A Daily Diary: Like A Black Widow Baby!

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Monday, April 13, 2015

Like A Black Widow Baby!


10:25 p.m. Update time. I decided not to hold it off until tomorrow, finally. According to the title, can you guess the song stuck in my head right now?
  • I woke up at nine-something a.m. for once. We had more than one person knocking at the door.
  • Re-read This Fabulous Century 1920-1930
  • On and off, continued reading The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.
  • Secondlife.
  • Hanging out with roommates. At one point learning about animals in the wild, another during a Youtube series on Japanese etiquette which I enjoyed. Also, I took a few seconds to look at 'The Oregon Trail' but unnecessary profanity in the video disturbed my childhood nostalgia.
  • Discovered the Titanica Encyclopedia which held my interest...hoping to get deeper into it one day.
  • I made chicken, cheese, and bacon tacos, enough said. I just had one more recently. :)
  • Peanut Butter Cup and Brownie Gelato. YUM!! Earlier tonight...
  • We visited our elderly neighbor, who is doing well since the incident I mentioned in a previous post.
  • A tid-bit of Modern Family.
  • And now, I'm updated. P.S. Been drinking a lot of Minute Maid Pink Lemonade.
  • Did not color my picture (the old photo of the market in Barcelona mentioned in an earlier post), nor update my drawing of my happy place as I should have. SOON.
  • Would like to find this old childhood educational game which educated me on British slang such as bobby (police) or pram (carriage) as that would make me smile.
  • This update took eight minutes.
2:12 a.m. Not much new in the past four hours. Shower, kicking back with Modern Family..then Tumblr. I found this image I REALLY liked and I went through the net to make sure it was free use, owned by Mutter Erde. Isn't she lovely?:


Time to get down to some feelings. I really have been needing to find someone suited to me and my interests. Lately, I've been caught up in the temptation to conform, and be comfortable (and I have been), doing things more suited to my roommates interests than my own. 

It's not like a physical discomfort, mostly a spiritual one. There are a lot of "normal" things that people don't get why it would bug me. For example, tonight, April didn't understand why I would think it was stupid to use excessive profanity on a Youtube video when it was for a children's educational game , "The Oregon Trail." Some grown man was immature and found it humorous to name his character a cuss word. I'll get it out of the way...I hate profanity. That's a bold, italic, underline. I put up with it but I don't like it.

I can't censor the world. God knows, I wish I could erase its existence from the start of it in the English language to now, but it is not realistic. Nobody, and I mean no one, sounds like they are making an intelligent statement when using it...mainly just an angrily passionate one. It's not for me, certainly. 

In fact, any time someone does use one my brain flicks some switch to tune out their point, and automatically deems it both unintelligent and irrelevant. The nerves send it to that part of the brain where short term memory is with the intention of not keeping it for long, science wise. But that's just me. 

Anyway, I love my roommates, they are my extended family to me. It is just hard not to see that they are so in sync...and then there is just me. And I wonder, where and when am I gonna find my match, with our own kind of world where I don't even have to try to fit in, I don't know. I haven't found that yet...not here or with my own relatives. I am talking about sharing my religious beliefs, too, but it doesn't necessarily have to be someone I'm dating. Just one of those 'soulmate, pea in a pod, so much alike' pals. Some people don't know how good they have that.

It's a missing piece of my life, for sure. God is with me, we'll make that clear. But, it is something my soul has been craving a bit. It's probably a bit selfish to be asking to have my own little world, where someone is sharing it and I'm sharing theirs. I am being redundant. I'll say it again. I need a match.

At least I'm flexible. This post may make it sound like I'm just forcing myself to be around my friend's activities but the case is that despite the lack of shared interests, I need to fill the void of companionship with them (and am enjoying doing so for that much)...because otherwise I would be making myself alone, cutting myself off. Then I'll not only lack what I'm longing for, but what I'm thankful I already have. That's much worse, right?

Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Night homies, love ya! 

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