Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Old Babysitting Feels...DEBUNKED.

10:23 a.m. I can tell you already that it's going to be another very long, very hard, and very stressful day. Jen woke me up around 5:30 a.m. ish and asked me to come sleep in her bed with Harmony while she went off to work. Aaliyah slept in the kid bed in the same room and we all slept until 9:30ish. We had dinner leftovers for breakfast and then they went outside to play. The water hose was almost a good idea until the water was too hot and it scared Harmony. Aaliyah wanted to play with it without getting her clothes wet. I was just not feeling great being it was a hot morning and just as hot inside the house, all around HOT. So I wasn't much in the mood for being outside. We went in the bedroom to play. I played fruit ninja, Aaliyah played on her phone and Harmony just wandered.

All of this sounds fine, so why does it sound like it'll be 'such a hard day.' I love Aaliyah, I do. But it just seems like, often, either I after to tell her something a dozen times before she does it, or I'll ask her to do something like play in her room, and she'll do it for a minute before coming up with a reason to not be in there. Sometimes she outright ignores me. Ah, and the thing where she knows her Mom
doesn't let her get away with doing something, so she does it around me. I don't allow that. If she's punished, she throws the biggest tantrum before going through with it...just a long list of things.

Harmony is easier, which is surprising because SHE'S the two year old. Mostly she's good unless she's near something dangerous or something she's not supposed to touch, and then I have to pull her away. I may have to call her a few extra times to get her to come to me and she does scream at times at the top of her lungs. But I stick her in her playpen, she cries about 20 minutes, then plays. Although there is the rare occasion where she climbs out which is a strange feat seeing as the walls of the playpen reach above her shoulders.

Another rant, I never for a second understood the difficulty in getting a child to play with her toys, in her room. You'd think it'd be the easiest thing in the world but no, getting her to do'd think it was a chore.

I do have to admit my own faults here as well. I'm no angel. I get them playing in their room and I go off in another room because I will squeeze any minute of privacy and quiet out of my day like water being wrung from a dish towel. This was my problem when I was a full time babysitter living here two years ago. I craved my privacy and quiet like it was water and bread. I seemed to thrive with it and often didn't get it. And the longer I went without, the more I let my stress and agitation get out of control. They are essentials to my life, whether here or away. Pushed to the limit, I don't hit the kids obviously. That would be awful. But I'm ashamed to say it's a lot of screaming and yelling to the point of me wanting to break down in tears of shame at my own behavior. I hit that point yesterday. It was the only far. Hopefully not again.

That's another problem with me. That as a babysitter, I let small infractions blow up and let me get out of control. I keep telling myself when I lay my head down to sleep that I will be better the next day, kinder. The next day comes and I wake up in full (not yelling, mind you....much) disciplinarian mode.

Again, this goes back to my issues when I was living here. I hated being in charge. I hated being a disciplinarian and keeping them in order. I loathed it. Because I always felt this evil inside of me coming out through it. It was a person I never liked who wasn't my true happy self. It's part of why I complain so much. It's why the longer this goes on, the harder it is even though I tell myself I'm gonna be better.

They really are great kids. They're playing and doing fine right now. I guess the real trouble starts when there is resistance to anything I ask them to do. And it happens, every day, every hour. And it's simple stuff. Go to your room. Clean your mess. Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself. Having to give the same command, what feels like a dozen times in a row, would put a stress on anyone.

This is what I'm going through every day now until I go home, in five days, and that is why in the beginning I said it was going to be another very long, very hard day. Because it does not get any easier, it only gets harder. I've been 'the babysitter' for years and years and years. There has always been some part of me that loathed being that, even when I agree to it. It would be easier with one kid, obviously, the better behaved one (which is what I was told when I agreed to this, Harmony only) but I got this. Both. I forgive. I'll get through it and move on.

I'm not going on about this because they are misbehaving at this moment. This is just five straight days of stress needing to be explained. Jesus have mercy on my soul.

1:13 p.m. Things have been surprisingly calm since I wrote this. Okay, there was one incident but it got smoothed over, then the rest of the hours went by smoothly. Zackary went on his X-Box. Harmony and Aaliyah played in the playpen and aside from the occasional bickering between them, it was fine. I played Fruit Ninja and I just got Harmony down for a nap in Jen's room. For once, Zackary and Aaliyah are getting along. He is on the back steps with her and he's shooting Bee-bees at old Pepsi and beer cans. She sets up the targets with these used tubes that shot up fireworks the other night. Hopefully, I'll come back with a nice report. There is a calm....

1:45 p.m. Things are still well. I got some shots, and Zackary wanted some of him with some bee bee guns, even defunct ones. It came out cool though. I just wish I could somehow get them on my computer to edit them, lol. It's plugged into my computer but my computer doesn't recognize it enough. It'll charge it, but it won't let me in the phone to get files. On another note, my stomach hurts. I'm having digestive issues.....eep.

3:19 p.m. Issues passed. I made an AWESOME photo manipulation of Zackary from one of the images where he was in Aaliyah's room. I went for a 'video game charater' model-esque photo which is what I got. He looks a mix between a zombie and some tough smart-talking zombie 'fighting' teenager ha ha. I could use it one day for something. :D

3:31 p.m. Well, the house got cleaner thanks in most part to Aaliyah, Joe, and Zack. Thank God, too, because it feels nicer. Harmony is STILL asleep but she's doing well. Aaliyah has to clean her room but her reward is a good play in the water hose. ^__^ Harmony can sleep as long as she needs as long as it's not until evening. Because then, she'll be up all night.

Zackary threw out the idea earlier that Mom will be home tomorrow. And since that is true, he wants to ask for a beach day for all of us. There are some impediments to this, in my honest opinion. The biggest is gas money, always the issue of gas money. (lack thereof) I also have no bathing suit, but I could borrow from Mom (in the unlikely chance that she says yes, which I don't believe she will.)

Uncle Pat and Z have some idea that if they just press Mom hard enough, she'll do what they ask for. That, believe it or not, tends to work. Okay, MORE than one person in this family shares that belief. I'm the only one who doesn't believe that's the right way to go about it. When it involves me, we ask once, get an answer and that needs to be the final one. No pestering, lol. And since I don't believe in the pestering, that is why I believe we are also not going to the beach nice as that would be. P.S. We also do not have Harmony's car seat so this would have to be asked for tonight, not tomorrow, before Jen leaves for work in the morning with it.

4:19 p.m. Praise the Lord! Jen just got home, Harmony is now awake after three hours of sleep, Aaliyah is cleaning her room and off duty officially. Zackary told Joe about the beach. Instead of being so negative, I've switched the sides to root for him. If you're telling more than one person, than you REALLY want to go. I've been there. P.S. He gave me a nice healthy strawberry processed cookie earlier. I shared with the kids. ^^

4:47 p.m. Applause for being wrong about how stressful it would be today. The day ended pretty nicely. I edited my camera phone photos, finally managed a way..somehow..praise God. Nothing to much, just lightening and color and contrast and whatnot. Very nice ^____^ I can't see my IG videos until they upload, when I have internet, but that should be no problem right? I already know what most of them are....night time fireworks and several of the kids. Boring conversation, right?

5:20 p.m. Been browsing some photos on my computer and dealt with a few more on my camera phone. It's about to storm and it's about TIME! It was a smoldering hot day today. I love when Florida does this. One half of the day sits in the mid to upper 90s weather, then we get cool showers cooler than the inside of this unairconditioned house! BYE!

5:44 p.m. I spent almost twenty minutes outside. Harmony was good company. I was right to feel it was better outside, and it was, aside from a fly plague moving from the outdoors to in, it was perfect. We have the door and windows open because the air conditioning window units needed cleaning before they could be used again.

7:28 p.m. Been hanging out with Harmony, waiting on the storm to come. Been on the porch a lot, it was nice. Harmony played a handheld SEGA. Mom has plans with Joe, so no beach. He's making something for dinner right now, I forget what. We were going to have hamburger that Mom was bringing tonight but Joe wants to save it for tomorrow.  Z is playing GTA, Aaliyah is still cleaning her room, Harmony is eating chips with him. Jen and I discussed me staying to the 28th, as we agreed. She just needs my address to send the book, she said. She still would see if it's at Book-A-Million before ordering online. Should be, it's a new release. The 28th would give her time to do overtime so she can go help out Mema, she said. I'm still ever looking forward to home but yes, the last half of the day has been calm. I'm hoping the idea for me is dinner, shower, and bed. I still could use the rest.

10:07 p.m. I had dinner and when it came time to help with the dishes, I didn't do that right so I laid down a few moments and then helped again. Then showered. I also realized my photos are no longer labeled by date after deleting them off the phone. I guess I'll have to wing it.

10:28 p.m. Glad that I got that sorted. Aaliyah is refusing to go to bed which is stressing me out. I'm heading to bed soon. I just need the privacy for a few minutes. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, died, rose, saved! Night homies!! Later. Bye. Mwuah!! After this we are four days left to home and all the internet things.

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