A Daily Diary: Dreams, Homesickness, and Trying To Keep Calm.

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Friday, June 26, 2015

Dreams, Homesickness, and Trying To Keep Calm.

4:34 a.m. My brain pulled a fast one on me. Just when I was thinking last night, 'Gee, I used to write about Jonathan Rhys Meyers all the time. Now I barely write about him at all.' I end up having a few dreams about him, just like the old days.

In the first one, I am standing by as he passionately tries to convince the woman across from him to let him into a certain college. Full on acting mode.When he finished that one, he moves onto my application (more of an online one) and starts asking personal questions. For some reason this application even asked if I was in a relationship.

At some point, on the computer, we come across these pictures of Jackie (R.I.P.) sitting on a couch, around five years old, in a fleece girly nightgown. She's smiling away from the camera with hands curled at her chest and wisps of blonde hair down her back. Her blue eyes sparkled and her mouth was partially open as if she were speaking. I explained how everyone was saddened by her passing, at just nineteen. Some people had moved on but the parents still mourn. He interrupted befor eI could finish that part and said they will never be over it [the death of their child.]

In another scene, we are in the living room and watching television night. He's on one couch and I am on another. I kinda thought about how adorable him and Mara are together. ANYHOW! Harmony shows up and he invites her to come cuddle with him. She sees me move on the couch out of the corner of her eye and looks up to see who it was. Then she was comforted to see it was me. He settled her back down.

In another scene, I myself, was a little actress. I was told I would be doing a scene with Jonathan Rhys Meyers and then my eyes got big. My agent, who I could kinda hear but not see, was surprised. Meanwhile, I'm curious to know what my reaction looked like so I went into the bathroom to practice my wide eyed reaction. The reflection was not quite...me. I looked like I had just woken up (pinkish eyes) and they seemed just a 'tiny' bit spaced too far apart on my face. Afterwards, I explained that I used to be obsessed with him before he started dating Mara. The agent suggested maybe he'd even want to be friends after this and I was like, kinda sheepishly, "He wouldn't want to be friends with me." Then I hear him, but don't see him, say "Who's he?" I don't think there was an answer. I could sense he was smiling.

In another part of the dream, I am wandering on a far. It's kind of amusing because before this part I'm about to explain, I was looking at a dog with blue dyed fur (meant to look like underwear) which in the dream was his ACTUAL fur after being shaved down. The dog belonged to Mike, from his late (they are still alive in real life) parents. Anyway, wandering the farm. lol. I decide to give him a tour.

Again, I can sense him and even hear him, but I cannot see him. I was still thinking, like the old days, that I even look a little like him and that he knew it, too. The rest after this part is a blur, it's a miracle I remembered this much. The actual owner of the farm shows up with Mom and he's taking inventory of his livestock, knowing each of his animals perfectly. He was an old man in overalls, smiling with a clipboard.

I still dream of him now and then. I mostly don't write the dreams down anymore. I think I stopped dreaming of him every single month, like I have for the past four-plus years. :D I'm still a fan just not as obsessed as I used to be. Excuse the word.

5:07 a.m. I just got a few convenient minutes to download yesterday's photos with Mom's hot spot, talk to my OkCupid date, and...to Blurb..who sent my book on the way, but it was returned to sender. (We've been having that same issue with Rob and our P.O. Now, it's our home address. Makes so sense since I've ordered with it before.) This is just bad luck. I had this happen when I lived at the apartment, too. Address worked fine for a while, then all of a sudden things sent to me were being 'returned to sender' which is nuts, including my tax return last year. Yeah.

 Anyway, Blurb said, 'I'm sorry. I will talk to my collegues. There with be a slight delay.' Oi. I sent a pleading email back. I spent the last of what I could afford on this book and worked on it for eight months. I must fight for it to get here!! It'll be easier correspondence once I get home and have internet again. Say it with me. "TWO MORE DAYS!!" Mwuahahhahahaaaaa!!!!

Anyway, I wonder how long I'm gonna be awake. I could stay up and bask in the glow of being the only one up, in the quiet still atmosphere I so deeply treasure.

7:39 a.m. For well over two hours, I have been working on the drawing I thought was finished yesterday. I thought it would be fun to see it in color via GIMP editing, and it was. Then when I desaturated THAT I saw this definition I lacked in the original drawing. So, pun intended, I went back to the drawing board and enhanced the drawing to my liking. :D Jesus rejoices. I think I finally got it the way I want it. I also enhanced a picture of Aaliyah I took in her bathing suit yesterday so I'm pleased as punch about that. Praise the Lord. God is good to us.

8:02 a.m. Made a strip from several photos from the fun I had last night, when I was supposed to be going to bed. They are from last night, even though I'm putting them in today's entry. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves! Aaliyah is awake and we should eat. Later homies. TWO DAYS left!!

10:26 a.m. Nothing I want to tell out of the ordinary. Just playing with the kids. Aaliyah has her Littlest Pet Shop with paper dolls and Harmony is just roaming from one activity to the next. She was just playing with a stroller earlier.

10:54 a.m. I screenshotted the best moments from the fireworks videos so I'll have some images for June 21st since there aren't really any others. The late morning isn't going too bad...

11:16 a.m. Playing too much on Instagram...

12:33 p.m. Still played with that camera phone too much. Lol. Finally settling down and I'm giving Harmony a nap. Hopefully, things can stay calm. We had grilled cheese and tuna earlier (at first I typed 'grilled geese' that was hilarious.)

2:34 p.m. Harmony is still napping. Jen is out running errands. Aaliyah is upset about having to stay in her room during 'The Transporter' which is on now. Oi. Not a fan of the film, mind you. The musical score is cool though. That and wanting to use the computer but I didn't let her yet. I just didn't want it turned on at the time. I strongly felt she should nap getting herself all upset but she refuses. She took us laying down together as a agreement that she would use the computer afterwards but she misheard me. In short:

I said she could use it if she napped.
She didn't want to nap and cried.
I said, "If you lie down, it's not the same as sleep."
She laid down. Then expected the computer.
I said it was not the same thing. She got upset.

Two more days. Two more days. Breathe. lol.

5:32 p.m. We watched most of Transporter Two after the first one finished. Everyone, including Jen, Mom, and Joe are home. Kids are awake. I just showered. Kids PLAYING in between. That's about it. Other than that, I used the time in the shower for a break and a glide off into my own world. Hehhe gllliiidddeeeee. So far, right now, the day is hot and the mood is not too bad at all. P.S. Aaliyah got over the computer thing later, Thank God. Also, I've been awake for eleven hours now and counting. I'm gonna be SOOO tired tonight. You won't even believe it.

5:44 p.m. I was hoping to use Mom's Wifi Hotspot to answer some emails. **coughcough** Blurb. But she is playing an app game right now so that will have to wait. I told her I hope we don't get to the 28th and then someone says 'We don't have gas money to take you home.' Then, I get stuck babysitting longer. It's not like Grandpa is here to take me back. He's helping out Mema and Papa which, is, of course, more important. Mom said she knows I miss home. :) And I do, very much do, very easily. I'm sorry but I miss lazy, uncomplained about, relaxation. Hahah. AIR CONDITIONING, Plague-free enviroment, food, friends...the easier convenience of companionship. etc.i.e. talking with adults. Internet convenience. The list goes on and on. It also gives a higher sense of independence.

7:27 p.m. I washed a pot for Jen and relaxed. Then played outside with Skyla and the kids. Mom let me use her hotspot and long story short, after another technical email, my book SHIPPED!! I don't know if it shipped to Fort Meade or Mulberry but it shipped. Time will only tell. I'll keep trying, anyway. ^___^ P.S. Hamburger Helper was yummy tonight.

EDIT: I enjoyed internet freedom the next few hours until bedtime. I spent time with the kids. I put on Barney and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Netflix and Aaliyah watched Youtube videos to her heart's content. Mom announced last night that we will be going on vacation soon at a hotel. I REALLY want to go so I hope they remember to take me along. It's at a timeshare for a week, owned by my late Grandma and passed onto my mother. Free week at a fabulous resort hotel. ^^ Mom thinks it's a great idea for an October 8th birthday present for Aaliyah. Can't believe she's already that old. She's so special. I wish she knew it.

I was a little disheartened last night because she's going through something a lot of african americans go through. She and her sister are both a mixed race of Caucasian and Black skin. Her sister, is a lighter skin tone while Aaliyah has very dark skin. Well last night, I was editing pictures (colors and lighting and whatnot) and she says, "I want you to make me light, like Harmony." She infered that it was more beautiful to be whiter and I was trying to convince her that black IS beautiful, very special, and that is just not the case. [The lighter the skin, the better.] Still, she made comments about not liking her dark black skin. I just have to pray to God one day she will see the beauty in the skin she has and not be ashamed to be dark.

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