I also made April frustrated at me, again. She was frustrated with another friend to begin with and we were supposed to go grocery shopping. I do not enjoy going shopping with her when she in a bad mood. She gets a snappy voice or just an unhappy one altogether, visibly stews in frustration, a few times to a point where she can get fed up and walk off...leaving us. I end up keeping about three feet or more away from her almost the entire trip while that mood keeps my own happiness down.
What did it was I said I didn't want to go, she asked why, several times, and I said "I don't want to discuss it right now" because it was honestly a mouthful to explain, not to mention to rude to say aloud. She said what the reason was, the harshest way of putting the reason possible, and that was the end of it. So she went with Rob and Rick, and stewed in anger, and I stayed home and tried to suppress my guilt, repeating the words in my head that she said before leaving. I don't even remember the exact verbage in there but there was a little profanity, so that's an idea of it right there.
Later in the night, she took what I said to mean that I was ignoring her, you know, not wanting to give her the time of day, which makes things worse. Because in trying to spare this mean thing I had to say, I ended up sending the wrong message by using the words 'I don't want to discuss it right now.' which, as I said, was an attempt to spare myself from going into detail admitting why I really wasn't going.
I had closed Skype on the computer to do art and watch Modern Family, only to learn they tried to get ahold of me that way (I no longer have a phone) to ask what feminine products I wanted. It said I was online, because I hit quit instead of 'sign out.' Therefore, April had convinced herself that I was just trying to ignore them and got more frustrated.
I could tell she still was when she walked in the door with a sour face, saying nothing, and what she did say, just about groceries, had a frown and that specific 'unenthused' tone which let's me know she was still mad.
Then we sat and talked about it, I wound up crying because I knew I was stupid for what I did, (this feels like Deja Vu to write) even though she tried to convince me I wasn't. I've irritated everyone I ever lived with in some way or another, that includes family, but she said everyone does that. Still, I was sorry and so was she. We settled matters and watched the internet for the rest of the night..from a magician revealing his secrets to a food show called "Good Eats" which would be on the same level as Bill Nye the Science Guy, silly show. I also worked on my art a little more, then went to bed.
I have a dream I need to let out, and before I write it I need to say, "Don't judge me. Don't call me a bigot." I normally wouldn't have to insert such a thing but this is a public journal. It was just a dream, even though what happened, happens all over America in this time.
In the dream, my brother 'came out' as a transgender female and demanded that I address him by the proper pronoun. He also suggested I call him a name other than DJ, his name, but I argued that it was a name for both males and females. In the dream, I outright refused to do identify him as female because I felt like to do that, knowing in my heart he is a man, would be lying to myself and I just couldn't do it.
My sister identified him as a 'she' and told me, basically, to get on board with it. At some point in the dream, he is his normal male self, happy and smiling. Then my uncle Pat showed up, taking charge, and said he was taking my brother to his house in more or less terms to 'man him up.' And that was about what I recall of the dream, other than some confusing part in there where I tried to change clothes in my brother's room, got caught trying to do it, and I was sent out.
I'm not proud of the dream, and even wondered if I should make myself forget it, but I nonetheless decided to write it anyway. As for real life, Joe once told me that he's very sure my brother is gay. I do not believe him or acknowledge the statement to be true. My brother (who knows he has a family who will not condemn him) has not made any claim he is, himself. If he is, he can speak for himself about it and I wouldn't be able to deny it, but I'm not believing it now.
LGBTQ is such a sensitive subject. These days a person has to be walking on eggshells (more like needles or broken glass) about the subject, especially Christians, lest the tiniest thing will set someone off on them like a volcanic eruption. I get afraid of that every time I write anything remotely related to this subject.
2:29 p.m. I keep re-reading, editing, and adding to this post, lol.
5:25 p.m. I was sent over to bring my elderly neighbor, whom I will call Mrs. M, her mail. April didn't want to join me this time, which was fine. I went there and she invited me in. We discussed her family stories, religion, and she even let me draw her!
I was there for a couple hours when April came by, worried about me. I was finished anyway so I packed up and left as well, came home, had pizza, and chilled out with April, which is what I'm doing now. I still haven't washed towels but it's past the time I want to do laundry. Four o'clock at most since it takes an hour to wash, and another to dry, which puts the time around dark. For some reason, I just prefer the daytime.
Mrs. M and I watched CTN and my best drawing moments were where she closed her eyes and listened to Gospel music, just singing along. Other times she could talk for ages, barely stopping to take a breath.
On a random note, the bottom corner of my screen says "Waiting for images-blogger.opensocial.googleusercontent.com..." Anyone have an idea what that means or what it's trying to load?
8:07 p.m. I FINALLY finished the dress I began last night. Rihanna's face is not on it, not that it needs to be, but it's no big deal.
9:22 p.m. I played on StumbleUpon for a bit and thoroughly enjoyed it. April is putting on an episode of Who's Line Is It Anyway that we're gonna watch together AND she and Rob are making dinner: Diced potatoes, brocolli (I'm melting cheese on mine) and hamburger. 10:39 p.m. We finished that, watched some Youtube with Rob, and now we are just chilling. Food was good and we all just got really full. :D Praise God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, Amen! God is able!
1:40 a.m. Hung out with April and Rob on SL (secondlife), in Ruby's club. April won the best weapon in the costume contest so I'm very happy for her. I did some mesh browsing but decided to keep what I have, and am finished with SL for now. I'm very happy. P.S. I have grape soda. God bless, Jesus loves, lives saves! P.S. April does not get how awesome it looks when she uses a knife to take of calluses.