Friday, September 11, 2015

Friday Night Rant

11:33 p.m. I am SO tired of the petty disagreements. They are ridiculous, unnecessary, and should cease all possibility in the future.

Blah, blah, blah. Chelsea's depressed, frustrated, and gonna complain about her best friend again. I don't think she gets that I try to give her everything she asks of me and still it's never enough. I'm always doing 'something' that she does not like. It's always something mundane and it's always her pleading her way vs. me feeling like I have to submit because it's not 'something I have her permission to do in the house we share.' Practically our own power struggles for what little things we want in our own lives.

Here's the mundane, ridiculous, argument. I. SIMPLY. want. a. kitchen. window. open. She does not.

I never understood why in this house the simplest of smallest requests or pleasures have to be up for a supremely ridiculous debate. This should NOT be an issue!

Her: You never wanted it open before, I only did it one time to let the cat out.

Me: I ENJOY having the window open ever since we first did it and I love letting the outdoor air in.

Her. It's 'hurting' the cats because it 'makes them long more to go outside.' People can see into our house. (in the kitchen where nobody is in and it being 10-11 p.m. at night. There is also a curtain.)

Me: Can we at least compromise?

And we did, though for her part it was reluctant, and she asked that I just close it when I'm not in the room.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just BLARE that? Please?

This all seems like a solved issue, wrapped in a bow, but I'm ranting because it does not feel solved. It does not feel solved because I feel both guilty that she does not like that she did not have her way (with me simply saying yes I'll do anything you please even if I have to stop what makes me happy) and the fact that I'm fighting 'tooth and nail' to make an independent decision and not have to seek her for permission to do something simple I enjoy.

Why, God why, should I have to stop anything I like because she, as a different person, does not like something I enjoy and therefore wants me to stop or I get made to feel guilty for insisting upon it.

It's a tired old thing. Her love of control and must have her way (and despite a milllion trillion other things that could concede to her will, if you don't give her her way this once she will be sad, frustrated, unpleased etc.) and me refusing to be submissive and my stubborness.

I do admit I am not perfect.

You'll have to forgive me. I'm 'angry' writing because I can't just let this all sit in my head and we are both going to bed like this.

Another thing, she does not want people around her today (yes, after everything that's been going on lately with my loneliness and whatnot) given that I am not the only one pulling at her for attention, I quietly conceded to her wish and will to be left alone. Though...this does not really help that we don't spend much time together.

The laptop broke today. Keys and mouse don't work. I'm on my little netbook.

I ate too much, as I have been lately.

I DID however get my chair uploaded to SL, though it's uneven. I made a mesh house, which for new reasons is not loadable. Ah well. Other than that, it's been a sea of Flight Rising, Netflix, and Scrubs. I need to shower tonight. I need sleep. I need a real friend and real companionship. Eh, I know what I mean.

I also am unhappy about the contentedness with a lack of privacy. They should have put it in the house ad last year that 'Yes, you get a fenced in lawn but don't think you'll always have privacy when you want it.) Sonetimes I just want to go on my porch, sit, and listen to the birds and the trees. But no, Donny lies in the grass and sometimes watches or sleeps. It's not private. -__-

I don't like that I'm ranting. Kinda frustrated about being frustrated.

Frustrated also knowing that April and I are going to have to discuss this sooner or later and as always, I will always find points in the conversation where I was in the wrong (though I tried to compromise) and it usually just ends with April's way anyway. Again, I could be wrong, just frustrated and ranting and sounding like a bit of a brat, to be honest. At least I can admit that.

1:08 a.m. Well, I'm not mad or frustrated anymore. We didn't discuss it. In fact, we are kind of silently deciding not to discuss the thing, I guess. So time is healing petty anger and frustrations...hopefully. So many adverbs, smh.

ANYWAY! Skype no longer works properl.....y...on my computer and I am already considering giving it a restore and starting it over....when I have the patience. Customizing it alone takes a couple extra hours and I'm not ready for that yet. Amen?

At least my psd corset file for SL is on April's computer and NOT the now-useless big laptop whose keys/mouse don't work. How do they say it?

C'est la vie

 "That's life."

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