Monday, March 23, 2015

About Mom's, The Funeral, and Life.

8:34 a.m. I'm back home by now. Yesterday I practically spent the whole day watching Netflix. At one point, DJ asked for gas and cigarettes (the cigs he had to push me a bit for) and I went with him and Trina..I think her name is...and got those and drinks for people at the house. Good thing I picked one up for myself. a Gatorade, because Jen got me a Pepsi earlier, which I had some sips out of, and it was stolen by the time I got back. Yes, people living there will take a 'used' drink. I was a bit grumbly about it but I accepted my other drink instead and Maranda also gave me her Pepsi on top of it. :D

It took 20-something out of my bank account total but I got 20 back when Mom returned that night. PLUS all of a sudden everyone had gifts for me. Mom got me a Marilyn Monroe themed magazine, only to find Jen had the same one to give me (just put up somewhere) but I thanked them both. DJ and Maranda had a large picture in a frame of a pastel landscape and they were hoping I'd paint over it, the canvas. I was elated as it leave it that way..but they REALLY wanted me to paint it, lol. Sadly, it was so big it couldn't fit in the car so I had to leave it behind.

When I got home, I went straight to my room and went to bed until this morning. Being at Mom's not only helped my grief but put me, for a couple days, on a NORMAL sleep schedule of going to bed at night and waking up during the day.

Speaking of this morning, Carlo spent a LONG time meowing in my room, and no one else's I think, as I slept in bed AND dreamt. I finally got up and let him in. I was almost in the mood to cook some food, with headphones making me dance, but I realized I wasn't quite that hungry. Nonetheless, I am living my life again and being normal. This is the stage I should be in.

Most importantly to mention, the funeral was NOT this weekend, but it's on Wednesday. They are going to have a party celebrating her beautiful life. Since it was impossible for them to pick me up at home and drop me off, with everyone's work
schedules, I elected to not go.

R.I.P. Jackie Kersten. 1995-2015
I have grieved privately, and even a  bit openly. And honored her memory that way and more. I don't feel the need to go. The only thing I'm missing out on the most is seeing those members of her family I rarely see nowadays these past few years but I hope I'll be there in spirit.

God Bless, Jesus Died, Rose, Saved. All glory, praise, thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! P.S. I've had Selena Gomez's song "The Heart Wants What It Wants" in my head lol. It's 8:48 a.m. in the morning.

10:44 a.m. God rest Jackie Lucille Kersten. :) I just finished eating and whatnot. I forgot The Walking Dead aired last night so I caught the new episode. Meanwhile, I made a sound recording of the rain which was lovely and praised God. The kitchen got cleaned a little. I've been re-considering watching The Preachers Daughter and hopefully it will be more than what it appears to have turned into. It's quiet, which is nice, around here. April and Rob are still in bed...

2:45 p.m. I watched some of the show and mostly have been hanging out with April. We made pizza with real bacon on it! It was awesome! We've been talking a lot about my personal issues and griefs, not Jackie related, but about home. I was sorry to do it, because I don't like bringing up bad stuff and I don't feel like I'm forgiving it as I should. At the same time, I needed to let it out, you know?

5:56 p.m. After the show, I was browsing the net and Tumblr. We all chipped in on a breakfast for dinnertime: Biscuits, eggs, and gravy with hamburger. We each had our jobs. April on eggs and gravy, Rob on homemade (scratch) biscuits, and I on hamburger. On top of that, I made a banana milkshake. Bit frothy but yummy. Thankful to God for these blessings and I sent out a prayer request to CBN today after getting a letter in the mail from them. Love them. God bless their Ministry in Jesus Name, amen! God is able to do above all we ask or think.

My friends have been asking a lot about how I feel lately and it's been really touching that they check up on my so much. They even got my favorite white cheddar popcorn to make me feel better while I was gone. So thankful to God. I need these people in my life. I'm doing great. He sent them to get me through this and make me heal. In Jesus Name, Amen! They may never know what a blessing they are.

9:34 p.m. So I finally finished my show. It has one episode left which has not aired yet. I don't know if there will be a fourth season but I was shaking my head a lot, praying a lot, and whatnot. Found a charity link of someone who could really use a blessing if you would check it out (or me in the future)

So there! God bless. Jesus Died, Rose, Saved. He loves us and forgave us! Amen in Jesus Name! God is able! P.S. Really hoping to continue making letters to God and that I won't give them up, even as I pass my mourning stage, because it's been really helping me FEEL my relationship with him, you know?

Anyway, I want to ATTEMPT a normal sleep schedule so I'm heading to bed soon, until morning, God Willing, and hopefully all will be well with me in Jesus Name, Amen! I pray! God is able to do above all we ask or think!

Oh! and I had this really weird dream last night.

All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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