A Daily Diary: October 2015


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Another Brief Post.

12:20 p.m. No breaking news about yesterday. I dreamt HEAVILY of JRM and Mara Lane, multiple times, though its a blur by now. Sewed a Barbie shirt and skirt, watched a lot of Burn Notice, and April came home earlier than usual so we hung out a bit.

So far today, I've eaten, slept (and had some dream of John Stamos which is a blur now), and watched Youtube and Secondlife. Nothing much of note. Having a marathon of Youtube user 'Thoughty2' which are fun fact/history videos. Drinking more water. Still wondering what I want to do with my life, the usual. Munching candy. Just wanted to update. The day is still kinda early.

3:45 p.m. Did the marathon thing and now hanging out with April. who came home early, and she is playing Spore.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Home Life. Brief Post.

12:01 p.m. Watching Supernatural...catching up on the first few episodes. Since last night, I finally started making some Barbie clothes for a Barbie I bought on my little shopping spree yesterday and that has been going wonderful.

 Routine is back to usual otherwise. I need to, while I have the internet back, also upload all those videos and pictures I took while over there on Instagram already. XD In short, I've been the happiest all week since I've been home and gotten plenty of rest. I just REALLY needed to update. lol.

EDIT: Nothing out of the unusual happened. I went to bed sometime around 9-10 p.m. I think. Played online, hung out with friends, etc. I did leave pasta out too long when I couldn't find tubberware, much to Rob's chagrine. We forgave, solved it, and moved on. Oh, and we watched Grandfathered and Brooklyn Nine Nine last night so that was fun.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Coming Home! Yay!

5:28 a.m. This is it!!! Today is supposed to be the day. I'm praying I don't get let down. i.e. being told that I can't go because the kids wont fit so I must stay and babysit all day and wait then. Granted, I am awake before everyone else but still excited. The phone alarm was going off and even after waking DJ I couldnt figure out why he wasnt turning it off. Turns out it was APRIL'S phone. Someone was playing with it or something and turned two of the snooze alarms on...and it must have been ringing for an hour!

Aaannyyywayyy, like I said, everyone is asleep. I need to get everything together, not to mention inspect it for the usual, as usual, etc.

5:50 a.m. Played a little Solitaire. :) Finally won a game after nearly 20 minutes lol.

6:06 a.m. Laundry is folded and my clothes are packed. :) I like to get this out of the way, right away, so that when it comes time for everyone to leave, I'm not holding everyone up. I know I'll need to shower and change before I go but I want to wait until they wake up because they need their sleep. They probably had a late night.

6:29 a.m. Feeling like....I'd only know for sure I'm going home this morning when I am heading into the car...and on the way there. Until then, the worry is set in that there would be a last minute change of plans to leave me here. I'll do what it takes. Only the future will tell if these worries were founded or not, God willing.

Drake is crying, making me wonder how they were strong enough to last over a year with being woken up almost daily with crying. O.O Ooohhhh well. Can only imagine what it would be like when baby number two is born, in either December or January.

I think I had some dream this morning where I had put on a lot of weight and for some reason attributed it to pregnancy. More soon....God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves!!

EDIT: Left sometime around 9 a.m. and was brought home. I then made a long walk and Christmas shopping. Towards the end I was short and the woman behind the counter helped me. :D After coming home, I got some rest and it was the normal routine as usual. I also hung out with Rob and April a bit and caught up very pleasantly on the net. Got to buy the glimmer gene on Flight Rising so I was happy about that. Got some rest, took my meds, and praising God!

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Missing Home But I'm Okay.

6:15 a.m. I'm up kinda early for it being a weekend. Today was the day I thought I was going home but no, that is tomorrow morning, God willing...maybe. Hopefully. Jen wants me to come back on November 4th and though I agreed to it, to do the right thing because she needs post-surgery bedrest, I'm not too thrilled. Kinda throws out the idea of me staying away for another few months. She says it would be for a couple days but I kinda know better.

Today is also day five without internet-anything and I'm already having dreams at night of shopping on Secondlife and checking a massive email inbox (to check Secondlife sales all week). I've been saying it since I got here, but I can't wait to get home. I don't know why a day feels like being away a week, and a week feels like being away a month, etc. It's just that whenever I leave either of these places, a few changes happen while I'm away.

Also, I'm down to 25 dollars because of pizza but at least I can freely eat something today without worrying what someone will think about it. Kinda miss that...midnight snacking is also forbidden here, miss that too. lol. I missss hooommmmeeee....I just hope she keeps her promise and doesn't postpone another day or something >.>

Random note, I anticipate new groceries when I get home. Speaking of food, I want to get some pizza.

Bugs are back. -_- Why did they wait for the week I returned....to return.

Anyway!!! I love how early it is because it's absolutely quiet here right now, at this hour in the morning, which does not happen often, even when no one is here. There's usually dogs barking and welping, sometimes arguing and yelling, kids playing and laughing, running, tv going, etc. Usually several things at once. P.S. Been starting my meds, more soon...God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves.

9:28 a.m. Jen soon left with Aaliyah and left me with Harmony and she ate breakfast in bed. Mom eventually came home with DJ, then April soon called. She was not happy about what was going on here during the height of my anger and frustration when I last called earlier this week...and I didn't let her know things had cooled down yet. So the call cleared things up. I'm supposed to be home Sunday morning and if I'm not, she wants me to find a ride or she will try to find one for me. It has to be Sunday. We also discussed staying on top of my medication.

Praying things go smoothly. I don't need a whole bunch of drama over this, ya know? I just want to get home when I'm supposed to without complications.

Granted I knew if April found out the problem she would end up mad about it but at the time I was desperate to talk to anyone would listen to my side without an argument.

Which means I will now be worried about this blowing up into something it doesn't need to unless I get home on Sunday morning like I should be. Watching Sesame Street with Harmony. At some point, I need to do my laundry and dishes here. Still can't believe how early it is, lol. Anyway, that's what I have to say for now.

11:34 a.m. Mom and DJ left to get Maranda like ten minutes ago. After she had a chocolate breadstick and a pizza slice, I got Harmony down for a nap just now. Still worrying about tomorrow, which I wouldn't be otherwise if I didn't have to wonder how April would react if I don't come home on Sunday morning and instead have to wait until Sunday night or later. O.O This REALLY doesn't need to be a big thing, ya know? Oi....

Anyway, taking care of laundry and I have to bring myself to wash some dishes here in a bit. Also, charging my netbook which was nearly dead. We watched a couple videos and browsed GIFS and pictures earlier. Really glad to be blogging this much. ^___^

11:55 a.m. I read and spellchecked my entries over the past week, and watched me go into my emotional rollercoaster. Oi vey. This too, shall pass.

1:51 p.m. Harmony is awake and finishing a banana snack. I have been watching crime mystery shows and Jen has come home with Aaliyah, and wigs and shoes. :) Pretty neat. I've been hanging out with the dog, King, who is adorable.

My worries have not decreased but I don't think they will until this is all over with. God only knows the future, and any dreaded change of plans.

6:40 p.m. There was adequate family time hanging out in Mom's room watching dramas, even a little bit of 'The Artist, until she left with DJ, Maranda, and Drake. After that I was just relaxing while the kids played, then watched television. I'm more confident now that I can go home Sunday morning, just hope I don't get let down. :/ They want to drop me off before going to visit Uncle Pat and whatnot, VERY early. I still got a long night of babysitting ahead of me, Oi Vey.

Laundry got done, but not the dishes. Ah well. Feeling like I need a few minutes break from kids. Just had Harmony shouting in my ear....eep.

EDIT: After Jen left and the kids ate dinner, I started trying to get Harmony in bed at 7:45 p.m. ish only it took FOREVER!! Aaliyah soon joined and we eventually all fell asleep until Jen and everyone else came home.

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Healing.

6:35 a.m. My mood has cooled down. I'm still at Mom's, though a lot less complaingingly. I learned my sister also has depression and she gave me pills and instruction to help me. I opened up to her and things got better. I had a really nice day with the kids yesterday, so aside from leg pain there is nothing to complain about there. I will make it through the week and hopefully the rest of the week will be this calm.

Today I watch Harmony, and then Aaliyah when she gets home from school. I still wonder about what the internet holds when I get back, lol. Especially email wise regarding Secondlife sales lol. Or any messages for me on the social networks, ya know? Either way aside from leg pain it's all calm now, the anger is past me. So that works.

I kept dreaming of JRM tonight lol. There was JRM and Mara in one dream and there was another where I think I tried to meet him lol. Idk I don't recall much.

The dogs were roughhousing and I finally got them settled.

6:44 a.m. Time to send Aaliyah off to school.

6:57 a.m. Aaliyah is gone and out the door at 6:53 a.m., I spent time watching a 70's game show, and now I'm watching Harmony eat ramen for breakfast before we go enjoy some cartoons for the day. Also still letting both dogs run around....for now. If I can keep them from 'going' in the house if you catch my drift.

11:50 a.m. Harmony is down for her afternoon nap and I'm watching crime mystery shows. She got to play in dirt and mud earlier and take a bubble bath. Other than that it was playing with the dogs, tv, and toys. :) I took my medication and I just had canned macaroni for lunch. I need to feed Harmony her lunch after she wakes up. P.S. Today has been a decent day so far...annnndd I'm out of Pepsi lol.

2:07 p.m. Was still watching crime mystery television. I just woke Harmony up from her nice long nap to have some spaghetti-o's. Can't wait to go home tomorrow night, and I mean that in a positive way. :D Things have gone smooth so far today and pray they continue. Although I still need to get my laundry done at some point...maybe tomorrow when everyone is at that Breast Cancer walk. My legs are still kinda hurty so like I repeat, I don't think I will be attending. Now just writing to pass a few minutes as I am in the dining room with Harmony and monitoring her eating...switching from a large spoon to eating with her hands, lol. Still an amusing saucy little mess lol.

Oh! And earlier I was getting scared about Jen's tweety bird thing singing like a garbled radio in the distance...took a few minuste to really discover it. I had to pull down some things because it was in a REALLY high spot and it isn't altogether put back properly. If I'm lucky I'll be home before she -----

2:13 p.m. Notices. I just got up to give Harmony seconds that she wanted lol. Girl can eat! Wish she'd drink her milk though...kinda thining back randomly to that road trip to Alabama five years ago and my details about what went on in the backseat like with DJ and his then girlfriend Ariana arguing over which skittle colors to eat lol.

EDIT: Sorry for not finishing. Aaliyah came home later with snacks and we chilled out, ate, and watched t.v. Normal day where they played. Later that night, Jen chipped in and helped me buy some pizza which I enjoyed with Mom once she got home. We also just watched tv....'Whammy' a 1983 game show, and then crime mystery shows until going to bed. 

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The Aftermath.

5:51 a.m. So yesterday I slept until Mom came home and then complained to her about how hard my day was...and she comforted me. She told me not to make such a big deal out of it, so I'll try not to. Then again, I also went and told Jen the same thing...cause she asked. But at least I got paid, lol. Anyway, I didn't end up going home last night and instead was asked to babysit today after Aaliyah gets home.

Still sore, but Mom gave me some muscle relaxers last night and it took a while for them to kick in. I still think if it doesn't stop hurting, I may as well skip the breast cancer walk, which is also fine. It would be quite a lot to put my body through so much, so suddenly, after months of lackadaisy lol. I'm also gonna take the relaxers again as Mom asked later this morning. I am feeling a bit better but the bags are clear evidence of the sleep trouble I've had. (see the paragraph below)

For now I need to see Aaliyah off to school and I can heat up some leftover pizza. Oh! And I cannot stress how difficult it is to sleep in this house. I couldn't do it in Mom's bed, I slightly managed on the couch before the dog was barking mixed with the tv, and then moved to Aaliyah's room and slept in some quiet..until I woke up again to a dog barking from being closed in that guy's room and I turned on my mp3 player to relax. It worked a while, then Aaliyah wanted me to come watch her. I wanted to finish my song, then write, which I'm doing. She's in the kitchen playing.

Mom says Grandpa is coming over today and that Joe, for an unmentioned reason, is not permitted on the property. Eep. Not my business to know why. I would ask Grandpa to take me home if I wasn't given the task of babysitting Aaliyah once she got off school. -__- I'll be okay.

Also, HEY! I've already gone one whole day without the internet-anything. No internet, no way, at all. It's interesting and if this was the 90's would be mostly unimpressive but in today's society, it's.....something. Appropriately....something. It does increase the curiousity of what awaits me next time I DO access the internet though. So yay that! P.S. The bug problem is also still minimal which is a plus.

Random notes: SUPERNATURAL RETURNED!!! I must watch it on Hulu when I get home. Also, lately and it's well hidden, but I've been writing 'p.m.' instead of 'a.m.' on my timestamps which is just plain weird.

I deleted my mass of JRM photos off my computer. I'm still a fan....in my own way.... just not as into that wonderful person as I used to be. They are still on April's if I ever change my mind though, lol. Still I liked it.

6:48 a.m. I let Aaliyah play on my computer a bit and then we watched Arthur. Also, I managed to do the thing and have pizza, pepsi, and muscle relaxers. So we can tick those boxes. I hope, God willing, I can get some sleep. Aaliyah just ran in to get her journal and I had to unlock the door. I was hoping she wasn't gonna do something like stop and write at the table so I kinda rushed her. Would hate to have her miss some early bus on my watch.

I'm watching her from inside the house instead of on the porch as the custom because there were SO many misquitos when I did it yesterday. I mean, the windows are kinda tinted and all but I can manage.

God, I hope thats not Joe who pulled up on a motorcycle right now. I have to be the one to bar him. >.<

6:56 p.m. Okay, it was just the guy who lives here. I was a bit apprehensive as Joe is a motorcycle rider but no, he's called Coot, even has it labeled on his motorcycle
jacket. He saw me standing on the back steps, arms crossed and probably looking perplexed if it weren't for the darkness and a big yard, and he said 'How we doing this morning?" He seems nice enough :) It was definetely not JOE'S voice. He's taking the dogs out right now. I hadn't seen his face until now but I was told and overheard on multiple occassions that he lives here. I did introduce myself, by the way.

In short, it's all clear. I do have to relock the doors later, as that's what Mom wanted.

Aaliyah is still outside and her bus should be here soon...

7:06 a.m. Aaliyah's bus arrived. Coot said it was the first time seeing the door locked, not surprisingly, and I talked about Mom's request not to let Joe in . He brought up that yesterday the gate was mysteriously open and the back door and he went and closed the gate. He went to let the dogs out and the gate was open again...so nether of us know what was going on.

As far as I know, nobody was coming or going when I got home yesterday so if it was before then, I still don't know. Something is going on. Anyway, at least someone has my back if Joe for some reason, if any, drops by and I can't handle it. I'm just a meek Christian woman here!! lol.

Last night, Mom talked about her need to move into something smaller like a mobile home, possibly set one up in the backyard of Mema's like Ricky did once since it's both close to her job and she can be there for them to help them out. This was the reason there is no cable and internet. She had the good heart to let all these people come and go, living with her, and they wouldn't help with the bills. It frustrated her. But hey, if she's cool without, more power to her.

Right now she is sharing a home with Jen and her kids..while DJ and I, much to her thankfulness, have moved. Jen has taken over the adjoining spare room with her stuff and told Mom not to do anything to it when it's her house so you can see the predicament here.

I'm glad to have a private forum to discuss this, not in a place where everyone knows I write. This is just a diary. The only reason it's on the internet is the 'anywhere' access and the reason it's not set to private is so I can view it without having to be logged in. I know my family would be unhappy to discover this stuff in the blog (if they knew this existed) so I may decide to ommit it later somehow and still use it in my journal book.

Awww....Skyla is sleeping next to me and it is SOOO cute!!! Too bad I can't get the camera on April's phone to take a picture without disturbing her, lol.

7:50 a.m. Maranda is here hanging out while Drake is on his first day at daycare. She asked to help Velma but she already has two women with her today, plus it is HARD!! I tried to watch Metallica: Through The Never after cleaning out my computer....I was that bored, lol. On the plus side, I have only used 28 GB of space on a 144 GB computer. I deleted a lot of unneccessary videos. I'm a stickler for keeping the amount of available on here on th ehigh side.

I need new RAM as my memory isn't great. To be honest, my computer is slowly breaking and may be due at some point for yet another system reset, that is, bringing it back to default settings to make it work properly. Cause it's to the point where every time I clean using CCleaner, it shuts down which bugs me. I just have to properly back things up first, lol. AND it doesn't even need a CD, there's just this certain key combo I have to hit to do it except...I don't know what it is without googling it. o_0 Ah well.

At least less internet equals more blogging, being more open about my feelings so they aren't itching my insides...as much.

8:58 a.m. Grandpa is here now and so is Maranda. We are all just meandering and I'm defragmenting my computer (Can't recall the last time it was, so it's long overdue anyway.) Hopefully it will run better in the future. :) Maranda is job hunting, Grandpa is saying it will be a long day. I'm still waddling from my leg pain. Muscle relaxers did not stop it.

9:46 a.m. Both the computer and April's phone (which was running slow) is cleaned up a bit and now Maranda is gone...not sure what to do with my day. Kinda boring around here, ya know? I SHOULD give my computer a break....

12:32 p.m. I AM IN TERRIBLE leg pain. I am limping across Mom's house and it hurts twice as bad as it has all week. Can't even lay down or sit without pain....it's mainly in my legs because my feet feel alright. I called Rob on Grandpa's phone, with a number I had in my computer, and asked if he had the medications we all sought to get before I left. She hadn't yet. There's also the fact that my little phone call woke him so I was getting to my point in a hurry.

I dont know if I'll be here all week but I will be home soon, God willing. I've been sitting in Mom's bed drinking Pepsi, eating, and went from watching 1970s game to shows to a JFK documentary with Mafia theories and now crime investigation shows. Oi and a Vey. If this keeps up all week, I will not be attending the walk unfortunately. I just can't. -___-

By the way, after a computer cleaning, now I've only used 27.6 GB which is AWESOME!!! :D That's out of 144 and my computer should be running smoothly aside from the Skype memory glitch and the CCleaner shutdown issues. Did I say smoothly? At least it's fast enough.

12:43 p.m. Made a random doodle. Strange doodle. (See Desktop)

6:53 p.m. I'm feeling stressed. I'm trapped here and don't have the freedom to choose whether or not I can go home without causing some huge uproar. Why do simple things have to be so ridiculous? Why is there no one who can help me?

I am in so much pain that I can't bend over properly, my back and legs hurt. I've been limping all day and I can't sit, lay, or do anything with my legs without being in pain and all Jen can do is shrug like it's nothing and tell me to stick it out for a week. For Gods sake in Christ Jesus, I want one day of rest in my own bed to recuperate but that is deemed unimportant because she doesn't have gas money.

And she ALWAYS does this to me, asks me to come babysit and then leaves me high and dry because she's always too broke to bother taking me home, and it becomes a claw, scratch, pull, and any other word just to get back to my house. EVERY. SINGLE. Time. And I fall for it, thinking it will be different, EVERY time!

Yeah, I'm angry inside. I feel like I'm 22 again and stuck. It was always that thing when I lived here where I was stuck and couldnt make a move unless it was convenient for someone else. Only if it suited or benefited the other person. I love my family, I hate the house sometimes and what being in it means for me.

No one can grasp that I can't just simply 'rest it off' here. There is no air conditioning, only ceiling fans, dogs bark and yelp, tvs blare, and people chat and come and go down the halls. You know the extent of noise at MY house? Clattering keyboards and the occassional laugh at something funny, and maybe some muffled chatter.

People then wonder why I stay away for months at a time. It's because everyone is so eager to have me over but when it comes time for me to come home, suddenly its not doable. I have to push and claw with begging and pleading to get back to my own bed. It's beyond ridiculous and it seems like there is nothing I can do to change it.

She won't even compromise and bring Harmony over there instead, because of gas money, no, it's her way and that's the end of the conversation.

I hate to say it but I get screwed over every time like this........

I really hate to say it.

I really genuinely do.

Hate that word.

But it keeps happening.

And it feels like the ones who are on my side can't help and the ones who aren't will excuse a way not to help. I'm so tired of it.

Being away so long at a time can make me forget it, for sure. I mean, it flashed in my mind a bit but that was when I was thinking I would be here working and making money, not limping around my Mom's house in pain and being forbidden to go home.

The gas money thing is just an easy excuse. I OFFERED gas money to Grandpa and he was more than willing to do it but no, Jen had to have her veto because she has plans and suddenly I'm the only person in all God's creation who can babysit and that there's no other way. Again, the second easy excuse. It's the same one they've used since I was practically a teenager. I'm the only one in all existence that they know who can watch their children. Anything to remind me I have no choice but stay put against my will, and then they shrug it off with an annoyed sigh because they've already won.

And I know calling April won't solve anything because she'd just be mad at my sister, stay mad, and I don't need that, and I would have to be reminded of how naive I am to fall for the same thing over and over because I think something will change. It doesn't change. It never does.

I'm angry, miserable, longing, and in pain. Plain and simple. Yes, I wanted to see my family but I don't want to stick around while I'm in pain. Hope God knows that. Oiii...and this is just gonna go up in my face when Jen gets home and we have to go into it.

I basically get argued into a corner and go into myself and just concede to something I don't want to do because I don't want to continue being in an argument. Then I go off and be depressed and angry to myself, cry and then make sure if someone calls for me I hide it quick enough and make a weak/fake smile. Same old thing.

Mom isn't coming home until late tonight, Jen won't be home until it's too dark, Grandpa can't take me now because Jen can't 'let' me go and if I rebel and go anyway it will blow up a lot more than it needs to. This whole thing....I've been repetitive enough. You know what I think of that. Life is unfair, yada yada yada. Same old story with me, I guess.

I tell you one thing, when I go home, and sleep for an unimaginable amount of hours in my own bed, I'm staying put for as long as I can hold out until the holidays or something. Seriously. Then maybe rant some more later before letting this whole thing blow over, as usual. Hard to help it when I got those two who are the ones who will genuinely listen.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

First and Last Day Of Work.

3:52 a.m. Okay, so about yesterday. I read about half the second journal and even then, I was still weird. I packed and watched some Burn Notice, hung out with Rob, and then slept until Mom arrived that evening to pick me up. We listened to dubstep and remixes on the way, lol.

Then I got home and greeted the kids, watching tv with Mom until we went to sleep shortly after. Since Joe is gone, I can share her room since hers is one of the few left in this house with air conditioning. The only thing is she sleeps with the tv on, so that is something to get used to.

Anyway, Jen took me to meet with Velma, the woman I'll be working with and who I've known since childhood, and basically had the interview right there on her porch. She asked questions and we went over what I'm to expect. The re-iterated that when it comes to clients houses, I can be trusted not to steal from them, and I can. She told me a few have left valuables out on purpose, with cameras, to test and tempt those who work there..but this is a non issue as far as my ability to work.

I get up and need to be ready by 7:30 a.m. and can dress casually. Basically she will be cleaning and I will be following after her, like a partner. Now, the deal is 50 a day whereabouts, 250 a week, 1000 a month, but some things are different about this week.

I have missed one day, so I cant get paid for that work, and I am not working Friday because I'm babysitting for Jen (Maranda will be stepping in) and Saturday is the breast cancer walk (I finally decided to go) and Jen is having her ten year high school reunion, which I wouldnt make her miss for the world.

Before I went to bed, Jen said 'Don't let me down, Chels.' Which little did she know REALLY inspired me.

I gotta thank God and give Him the glory. This ticks like all the boxes of what I've been needing.

1. Steady income.
2. Being around my family.
3. I can go nuts on Christmas shopping just like I dreamed this year.
4. I'm doing something with my day besides going Secondlife and sleeping.
5. I still get to see April and Rob on the weekends.
6. My hygiene is gonna improve.
7. Cleaning houses is helpful to others. This is also a new job reference for the future.
8. I GET TO SPEND HALLOWEEN WITH THE KIDS! I didn't mention it but that is something I was REALLY hoping to get to do.

I don't even mind this house so much anymore. I used to avoid it because of bugs and the heat issues but there are almost no bugs left, The house is quieter, a LOT cleaner, and I got a ceiling fan cooling me in an un-airconditioned living room.

For day one, this is a lot better than having complaints. I don't have a complaint for once, imagine that.

I tried to sleep longer but due to my strange sleep habits my body seemed fully rested. So, I got up to write.

Mom REALLY wants to show me this store where everything is five bucks and under, even suggesting I take 20 out at the end of the week for it. I don't mind. Would be a good chance to get my Christmas list going, which I need to get on by the way.

Also, Jen got a chihuaha and it's NOT a mean one. We also still have Skyla here.

Anyway, back at home I remembered I went over my budget plans with Rob. I have plans, for sure, responsibly. Time will tell. God only knows. I also don't have internet here and forgot to put it on a flash drive. The only thing I have is Mom's hot spot which is unavailable while I don't know her new phone password and she is asleep. I got April's phone, my netbook, and my mp3 player. There's also soda, clothes, tennis shoes with mismatched socks, and a composition notebook.

I'm thinking of like taking only a few pairs of clothes home with me at the end of the week so I don't have to lug so much back and forth, lol.

I'm told for the job we leave at 7:30 and come back around three or four p.m. and sometimes later if the client comes home and needs extra done. It's fifty bucks a day so I'm not gonna complain.

On a random note, Harmony can now say my name and quite regularly and I enjoy it every time.

More soon. Being less distracted by the internet means more information about what I do with my day lol.

4:17 a.m. There is leftover pasta and I'm REALLY in the mood for getting some. All glory, praise, thanks and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen! God is able!

4:40 a.m. I had some delicious pasta and worked out my Christmas list thus far. I'm logging off....

3:21 p.m. I have had a long ardous and altogether not so great day. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing baseboards, wiping, making beds, vaccumming, handling trash and while that doesn't sound like much, emotionally, it feels like a lot when the entire time you are told you are doing it wrong...

...thus feeling loads of shame, stupidity, and inadequecy that is flushing your self esteem down a toilet faster than you can clean one. Yeah, that much.

Don't get me wrong. She was fair. I was doing my absolute HARDEST and best, (I dont mean that faceciously) but it was not up the par that her business is and when it is not and a client notices, it falls back on her.

In the end, we both agreed this was not for me. I made 45 dollars, which was about over five bucks an hour and she was convinced I didn't do much, though I would beg to differ, I didn't get into it. It was over. I was paid, even if it was five dollars less than expected because as I said she felt I didn't do much, but I tried. The point is I tried even if I didn't get it right at all.

I went through a lot of negative thoughts about myself through the whole thing, as low self esteem will do to you, tried to keep praying and singing 'Salted Wound' by Sia in my head. You wouldn't believe how much that helped.

All I'm really prepared to do now is beg and plead my way home tonight and come back to babysit at the end of the week like I promised. I want to curl up in my OWN bed and drift, forget the mental and emotional pain which I so carefully hid today, and maybe talk it out with April and Rob.

For a while I got away with hiding my red eyes with a matching red face and tears with sweat but at the end of the day when she asked what was wrong, I told her my legs and feet hurt, which was not untrue...and I attributed it to my barely broken in sneakers.

She was fair, okay? She was also kind, bluntly honest, and comforted me, saying I'm not cut out for this but I should be doing something I love and enjoy and stick with that. Kind of the lesson I had to tell myself was that just because I am not fit for one job doesn't mean I am not fit for any.

That was a major part of why I didn't want to come out to her and say such and such made me feel deeply, stupid, and inadequate and that it was real reason I was crying. I didn't want to needlessly hurt her feelings. God, depression hit me so hard during this.

Also, I brought a pasta lunch but never got around to touching it. It sat in a hot car all day and I threw it away when I got home. Too bad because it was SO delicious and such a waste. I was cleaning for all these hours, okay? I had a hard time the first half just getting myself to stop and drink something. And I WAS SOOOO HOTTTTTTT!!!!! Not a great day but I'm cooling down and recuperating.

Another thing this shows is my sister oversells things, and I was oversold into this. Like I could listen to music, stop and eat lunch, just an easy sweep and dust and that's all...yada yada. None of that was the case. Three immaculate houses all needed scrubbing so hard. Closest thing I had ever been to seeing a mansion on the inside. I thought if I did this a week I'd lose full use of my right hand. Not exaggerating. You try spending hours scrubbing baseboards only to be told that it was not good enough because she sees stains that you cannot. Takes a toll, just seriously. I assure you, this was an experience and I'll get it behind me.

I had God on my side today, did a lot of praying with Him. I still know he wouldn't hand me anything I couldn't handle so I basically said it was up to Him if I was gonna make it another day so I guess we know. Oi, thank God we know. I'm hoping He's gonna bless me further, at least for trying.

Aaliyah doesn't appear to be home yet so I'm just gonna rest. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Bye homies. P.S. 45 bucks can REALLY stretch for Christmas gifts. :)

4:38 p.m. I can't properly rest. My feet are throbbing. I keep complaining about today when I shouldn't, and should just move on. It's gonna feel kinda sad putting the above plans in the journal knowing they might not all come to be, or to think I might not finish of that Christmas list, God only knows.

The main thought is how bad I want and need to go home. I hurt now and can only seeing it hurt worse tomorrow and the last thing I want to do is babysit all day or the rest of the week in pain. -__- I'll have to beg, plead, or make some deal just to go home because as always the reason is the same, there is no gas money.

I dread coming back dejected because it didn't work out and I had such high hopes. Yet, I long to curl up in bed and sleep the pain away for hours upon hours on end until the end of the week...physical pain...the emotional pain is a whole other fire to quench. Oi vey. And there's no internet to boot. I need someone. At least there's Skyla the dog, lol.

ANYWAY, I finally ate and drank something and watched a Bible memorization game show. Now I just felt like writing about my feelings. This will pass...maybe I'll laugh about it one day, I don't know. 

Monday, October 19, 2015

FINALLY! Something to Talk About!

7:52 p.m. I love sudden life changes. Yesterday I took a long walk and slept. I actually couldnt go to sleep and felt it was one of those days where I just REALLY wanted to go walk again...so I do. I also had an inkling God wanted me in Church on the way, so I went with it.

You see yesterday I took my seven bucks and went to a yard sale and picked up a few things, then to the dollar store. Which, by the way, we have a Dollar Tree and I'm VERY excited about that!! I also got a toy rat for the cats which was amusing to watch them poke and prod...scared April in the dark, though.

THEN I went to Church and immediately after God blessed me. Too bad I didn't jump on it like I should have. I was laying down a little and then got the job offer call from Jen, but didn't want to be away from home so I turned it down. HOWEVER, I can see God is doing this to answer my prayers.

I've been wishing and wishing to go buy a nice pile of gifts for family and friends, and Charity too of course, but I am very very poor. I wasn't sure how it was gonna happen, as it had the past couple years, but God made it so. It's all Him. I give Him the glory, thanks, and praise for it.

And it's not just some thing where its a handout. I get to work for it in a way that gives Him glory. So excited! So ready. I leave tonight and start tomorrow. That means a long Secondlife break but not worried. lol. I do have to pack. I come home on weekends and such.

250 a week, nearly 1000 bucks a month and I NEED to pray I'll be responsible with this money. God is giving this for a good purpose. That means no frivolous spending on myself. I don't know what the future holds. I shouldn't be sitting here plotting how to spend money I don't have yet. That's kinda dangerous.

It'll be alongside my old neighbor Velma, may her wonderful husband rest in peace, who I've know since my childhood. Jen says we'll be cleaning "Rich people's" houses. I'm not sure how long the job lasts but I don't mind it at all. This is a grand opportunity.

Funny thing is April is gone during the weekdays, but comes home at night, and I will be coming home on weekends like she does. Rob might be a bit lonely for a while. :/ This is meant to be.

More to discuss soon. Just wanted to say yesterday was a blessed day. I also got around to reading a couple of my journals, the first one all the way through and just gotta say I was an odd fruit. My furutre self has no clue what my past self was talking about most of the time. lol.

1:54 p.m. I got my stuff packed, had some pizza, and have been watching a lot of Burn Notice. I should read or something. Thinking about reading through the second book in my journal series as it could take a while. Also found this cool blog featuring Dracula's costumes: http://hollywoodmoviecostumesandprops.blogspot.com/2015/10/cool-costumes-and-props-in-dracula-tv.html

Friday, October 16, 2015

I'm Surprised.

9:57 a.m. First of all, Jackie's 20th birthday was yesterday. May she forever rest in peace. I was Secondlife creating once again the past few days so let's get it out of the way before continuing:

EDIT: Sometimes I forget exactly how much I really did in the past few days. Oi.


Gold glitter exploded on her face, folks.

C* Gold Bomb Face Makeup

Meanwhile, this was just another one I saw on Pinterest that needed to be made. Adorable!!

C* Chic Eyeliner

Rob gave me Ls after I caved in and spent 300Ls on a texture to make some amazing clothes. See how pretty they are?! I used it for all it's worth:

C* Nevermore Emerald

C* Nevermore Night

Something for the guys....this one reminds me of Crowley from Supernatural.

C* Ravencourt Nevermore

After this, I took on a few smaller halloween projects:

C* Gothic Pumpkin - LI 3

Except this one was kinda tough, but the next one, a candle, that was easy.

C* Cuddle Knit Hoodie

C* Cuddle Knit Hoodie

C* Gothic Candle .::Promo Price::.

I didn't really make anything after those two yesterday. Rob's computer, aged as it is, crashed, and he spent all day fixing it while I slept the whole day. Other than that, I've been hanging out with April while she's home at nights (and recovered from a stomach flu) Praise the Lord!

My Mom is on a much needed cruise to the Bahamas with her girlfriends, so I'm happy for her. Things have certainly been okay. Still can't believe my letter to myself from five years is next month. I'm wondering if I can dedicate myself to another letter to my 'five years from now' self. I wonder...

Speaking of dedication, I talked to April about my blogging and she isn't surprised by my lack of it. I've been blogging for around 6 plus years straight now and pushing myself and it's bound to get slow. I just don't want to give it up, it's just slowing down.

I haven't updated my physical book journal in a LONG while like I should. Among other goals I'm missing out on:

1. Improved hygiene. My diary, leave me alone.
2. Fitness.
3. Reading more books.
4. Chores.
5. The relationship with Jesus thing.
6. Writing my book.
7. Drinking more water.

Family time is a slight improvement if you count Harmony dropping by. :) Oi. Sometimes I just don't know what do with myself.

I mean, I'm being an artist by doing the SL projects but I mostly play on it all day. Barely play Flight Rising much..not that it matters.

I haven't drawn a physical artwork in months though not missing what it did to me to try. Soooooooo....yeah. -_- Anyway, we all know God has a plan...so there's that hope. Jesus rejoices.

Hey, if you are reading this, ask God to send me money to buy some gifts for Christmas this year? I'd appreciate it. Thanks. I have only a few dollars to my name and a lot of giving I'd like to do. In Jesus name, amen!

P.S. Listening to 'Salted Wound' over and over and over again the past few days.

2:39 a.m. Aside from some Burn Notice, the entire day was a couple long naps with some pasta Rob made on the side. Starting when I moved to April's room after Donny knocked in the afternoon, as I imagined he would, and then being woken around 8 p.m. when April came home, then staying up a little and going back to sleep until Midnight. Then I played Secondlife, showered, and here I am.

Not in a creating mood as much today. Besides, it's obvious I've done enough already. Guess I will another day.

2:51 a.m. Also, Why must spiders, in all areas available in the house, make sure they are in the shower directly above your head? WHY?!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Sorry for the Delay!

10:16 p.m. To save some time, here are the new SL releases I made, including a couple which were previously made...just not on the market:

This goes on the list of my top favorite SL creations I've made so far. Just something so cool I'd wear it in real life. Christian note: Oujia's cannot be used to communicate with the dead, or for witchcraft, when printed on a shirt. Notice the lack of a planchet. :)
C* Halloween Shirt and Cardigan

Previously unreleased after making it months ago, as I was unhappy with the quality of the texture. I've since noticed that the issue was not noticable when wearing it, so I released it officially.
C* Jimmy Suit DEMO

Renamed for copyright reasons, then re-released:
C* Silver Blade

Okay, this was just cute:
C* 'Hi' Beanie

Thought of this for a WHILE and finally came across the model I needed to texture it. It wasn't easy, but it got done. I was going to add something on the front but I decided not to:

C* Twisted Gum Heels

Harmony visited yesterday so that was a treat. We watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Played outside, and I let her chase the cat in between eating crackers. Good times.

April had come back briefly for a few days though I didn't hang out with her as much as I'd like. Yes, she kept me away with the pagan stuff again but I just didn't say anything. It was a bittersweet thing. Had happy moments, but all around I was disappointed not to have more time with her.  Oh well.

Other than that, grocery shopping got out of the way and I've been sleeping at random points throughout the day and night, and playing Secondlife as usual.

Had some other dream about JRM and Mara again the other day but cannot remember what.

Friday, October 9, 2015

Let's Get This Done!

6:41 p.m. Hi again!! Not much to report besides a heavy amount of sleep, Secondlife creating, and hanging out with April whenever she gets back from her Moms at night. I will say we've yet to go grocery shopping as we should have by now, but God has a plan. On the plus side, I have food stamps.

I'm not kidding when I said I've been creating a lot the past few days. Let's go down the list in order.

Earlier this week, I made a sweater which I was really proud of:
C* Fall Cutie Sweater and Hat

And after Rob gave me Lindens for a BEAUTIFUL texture, I made this dress, which I love though it had no sales yet:
C* Betty Dress

I have, since last night, started cracking on my list of Pinterest inspirations for new projects and first off, I made this...which also came out the best it could have:

C* Melting Makeup

Followed by this, which April requested and loved:
C* Black Widow Eye Makeup

And these next two were done this afternoon alone before I slept for another five or six hours until this evening. Before then, I had only a few hours of sleep after waking at five a.m. You do the math,

P.S. My new favorite creation. This came out extremely well for me.

C* Ruined Tights .::Weekend Only Promo!::.

This came out very well made for something that usually looks weird on the face. The premise of it was the thing where people normally 'paint' a masquerade mask on and I'm happy with it:
C* Masque Tattoo

And I'm planning more but I wanted the blog first. Harmony is coming by on Monday. Aaliyah's eighth birthday was yesterday. She grows up so fast. I'm giving her my thrift store Barbie, which I was originally going to design clothes for but Jen asked me to be on the lookout for one and I just happened to have it.

April felt I shouldn't as I bought it for a reason but after I insisted on doing it, she said she wanted to get me one to replace it. That's very kind of her.

I was going through  my photos, trying to find this particular baby photo of Aaliyah taken when I was like nineteen, I think, of the night I first saw her.

I've always been such a proud aunt of her. Babysitting may have been a nightmare sometimes but that could never change how much I adore this kid.

Also, meanwhile, I stumbled across an old photo of Jackie R.I.P. as a kid in her grandparents pool. I still miss her quite a lot sometimes, you know?

Even though we only saw each other a few times in the past few years, it doesn't change the fact that there was a time where we shared a room and spent her growing childhood years together.

So yeah, seeing these younger happy photos of her is kinda sad. She was only nineteen, I think, when she passed..making these seem like they are a lot less of a long time ago. Sigh.

Life goes on. Both birthdays and in death. I still don't post photos of her to my Facebook as I don't want to break the hearts of both her still grieving parents. More to say soon, I hope.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Weird Dream Yo!!!

7:02 a.m. Alright, I just had one big nightmare. In the dream, April was shooing me away because she was doing pagan stuff..not just from her room but mine as well. I threw a fit and stormed out, and it blew up, and she came outside and started looking for me. Meanwhile, I lost her.

I went to a Church which had this lovely african-american woman leading it and she was a pastor. The Church doubled as a homeless shelter and I got the tour. The rooms were pretty impoverished. She showed me where I would be sleeping, as she once did, next to a blonde guy on a hard floor near a..urine stain which smelled. And possibly a smelly blanket.

I took a moment and politely declined, then said I was going to go home and work things out with April. I told her to just pray for me and that things will work out.

I made it outside the Church and her 12 year old self walked upon the lawn..possibly looking for me, dressed in all white, in a bridesmaids gown she showed me in a picture.

For privacy reasons, I cannot share this picture on the internet, sorry.

It was just a very 90's style dress with white scoop neck and long white sleeves...and a veil too. She was even wearing the kind of glasses she wore at that age. I don't recall if she had flowers or not though.

Anyway, I was on the steps and ducked, thinking she would spot me, and was sort of relieved when she didn't and went in anyway.

Then the real her showed up, eyes still searching and somewhat seething, and she did slowly come over.

I thought this was the moment we would make things up but no, she immediately began yelling at me and throwing used toilet paper rolls at my face, (because they had something to do with her past that I needed to accept, I can't remember what.)

I shouted some words and did some strange fight move where I literally kicked her in a way that my leg bore all her weight. (Not happy about this part, sorry) and it then dropped her to the ground. I ended the dream feeling ashamed I had not made things up like I was supposed to.

Anyway, I thought I 'woke up' and told April I dreamed this on Skype. But I didn't.

Then I really woke up, and after a few hours of sleep, and I was about to write it...there was a message for me about getting the tub cleaned today (which I did before bed last night, thankfully.)

I'm awake, got caffeine, and a cat in my lap.

7:15 p.m. Banzo keeps biting me, not that hard, just biting down a little so I had to have him leave. :(

7:29 p.m. Reading over this, I'm seeing a LOT of reference in the dream to our bathtub incident yesterday morning.  The drain clogged, leaving some water in there, and it stagnated. A terrible smell, like cat urine according to April. She drained it after some effort.

She kindly asked me to bleach it (I was on no sleep) and I ended up going to bed until 4 p.m., then being on Secondlife all day. (organizing inventory during a break from creating.) Though she very clearly TOLD me that there was special bleach under the sink, I forgot and I was thinking there was nothing we could do about it because we didn't have 'laundry' bleach which is not the same thing she was talking about.

Anyway, I got it done before bed. Took like ten minutes. Then had this dream after I fell asleep. I swear, there is no grudge or frustration over this incident. Everything happened as it should, I'm just surprised there were all the unpleasant bathroom references.

Then I wake, for real, to see a message to make sure it got done today. Check. But still, just odd.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Late Night Post.

10:39 p.m. Today I went to bed in the morning and woke at 5, played on the computer (where I got a ton of SL freebies) and then April came home and we chatted and whatnot..then SHE got on until she went to bed. :) I've had a decent day. Just chilling in my room alone right now. Still kinda battling a food addiction, among other things, but I'll get there.

I updated my Christmas wishlist a little so it was something more than 90's Barbie's and books; A 'Sia' CD. That's woman's music stirs me up inside and I love it. I would gladly support her rather than illegally downloading the CD. So yeah...

I got more products up on Secondlife as usual. Didn't really make anything new today but finally stuck a new item up there which had been waiting since yesterday. I DID however find new meshes which made me very very pleased. :D Sorry about the lack of updates throughout the night, by the way.

C* Full Perm DEMO BOX

C* Tricky Sweat Pants

I got my computer cleaned out last night and April did tonight. I just got a couple chores done so feeling good about that. Praise and thank God for another day, right?

10:54 p.m. Just remembered that I also, either last night or this morning, made some GIFS I liked. Don't have them on my netbook...shh...it'll be a surprise.


Also, DRAKE is learning to walk! A bit late in the game but it's exciting. I saw the video. The poor bae is crying like, "I dun wanna!" and then runs into his Mommy's arms. The cutest thing.

OH!!! And Disney. Oh my God, Disney raised it's prices to a 1000 bucks a ticket. My Mom considers it justified as its four parks for a full year but as a poor person I'm staunchly disappointed. Not only that, as patterned in the past, even with a pass we would only end up going a few times a year.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Like The Sands Of An Hourglass

5:34 p.m. Three days have passed since I wrote. I've been Secondlife creating as usual, sometimes it's more frustrating than others considering TWO of my works have a glitch that changes the texture and I may have to redo the whole thing...so yeah that made me kinda sad.

I'll share what it is when the product is fixed and released. Meanwhile, here are the latest:

C* Princess Diamond

I just realized...I am putting out more products in a few days than I thought... O.O

*C Twisted Vintage Couch

So that begs the question..why am I so bummed that I can't release two new products when I've been pumping out all this so fast. Oh my...God. In no way does it only feel like this has been three days.

 C* 1980's Dress

Just wow...I'm feeling better and amazed already. Although there are more issues to discuss, I will get there later.

By the way, I incorporated one of my drawings into this piece so I'm REALLY happy with it. Plus, dressmaker mannequin! Woot!

C* Fashionista Drawing Board 12 LI

The texture was free from Secondlife on this dress and I played with it a bit and it just blows me away. I made it early this morning, before finally going to bed, and uploaded it a few hours ago.

 C* Alien Matter Dress

So....yeah. I guess if I feel like I'm in any way not getting things done, the evidence begs to differ. Now, onto the list of my other legitimate problems.

1. My old bad hygiene habits have returned. It's a hard pill to swallow to admit it but it's unfortunately true.
2. April is frustrated, not at me, but it's one of those things where when someone is not happy the bad energy puts a dark cloud over the room so I kinda had to scatter away.
3. I haven't been keeping up with my chores the way I should've.
4. I feel like in a lot of ways I've fallen into idolatry and what's more that I'm lacking the effort to pull myself out of it.
5. Still having thoughts of my mortality and the abruptness of life, more in a positive way. I would never take my life, so don't get that idea. Just with the loss of life from loved ones this year, the thoughts of the fragility of life have really been getting in my head.
Random shot of our shoe pile by the door. lol.
6. It's about time to start making visits with my family again. I do miss them. :) Dad invited me over for thanksgiving. Also I've been checking my Facebook a bit less than usual.
7. I've gotten back into the habit of sleeping most of the day and then staying up until past sunrise...mostly on Secondlife or now and then Flight Rising.

And in other news..

Cats looking in three different directions. Love it.
April's Mom requested a Christmas list of me and it took some thought. I want:

This Fabulous Century series: 1910-1920, 1900-1910, and 1860-1900.

I once tried to order them but it was during a time, little did I know then, when they had just stopped delivering things to our mailbox and returning them to the sender. :/ That was unfortunate. April read the 1920-1930 book with me, taking a political and social standpoint on most of it while in other ways noticing things that were active then that are still active today....also pointing out the body language of some people in the photos, lol.

I suppose that's all for now. I feel a lot better now that I let this stuff out. Again, I say I look forward to November 15 because after five long strange years I can finally answer those questions my past self asked me. Cannot wait. I just hope it's a long letter, lol.

2:39 a.m. It's late. I made a new Secondlife Creation earlier tonight and am now ready to share the other two items I talked about in the beginning. I also spent a little, 51L, and got a bunch of new meshes for futre projects. First, tonight's fun item:

C* Gary The Immortal Haunted Llama

The inscription reads:
"Hundreds of years ago, a brave explorer found this strange object in a forgotten tomb. Upon placing it on his mantle, he soon discovered that the town was spooked by the sight of a ghostly llama who terrorized anyone who crossed their fields.
Terrified of the sight, he got rid of it. The artifact wasn't discovered again until Halloween by a shopkeeper, eager for such a pleasing decoration. That night, the llama returned, sending fear into the eyes of his competitors with his sparkling glare.
Now, on Halloween night, anyone who possesses this treasure shall run the risk of unleashing this llama, later named Gary by his beloved previous owner, upon the world!

Then there's these two items, which hopefully have no more glitches.

 C* Miss Hippy - Slink, Belleza, Maitreya, and Fitmesh.
C* Tuty - Slink, Belleza, Maitreya, and Fitmesh.

See? My glitch was that the textures on these outfits would swap and she'd suddenly be wearing shorts from one outfit and the top from another. -shake my head- Hopefully it's fine now because I like these too much to not have them in my store.

SPEAKING of store, I'm STILL thinking of making a store blog. Thing is I already do it on my main blog HERE and it's convenient because I can add it to my printed journal as well. Still deciding. I want to see if it can do any sort of promoting and whatnot, you know? :D

I rarely link my store I noticed so if you readers are curious:

Click here.

One way ticket to all my creations.

Anyway, it's late as usual and I'm done writing. God bless as always, Jesus loves, lives, saves. NIGHT!

Thursday, October 1, 2015

AGGGGHHHHHH!! -Shakes Fists-

Nope. Just a whole bunch of nope with a side of nope, topped with NO.

9:38 a.m. It's been a few days. I know I should open with something exciting but it has to be a frustrated post. AGAIN this week, Donny wakes me up persistently knocking. AGAIN Donny oversteps his boundaries just another step further.

First of all, he did a nice thing and fixed my bike tire...Rob told him that wasn't necessary but he insisted on doing it so we allowed it.

I opened the door and tried to gently chide him about not knocking so much as it's been waking me up. HE WOULD NOT LET ME GET A WORD IN because he insisted on saying over and over that he fixed it. I did thank him. I sighed and just tried to get back to bed. Carlo got out so I had to grab him and bring him inside.

I said my goodbyes and closed the door. Donny OPENS the door and keeps talking with determination and I have to get him to let go of the handle so I can close it.

And people wonder why I don't bother answering the door when it's him. I get all worked up because there is usually some problems involved.

I considered it disrespectful but April said its not, it's that Donny has a mental illness. He does not take social cues or listen to them..or instruction...very well. It's his mental state. She did agree this was not acceptable behavior and that we should tell the landlord BUT I'm also sitting here feeling like this is just another time where we excuse an event because we are 'letting Donny be Donny because he can't help it.' Bah, I'm just a ball of frustration.

This is a Christian problem for me as well. As a Christian, I am supposed to pardon this and forgive but I know in my heart I am very guilty of not doing so as I should. When I tell you God is real, He is. Instantly now my heart is lifted because to him I confess my own blame in this matter.

Frustration is melting away. 

Christ died for us and Rose from the Dead, yo.

Moving onto a new subject. :D

The avatar and the display she was in...just before the series of incidents later on.
The past few days I've been playing Secondlife and the other day I got this great Sailor Mars avatar. 

At first I bought it and couldn't see it in my inventory, then many hours later saw I just had to right click and choose an option called 'open' which basically claimed my item from the display.

The problem WAS also I took the store display as well after seeing what could happen if I hit the 'take' button on an object I didn't have ownership permissions of and it took it. I tried to put it back and the item disappeared from my inventory in the attempt (until the next time I re-logged on hours later) and I knew couldn't put it back. It took a couple days and several attempts, but the owner (who I forgot was a recent addition on my friends list XD) finally got back to me and basically said it was not a display, I did the right thing by taking it, and I was relieved.

Now there was just this awkward sign in her shop that says 'I'm an Avatar' with nothing under it anymore. Ha ha!

I've been making myself busy creating on Secondlife as well (that's them below), in between organizing and getting freebies:

Sooo....yeah. Scrubs, Burn Notice, Eating, Sleep. Finished my laundry the other day. Still need to update my journal book but I can do that another time.

Early this morning I made another GIF set, this time from awesome music videos:

Some are cute and some would just make interesting reaction GIFS. :) Byyyyeeee.

P.S. April and I discussed the option of my moving to the living room so we can solve that 'woken by knocking' thing and also the fact that once someone answers, I have to hear long porch conversations. We'll have to move quite a bit of furniture though.

8:07 p.m. So it's been nearly 12 hours. The landlord is gonna talk to Donny and I slept, straight without waking, until the sun was going down. Goes to show how much sleep I needed. Downside is I will be up until morning.

Carlo finally got to be allowed out. Jelly is back after being fixed and wearing the 'cone of shame' as well call it. She's in Rob's room, clawing at his door as he sleeps. Oi.

Mostly that's all I wanted to say.

8:16 p.m. Just remembered I had a nightmare where someone hacked my Secondlife account and started taking my lindens. I panicked. When I contacted the person, they said it was someone who hacked THEIR account and they returned the lindens, meanwhile I was working on an alternative account to start storing lindens....so yeah.

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