A Daily Diary: September 2015

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Monday, September 28, 2015

Four Days and Little News.



12:50 a.m. As usual, I've been at my Secondlife projects. :D Still think of Gina...still think of Jackie..still having random moments where I contemplate the abruptness of life and the seemingly innocuous things we'll leave behind that love ones will cling to...including something as small as a Facebook post.

At least so far I have lived long enough to still maybe get to read that letter I wrote to my future self (of 2015) five years ago. I get to read it on November 15, 2015. My own literary time capsule. So much change...

Anyway...here's the new batch of creations so far these past few days. (I said four earlier, but that includes today which is past Midnight.)

The other night I was feeling good because I won 160 Lindens in a costume contest for a Zombie little girl in a 'school uniform' and  (after a 25L tip to the DJ) I played a gacha machine for 150L  to attempt to win a larger amount in the form of a gift card from a store, but got one worth 50L less than what I paid. To top it off, what I could buy with it, I didn't really want. I ended up buying something and then trashing it.

To feel better and get over it, I made this top below. It cheered me up a little. But God and time really did the healing later on. I eventually made the lindens back and then some. Praise God. So yeah! This:

C* Midas Tube Top .::Freebie::.

This was a beauty, a dream, and a favorite:

C* Nightfall Starshine Gown

The slogan, praise God, came to me and I went with it. Although I kinda wish it said 'On Halloween or This Halloween' instead by now, as it sounds better. Oh well. I did sell a couple of them. :D
C* Halloween Novelty Mug

and tonight I made this, finally something for MALE avatars, lol. The silver lining on the edges was April's suggestion and it's probably my favorite part of the whole thing! The red was by accident but I left it because it somehow made it look more interesting.

C* Blood Silver Trench Coat

I FINALLY got around to making my bed, including adding April's foam padding she didn't want anymore, as I feel like I've been pushing myself to do it for a couple weeks now. Sleeping in a 'made' bed is better.

April came back for the day. We recently visited with her at her Mom's when we went grocery shopping but anyway, we wound up getting into a slight tiff over the fact that she tends to push me away in favor of her pagan religion. -_- I can't even go into that. How on earth do you describe the struggles of a relationship between a pagan and a Christian? Bleh. Not going there.

We eventually sorted things out and chilled, then I went off and made the jacket above while she got some much needed rest. She's been working so hard and under a lot of stress taking care of her Mom lately, she didn't need any more hassle from me, in my opinion. She goes back tomorrow but she will be missed.

Garbanzo, above, has been chilling a lot in my lap this week and head rubbing and just being an all around lovable cat...yes, cat and no longer much of a kitten. Meanwhile, Jelly is in heat and quarantined in April's room until it passes, and the other cats are their normal selves, I guess. :)

I've been having dreams but I can't remember any of them. Trying to get my hygiene under control. Running out of news. Need to read more often again...like what happened to Summer reading? Hahaha. Good night. Jesus loves, lives, saves. I leave you with this. It says one year ago but the incident below, aside from the comments, occurred five years ago when I wanted stamps to write Jonathan Rhys Meyers, ha ah ha. I did eventually get them. Names are blurred to respect my family's privacy:



Friday, September 25, 2015

With This I Say...

11:38 p.m. I have lost my dear friend in Christ, Gina Dipper. She will be remembered always and dearly missed. We had a nice rapport through the years so it is sad to see she's gone.

In SL news, in the past two days I have released the following items:

C* Fashion Royals Bed .::September End Sale!::.

C* Lilac Summer .::Dollarbie::.

C* Babydoll Blouse

So it's been a busy couple of days. Other than that:

1. April is still not back.
2. No grocery shopping trip of yet.
3. Hanging out with Rob, Netflix, and the cats.
4. Sleeping.
5. Dreaming, of JRM at one point and again, yet again, of Scrubs situations involving Dr. Cox.
6. Secondlife playing and freebie hunting here, Flight Rising poking there...
7. Jelly is STILL in heat and unusually cuddly.
8. Garbanzo sits in my lap at every opportunity now. Silly kitty. Hope he gets a nice home.

That's all I have to mention for now.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

What's New? SL Stuff!!



Gyazo - 0dfaadc37c98e06e5593d73b4ad193b8.gifC* Angel Love Sweater



C* Gothic Shock Sweater

C* Butterfly Blush Mini



3:14 p.m. April has not returned yet but in the meantime, I made new SL products once again. ^_^ I've been sleeping quite a bit, though the past couple nights there have been a lot of nightmares...thankfully forgotten.

I had the dream again where I went back to school even though I end up realizing I already graduated. I still don't know what that dream means. Maybe when I grow old and die I can ask God. lol. Anyway...

Rob has been kinda lonely...I've been pretty sleepy...now using adverbs. Our kitten Jelly is in heat and quarantined from the other kittens, though she tries to break free from April's room.

I still need to make my bed, and get a good shower, I've just been a bit off lately. lol.  All glory, praise, thanks and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen! God is able!!!

12:19 p.m. Hung out with Rob today and got some sleep. Just had some hots dogs.

Also had an incident with our kitten 'Quarantine' I had a plate of food and Minxy, who was NOT supposed to be in there went by my legs, I stepped in the water bowl and emptied it. I had to quickly set down everything and struggle to get Minxy out. Then I refilled with water bowl.

All this to sit down and eat hot dogs and watch Scrubs.

My biggest life pet peeve is the smallest of simple tasks being made into a MUCH bigger job. -_-

Also! Went to bed earleir wondering if Meli Imako would ever make that Elven Gown that I once did, and took down due to mesh issues, and to my surprise on waking, she was thinking about it! She has people take a vote between it and other clothes to make but the elven one looks pretty strong.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Pro Life Rant - Post Diary.

8:41 p.m. Yesterday's highlight was a lot of internet play and Netflix and I finally got around to working on my journal. Today, I downloaded some music and played Secondlife.

The hashtag #shoutyourabortion going viral now saddens me deeply. In my honest opinion, this is not a religous issue this is an issue period.

Most pro-abortion people seem to have similar arguments:
1. Life was better off without the 'burden' of a child.
2. It's not a living being.
3. If, they agree it is a living being, they argue that death is better suited for them than the risk of poverty, encountering evil people, or a orphanage.

Can anyone of you say "This is what my life will be like with a child" or "this is what their life will be if I allow them to be born" and be 100% absolutely and completely right?

And I'm probably missing a lot more.

I'm not gonna stand outside your abortion clinic, if I could ever bring myself to go near one in the first place, and shout "Murderer" in your face or wave a picture of a dead fetus in the air. Morbid, I know. But people are doing that and it's not right either.

The first, main, and only reason that I do not, nor ever, will be pro-abortion, whatever the argument is that I believe a fetus is a living being. It is a group of cells at the first stage, as anyone in anatomy class would have been taught.

Cells: The Building Blocks of Life! The Cell Theory states that all living things are made of cells, which are the basic units of life, and that cells come from other cells.

You don't need a religion to tell you that.


News flash: I do not care about the 'right to abortion' rights which is a man-made institution to begin with. I care about whether the fetus, which I consider living, lives or dies.  I will agree that to each their own choice and they will live with the results of that choice. Such as fits the case that if a woman is told she would die if she gives birth, she has the choice to consider if she loves a child enough to want it to live.


Typically a good parent loves a child more than themselves, just saying.


Personally, I cannot speak for any of you reading this. This is my belief system.


I could not take a life to spare my own. That's just not who I am. I would feel selfish, personally.


At the same time, I can't help but have a broken heart over those shouting to the skies because they took the life of another. Death is not a rejoicing moment. It's just not appropriate.
I am kinda having this voice in the back of my head. All the horrible names people want to call me in their minds because they disagree. I forgive you. I'm just gonna plant my feet and be immovable on this position.


I'm trying to be careful enough of my words because I hate to offend people. I know to have people against you, who will fight you or wish you harm, because they think differently than you is inevitable. They want to shout in your face, be scathing and angry, and pound their faces at you. So I hope you'll come to a nicer level, breathe, and move on.


Oh, and please stop lumping all of us pro-lifers in one boat. Because not only am I against abortion, I am against:
1. Death penalty, in every and all cases.
2. Assisted suicide or labeled 'Right to die.'

3. Guns.


All lives are precious. Black, white, mixed, any race, nationality, gender, even LGBTQ (for those who also assume all pro lifers want you dead or think you were better off being aborted, we most certainly all do NOT.)


I am pro-birth, too. Happily admitted. Because if you wish to wage whether a child should die vs. what you assume their life could be (because in no situation in life do you know the outcome, poverty or not), and choose death, well...I do not agree.


I refuse also to determine whether someone's life is worthy of being allowed to go on, by my own judgement, based on the actions they have committed in their life.


God have mercy on me, and all, our souls. The end.


Also, I just found out my brother is having a baby girl. Praise the Lord!!
Pro Life For Life.


1:12 a.m. Just got a few hours of sleep. woke up, and already have a cat in my lap.

2:17 a.m. Ate and watched Scrubs. I JUST remembered I made a bunch on GIFS last night, mostly clips from my favorite streaming stuff I normally rewind over and over....some of which is not already in GIF form on the internet that I've seen. Some will make great reactions GIFs one day.

If by VERY odd and rare occurence you stumble across this page which does not get viral, much, to my knowledge, and your video has been used to make the GIF (or you made the Emma Watson ones below.) I shall take it down at your request.


Though now I cannot describe the joy i take in seeing them all in one post, rather than having to view individually on a computer. :D






Saturday, September 19, 2015

Crazy Two Days.


https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/C-Dusk-Halloween-Corset/7765979

7:12 p.m. I keep dreaming about Scrubs...and musicals. The most recent 'song' about how wonderful it is to be a size zero, while I was shopping. I put out a new SL product and Mom and grandpa made a surprise visit yesterday before we went grocery shopping.

I tried the McDonalds 'secret menu item' which consisted of getting a mchicken and a mcdouble and stuck the mcdouble inside the mcchicken for a big sandwich.

We caught up. She gave me ten dollars, just because. Love Mom. :) I also sent that four wheeler and doll stroller home with them.

We had a normal morning, at first. We went thrift shopping and yard sale hunting with April's parents to go look for some towels and it was a nice trip....at first. I got an old book, with lots of pictures, on powerful women in history, a couple mini neopets stuffed animals, a Barbie aka sewing practice doll, and a pair of dress pants.

Anyway, we were going to leave and continue the search for towels. However, her mother fell while trying to get in the truck and broke her ankle in two places. So we called the ambulance and went to Winter Haven hospital. We stayed a couple hours, chatted small talk now and then, and I almost fell asleep in the chair.

Then Rick took Rob and I home so he can switch to a better truck and I slept and dreamt of seeing a new film of JRM where he tried to avoid getting hit by arrows with a partner as he followed a map...once again he had an American accent, lol.

I woke up about an hour ago. Rob is here now and they are home. I fed the hungry cats. I just ate and got an SL corset PSD file emailed to myself so I can work on it anywhere. April will be gone a while to care for her Mom, sadly. I've got her computer right no.

The power knocked out again and Rob fixed it and I moved the microwave to a new spot in the kitchen. All is well and that is all.

10:23 p.m. Happily finished a new project about a half hour, maybe hour, ago:

C* Dusk Halloween Corset

I really gotta get my journal updated soon. So many photos...lol.

1:09 a.m. I had a mini 'Scrubs' marathon alone with pocorn and just finished a few BEAUTIFUL dresses! SO excited!

1:52 a.m. Had to fix a crisis where a few dresses had the MAP part (a balck area) showing. All better now. ^__^





Thursday, September 17, 2015

Took A Day Off, Now Back.

8:02 p.m. I heavily resisted designing yesterday and slept on and off. Oh! And made pasta, then chocolate brownies last night. Not muuch more to note than that about yesterday.

TODAY, our handyman came by and asked Rob to fix his virus-infected computer. He eventually had to leave but after hours of toil (during most of which I napped and can say more about later) he got it done.

Also, when we told him about how the 1200 watt microwave has knocked the power out a few times (we have old wiring) he suggested we try it in a few different outlets, then give him a call if it keeps occurring.

Today I also put out another SL product! I would have done a second one but after trying, I wasn't feeling it...I'll get there. I'm back to an 'off' sleep schedule lately.

 C* Skully Gloves

I JUST disabled my OkCupid account. The dude was a real sweetheart but like I said, I stopped making time for a relationship and gradually we just stopped talking to each other. At least it was a peaceful ending. Hopefully no hard feelings on either side, ya know?

Anyway! During this dream, I thought it was real, I got a virus on the laptop by sleepily clicking a supposed 'prize' link from the SL CEO and then I panicked. I had Rob help and was emotional. Jen was suddenly there beyond my previous notice (this should have cued me that this was a dream) and talking about this real life club that needed Rob for a deejaying job on their new club on Secondlife. I think there was talk about kittens...not so much talk..she played with the kittens. That's all I recall.

My cat photo of the day. :) Jelly (dipping her head) and Garbanzo aka Banzo, our beloved bean. lol.
April is up, Rob is asleep, I took a Secondlife break then checked Facebook and now I've updated. We skipped grocery shopping as I was tired, Rob was barely able to stay awake and at the time April was asleep. We'll be fine for tonight. ;)

9:27 p.m. Got some stocks and photographs edited. Feeling peachy keen.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Things Looking Up.

C* Candy Coated Glasses



Coming Soon - https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/C-Candy-Coated-Glasses/77393243:19 p.m. Lately, I've been sleeping on and off throughout the day and night. I have, however, been putting out more SL products which makes me VERY excited! I did the one above YESTERDAY. ^__^ Very very cute.

The one below was done this morning, the reference being given surprisingly speedily from google search, among other hopeful future projects. :D I do love making Jersey Knit clothes, lol.

 C* Love  Her Sweater

Gyazo - c4ca8092f81b6094745602532df29839.gifThis next one is the most recent, a result of that itch I get sometimes to just make something ELSE. It was not intended to be silk, at first, but then I saw my 'too bright' highlighting made it look like it..so I went with it. Completely adorable!

This makes number 80 out of my goal to have 200 unique products on Secondlife. :D hey, I'm even excited just to be getting close to 100 and God only knows how much I'll improve on THIS if I stick with it. Still planning on getting around to making the store blog..just don't know when yet.

C* Aloha Silk
Gyazo - 0a561efec354bb48ce259c3f5897800e.gif 3:30 p.m. Mema offered me a wig. :) Wouldn't mind it. I don't know what it looks like but I have to imagine it's short hair as I don't recall if ever in my life I've seen her have long hair. We'll see. Jesus has a plan!

Also, today I finally am washing and drying the cushion covers (the ones to the cushions Donny has been sleeping on) so I can finally get them IN THE HOUSE annnnddd I found another big cushion today which is now all set up on the futon.

I felt somewhat motivated when April called me out on my hoarding and said we barely used the futon since we got it [when talking about me bringing in more furniture] aside that the cats use it. So hopefully, this will change the fact. Jesus rejoices.She is right though, I have to know when to stop bringing in furniture.

By the way, the outfits look WAY better in SL than they appear in these low quality GIFS. Nonethelss, these things keep hynotizing me. That is all for now. Bye! 

8:16 p.m. I played on SL, mostly freebie hunts. Also, Flight Rising now and then.and  got those cushion covers washed.  NOW, also with April's help in straightening it up, the couch looks like an actual couch to LAY on, rather than sitting one one cushion. XD Yes, that's how it was.

Today there was also the usual Netflix. I've been neglecting to mention that I restarted Burn Notice this past week and am still watching Scrubs. April is making pizza and a little by little I'm controlling my eating habits.
 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Daily Life. Life.

12:53 p.m. Prayers for my toddler niece, who suffered another seizure while eating a blueberry muffin..and she wasn't breathing. She was rushed to the emergency room and seen (they think she has a virus triggering these seizures) but she is at home now, praise God, and being cared for.

Gyazo - f3fe729a8745b7a770c26c5caac2f79c.gifI slept a lot and therefore had a lot of dreams, good and bad. I dreamt about the incident with my niece, I dreamt about Jackie again, (though it was pleasant) and there was another where I toured a mansion but I don't remember much of any of these.

I've played Secondlife again and Flight Rising. Didn't go to bed until late last night. Not much else of note.

That's me playing it today. It's a 'carnival ride.' XD:

 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I finally got that picture of Donny sleeping (albeit anonymously in the photo) on the cushions in our garage, for a previous post, to illustrate the point. The yard is still not private but no sense in ranting on that in every entry.

I uploaded stock photos taken last week to my netbook so I hope to do something with those soon. I don't know. I just foresee a lot of sleeping today...at least that's my time where I talk to God and not so distracted by the net. I can put a goal list together later. Just drowsy for now. Oi Vey.

3:37 p.m. Almost suprising that I didn't wait until dark to update. After some more time on the computer, I took a break and sat outside with the cats...eventually taking more stock photos and pictures OF the cats. :D Then more computer time and organizing folders on SL and whatnot...the usual unimportant things.


I neglected to mention Jen thought about having Harmony over but she changed her mind.

Anywho, expect more photography to little my blog. And yes, to my future self, that means you have to add them to the journal rather than the simple copy//text thing. :D Have fun! I, need a nap.
In my opinion, the blur of this photo improves the beauty, rather than hindering it. I think it has to do with the stretching


kitten vs the more relaxed one. Speaks to me and is rather wonderful. Just my two cents.


Sunday, September 13, 2015

Just Another Day, Lately.

8:23 p.m. My mood is chilled, in a good way, over the past couple days. I realize I don't give April her due credit when she is asking how I feel, genuinely caring, and rightfully concerned that at times I'm not telling her how I feel because I'm trying not to make a bigger argument. I've also been getting Secondlife stuff done.

Fun part is also making GIF previews to show what it looks like IN secondlife. I find them hynotizing.

C* Semtium Orpheous Ring

144211706491862

I did that yesterday, and this today:
C* Skeleton Key Anklet

144211706491862 

VERY very cool.

On the downside, I haven't finished much else besides that and my laundry. Been eating, sleeping, and getting freebies. I've had the realization today that I don't have much of a relationship with my family and wonder how silent I must seem from their perspective...to the point where it's quite sad to be honest. I know I need to at least say HI or something, soon.

One day all of this is going to pass away. Making things on Secondlife and everything. Remember that time years ago where I spent entire days, and sometimes nights, trying to win first place in an Altador Cup tournament? It'll pass for sure.

I just kinda made this made art outlet since I haven't been making any physical art, due to the high amount of itching and stress it induces.

What is the point of this picture? lol. What's it saying?
I know God is the meaning of life and I know my problem is that He isn't as much the focus as He should be, otherwise life would be happier...maybe even relationships and health, too. I'm always in some rut, I guess. I just have to come out of it.

I had some demon dream on my nap today. As usual, it was prayer that kept the thing from touching me. So I thank God for that. I don't mean to seem rejoiceful, I can at least be thankful God gets me through.Praise, Thanks, and Glory be to God in Jesus name, Amen! God is able!!

Friday, September 11, 2015

Friday Night Rant

11:33 p.m. I am SO tired of the petty disagreements. They are ridiculous, unnecessary, and should cease all possibility in the future.

Blah, blah, blah. Chelsea's depressed, frustrated, and gonna complain about her best friend again. I don't think she gets that I try to give her everything she asks of me and still it's never enough. I'm always doing 'something' that she does not like. It's always something mundane and it's always her pleading her way vs. me feeling like I have to submit because it's not 'something I have her permission to do in the house we share.' Practically our own power struggles for what little things we want in our own lives.

Here's the mundane, ridiculous, argument. I. SIMPLY. want. a. kitchen. window. open. She does not.

I never understood why in this house the simplest of smallest requests or pleasures have to be up for a supremely ridiculous debate. This should NOT be an issue!

Her: You never wanted it open before, I only did it one time to let the cat out.

Me: I ENJOY having the window open ever since we first did it and I love letting the outdoor air in.

Her. It's 'hurting' the cats because it 'makes them long more to go outside.' People can see into our house. (in the kitchen where nobody is in and it being 10-11 p.m. at night. There is also a curtain.)

Me: Can we at least compromise?

And we did, though for her part it was reluctant, and she asked that I just close it when I'm not in the room.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just BLARE that? Please?

This all seems like a solved issue, wrapped in a bow, but I'm ranting because it does not feel solved. It does not feel solved because I feel both guilty that she does not like that she did not have her way (with me simply saying yes I'll do anything you please even if I have to stop what makes me happy) and the fact that I'm fighting 'tooth and nail' to make an independent decision and not have to seek her for permission to do something simple I enjoy.

Why, God why, should I have to stop anything I like because she, as a different person, does not like something I enjoy and therefore wants me to stop or I get made to feel guilty for insisting upon it.

It's a tired old thing. Her love of control and must have her way (and despite a milllion trillion other things that could concede to her will, if you don't give her her way this once she will be sad, frustrated, unpleased etc.) and me refusing to be submissive and my stubborness.

I do admit I am not perfect.

You'll have to forgive me. I'm 'angry' writing because I can't just let this all sit in my head and we are both going to bed like this.

Another thing, she does not want people around her today (yes, after everything that's been going on lately with my loneliness and whatnot) given that I am not the only one pulling at her for attention, I quietly conceded to her wish and will to be left alone. Though...this does not really help that we don't spend much time together.

The laptop broke today. Keys and mouse don't work. I'm on my little netbook.

I ate too much, as I have been lately.

I DID however get my chair uploaded to SL, though it's uneven. I made a mesh house, which for new reasons is not loadable. Ah well. Other than that, it's been a sea of Flight Rising, Netflix, and Scrubs. I need to shower tonight. I need sleep. I need a real friend and real companionship. Eh, I know what I mean.

I also am unhappy about the contentedness with a lack of privacy. They should have put it in the house ad last year that 'Yes, you get a fenced in lawn but don't think you'll always have privacy when you want it.) Sonetimes I just want to go on my porch, sit, and listen to the birds and the trees. But no, Donny lies in the grass and sometimes watches or sleeps. It's not private. -__-

I don't like that I'm ranting. Kinda frustrated about being frustrated.

Frustrated also knowing that April and I are going to have to discuss this sooner or later and as always, I will always find points in the conversation where I was in the wrong (though I tried to compromise) and it usually just ends with April's way anyway. Again, I could be wrong, just frustrated and ranting and sounding like a bit of a brat, to be honest. At least I can admit that.

1:08 a.m. Well, I'm not mad or frustrated anymore. We didn't discuss it. In fact, we are kind of silently deciding not to discuss the thing, I guess. So time is healing petty anger and frustrations...hopefully. So many adverbs, smh.

ANYWAY! Skype no longer works properl.....y...on my computer and I am already considering giving it a restore and starting it over....when I have the patience. Customizing it alone takes a couple extra hours and I'm not ready for that yet. Amen?

At least my psd corset file for SL is on April's computer and NOT the now-useless big laptop whose keys/mouse don't work. How do they say it?

C'est la vie

 "That's life."

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Yay! Next Day Post!

11:08 a.m. Yesterday April and I talked things out, Rob was a bit drunk but at least it made me smile, anywho....we can't help that I'm lonely. I am lonely as we well acknowledged. But we are still spending time together now and then. We watched more brides for a couple hours today.

Today, we went grocery shopping, can't believe it's already Thursday, and we have so much now that the fridge, freezer, and ALL our cabinets are FULL!!!

Also, I made a wonderful men's tee shirt on Secondlife...and Rob gave me Lindens last night and I updated the bed. More pics on that soon, though it is having a little issue mesh-wise but pics later. I was wishing my corset PSD was available to make more versions but alas they are April's computer so they must wait until sometime around the weekend.

C* Skull Wax Shirt

Someone kindly complimented my SL store today and even asked to open an inworld one. I thought it was a kind thought but I'm not ready for an inworld store...need more money, and more products, but I can dream. :D

I thought of making a cow print outfit but it fell through...of all things. I'm playing by ear and have no clue what my next creation will be...God only knows.

I've still been thinking about Jackie. Dreamed of her again. Had a dream where her grandpa Jack passed, and then he was alive again. In another part, Mike, her father, said she was my sister (as if to remind me with a smile) and in a lot of ways she was. So I am still mourning her every day a bit because to me, yes, she was my sister even if we didn't see each other much. Very sad. I  still cling to the last few days I ever saw her and the moments where she walked away because she had to go. Those stick out the most.

I know we'll never have answers as to why she's gone, I just have to accept that she is and pray to God I see her again someday. I just pray she's happy where she is now.

I get the feeling that enough years will go on and I will forget the sound of her voice.

I have a habit of thinking of my own mortality in car rides now...which is odd but true.

That's all. Just thought I'd pop a post out before bed instead of waiting for tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

A Great Three Days, Then Loneliness.

5:53 p.m. Other than spending too long catching freebies and playing a little Flight Rising, I've been busy busy busy making my latest creations over the past few days, praise Jesus. I've also gone  alittle broke doing it but anyway..

I'm ashamed that it shows a little more bust than I'd like BUT it was both easy and fun to texture. Made it in multiple colors as well but I won't list it all here.
C* Corset - Haunted

Like the corset, the mesh to make it was free (won from a store) and this was so fun I just had to make it right away, even without a map guide. However, I could not change the metal piece much. I would have liked to have gone with silver:
C* Poison Apple Earrings

TODAY, however, I made my first MESH! UNFORTUNATELY, after hours of work creating a simple 3D chair, I learned I cannot upload it without taking an SL course or something to be sure I can respect property rights. Nonetheless, this was a victory.

I spent too many hours DREAMING I could make a 3D object. Something, anything. And Praise Jesus it happened. Harder task than it looks in every way imaginable. Oi.

Anyway, my sales have been very very very small lately and fewer, however, I made a decent sale (62L) and spent 40 on adding a few more 'books' to my bed project, while leaving the rest for future projects. Yes, I made a book called 'Selfies.' Lol.

I don't care if no one buys it, to be honest, this is is expensive. This is VERY enjoyable!

I've thought about making a strictly SL creations blog someday, maybe when I hit a certain milestone. :D I have over a hundred products and still only sell a handful a day but praise the Lord, I will get there. God willing!




April made time to hang out with me today, which was VERY appreciated. We watched a show called 'Curvy Brides' and I snacked a bit.

Also opened a kitchen window earlier and let the air and light in. The cats seemed to enjoy that. P.S. Random note, April couldn't believe how old Hilary Duff was. We're old. Coca Cola is re-releasing Surge!!!! That...is awesome. I'm probably more excited about it than I should be.

On another note, I'm still thinking my life has this problem with relationships. As much as I'd like to have them, I'm one of those people who have trouble making new ones and when I do, I have trouble maintaining them.

April and Rob are the only friends in real life, who are close, I have. I have time with my family now and then but not much. Just something that's been on my mind.

I still think about Jackie. The only thing I remember the last time I saw her alive, several months before her passing, was standing by at Publix (It was December 2014 and we were picking some things up as well as getting Jen's birthday present) while she, in uniform, chatted with my Mom. It went through my mind that they were discussing something I would have no clue about and did not get involved in the conversation, mostly tuned out. I didn't say much to her or her to me in my memory.

The moment I watched her walk back to working, as we ourselves left, plays in my head over and over though, kinda like it's her 'making an exit' sometimes even in bright clouds. Though in reality it was some innocuous thing.

The next memory was at Christmas where we visited her Grandma Joan and I was asking where she was living. Joan talked about the apartment. The word plays over in my mind 'living. LIVING.' No longer alive. No longer living. No longer at the apartment, or Publix. She is very missed.

I certainly don't write this stuff on Facebook, where both of her grieving parents are on my friends list. I can't imagine what they are going through. I feel like the smallest thing over her death could hurt. I still ask God if she's in Heaven and told God though I know what He's telling me, I hoped He wouldn't mind if I kept asking anyway. I think He answered me in my dreams the other night.

In it, Mom gave me a speech about accepting when it was a person's time to go. Though she was referring to my grandparents, on both sides, and my preparation, there was another part of the dream with Jackie being happy, on a carousel of all things (sitting on a horse sideways in some colorful sweater) so putting those two together I kinda got my answer.

April has been worried about mood. I've been worried about her religion. Let this be a judge free zone. Do I wish I could share my religion with her? Certainly. Do I bother saying so? God forgive me but my simple mind/heart feels it's futile to try.

She is pagan. She has her focus on paganism with her friends and that is in her circle. It shuts me out, pushes me away, forces me into loneliness. I don't think she quite gets that this passion of hers does just a bit of harm.

If this is read it may come back to bite me that I'm writing this.

There are things I don't say aloud because I don't have the faith that it will change anything.

I don't think God wants me around it anyway, so maybe He has some hand in this but it doesn't make it easy. I kinda threw my hands up spiritually and said this is up to You, you know? I've done the Gospel thing and I feel like it's up to them when, if God willing, ever they want to turn to it.

It's not my job to convert anyone, anyway, or anyone elses. The Word is put out there, it's up to our own consciouses to accept it, or not. It's just hard not to have someone of a similar belief system, ya know? There's a LOT I can't say around friends about say 'a topic' because I'm almost always on the opposing side and then left to hear opinions that make me feel worse for bringing it up or even somewhat sick with myself inside.

Say it with me. Admit it. I am one LONELY human being. God be with me, in Jesus name, Amen!

Oh, and I had another dream about JRM. This one was where I was just chatting with he and Mara, and later got confused and thought he was marrying Julianne Moore lol. Don't recall much details.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Yesterday Went Nicely. ^__^

5:43 pa.m. I've started a new project, a bed, and I couldn't be more excited. lol. This may sound strange but the big lure to buying it was to design it with my own book titles/covers, lol. It's a project...definitely intended to be completed over time.

All the blank parts you see is obviously the unfinished aspect.


It will be a girly-esque bed, targeted to the girly fashionista with 'rich' tastes at a reasonable price. The bed will be 'marble' and I anticipate a sane amount of pink. lol. Coming along though. :D

Yesterday, Rob and I handled the grocery shopping. We came home, had pigs in a blanket, later, a little Vodka, and then we went to bed. We didn't get super drunk just some sippy sips. I also had water before bed. No embarrassing episodes, I promise. We also watched the pilot of Scrubs lol.

I got it in my head to make a group on SL (costs 100L) to promote my shop and perhaps a SL shop blog as well. All in good time. Maybe when I reach another milestone and make enough products. :D I could be designing houses one day, God willing, and have an actual in-world (in game) store in secondlife (as well as the online store I have now) Interesting goals indeed.

P.S. Got that youtube video still in my head. I want that song >.<

4:40 p.m. Almost 12 hours later. Made a new top. ^__^


That, some nap around 2 p.m. where I dreamt of Dr. Cox from Scrubs, and the usual bedtime prayer was the highlight of my day. Maybe also that as soon as I sat in April's computer chair, Garbanzo the kitten snagged my lap. P.S. April is at her parents' house for a couple days.

10:26 p.m. Got another one going out soon! Feeling fabulous!





12:54 a.m. Playing SL. Spending Lindens. Bed soon. Jesus saves, yo.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Secondlife Designing Like CRAZY!

7:07 p.m. I'm back. She's BACK! I've been making many an interesting thing...I'm not kidding. Six things uploaded in three days and I've been on a semi-normal sleep schedule. Praise Jesus!

Five different shades of theses pants:

C* Wild Abandon Jeans - Light

Made this shirt, though I intended it as an outfit the shorts never worked out. I got refunded. :)
C* Lazy Rock Shirt

Took down the texture and just uploaded the shirt instead after a TINY bit more tweaking:

C* Gothic Web Top

I FINALLY finished this project (the bag part) after what felt like a month of sitting on it:
C* Trick or Treat Bag and Candy

Praise God. I was watching the freebie chair all week for my letter to come up. A chair that basically if the lucky letter matches the first letter of your username, you win the prize. I was SECONDS from just buying it instead when the "?" letter came on the chair (meaning any letter can win) and I got these baby bottles and textured them! SO thrilled. I believe God blessed me. Thank/Praise Jesus.
C* Baby Boom Bottles

Lastly, there was the Castiel cosplay, 'Cassplay' suit that didn't work out. I scrapped all my original plans except to make the Angel blade, the only one I could find on the site, and I am praising God on how it came out!!! Just as well as I hoped! This was also a long while in the making.

C* Angel Blade

The last three items were submitted today alone. I've been a very busy girl. So busy that I have sadly given up having time for a relationship and am more focused on God on my creativity. So yeah..

Managed to scrounge up a grocery list, and it's storming, so there's no word on if we are going shopping tonight or not.

More news, I have a new favorite song/music video. Swing version of Macklemore's Thrift Shop. I'll just leave this here in case I stumble upon this as a forgotten entry one day and smile:



I am a couple months shy of getting to read that letter I saved. The one where my 21 year old self asks my 26 year old self questions about life. I'm very, very excited to tell that woman what has changed because she never could've believed it (especially LIVING with April when at that time I was forbidden to even see her) so yeah...more soon.

The usual, otherwise, is Flight Rising (saved 400K so far and plan to save more on there) Secondlife (Rob bought me 1500 Lindens last night and I've tried not to spend it too quickly. Success.) Scrubs (Still getting through the seasons) April and I argued last night and the end result, I'll say as much, is that we want to work on a closer relationship as I was starting to feel pushed away. For starters we watched a Say Yes to the Dress marathon, commented on the dresses, and that was fun. ^__^ We both want this.

I also found more gems in my neighbors trash. A non-working toddler four wheeler and a double baby doll stroller with a broken strap. I asked Jen if she wanted them, she does, she just has to pick it up. My neighbor throws out a lot of good stuff.



Speaking of which, my brother found a flat panel tv in the garbage with no cord. DJ took it home because he had a cord for it and the thing works perfectly! He gave it to my Mom.

Seems the year has been going rough but God is actually putting some good stuff our way. Jesus rejoices.

My heart goes out to that county clerk, unnamed, who is currently suffering for the sake of righteousness. God be with her in Jesus name, amen! May she stand firm in Christ.

8:03 p.m. Caught up on pinterest. Feeling the need for a nap. I can only assume we aren't shopping tonight judging by the hour, but that is fine. ^^ Jesus loves you. G'nite.

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