation. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves homies!!

Thursday, September 29, 2016

I Slept The Sadness Away

4:11 p.m. See the time? I literally JUST woke up. I slept away the dark cloud and pit in my stomach with lots of strange and forgotten dreams. Now I feel...content. :)

10:51 p.m. Well I wrote a meaningful post and blogger deleted it.

1. JRM and Mara are secretly wed and had a baby, congrats. Sue me, Im a fan. Happy for them!!! 
2. Secondlife leaves a pit in my stomach. Maybe it was the group drama in limbo until Im unmuted, or a lack of sales. I don't know. 

I just get a pit in my gut since I last logged out when I think about logging on again.

Could this be close to the end of my time on Secondlife? Hard to leave a big store and great friends behind. That's still holding me there.
3. I need to work on my relationship with God. I think my Spiritual life has been lackluster. What He thinks about that is...is what it is. He is with me.

This was all more in depth but line I said, deleted. Oi. Hopefully I'll feel better soon•  Perhaps depression hit and I'm in denial about it.

11:38 p.m. Supernatural finished on Netflix. It's no longer on Hulu so I will have to wait until Season 11 hits Netflix next month. Then again, Season 12 STARTS next month on Hulu!!

In the meantime, watching The Goldbergs on Hulu.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Today Was Not Great

10:22 a.m. My afternoon started with my chat getting muted in a group I shall not name, for modesty sake, over what I thought was a typo...but was told it was a comment I made. I was not told what comment, just a comment.

Fast-forward eating, Netflix, ranting to all who would listen, and hanging out with Rob...all with a lingering dark cloud on my chest...and then I petitioned enough to get forgiven and POSSIBLY allowed to have chat rights again on Friday..or later if they don't end up remembering. I just hope its at some point and permanent. For a while I'll be a lot quieter in said group, I believe, from now on.

This brings me to another thing. Letting something as small and meaningless as this ruin my whole day. I DO feel better that I apologized and was forgiven (I can't stand offending people, I'm one of THOSE people.)

I didn't even feel like creating although a highlight of my day was talking to my friend Anara on there, who cheered me up. Way up.

Another one of my friends Alexandra advised me to next time turn my attention to something positive, not negative. It seems obvious but I wasn't very good about it.

I didn't turn to God about it, like I should have either. Instead just tried to fill the void with other things. Didn't work out so well, obviously. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

SPEAKING of better news, I finished my Ninja before bed this morning! Praise Jesus!

What should have taken longer, I crammed into nearly three days but it finished! THAT is the point! :D Totally worth it. 

See that? Smiley face.

12:23 a.m. Two hours flew by. U had a shower, glossed over Netflix, and ate a delicious meal Rob prepared.

Pasta with Alfredo sauce, bacon, hamburger, and corn!!!

April woke up frustrated at her own computer issues which went away after a restart.

I'm hanging out quietly in here room, although Im getting the impression she's more or less obligating herself to let me...considering I haven't been able to the past few days.

I'll put it this way. She does a thing with a certain group of people over Skype, and often Rob. This thing is against my belief system and she is not comfortable with me being around while she does it.

There were quite a few fights over it in the past. It is a tired argument. So I keep my distance from it and say nothing anymore (God forgive me) and I feel if she was ever giving it up, it had to be of her own free will. So yeah..a thing.


1:44 a.m. I think the real reason I got worry clinging is possible repercussions of telling certain people about this. >.> That's the weight I can't shake off my chest. This is nothing. Only a game. Not a big thing at all. It shouldnt be.

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