A Daily Diary: April 2015


Thursday, April 30, 2015

Off For A Few Days.

3:28 p.m. I'm getting better hang of Blender, the past two days. I woke up around 2 from a terrible nightmare and it shook me a little. I bounced back by sitting outside and listening to nature. It sounds exactly like this sound recording I made back in December. Trees shaking in the wind (which make noises close to ocean sounds), cars whizzing by, and birds chit-chatting. This is what my life outdoors sounds like....when I'm not plugged into my mp3 player, that is.

Anyway, something new has come up. My mema recently got out of the hospital for kidney failure, (I'm praising God shes okay) and they need someone to go help her out because she's weak right now. It was offered to me, so I took it. I will be in Gibsonton for a few days and from there, God only knows. :D I've just been dying to see her and to be there for her means the world to me. God is real.

In other news, I'm being impatient about my 'This Fabulous Century' books. I've been waiting since the 9th to get them, and they are due today, but the tracking number has not updated in 18 days so I don't know if it's on the way or not. I just know it's not here now.

Kittens have overrun the couch, which they recently learned to scale and claim as a new favorite spot. I slept with them for the first time last night and it only lasted a couple hours, probably a lot less. I fell into REM sleep and dreamed of them...with me living in a two story home and making it to my room, only to find three kittens have straggled behind me, up the stairs and into the room.

One is cuddling my thigh now, while another tackles him...or her. Have not figured out the sex yet.

I went to take Mrs. M her mail today but there was no answer at the door, so I slipped it halfway into the crack of the door.

It's an insanely nice day and I want to go exercise. As it said in Titanic, I'm on God's good humor. Speaking of Leo Decaprio, I watched Romeo and Juliet FINALLY. My brain needed that stimulation that comes with translating Shakespeare in one brain while being entertained in another, funny that probably the main way I know how to spell his name is because of Scary Movie, lol.

I have been contemplating whether or not I want to bring my netbook, probably not..I don't know. My mema still uses AOL but I don't know if I'll be able to use that computer anytime I want. Then again, if I bring my netbook, there may not be internet on it. Better leave it. XD It's not like I'm writing. It's not some vacation, though it kinda is with the 'getting away from home for a while' part but I'm there to help mema, and I'm assuming Papa as well since she was his caretaker. It's for a few days, though I don't know how many are exactly hinted in a few. I'm still happy. I have two kittens sleeping against my thigh as I sit on the couch right now. Sad to think we have to give them away in a few weeks.

Also, I miss going to the museum. I know I just disappeared there out of thin air right before I dyed my hair blonde so it's been a while. I just have to get myself back on a normal sleep schedule which going to mema's may help with, you know?

God bless, Jesus loves, lives, Died, Rose, saves. All glory, praise, thanks and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, Amen! God is able!

4:16 p.m. Just got back from my walk. ^___^

4:30 p.m. I put on weight, Here's me, after working out, loving me for who God made me to be. I'm more than a body, anyway. :D Praise Jesus.

4:49 p.m. After my own mini photo shoot (I won't share all the photos, may they be forever private) April called and asked about when my food stamps card comes in. I said the 4th and she said we are skipping groceries again (probably need to afford another cat issue.)

I told her I am going to Mema's to help take care of her. She asked me to leave my food stamp card, but I told her I'm bringing it there so I can be able to buy my own food without depleting their groceries. She was resistant at first, but then said okay. I am working on this thing where I stand my ground, not confrontationally of course, but to be a little less....how to put it...rolling over on things that are against my wishes.
Hissy is cleaning the couch kittens. Look at these adorable dorks!
I'm not talking about spending them all. I can budget myself for a few days worth of food, or snacks, and it'll be there when I come back..whenever that is and we can shop then. By the way, Mom can't pick me up so she's sending Grandpa either tonight (more likely tomorrow) to pick me up. I told her just to call me when someone's coming so I can pack. I also need to ask if we're stopping at Mom's first or going straight there..because if it's at Mom's I can bring the netbook.

After the food stamps disagreement though, I don't think I'll be asking for April's phone as I originally thought. She's not mad or anything, but I don't think she's overjoyed. lol.

6:07 p.m. I just finished watching Modern Family. My books have still not arrived and I'm getting worried. :/ I don't understand why it wouldn't be here. I doubt it's at our P.O. Box but I could probably ask for a ride.

8:07 p.m. I made a teddy bear for Blender in practice. :D Also, as far as i'm aware, my package has not arrived. :(

8:14 p.m. I sent a message to the seller..I'm just really REALLY disappointed because of how much I was looking forward to having the books.

8:58 p.m. I am leaving for mema's at NOON tomorrow and don't know when I'll be back. April said I could borrow her phone so YAY! I also have to remember to pack my book, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

9:30 p.m. First Tumblr, now StumbleUpon. I'm already excited, praise Jesus.

11:19 p.m. Enough StumbleUpon. Am I right?

12:50 a.m. The power went out at Midnight while I was drawing and hanging out with Rob, for a half hour. Then the seller of "This Fabulous Century 1870-1900" cancelled my order and refunded my money. :( So much for that.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Some Things Of Note Have Happened.

2:05 a.m. It's April 29, 2014, the morning of. I finally washed towels like I wanted yesterday. I've been fishing on SL, playing with kittens, watching Netflix, and Modern Family from time to time. Eating, maybe sometimes a bit too much. Rob made a fantastic rice and brocolli recipe last night that was delicious. :D

I've been secretly dreaming of having a house on SL and hope to get it. Rob does, however, want to get me an upgraded fishing pole (which will also be used to earn currency in the game) which I'm thrilled about.

Today is Wednesday, my books come Thursday, and I don't know when the final one, This Fabulous Century 1870-1900 is coming but I'm squealing with delight.

I confessed to April about what's been bothering me, the very things I was writing long paragraphs about last week when I was complaining about her. We didn't make a resolution, all that it came down to was she has anger and control issues that as much she wished she could change, she does not know how. I can't change her, nor is it my place to. She has to work this out on her own, all willingly.

The other day, the cat got on the metal roof of the carport next to our house and we had trouble getting him down. Finally, Rob sprayed a water hose and miraculously he found a way to climb down. Speaking of cats, the kittens are five weeks old and growing fast.

They steal their mama's food, climb one fabric kitchen chair, inspect every nook and cranny, and even have started using their own little box. We named three out of five of them: Minxy, Garbanzo (like the beans) and Flounder (with what April calls 'swimmers legs') We are still keeping them for eight weeks but I'm surely going to miss them.

I have been checking Mrs. M's mail but nothing and she hasn't had a visit from me in a while so I need to make time to do that. :)

I've wanted to get back to customizing and making a t-shirt on SL but I have to get the nerve to do it, not to mention, design something that isn't cheesy. I did, however, finally finish a dress and release it for free.

2:18 a.m. The house just got silent, of Rob on Skype with Jess, and of kittens who drank their mother's milk to sleep.

1:36 p.m. It's the afternoon now and I'm FINALLY awake. How exciting is that, praise Jesus!

7:45 p.m. I spent my day working on a combined t-shit corset which I LOVE!! :D There is another version with a pair of ribs and a heart but I'm going to upload that LATER. For now, I'm pooped. God bless, Jesus Loves, Died, Rose, Lives, Saves!

7:53 p.m. Correction. I don't have it. That is okay though. :D Happy with what I got, praise Jesus.

8:58 p.m. I'm making cheeseburgers and Checkers fries, chatting up Dad and this dude on OkCupid, and then I want to settle down to Modern family. Wednesday has been great. P.S. My corset had a sale! Yay! May they continue ^^ For sure.

10:39 p.m. I finished watching that and observed the kittens as they played..now...feeling a bit tired.

10:50 p.m. It's hard to be on the laptop when six-week old kittens overrun the coach, their newly discovered play area.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Be My Woman, Girl. Irrelevant Title.

5:00 a.m. I spent my Sunday sleeping in. :D Had a lot of dreams, including one of moving to my family to live near a beach (I want to got to the beach, anywhere, to swim. I miss it so much!) My thoughts were still on Blender, which I learned some on Rob's computer. I didn't get too far but I hope to change that at some point, you know?

I watched a lot of Modern Family and 90's nostalgia videos. Rob and I let Mrs. M know why we weren't visiting as much. It was a relatively quiet day.

April came home that night and we all went on SecondLife and they kindly voted for me in a contest in their club, which was totally unexpected, and I won 200L. I was thrilled. I think, cheesy as it sounds, I may be making friends on there.

I spent the end of my night shopping on SL for cheap stuff and freebies AND I got a t-shirt mesh to design my own t-shirts on SecondLife. :D Next goal is to get the slightly more expensive tank tops ^_^ I very much want to design tank tops.

Thinking back to my goals, they are still relevant and I still have a mind to complete them. -gets distracted by SL browsing and now it's 5:07 p.m.-

I think that's all for now. P.S. This month seems to be going by slower than the previous ones. I am REALLY waiting hard for the 30th to get my two books, This Fabulous Century 1900-1910 and 1910-1920. :D We'll have to leave the gate unlocked that day.

6:43 p.m. Time flew by as I played on SecondLife. Donny came by twice looking for Rob but he was busy. I need to relax...while I'm still tempted to develop. Maybe even makeup for my avatar.

8:28 p.m. I've hung out with April and Rob, as usual, and I ahd some hot dogs. Now, watching Modern Family. :)

8:46 p.m. I FINALLY found the cheapest copy of This Fabulous Century 1870-1900 and I am overjoyed, THA-RILLED!!!!!!! :D I mysteriously had 7-8 dollars freed up in my bank account and nothing was on hold, so I bought the four dollar book. ^___^ This is perfect. When it's all said and done, I will have the series going from 1870-1930 and all the smiles. Jesus rocks. Bye all for now!

9:34 p.m. I spent some time on a Wordpress blog about 17th, 18th, and 19th century fashion...perhaps a bit 'too' long.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Hey Look! I Actually Do Have Goals!

12:53  p.m.  Last night, I fished on SecondLife (and watched Titanic) until sunrise. I also tried to build a 3D product in there and wound up with a gift box which looked like a wrapped present. I had this dream that I was getting to meet Jonathan Rhys Meyers, but there was a release form and contract to sign first. And when I finally got in the room to get an autograph, he was in bed in the middle of a phone call so I walked out and had to wait. There was a woman attending on him, and at the same time, politely watching me and someone else who was there. I, meanwhile, tried to figure out what to say. I think he signed something but I don't recall.

I JUST woke up though, still yawning. I have a list of things I want to accomplish soon:

  • Learn the Google Blender program and design a 3D mesh. I watched part one of a nine hour tutorial last night. It is a highly complex program in every sense of the word.
  • Design a mesh dress for SecondLife.
  • Finish the texture of the dress that I've postponed (due to my wrist)
  • Get a monthly rank on 'one' in SL fishing.
  • Finish the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood and start a new book, preferably Mommie Dearest.
  • Update Seize to date.
  • Get my tax return, cash it, and take April and Rob bowling. We don't get to have nights out like that. 
  • Go to Church.
  • Wash some towels.
  • Finish the Modern Family series. (I'm up to season three)
  • Go back to editing the Dream Doctor. It desperately needs it.
  • Get my books in the mail. (This Fabulous Century)
  • Visit my family, it's been a month or so since I last did.
  • Make my bed and clean my room.
  • Get back on a normal sleep schedule. 

1:05 p.m. I can add to it later but it feels good to have some goals. Rob is awake right now so I'm not lonely, which is great. :D

4:57 p.m. I've been going through a long Blender Tutorial 'Class' on Youtube as I call it, a different one than last night about making a character.

Then I went to visit Mrs. M and we chatted with ice cream and Mountain Dew. I stopped by Donny's place to let him know Mrs. M could use a visit...because she said she doesn't have anyone. Then, I took a nice walk in the hot sun for my daily fitness, along to music.

Meanwhile, I was dreaming of the things I'd like to build in Blender, then SecondLife, once I get it figured out. I'd like it to become a second-nature level of expertise like GIMP is but that takes time and effort. I've never even used the program, which is why I'm learning about it first.

As a reminder, 'Blender' is a tool used for making 3D like objects, like the kinda animators and game developers use these days. It can also make 3D models of clothes for SecondLife, which is the peak of my interest in this program.

8:12 p.m. I spent more hours on the tutorial before taking a break. April woke up, a bit frustrated, so she's skipping grocery shopping this week. Rob and I will go and we already went over the list. Niw we're ready and just waiting on Rick. P.S. We are sighing trying to keep up with romaing, squirmy, tuck away in small space, kittens.

8:21 p.m. Time for hot dogs with cheese, orange juice, and Modern Family. WOOT!

10:15 p.m. April is leaving for her Mom's house. We just got back from getting groceries and I get to take over her computer until tomorrow! YAY!

12:00 a.m. End of updates! Seize is updated so I'm happy. I will be trying Blender now that I have the chance, if God wills. I'll try to fill you in on what happens tomorrow since I will be up for a while. BYE! God bless, Jesus loves, died, rose, saved! Good night!

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Waking Up Late...Again.

5:26 p.m. I just woke up an hour ago from dreams I'd like to forget. I was sleeping late to the point where I was trying to let the memory of one dream make me forget another. I'll give it time.

Also, I didn't have sleep paralysis but I think this morning I went into that brain state which allows it to occur, while the cat was meowing and I was debating whether or not I left my bedroom door open for him to sneak in...and meow louder. Nope, though, no demon attacks. There was just a voice that whispered loudly in my ear "hello." in the same way it did on one of my Youtube videos.

Anyway, I'm making hot dogs and frying french fries. I just got back from walking and relaxing outside, listening to music. Been talking on OkCupid to a  guy I'm interested in and another person on Skype...friendly chatter. :D But that has been the day so far. My wrist is better too, Praise Jesus, Hallelujah. Just not to the level where I will be doing art again...the pain is VERY little, like 1 to 2 on a scale of 1-10 but I need a 0.

Meanwhile, I have to get out my rut of staying up all night and sleeping all day. I was doing so good before and getting things accomplished..a lot of things. We'll see. God has a plan in Jesus Name, Amen! Oh, and I took pictures of the kittens last night. ^^

5:41 p.m. Made them and now off to watch Modern Family, finishing up season two.

6:16 p.m. I got a bit into it when Rick came by and I asked him if he could get us some toilet paper. Rob gave me his card and I went up to the dollar store with Rick, picked it up, came back, and watched more of Modern Family.

6:45 p.m. I read the online news and saw a new 'old' photo I like which I may be up for coloring. Hopefully, I'll actually finish this one unlike last time.
What I did do of it. however, was still beautiful.

9:24 p.m. Almost three hours later and I FINISHED! Take a look. Doesn't it make it seem alive? Like you were there? It's from 1887. A girl has a 'camera' set up to take a 'photo' of her friend. That alone amazes me as photography was still a new medium in that era. Photo by Rev. F.C. Lambert Hulton Archive Getty Images:

11:07 p.m. I had a Modern Family marathon and then I started talking on OkCupid and Skype. I'm also listening to FM radio and recording some new songs. :D Still happy over the picture coloring.

11:12 p.m. Not feeling chatty..nothing's wrong...just not. So I'm gonna get off chat. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

When God Sends You a Message

4:38 p.m. I went to bed around sunrise, having hung out with April and Rob watching Good Eats, Shark Tank, and Whose Line Is It Anyway. I got up sometime past 2 p.m. I did not do any more art. In fact, I think I got carpal tunnel from hours of artwork on the computer, all week. My wrist hurt so much just to lift the a frozen pizza from last night, which by the way, amusingly had all the pizza slices to one side.

I neglected to mention, yesterday, that I randomly searched on Google for the interiors of Titanic, books about it, what's inside the rest of the 'This Fabulous Century' books and I got all excited. Old photographs still excite me because I look at them, wondering what that moment, in a world of color and movement and sound, must have been like. You should try it because it makes them that much more interesting.

My favorites have crowds, or anything with more than three people in it. Their lives must have had incredible stories, long gone. Part of me wishes they weren't so anonymous so I coule even do a little research via findagrave.com, or if famous enough, Wikipedia as well.

Last night, I dreamt I was auditioning for this male designer to be a fashion model, and we had to wear stilettos for the first time and audition in them. My game was not strong. I was wobbly, my posture wasn't straight enough and I was awkward in trying to keep my eyes forward.

The models silently judged me and I went off to the sidelines with a large plate of food, with April, and put myself down. It was not a pleasant dream but I remember it, so I wrote it.

Today, I read another chapter of The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and I'm nearly finished with this amazing book, making me wish it was based on a true story and people lake that actually existed.

I have a lot to say today. It must be that time to clear the air, even about old matters. But first, Donny visited several times today. We started locking our porch screen door, to send a message that we were asleep (and I told him this) and it also means not to knock, as he has been moving to the front door to do so, but he has knocked several times after today...I didn't bother locking the porch door again, though April is sleeping.

Anyway, he came by to remind me to take Mrs. M her mail, then I asked if he would do it. He did, then later came back and asked if I was going to Church on Sunday (today is Wednesday) and he said I have to be at Mrs. M's house by 6:30 a.m. or I can't go.

He wanted me to decide, on the spot, what my decision was so he can go back and tell Mrs. M and all I could wonder is if I will be spending Saturday staying up until early morning hours as I have been doing lately...and I didn't want to lie and say I would go if I wasn't sure I could make it. So, I told him I wasn't, since it was an 'on the spot' decision. If I change my mind and decide to go, I'll know then and go. -Deep breath-

He stopped by again to tell me something he was upset about, and that if it keeps up, he will move somewhere upstate.

He stopped by again later, to say the new neighbor, who moved into Barb's old house, has told him to stop checking people's mail (as we've grown accustomed to since we moved here back in September) and he was upset about it. Not sure if he'll really stop or not.

God, writing this all out shows me just how much he's been here today...most of which was after I let him know about the 'sleeping' rule. I'm not angry, certainly....this is just unusual for the average person and I have to accept that.

On another subject, I was having a jealousy issue last night and I need to write it, though it's long over, and get it out of my head. It was around 6 p.m. and I REALLY wanted to make chicken..then April said no, she would make it, because she has wanted to make it all month. She doesn't realize it, but she does this thing where she thinks about something so much, so long, and so hard that she swears up and down she has mentioned it (even saying it was repeated many times over, as if we don't listen) but there was not a syllable about it. I would know because I have to start listening intently with her, every word, to know when she has mentioned something or not.

I asked if she could make it right away, as that's what I was going to, and she did..though she forwned while agreeing to.

I sat on the laptop, going back to my art and pouting inwardly, as I listened to her sigh (not in a good way) as she cooked. Reason being, for my jealousy, was that it was not a chore to me. It certainly seems like it to everyone else, because I do it so often that it seems like 'I'm forced to do it since no one else will' but cooking is my thing, it's my moment to break away and destress. Cooking DE-STRESSES me. I get in my element, with my music. I dance, smile, sing, and laugh. It's, aside from walking and laying in bed daydreaming to music, one of my most therapeutic methods and cooking is something I genuinely look forward to with great anticipation. So, to have that opportunity taken away from me, just so someone can sigh about it made me unhappy.

Now, let's be fair. I have to share the responsibilities in the house and I can't just hoard one to myself, even one I enjoy. April got on to me with the same thing about washing all the dishes when someone else could have shared the responsibility. That thought put my mind at ease and I was able to let the jealousy go. Share. Give someone else a chance. It's the way things need to be.

And even if she didn't think so, due to old flour from Barb's old house, her chicken came out absolutely PERFECT! So much better than mine would have (I actually only recently stopped burning mine to a black crisp) I didn't say I was a great cook, I just love it too much. I feel better now that I let that whole thing out. Hence the title of the post, I guess.

5:29 p.m. The entry took nearly an hour to write and several minutes to read. I forgot to mention that I ACTUALLY went out for a walk in the sun today. I needed it, let's face it. Bad. I've been in all week, maybe more, drawing and whatnot. As well as watching Modern Family and playing with a growing brood of five kittens.

I've so limited what I can do today that I let all this out on my blog post. I'm typing despite my hand being in an Ace bandage.

ANOTHER thing, now I don't know when my tax refund is coming  (or if it will be returned to sender like last year's fiasco) but I am DYING to take Rob and April out somewhere. For the first time, we can actually go out for a night and have a lot of fun...do something outside the house that is not obligatory.

April would probably never go for it, telling me to save my money. I can't force her to do it if she doesn't want to. BUT, mind you, the longer I go without doing it, the harder and longer I'll be left with it on my mind until it's actually done.

I was thinking something like Old Town, a movie, or bowling. The hard part is arranging transportation. Hard, but not impossible, It'll take planning. Maybe I could make it a surprise...now I'm just getting myself excited. :D Wow.

6:00 p.m. I don't know why I have bad thoughts. I don't know why I let things get to me. I don't know why I repeat things in my head until I write them out.

April wanted to know what Donny wanted, and about Mrs. M's mail, she said she doesn't want me to let Donny do that anymore because she doesn't trust him to do it. She said that she heard 'from several people' that when he gets mad, he throws their mail away.

A few things come to mind. Again, I am sorry, this is where I vent.

  • Her signature habit of exaggeration. She heard this from me, who I alone heard from another neighbor. If she goes to chat with people, I'm usually along. So unless she heard this from multiple people on a rare occasion that I wasn't along, then no, she did not hear it from several people, at most it was from two..the neighbor and myself. EDIT: She heard from two people. Barb and myself.
  • She has a habit of taking control of things and declaring the end or beginning of something that happens around here. Her decision is practically law and we go with it, for sure, but I can't help to notice this fact. 
  • I do not disagree with the decision or her reason for the decision. It's just for the second reason above that I'm kinda like 'Why is this happening? Why can't we discuss something first, rather than declare and make it law?'
  • If I say something about that effect, again I do not disagree with her decision, it starts unnecessary argument and frustration or I just give in to what she wants to avoid such from happening. Inside, crawling into my little corner and silencing myself until the situation passes.
I am having way too many thoughts about her. She's done nothing wrong, it's not fair to her to have them. It's my own fault I don't say something to her face, she is just intimidating and I am wary of the consequences of doing it.

But God, this 'ruling the roost' power we've quietly handed over to her makes little things seem...how to put this...it puts these 'above' thoughts in my mind whenever it comes down to her exerting 'said' power. I just wish everything was a group decision instead of a declaration, you know? Is that so much to ask?

Don't take this to mean I'm mad at her or frustrated with her. She didn't do anything wrong. I am just bearing inward frustrations that were already there and just need to get out of my head already.

6:18 p.m. It seems like almost everything I wrote about what happened yesterday and today, involving April, involves her exertion of control. No wonder this is on my mind.

6:21 p.m. I can forgive. It won't change the situation, but I need to take a deep breath, forgive, let it go and relax. Let life take it's course.

6:23 p.m. I fear I'm gonna bottle this up until it happens again, or it goes too far, and then it's all just gonna explode. That would be a horrible day.

7:48 p.m. I hate arguing in my head. There isn't a need for it. Anyway, my mood took a break and I had some fun making pasta and watching Modern Family. I also took the Ace bandage off my arm, now that it's feeling better. I caught Carlo sleeping on my messy dresser earlier. I wonder if he's still there.

8:07 p.m. Checked the AOL news and saw some awesome touching videos, like kids who could fins their mothers in a lineup, blondfolded, in Pandora ad to another involving an infant getting a hearing aid and hearing their mother for the first time.

Also, I've been thinking of doing a kind deep, like leaving a random note on someone's windshield or in a library book and saying the Gospel, spreading love, godly things and whatnot. Whoever may object, because I know how most in the world thinks, this verse will be in my heart: 

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 and it means more than you know.

10:38 p.m. I spent time listening to FM radio on my mp3 player, recording songs, and then trimming them in Audacity (once I downloaded it) and now they are saved to my mp3. Just like people who recorded mix tapes off the radio, right? I'm in a happy mood. Forget the bad stuff.

12:49 a.m. In my world, Midnight comes too easily. I just played with kittens, did the music thing. I watched a little of "Dark Side of the Moon" synced to Wizard of Oz and had dinner leftovers as I watched Modern Famiyl. All in all, it was a normal day. Carlo is still in my room. XD God bless, Jesus loves, Died,rose, lives, saves...you know the drill. Good night.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Getting An Earlier Start Than Usual.

10:25 a.m. I went to sleep at around 4 a.m. and just got up. I'm treating this SL thing like a job and using some dedication with my art, :) Just the payoff will come later, God Willing. Thus, yesterday, I was making ANOTHER creation.

I started around 4 p.m. (woke after three) and finished after 1 a.m.

The power went out, due to a VERY heavy storm, around 6-7 p.m. and was off for probably an hour or so. Then, I got back to working on it. I just remember looking at a clock then and seeing it was 10 p.m.

Speaking of the power outage, We used that time to play with the kittens and whatnot. :D

I made a few Instagram videos and took some pictures. Following that, and the project, I took a long shower and sat up a long Modern Family Marathon (I'm still in the middle of season two.)

Due to art dedication, I have made a sacrifice of exercise and I barely go outside as much anymore because I so many long hours designing. I'll have to fix myself again, I usually do. God will. He has a plan. :)

I will have more to say soon, I just needed to get caught up. Don't be surprised if hours pass before I update this post again. God Bless, Jesus loves, died, rose, saved! God bless! Amen!

12:38 p.m. Tried to make denim but it wasn't my strong suit. Onto the next project...

3:12 p.m. In the midst of designing a VERY detailed prom-ish style gown and finally taking a break. I took mail to Mrs. M but she wasn't home...

7:53 p.m, Calling it a day. April made chicken dinner tonight which was yummier than she thinks and I spent some more time with the kittens. Speaking of which, Carlos leg is swollen again so we'll be keeping him inside for a while.

11:40 p.m. I browsed StumbleUpon and went 'fishing' for currency on SecondLife. Done now. Night. God bless, Jesus loves, died, rose, saved.

Sunday, April 19, 2015


2:37 p.m. Well, I'm out of SL currency, so I must wait to develop again. Last night, I made a custom tank top for April (shades and folds for her, anyway) and she finished it off this morning for her own personal tank top. Meanwhile, I stuck the original for sale in the Secondlife marketplace. It's made for an avatar that looks like a wolf.

We stayed up until sometime near early morning hours. Then Donny repeatedly knocked on the door, so much so that it entered my dreams. There was a woman living in an apartment, a maitenance lady,she resembled the woman from Dumb and Dumber To. Anyway, everyone who lived in the building had a busted coffee pot and one, after another, they kept knocking on the door and she would answer with a new coffee pot in her hand, and a knowing smile. THAT was Donny's knocking going into our dreams.

He banged harder when I was heading towards the door and I opened it and let him know we all had been sleeping. He said he just mowed our lawn and wanted 15 dollars. The lawn needed to be mowed, we didn't ask, but it did and I told him I couldn't help because my roommates (who had money) were sleeping. So he left. April woke up, perturbed by all the knocking. She resolved to pay the 15 dollars herself. After that, I got to work on uploading the tank top to Secondlife, hung out with April as she customized hers, then she modeled it for my ad and now I'm here. :D

3:25 p.m. I went to check Mrs. M's mail to bring to her but she had nothing. Instead, I hung out in the sunshine with my sat Carlo, then brought him in to be fed. REALLY wanting to develop right now. More ART@!

10:27 p.m. I spent all day on ANOTHER design and I only recently finished. Oi. Enough said.

10:41 p.m. I'm feeling great about this charity Helen posted in support of JRM and the Los Angeles Mission. It's already raised money in the first day! http://www.gofundme.com/jrmsource38thgift

12:55 a.m. I played with kittens and made pasta..danced, too. I let smoke out of the house because it was burning awful at first.

1:21 a.m. Just caught the cat, Carlo, trying to break into the cat food cabinet. Priceless!

A video posted by Victoria Anne Marie (@chelsmith18) on

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Yesterday, LGBTQ opinions, and more.

1:32 p.m. Yesterday, I did my usual thing of developing clothes for SecondLife, but didn't submit anything. It was a lot of trail and error, including making a digital painting of Rihanna's face which in the end, did not go with it. I did finish up a wedding dress, however.

I also made April frustrated at me, again. She was frustrated with another friend to begin with and we were supposed to go grocery shopping. I do not enjoy going shopping with her when she in a bad mood. She gets a snappy voice or just an unhappy one altogether, visibly stews in frustration, a few times to a point where she can get fed up and walk off...leaving us. I end up keeping about three feet or more away from her almost the entire trip while that mood keeps my own happiness down.

What did it was I said I didn't want to go, she asked why, several times, and I said "I don't want to discuss it right now" because it was honestly a mouthful to explain, not to mention to rude to say aloud. She said what the reason was, the harshest way of putting the reason possible, and that was the end of it. So she went with Rob and Rick, and stewed in anger, and I stayed home and tried to suppress my guilt, repeating the words in my head that she said before leaving. I don't even remember the exact verbage in there but there was a little profanity, so that's an idea of it right there.

Later in the night, she took what I said to mean that I was ignoring her, you know, not wanting to give her the time of day, which makes things worse. Because in trying to spare this mean thing I had to say, I ended up sending the wrong message by using the words 'I don't want to discuss it right now.' which, as I said, was an attempt to spare myself from going into detail admitting why I really wasn't going.

I had closed Skype on the computer to do art and watch Modern Family, only to learn they tried to get ahold of me that way (I no longer have a phone) to ask what feminine products I wanted. It said I was online, because I hit quit instead of 'sign out.' Therefore, April had convinced herself that I was just trying to ignore them and got more frustrated.

I could tell she still was when she walked in the door with a sour face, saying nothing, and what she did say, just about groceries, had a frown and that specific 'unenthused' tone which let's me know she was still mad.

Then we sat and talked about it, I wound up crying because I knew I was stupid for what I did, (this feels like Deja Vu to write) even though she tried to convince me I wasn't. I've irritated everyone I ever lived with in some way or another, that includes family, but she said everyone does that. Still, I was sorry and so was she. We settled matters and watched the internet for the rest of the night..from a magician revealing his secrets to a food show called "Good Eats" which would be on the same level as Bill Nye the Science Guy, silly show. I also worked on my art a little more, then went to bed.

I have a dream I need to let out, and before I write it I need to say, "Don't judge me. Don't call me a bigot." I normally wouldn't have to insert such a thing but this is a public journal. It was just a dream, even though what happened, happens all over America in this time.

In the dream, my brother 'came out' as a transgender female and demanded that I address him by the proper pronoun. He also suggested I call him a name other than DJ, his name, but I argued that it was a name for both males and females. In the dream, I outright refused to do identify him as female because I felt like to do that, knowing in my heart he is a man, would be lying to myself and I just couldn't do it.

My sister identified him as a 'she' and told me, basically, to get on board with it. At some point in the dream, he is his normal male self, happy and smiling. Then my uncle Pat showed up, taking charge, and said he was taking my brother to his house in more or less terms to 'man him up.' And that was about what I recall of the dream, other than some confusing part in there where I tried to change clothes in my brother's room, got caught trying to do it, and I was sent out.

I'm not proud of the dream, and even wondered if I should make myself forget it, but I nonetheless decided to write it anyway. As for real life, Joe once told me that he's very sure my brother is gay. I do not believe him or acknowledge the statement to be true. My brother (who knows he has a family who will not condemn him) has not made any claim he is, himself. If he is, he can speak for himself about it and I wouldn't be able to deny it, but I'm not believing it now.

LGBTQ is such a sensitive subject. These days a person has to be walking on eggshells (more like needles or broken glass) about the subject, especially Christians, lest the tiniest thing will set someone off on them like a volcanic eruption. I get afraid of that every time I write anything remotely related to this subject.

Anyone who says Christians are not persecuted, because they are a dominant religion, is lying and/or doesn't know what they are talking about. Every real Christian out there is persecuted, granted it is not their license to persecute others, even LGBTQ, but (I'm trying to find how to inoffensively and unsnobbishly word this...though I may fail to some...) it does not mean that they aren't or that because others are persecuted, their own is less valid. My opinion. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think.

2:29 p.m. I keep re-reading, editing, and adding to this post, lol.

5:25 p.m. I was sent over to bring my elderly neighbor, whom I will call Mrs. M, her mail. April didn't want to join me this time, which was fine. I went there and she invited me in. We discussed her family stories, religion, and she even let me draw her!

I was there for a couple hours when April came by, worried about me. I was finished anyway so I packed up and left as well, came home, had pizza, and chilled out with April, which is what I'm doing now. I still haven't washed towels but it's past the time I want to do laundry. Four o'clock at most since it takes an hour to wash, and another to dry, which puts the time around dark. For some reason, I just prefer the daytime.

Mrs. M and I watched CTN and my best drawing moments were where she closed her eyes and listened to Gospel music, just singing along. Other times she could talk for ages, barely stopping to take a breath.

On a random note, the bottom corner of my screen says "Waiting for images-blogger.opensocial.googleusercontent.com..." Anyone have an idea what that means or what it's trying to load?

8:07 p.m. I FINALLY finished the dress I began last night. Rihanna's face is not on it, not that it needs to be, but it's no big deal.

9:22 p.m. I played on StumbleUpon for a bit and thoroughly enjoyed it. April is putting on an episode of Who's Line Is It Anyway that we're gonna watch together AND she and Rob are making dinner: Diced potatoes, brocolli (I'm melting cheese on mine) and hamburger. 10:39 p.m. We finished that, watched some Youtube with Rob, and now we are just chilling. Food was good and we all just got really full. :D Praise God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, Amen! God is able! 

1:40 a.m. Hung out with April and Rob on SL (secondlife), in Ruby's club. April won the best weapon in the costume contest so I'm very happy for her. I did some mesh browsing but decided to keep what I have, and am finished with SL for now. I'm very happy. P.S. I have grape soda. God bless, Jesus loves, lives saves! P.S. April does not get how awesome it looks when she uses a knife to take of calluses.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Art Yesterday, Laundry Today.

4:10 p.m. Yesterday, I woke up in the afternoon and spent five hours designing a new top on SecondLife, which I almost called IMVU (I'm was used to developing on there) and anyway, tried to upload it to the site and in the end it gave me trouble so I fixed it and re-uploaded it today.

I frustrated myself over the designs, especially over the fact that the folds were not the greatest and I heavily HEAVILY over-shaded in some places and I was too far into it to fix it. I am just glad I worked it until it was finished rather than giving up, even if it wasn't perfect. P.S. A 'Fat Pack' is just another way of saying there is more than one colored item in the set, when bought by a SecondLife user.

And I watched Modern Family. Also did that a little today, finally on season two. I'm getting laundry done right now, FINALLY. I keep waiting until I've run out of clothes to do it.

Yesterday, I had this dream that Mom and I were being taken by this woman on a highway and we saw this semi in front of us, speeding heavily. For some reason, we were hoping this was just part of some movie stunt and not something dangerous. Mostly, because it was the same tint of green as that car from the first Fast and the Furious movie.

The semi does a flip RIGHT in front of us, we narrowly miss it and keep driving. We ultimately decide it was just a movie stunt...so much so that we want to go check out the set. So we decide to turn the car around and park it.

In the middle of turning to park on the grass, another car spun in front of us and parked, race car style (the driving style, the car was a dark sedan looking thing)  and others park ahead of it, following our lead. So, basically, they ALL want to go visit the set. Mind you, this is on a highway with thick trees lining both sides.

So we run back to the semi and the late Paul Walker (R.I.P.), who had previously entered the woods, comes out and beamed widely at the sight of all the fans. I give him a light greeting and my Mom goes next, with a crowd gathering behind her, and does this fist thing with Paul and she does something in his hand.

She then hands me this graphite keychain with a graphite mini statue of a pumped fist and forearm, his. It also has this lime green metal bottle opener attached to it. (The kind you see all the time in those Auto Part stores.) Then he asked where he could get one of those. (fist) He said something to Toretto, who is on a Harley. Toretto answers, slowly and deeply with a single raised nod, "Yeah."

And I think the dream ended after that. I've been waiting to write that dream since yesterday. I just made myself too occupied to an entry yesterday.

April and I cleaned a bit today. She decided we shall not be buying any more hot dogs for the house becaue we eat unhealthily as it is. She's got a point BUT hot dogs come in multiples and make more meals quantity wise. But I won't both disputing it. When she's decided something, it's pretty much firm. Not a big deal. We're not going grocery shopping until tomorrow, God Willing. I'm still wondering what I want to do with the rest of my day.

I'm partially wondering when Mom will be inviting me back to the house because it's gotten to the point where I only visit about once a month now, which is fine. It's transportation that is difficult to handle (as far as when it comes time for me to leave there and come here, whoever is willing to drive)

4:50 p.m. I want to see when my tax refund is coming but I don't know the exact amount of the refund to find out. I know it in dollars, but not cents.

5:19 p.m. I watched Modern Family and now my laundry is drying. It would be a good idea to wait until tomorrow to wash towels. Until then, I have a mind to read my Bible, drink some lemonade and read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. God bless, Jesus loves, Died, Rose, Saved. Amen, in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

6:03 p.m. -_- Oi. Well, for one thing, I have 50 pages left of the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

April is in a mood and overreacting about dishes. I will live. Honestly for my own sake, this needs to be let out so I'm not repeating it in my head.

So apparently, some dishes were left in the sink. April is freaking out and shaking and near sobbing over it. She says there should be a punishment 'we all decide upon' to be implemented and I am being obstinate, and resistant, because I have opted out and don't want to be a part of it. That just makes her more upset but I had to put my foot down.

Mind you, she said before it wasn't even dishes outside the sink that bothered her, but inside, two dirty pans were on the stove and not in the sink and she freaks out.

She has, just now, relaxed and apologized and asked me to propose some solution that will get the dishes done. To be honest, I don't think there is one. Why? Because since we are supposed to be responsible for our own dishes, I cannot control each individual in this house to make sure they follow through on a plan. The only solution to making sure the dishes get washed is to wash the dishes, there is no other way. The way is our individual willpower, which I cannot control aside from my own. And implementing a household punishment just makes this look crazy and takes a simple thing out of hand, and normalcy.

Of course, this means, since I cannot come up with an alternative, she will deem punishment the only other option, which again for reasons above, I will take no part in. The solution, the sane normal solution, is to actually wash them. I don't put my foot down on a lot of things, but I will on this.

Mind you, this isn't happening yet. She said she will put up signs asking it but if it comes down to it, she will do this....and in worse case scenario throw out all our dishes.


Yes, I'm upset, baffled, a bit angry. Yes, writing this may have consequences, but this is the platform for speaking my mind and if I don't write it, they will ring in my head to little end. Sigh.

7:42 p.m. We talked it out and nobody is upset anymore. Everything is okay. No complaints.

9:00 p.m. Just been hanging out with April. Again, I say, we're all good and calm now. Right now, I'm wanting to design another outfit. At the same time, I don't, because I take at least 5-8 hours at most to finish one and it's already dark. My laundry is not done and I'm in desperate need of feminine products, thankfully, April is helping me out there.

10:41 p.m. It took an hour and fourty-one minutes but I found the mesh I want to use for the dress I'm making. I'm happy!! :D Night all. I'm not designing tonight. Searching for the perfect dress base I wanted took my energy. As always, God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves~!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Just Got Up. Day Ahead.

2:34 p.m. I just woke up. Oh, what shall ensue? I had one dream where I went with my brother and bought REALLY cheap Coachella tickets for like 12 bucks and three dollars tax, although in another dream I said it was more like six or seven, Drained my bank account and took money set aside to publish my journal Seize to defeat a negative balance and in another dream, I'm showing Mom and Jen, all excited...then I find it doesn't list the date on the ticket and I try to call information. This is literally a combination of two separate dreams.

In another one, Felicia, a family friend, was examining/admiring my arm and telling me how I can tone it up more in one difficult spot with surgery.

Anyway, I need to do my laundry at some point today, like seriously. -_- But first I'm hungry. I also want to finish off The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood at some point.

3:11 p.m. God, help me out here. Can I find a normal Christian husband whose sole focus in Christianity is the definition of being a Christian, not labeling a person for their sin and not questions those who don't avoid them? Sinners are people, too. Hate the sin, love the sinner.

EDIT: April got me into Second Life clothing making so I spent all day and night making my first dress, which for errors to complex to mention, I can't put up for sale yet.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Like A Black Widow Baby!

10:25 p.m. Update time. I decided not to hold it off until tomorrow, finally. According to the title, can you guess the song stuck in my head right now?
  • I woke up at nine-something a.m. for once. We had more than one person knocking at the door.
  • Re-read This Fabulous Century 1920-1930
  • On and off, continued reading The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.
  • Secondlife.
  • Hanging out with roommates. At one point learning about animals in the wild, another during a Youtube series on Japanese etiquette which I enjoyed. Also, I took a few seconds to look at 'The Oregon Trail' but unnecessary profanity in the video disturbed my childhood nostalgia.
  • Discovered the Titanica Encyclopedia which held my interest...hoping to get deeper into it one day.
  • I made chicken, cheese, and bacon tacos, enough said. I just had one more recently. :)
  • Peanut Butter Cup and Brownie Gelato. YUM!! Earlier tonight...
  • We visited our elderly neighbor, who is doing well since the incident I mentioned in a previous post.
  • A tid-bit of Modern Family.
  • And now, I'm updated. P.S. Been drinking a lot of Minute Maid Pink Lemonade.
  • Did not color my picture (the old photo of the market in Barcelona mentioned in an earlier post), nor update my drawing of my happy place as I should have. SOON.
  • Would like to find this old childhood educational game which educated me on British slang such as bobby (police) or pram (carriage) as that would make me smile.
  • This update took eight minutes.
2:12 a.m. Not much new in the past four hours. Shower, kicking back with Modern Family..then Tumblr. I found this image I REALLY liked and I went through the net to make sure it was free use, owned by Mutter Erde. Isn't she lovely?:

Time to get down to some feelings. I really have been needing to find someone suited to me and my interests. Lately, I've been caught up in the temptation to conform, and be comfortable (and I have been), doing things more suited to my roommates interests than my own. 

It's not like a physical discomfort, mostly a spiritual one. There are a lot of "normal" things that people don't get why it would bug me. For example, tonight, April didn't understand why I would think it was stupid to use excessive profanity on a Youtube video when it was for a children's educational game , "The Oregon Trail." Some grown man was immature and found it humorous to name his character a cuss word. I'll get it out of the way...I hate profanity. That's a bold, italic, underline. I put up with it but I don't like it.

I can't censor the world. God knows, I wish I could erase its existence from the start of it in the English language to now, but it is not realistic. Nobody, and I mean no one, sounds like they are making an intelligent statement when using it...mainly just an angrily passionate one. It's not for me, certainly. 

In fact, any time someone does use one my brain flicks some switch to tune out their point, and automatically deems it both unintelligent and irrelevant. The nerves send it to that part of the brain where short term memory is with the intention of not keeping it for long, science wise. But that's just me. 

Anyway, I love my roommates, they are my extended family to me. It is just hard not to see that they are so in sync...and then there is just me. And I wonder, where and when am I gonna find my match, with our own kind of world where I don't even have to try to fit in, I don't know. I haven't found that yet...not here or with my own relatives. I am talking about sharing my religious beliefs, too, but it doesn't necessarily have to be someone I'm dating. Just one of those 'soulmate, pea in a pod, so much alike' pals. Some people don't know how good they have that.

It's a missing piece of my life, for sure. God is with me, we'll make that clear. But, it is something my soul has been craving a bit. It's probably a bit selfish to be asking to have my own little world, where someone is sharing it and I'm sharing theirs. I am being redundant. I'll say it again. I need a match.

At least I'm flexible. This post may make it sound like I'm just forcing myself to be around my friend's activities but the case is that despite the lack of shared interests, I need to fill the void of companionship with them (and am enjoying doing so for that much)...because otherwise I would be making myself alone, cutting myself off. Then I'll not only lack what I'm longing for, but what I'm thankful I already have. That's much worse, right?

Anyway, I needed to get that off my chest. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Night homies, love ya! 

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Dreams, Podge, and Art.

3:16 p.m. I've been up for over an hour and had some crazy dreams. One involved Mara and JRM. A woman was stroking her head in her lap while showing her artwork depicting, with her as the subject, in the came pose. Then, Jonny was building some kind of a tower and with a flick, I made it disappear beneath him, then immediately brought it back.

In another dream, there was this bald tattooed bartender and he was proving his toughness to a weaker male customer, by smashing tortilla chips on his head and then aggressively eating them. The customer responded by ducking behind the bar and making finger puppet shows, again a bit aggressively. The dude didn't seem to be in his right mind because earlier in the dream, he was a relieved and successful man finally going home to see his wife, and this is wear he wound up.

In another dream, I took a trip with family but then broke away on my own to go to this steep ditch with a tarp in it and I climbed under to explore. I think it was already partially on fire at the time but then it started to grow. I was nearly trapped when the family arrived to pull me out.

The rest are horrible dreams which I have no intention of recalling in the future. I want to do my best to forget them.

I am resting today but I have the STRONG urge to draw yet another self portrait, not sure of what medium I would use this time however. My sketchbook has been sitting on the coffee table going unused for some time now. Also, I finished the coaster.

3:59 p.m. Did a little research on sleep paralysis, which I suffer and have suffered frequently from the age of thirteen, and some normal web surfing...including Facebook stuff. I will say this, nothing keeps those demons from touching you better than invoking the name of Jesus Christ, I say this because it's been done by myself and others and has legitimately worked. Realistically, it doesn't stop them from screaming in your ear at the highest pitch possible, for me, but best case scenario I'm woken up and snapped out of it.

4:57 p.m. Taking a break from drawing, which is of my 'happy' place. It was so tough at first, I tore the page out of my sketchbook, then started drawing on the back which went like 200% better for some reason. I now get a pizza break as April made some. Grass is very repetitive and tedious to draw and I was very particular about the shape of the hill I'm drawing should be...because it is a particular shape. Drawing yourself with only your daydream as a reference is also difficult but I hopt that improves to something more realistic. The drawing, mostly landscape, is not in the point of view I wanted, as opposed to what I see in my head, but it was near impossible for some reason to get that on paper. Still, the scene should be the same.

5:46 p.m. I put on Modern Family and continued some of the drawing, which I will call a day on for now.

EDIT: After that, I got caught up in a talk with April and Rob and following that, April went to bed and I hung out with Rob until late night.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Another Two Days Missed. Oi.

7:48 p.m. Yesterday, I hung out with Rob and April a bunch and had a Modern family Marathon. I also suffered the demon sleep paralysis thing so I had April perform a sage and crystal blessing in my room. Felt it in my heart to ask, you know? I also made yummy brownies from scratch :D

Today, we went to Wal-Mart and got a few things. I FINALLY got a cake pan, a lighter for me, MOD PODGE!!!!!! WHICH I'VE BEEN WANTING FOR ABOUT ALMOST A YEAR NOW and some popcorn. April bought us Taco Bell and I had two mini-quesadillas (one taco, one steak.) We tried to donate blood and we all got rejected. My Iron level was too low, 11.8, and hers was 12. Normal, minimum, has to be 12.5. Rob was told his pulse was too fast. We got the normal groceries and came home and I played SecondLife and updated my journal up to the last entry, so that's a relief to get over with. :D Still been having the long and confusing dreams which I haven't been writing down.

My books have not shipped out, I haven't finished coloring my image, and I want a few new songs but anxiety says I've spent too much this month already. -_- On a random note, we are having stew crock-potting tonight. It's nice that we all came together on the idea.

8:09 p.m. I got new songs! YAY! Blank Space, Style, GDFR, Black Widow, and Can't Hold Us. :S P.S. My books JUST shipped. This night has just gotten better and better. God is real! How can people not see that?

9:15 p.m. Remember: People do not get to define what is okay or not okay to enjoy as a Christian. God is the only Judge. He has the only say.

9:42 p.m. Pizza was lovely, stuffed crust and meatlovers. My book is FINALLY done uploading after nearly two hours and I can go back to modern Family, April has been at her parents and is expected home later tonight. God bless, Jesus Died, Rose, Loves, Saves! P.S. Looked up ModPodge projects but not sure what I'll do yet...perhaps a coaster.

10:31 p.m. My books won't arrive until the end of the month. :/ At least they'll be worth the wait. Meanwhile, I'm making a coaster, dedicated to Jackie R.I.P. It's of her as a kid when we all lived together and her and I shared a bedroom...for years. :D Good times. I'm also listening to "Big Girls Cry" by Sia which has been in my head.

EDIT: Not much happened aside from being with the roommates, after April eventually came home of course. And I wound up watching Netflix with her before editing some songs, looking for more, and heading to bed around 3-4 a.m. in the morning. I need to go back to a regular sleep schedule. God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. That's all and take care for now homies.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

This Fabulous Century: Blank Space Style

11:07 a.m. I'm waiting for the weekend, or whenever April is off at her parent's house, to buy two songs from Taylor Swift: "Blank Space' and 'Style.' I use the Amazon Music player and want to download it there. I've decided not to steal from her. The statement 'She's already rich enough. Losing a couple dollars on a song won't hurt her' does not justify stealing, whether it comes to music or anyone else. If everyone followed such a philosophy, she wouldn't be making any money for her career, so there. I really bothered myself over this, wondering if I should cave in and join the ways of the world around me, or do what I knew was right all along.

I'm still over the moon about the two books I ordered last night: This Fabulous Century: 1900-1910 and This Fabulous Century: 1910-1920. Thinking about the full illustrations, photos, newspaper clippings, and of course the text explaining them, giving me a detailed and vivid insight to the history of these periods make me undeniably giddy in my heart. These will be a definite favorite addition to the bookshelf. I'm still tempted to read This Fabulous Century: 1920-1930 over again for the umpteenth time. I'm STILL considering getting the '1870-1900' version but I'm waiting for the price to go down. It's around eight dollars (including shipping.) The two books I just bought, together, were a little over a dollar, but shipping was seven or eight dollars alone. P.S. I love photos from the past like this. My mind just goes to wondering what their moment was like, what was said, in a world of living color.

I'm thinking of one I saw in 'Barcelona: Then and Now" which really gives an example of this and I HOPE copyrights permit I can post it here. Wikipedia says photos prior to 1957 have copyrights expiring 50 years after the image creation. I'm certain it's old enough. '-Gets off computer to seek out said image-'


About this morning, or like 15 minutes before I wrote this, April and I ate our morning meal and went to go see the neighbor but she wasn't there. We left a message to someone she knows. We just need to know she's doing alright.

11:27 a.m. Found it. Nailed it. Praise Jesus! This photo, showing a Barcelona Boqueria Market, circa 1910, displays exactly why I love old photos! Again, look at the two forefront woman. See how she's clutching her collar as she's speaking, with her mouth pursed as she talks? What were they discussing? What language were they using? How did they spend the rest of their afternoon? What were the final years like, knowing by now these anonymous, nameless, people are gone at rest? It's not like I can look them up on findagrave.com. Very few people, if any, in this picture are still living today. God only knows, when I take into account the possibility of centenarians (people aged 100+) or supercentenarians (people aged 110+). What about the other passerbys in the background? What were they planning that day? All these curiosities and mysteries make the photo a thousand times more interesting.

1:55 p.m. I played on SecondLife, held a kitten, and went to visit the elderly woman again. She had her dog inside and may have rebuked him, but didn't answer the door. April gave me a note to bring back. I made a visit to my other elderly neighbor, now living in Barb's former house, and she was ill today. Then I played with the cats and gave them a few treats. This has been my life so far.

2:09 p.m. Researched the above photo a little. Learned the market was founded in 1870. I'm feeling tempted to color this image and bring it to life...I've got the time. I'm just wondering if I've got the patience. How exciting! I'm genuinely excited right now at the thought of it. I needed to lighten up after how I've been lately.

3:30 p.m. I have been in the midst of coloring this beauty for an hour and a half and so far have the foreground colored. Taking a food break before continuing.

5:19 p.m. I watched a Modern Family Marathon, starting from episode one to three and told Dad I loved him. Also browsed Amazon again but no worries, I didn't purchase anything. I kinda wish I could find all my favorite books, used, for up to fifty cents a piece at some nearby store. That'd be fabulous. The project can continue later...I'm almost on my reading time. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. God bless us all in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

6:35 p.m. Another hour in and the photo is about halfway colored, already coming to life. :D This ia amazing. In color, it seems like it tells even more of a story.

6:58 p.m. I colored some more and have decided to take a break for now. :D Still happy, hoping I can present the finished result in the same post as the original image. I did not, however, get around to reading my book but there should be time for that later.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

No, I Haven't Been The Greatest.

1:37 p.m. I went back to sleeping until the afternoon after all. Last night, I just hung out with my buddies until I went to bed around 2-3 a.m. in the morning, also SecondlLife. Dreamt a lot but nothing in perfect chronological order. Still unsure of what to do with my life today.

Reading would be a good idea, I believe. Netflix is up there..and food.

Last night, the cat limped in and we were concerned. We decided to wait a day, until tonight, to see if he needs a vet. We'll be forfeiting our grocery money this week to pay for the visit but it's for all the right reasons. April still had some of his pain medication from the first vet visit he had and that seemed to help him. Still, he's being left inside today....no neighborhood exploring for him.

2:45 p.m. Ate and watched the newest episode of "Fresh Off the Boat."

4:00 p.m. I spent some time reading "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." April tried to use my bed to sleep but her attempts were thwarted by Carlo, who meowed to demand to go outside...to the point where she frustratingly gave up on sleep.

6:39 p.m. Rick dropped by and informed us that our elderly neighbor took a fall just outside of our mailboxes.

She was there when we found her, lying in an ant bed. Her ankle looked swollen.

We helped her with a wheelchair, brought her up to her house, then brought her walker..which she had trouble getting a grip on. We tried desperately to get a hold of someone, all the while waiting for someone she knew to come take care of the situation. She refused ambulance or hospital help.

Finally, when her daughter showed up, she took hold of the situation and said she was going to a Hospital because they couldn't wait around to see if something was going to happen. She said she had a minor stroke, which number her face, before she took the fall, but she didn't seem worried about it. We were, certainly.

April was pacing around, stroking her hair and wringing her hands and taking deep breaths in between her words. Her face was red and she was sweating, all getting heavier as we kept getting answering machines from the woman's relatives. Finally, she reached a pastor and then a man showed up who knew the woman, then her daughter.

I hope to go visit tomorrow to see how she is doing, April requests that I bring her as well which I fully intend to do.

God be with us in Jesus Name, Amen!

8:28 p.m. 100 pages left of The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I'm thinking of making a crock-pot hamburger meal, even though April replied 'depends on what it is' I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope she likes it anyway. I can't describe the joy I get out of cooking...even though the roomies worry I do it too much and them, not enough. It's not a chore to me though, just something I genuinely have a passion for.

12:05 a.m. I spontaneously got up from a music and daydreaming session and ordered two books I'm REALLY excited to get!: This Fabulous Century: 1900-1910 and This Fabulous Century: 1910-20. I already have the book in the series for 1920-1930 (my favorite treasure of all my books) and that's as far as I go because I'm REALLY mainly interested in the early 20th century years, and even someday I hope to get the ones that go over the later 19th century as well. I just have a fascination for those periods and I know the images in these books are going to be amazing and eye-catching and I can't wait to get my hands on them!

Also, no crock pot meal. Changed my mind...wishing I had chicken and kidney beans. I watched Ace of Cakes with April tonight instead and a bit of Youtube with Rob. And there we go...end of updates.

God bless, Jesus loves, lives, saves. All glory, praise, thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I Took A Few Days Off From Writing.

I took a few days off from writing. Seize got updated, had a lot of sleep and long dreams, and just spending time with friends. I also met our new neighbor, who was a sweet old lady. I've also played a lot of SecondLife though it frustrated me today.

April was having her own issues which I won't discuss here but I felt the need to give her space again, which I am doing and have absolutely no problem with. My health still isn't great and I'm still sleeping in until the afternoons.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Miss Smith, It's Been Two Days.

3:02 p.m. Okay! Long story short.

  • I lightened my hair to a more preferable blonde yesterday. 
  • Baked chocolate chip cookies with a recipe from the Food Network site which was DELICIOUS!
  • Read my book, The Divine Secrets of the Yay-Yay Sisterhood, and walked a bit, enjoying the sunlight.
  • The new kittens have finally opened their EYES!
 Tanya, our neighbor, dumped mattresses in our fire pit and Donny set one on fire last night, then two more and raised a huge bonfire. Then a neighbor from across the street called the fire department, and the fire marshall also came out, and we had to put out said giant bonfire.

The night ended with a Youtube marathon.

I had a lot of dreams but I don't feel like writing them down just yet. A lot of them really didn't make sense. This morning was involving Modern Family and SecondLife and Rob just sent us 500 Lindens. I've been meaning to write.

April is not going to her parents so I have to wait another time to update Seize, a long while in my terms but still worth it, no?

3:15 p.m. Still editing this post. I got some dating advice from April and Rob who suggest only going on a date from OkCupid after you have waited a month, seen each other on cam, talked via phone and Skype, for at least five hours. All these steps seems a bit much but I have no reason to think they aren't necessary.

NOW! The other day, Jackie, when she was like fourteen, pulled up on my driveway beaming on her girly bicycle and I just kinda moaned because I really wasn't ready for her to be coming in my
dreams now that she had passed.

She still talked to me. In the dream, I was supposed to be re-doing my high school senior year and I was expressing regret about my real life choice to only stay in high school for three years, then graduate.

Then she said that when I'm like 77 years old, I will be thankful that I had and not to be so regretful. It was nice seeing her in a happy state, though.

I'm still not ready to write last night's dreams down.

7:32 p.m. I just got back from using up my food stamps and going grocery shopping with Rob. I ALSO got some Easter candy so I'm happy. About to have chicken patties and mozzarella sticks soon. God bless, thanks, Jesus loves, lives, saves. Bye~! Off to watch Modern Family. P.S. Got an 'FBI Conspiracy' Star magazine issue of Marilyn Monroe. Just have to tell my family not to buy it for me.

9:33 p.m. Feeling pretty tired and ready to go to bed soon. April said she wants to spend a few hours at her parent's house tomorrow which also means I may get just a little ample time to update Seize. End of updates. God bless. Read the sidebar. Good night!

Thursday, April 2, 2015

To SecondLife or not to SecondLife?

11:11 a.m. April and I stayed up until 2 a.m. together, she was up later, and she gave my SecondLife avatar a very generous and long-needed makeover. I'm dying to get back into SecondLife right now and SUPER tempted to download it since the "Can I Run It?" website said it should work. At the same time, I'm conflicted because though I'm recommended from doing it, gently, I don't know if that means I have no permission to. Can't ask because everyone is asleep. For once I slept well so I'm happy about that as much.

1:35 p.m. So I played SecondLife on April's computer, as she slept. I was fortunate she didn't stir...

2:49 p.m. I had some pasta and popcorn, then watched Modern Family. The outside is warm and AMAZING today so I took a brief walk and had a shower. I seriously need to get on the dishes soon, Oi Vey.

3:12 p.m. So I just had the surprise of a lifetime. I heard Carlo, our cat, meowing on the porch so I went to let him in and there was this awkward moment where I stood there as he had a lizard in his mouth. He charged at the door and then I shut it, laughing. I have never experienced this before.

I went outside to the porch through the back door and saw the lizard in his mouth, ALIVE, with the detached tail wiggling on the ground. Suddenly, he loses his grasp and the lizard got away inside the outside panel of the house. Victory for the lizard. Carlo, do we not feed you enough? lol.

3:50 p.m. After a brief wander outside, I sat and read my book. By now, I'm halfway through The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Once I finish this, God help me, Mommie Dearest is the next thing on my reading list. Really enjoying that I started reading books, again, by the way. It got to a point where I refused to let myself buy anymore until I started reading the ones I have.

5:30 p.m. I just finished doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Turns out my taxes WEREN'T sent out by Mom like I thought so we have to sort that out. Meanwhile, I took a photo to show which books are next on my summer reading list...

5:46 p.m. Note to self, possible consider Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children) :D among others from this author....P.S. Heard Sia's new song "Big Girls Cry" and LOVE it. May or may not buy...do not know. God does. XD BYE!

12:41 a.m. Rob let me download SecondLife. It lags a bit but none worse than in crowded virtual rooms. I hung out with April, where we continued the makeover. Rob gave me 500 Lindens, game currency, and I did a little shopping there. I've also been watching Modern Family on and off. Need to get back on a normal sleep schedule one of these days. God bless, Jesus died, rose, saved! Hallelujah! P.S. Carlo needs cheering up lately. Speaking of cats, the kittens have been opening their eyes! Yay!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The First Of April.

11:27 a.m. I was out of my head yesterday and barely got any sleep last night. Something snapped and caused me to have ongoing, horrible, thoughts and all I could do was pray through it. May this pass away in Jesus Name, amen!

I saw Barb this morning and she said she is not leaving until tomorrow morning. Still, she will be missed. :D I've checked Tumblr, more recently Facebook, And...Neopets did this prank where they turned into Jumpstart. Like seriously what is this tomfoolery?

I don't want to say that I've had what's call buyers remorse, but I haven't been happy with me spending so much money so often lately, more than a hundred dollars on various things and for various reasons this month. I want to try and too better.

I HOPE my income tax isn't lost in the mail, like last year, but I have no way of checking since I don't know the exact amount on my total tax refund this year.

11:41 a.m. Well, I tried to get info from my Mom about what's on my W2 so I  can see the status of my tax return but it's in Jen's room apparently, and locked. :/

12:48 p.m. April was sharing a family matter she had discussed with me and she had some advice for the thing I said was going on with me, which I acknowledged as obsessive intrusive thoughts. She advised me to know they were there, but also know that these are things that I would never try to do.

She tried to go back to bed, after having little sleep, but Donny dropped by and chatted us up until now. She also gave me free reign to do the dishes again, finally, which makes me happy. Would be even more fun to cook while I'm doing it but we'll see.

12:58 p.m. I'm totally having the urge to draw...

1:10 p.m. I've found my source image. So it begins...

2:16 p.m. Drawing sloppily finished. I had a lot of anxiety going on to get it right..there's always a very physical anxiety (nose runs, itchiness, bathroom urges etc.) just anything that can be sent my way to bug me only when I'm drawing.

2:23 p.m. Laundry is drying. No more drawing. Too much anxiety going on, frustration, I just need to calm down. Jesus help meh!

9:23 p.m. Seven hours later.

  • Read the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
  • Dried the towels.
  • Hung out with April and we made chicken and fettucini alfredo.
  • Helped Barb move out and wished her goodbye to GA. She even gave us a few things, including extra food.
  • Watched April on Tumblr.
  • Still trying to get my W2 info.
10:26 p.m. BAH! Who cares if I'm still on the internet. I should shower and head to bed soon. Anyway, end of updates. God bless, see the sidebar, bye!

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