A Daily Diary: February 2015


Saturday, February 28, 2015

Another Casual Saturday.

5:12 p.m. I stayed up with Rob until 7:18 a.m. before going to bed myself. At least Donny waited until 1 p.m. before knocking lol. I still slept. My last dream was a nightmare and I cried in it, hard, because I was being framed and I don't remember what for. I knew I was being framed before I even got arrested. I've mostly been doing my online dailies and would likely want to hang out with Rob again until morning. I need the company.

9:48 p.m. Today, I've been watching Netflix and learning about the U.S. Presidents for HOURS...also learned about the oldest living people and the last living slave and more. It's been a very educational evening. P.S. I want a woman to be the next president. :D God bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

12:56 a.m. I finished the WHOLE series. Jesus. I am done. :P End of Updates. God Bless, Jesus Died, Rose, Saved, Loves and Lives! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, amen! God is able to do above all we ask or think.

Ephesians 3:20

Friday, February 27, 2015

I'm Awake Late As Usual.

4:22 p.m. Donny knocked on the door at 9 a.m. asking for a coke. I actually went to bed around the time the sun came up so it was still a bit too early for me. I was laying there, hoping nobody would knock again. We all sleep during the day, mostly, and stay up until morning.

I did manage to sleep. We kinda, I don't want to say rebelled, but we stuck the air up and made it cold...which is something April fights to stop when she IS here...but she isn't. Her room just gets too cold, she said.

Before bed, I spent a long time looking over the events of this time last year, when I was just preparing myself to live with unemployment after walking out of McDonalds. What a time.

Four years earlier, I was visiting a newborn Malania in the hospital and wanting a Coldstones icecream. I also had a long fanfiction in there where I inserted myself...a daydream.

I had a lot of religious themed dreams, mostly towards the morning. The most recent one was a Church visit where I worshipped and they played soulful gospel music.

I'm gonna say something and don't call me crazy. When it comes to religious dreams, almost always it's only seconds, if not during, when satan comes along to ruin it.  I have more than one example today.

During the Church service, I was loving the music and I was pleading inside for them to sing with some soul, and MY GOD, THEY DID. The congregation was alive and enjoying themselves in worship and song.

But it got less 'gospel-y' as the songs progressed and at one point played a swingy Ray Charles tune...."You better leave my woman alone..." I was still smiling though. Later, the women, as if in a music video, became more scantily clad and I turned away..all before waking up.

In another dream, I was walking a neighborhood street and there were people around me dressed as if they were in the fifties. This one guy in a suit was following me with a smile and he had like five eyes in a row. I started to get away, and Pray in Jesus Name, when multiple others chased me down the street and came on to attack and it was holding them back. I asked Jesus to run with me. No, there wasn't some long haired dude in a robe running alongside me. I meant 'with me' as I prayed.

In another dream, there was a boy who was becoming increasingly troublesome. At one point, he sat on the couch and threatened to tell people he doesn't believe in God, which is sad coming from a kid, and tried to say I was believing a fairy tale...or something..I mostly drowned him out with a broken heart. I told him to believe what he wanted, it was his choice.

At one point, I think, he did something in this room full of people as an adult, enough for me to throw him out of the house, which I did. And nobody wanted to talk about what just happened with that religious awkwardness moments earlier.

In the church dream, before I went into the service, I was praying to Jesus. I talked about how I could not wrap my mind around how much pain He truly suffered for my sake, if I could even imagine it. Meanwhile, as I'm saying these words, a guy is talking over me and, forgive me if this sounds blasphemous, it's not intended, excitedly talking about decapitation. That quickly made me uncomfortable.

This african american woman spoke up for me, a really strong woman, and rebuked him. He, again forgive me, spoke as if they were both gory. She rebuked him again, and said it wasn't gore and I forget what else she said. But he stopped talking and she, who was me, walked off and went about greeting church members.

So you can see what I mean. Just when I get something good in a Jesus-God themed dream, the devil perverts it in any way he can.

Speaking of dreams, I kept wanting to say that days ago I had one where I had a baby and I was really happy. It's mostly a blur now but I had to get that out.

Oh, and April took the phone but I dare say it was a good thing, because it's clear I play on that thing too much and I kept wanting to grab it, when it was no longer there, to check updates.

5:32 p.m. Dawdling on the internet as usual...and I'm cold.

6:30 p.m. Watching The Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie again and NOT tired of it. XD The cat is in, I'm cold. And that is life...Jesus Saves!

6:59 p.m. So flooredbythelord.com, referrenced as a fake site in Supernatural, is the same scary thing that happened with fgoogle.com. I had to shut down when my browser wasn't going away. Oi.

9:09 p.m. I'm calmer, bored...er, and sleepier. Time to step away from the computer.

12:18 a.m. End of updates. I laid down a bit, then hung out with Rob as he played video games and we shared a lot of stories from our school days and our history of video games. We also had spicy chicken sandwiches. That is the end of that. God Bless. Jesus Died, Rose, Saved. Lives and Loves! GOD IS ABLE to do above all we ask or think in Jesus Name, Amen. God is able.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Finally Updating Seize. :D

10:39 p.m. After about 20 days, I finally got to update Seize. :D The Bookwright program deeply frustrated me at first. Last update, it made all of my pages have an error where it was about a few or less MILLIMETERS inside it's guidelines. THEN, they decided to change the text input area at the bottom into a pop-up.

Basically, my brain had to re-learn things when it didn't want to. :/ I nearly quit and just ordered the thing altogether so I could switch back to Booksmart. But I came back, relaxed, and finished. I still have 180 pages to fill before this baby sees completion. :D I'll be happy.

I've already covered the last day of September 2014 to present date in it which is like five months so I'm thinking this could be the journal where I've covered more of my life than the previous ones. The only time I really look at my journals is to see, often, what happened 'on this date' however many years ago..which is amazing and something I'm not quite ready to give up.

Today I slept until 5 p.m. and called Mom, originally hoping to ask for a ride to get pizza but she said, first, she was working until 11 p.m. Miss her. So I didn't ask. I kept dreaming where I thought I called and asked and we were going, in a way that felt 100 percent real, so that was part of it.

I hung out with April and then we went grocery shopping. She left to stay at her Mom's for however long it will be and I just updated Seize. I had Digiorno stuffed crust three meat pizza, yum, but my stomach didn't sit well in the end. I tried to watch TheStory of Mankind but it's historically inaccurate and then the one about The Presidents but I got too distracted by wanting to do Seize. SO that's it so far! :D

I will thank God for the funds I'm setting aside to complete this. Every single one of these journals is a new dream I'm eager to finish...each one taking months of completion at a time. But it's worth it. I like to imagine these lasting decades and my future kids, God willing I have any, eyeing the glimpses of a very intimate past.

I still cringe over that over-obsession of JRM. I'm not ashamed to be a fan but it's easy to say I took it too far for quite some years and I'm glad to be a normal, average, sane fan like I should have always been. I will laugh one day. I'm being blunt with myself here.

P.S. I've been wanting to send a donation Sierra Leone, one of the most impoverished places in the world BUT I keep holding myself back for some reason. For that, I am sorry. I hope I'll come around.

11:07 p.m. I highly recommend people looking into helping the hungry, whichever you choose, I feel like you would make a difference. Praise God in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!

11:32 p.m. I got new MUSIC!!! I stopped stealing songs almost a year ago since I'm trying to be a better Christian. Spent $5.16 on FourFiveSeconds, Pompeii, Elastic Heart, and Mary, Did You Know. Happy. ^_^ Supporting the artists I love. :D "They have too much money already" is not a valid argument when it comes to deciding to steal music. Buy them!

12:02 a.m. Ending updates. I got what I wanted done....done. I keep listening to the same four songs over and over rather happily. Seize is updated, Sierra Leone is blessed, and I'm praising Jesus! God is ABLE!! Now thinking of what to get April for her birthday a month from now. She'll be thankful for anything, even handmade, I'm still interested in picking something out for her.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

That Was Surprising

5:35 p.m. I made the decision to sleep all day, because I was thinking the dreams were better than reality. More interesting people and more interesting places. I got up and walked into the kitchen where I guessed someone was cooking, and my roommate took one look at me, rolled her head and her eyes, and said in a cold voice, "No, you're I didn't make any for you because you've been asleep all day and I didn't know you were going to be awake ."

Real way to start things. I went into the fridge, got a cold biscuit, ate one in total silence, and altogether decided I was going to avoid hanging out with the roommates today. I fprgive, but life isn't always fair.

6:16 p.m. So I deleted the post I made expressing my feelings about it. She denied having an attitude, she clearly did to me, and now she said she REALLY has one....all the more that I'm going to be by myself today.

Yes, I did not come to her...because I thought she was mad at me in the first place, hence why I wanted to avoid her. Now I really have to. Oi.

6:27 p.m. April and I talked it out in a calm manner and we both feel better now. It was the fact that I didn't just come to her, like I should have, instead of posting it on Tumblr. We both agreed that she can be intimidating which was why I avoided being up front about it. But now the issue is resolved and we can both be a little better.

7:13 p.m. Meandering on the internet and feeling a bit lonely...

8:34 p.m, I hung out with April a bit and right now I'm making chicken. Just finished dancing to music as I cleaned the kitchen so I'm already feeling good. :D

9:38 p.m. So full! The chicken was good. We just finished enjoying it.

11:26 p.m. Spent time learning about various history through photographs. Also, learned about some carefully preserved human remains in history. Ending updates. I'm assuming if everyone is not in bed, they will be. God Bless, Jesus Lives! Died for my sins, Rose, and Saved! Bye!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Internet Was Gone Yesterday

11:27 a.m. Since I didn't have internet yesterday, it made me give in to drawing, after which, I completed TWO new ones.

I also made an updated video tour of my room. :D

I watched Rob play a video game yesterday and mostly hung out with him until we went to bed, and snacked quite a bit..I must say. Even after having enough sleep though, I feel a bit tired. Still, I've been using my time to catch up on the social networks AND I've been seriously considering drawing grav3yardgirl. I've also set my livejournal blog to private and feel better for doing so. Praise the Lord Jesus. It's good to be back to the old me, after coming off of what the meds made me feel like a month ago. God is good.

11:57 a.m. I just updated the MOSI entry from the previous week with pictures, so I'm very happy about that. Still hoping to take a nap after I finish my dailies on Neopets. If I can't sleep, I can always catch up on the latest episode of the Walking Dead. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

12:12 p.m. Watched a little Youtube....

4:52 p.m. I just woke up. My dreams seriously had themes. God, Jesus, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and Grav3yardgirl. Even my own insecurities. It's been a long time since I've gone into detail about any of them.

First off, I finally had a dream of going back to school...for the first time...it wasn't about me being a student. I was my normal age, surrounded by a sea of teenagers while I wondered if I was ever as small as they are. I didn't talk to anyone, that I can recall.

I basically spent the dream touring my old school, somewhat illegally, because I thought for sure I would be told I was trespassing if I got caught.

I saw an aged version of my P.E. coach from middle school, Coach Donhaiser (though I probably just misspelled his name) and walked on by. I think he saw me but I didn't say anything.

I noticed some parts of the school were rebuilt, with flights of wooden stairs, and others were left abandoned (post-apocalyptic style)

In another dream, I was looking at a map which told me a jrmfansite headquarters was actually near me, signalling with a line, however on closer inspection, the distance seemed farther than I thought when I compared it to how close a theme park I previously visited in the dream was. It seemed four times as far, possibly about 10-12 miles away from me when I really looked at it. But I tried going, nonetheless.

The next thing I remember was coming upon this scene where Jonny was forced by a crowd to race this car. He did it, quiet about his unhappiness about it until the end where he gently voiced his concerns, then admitted that he actually enjoyed it and wished he wouldn't have been so upset before. He even smiled. :)

On his face, something had been blurred out, and I was determined to see it. My point of view was actually from inside the car, though he couldn't see me, and the more I looked, the more the blur faded, revealing a set of 'stitches' on a cut on his face...only they weren't stitches, they were barbed wire. Anyway, he decided to go around the track again.

I teamed up with my old friend from high school, Holilyn Snell, and we started the walk home. All of a sudden, his car slowly went past us...as if he was slowing down to give us a ride. We kept watching but he just kept driving, then he sped up. THEN he turned into a parking lot and came around and drove back towards us. He then asked if we wanted a ride.

He parked and she eagerly got in the car. In my head, I was imagining reporters seeing this and calling me the 'large woman' who was getting in the car with him and I just wanted to hide. Nonetheless, I got in the car and that's all I remember of that scene.

There were other dreams, maybe even more than one, about some Christian themes involving grav3yardgirl and possibly some fan mail, but I forget what they were.

I also dreamt of JRM more than this, I feel confident there, but....AH!!! It came back to me.

It was an odd one but there was something going past a person, on a chalkboard, some object, and the person caught it. Then JRM showed up, younger and beaming, as a flower going across a chalk board and he was watching it go by, then Mara excitedly came up behind him and caught it. It was a sweet moment.

I STILL think I may have dreamt of him more than this, somehow, but I don't remember. It was enough to remember all of these events, to be honest. I think I had enough sleep. :D Bye.

5:38 p.m. I just remembered another dream where April's Mom had invited me to come over for the weekend with April. For some reason, I don't recall why, I tried to call Dad about it but I think he was busy working and my phone was doing all sorts of weird things and it rang by itself. I also think I called Mom but I forget how that went.

Anyway, I'm watching a few Youtube videos and hopefully, soon, the Walking Dead. I also am still excited about drawing Grav3yardgirl and I haven't chosen the reference photo yet but I look forward to this.

6:34 p.m. April and I are going to watch the Walking Dead together...once she's done debating something with a friend.

I just recalled a dream I had where I took my first ride on an airplane, again with April's family. It's too fuzzy to recall now though..

7:24 p.m. Finished with that. April is frustrated over stuff so I silently made the move to give her space.

7:50 p.m. Tumblr and dailies are out of the way. WOOT!

10:14 p.m. Completed the grav3yardgirl drawing to satisfaction. MILDLY in her likeness but a good drawing nonetheless. :D God bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves!

12:55 p.m. Just finished The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and played on Instagram. I seem somewhat determined to stay up until morning lol.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Not Unhappy With Today.

10:52 a.m. After being up until morning on two exciting seasons of 'Brain Games' I slept, and did so until almost 3 p.m. I had a couple dreams about Jonathan Rhys Meyers which can only be described as casual and relaxing but I forget the details, something involving a school. I felt like I haven't dreamt of him in a long time so...wow.

Today, I pulled myself out of bed and got my laundry done FINALLY!! I made some Checkers fries and macaroni and enjoyed a documentary about film age transitioning into the digital age.

Looking forward to the newest episode of the Walking Dead of course! That won't be until later though..

Mostly I've been meandering on my social networks until I finally decided to write this. I've had the new urge to draw FINALLY...a growing urge. I'm just waiting to act on it. Not sure what I would draw, or when, but it is what it is. I'm just hanging out with the cat.

It's been over two weeks since I've added to Part Seize but it will have to wait until April goes to her parents next week so there should be a lot to catch up on at that point. Can't wait to finish that thing, it's been six months!

I've been on Tumblr a lot more often on a random note. I still need to fold my clothes. I'm applauding feminism.

I'm still a pro-life Christian with views that most could deem/judge as 'right winged' thus meaning to some I would not be a true feminist but whatevs. :P I do still however believe in equality for all women, LGBT rights, etc.

I'm me, and we'll all get over it.

11:02 p.m. I also watched one of my OLD Youtube videos! Makes me nostalgic for the good ole' days...this was four years ago:

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Short Summary

Today I studied 1920's history with This Fabulous Century: 1920-1930 for a few hours, alongside Wikipedia and other research, and I've been awed by Brain Games on Netflix.

Once again, I nearly got a virus on the computer by going to, accidentally, www.fgoogle.com DO NOT TRY THE LINK OUT, which was a typo and I immediately closed my browser with the task manager. -shakes head-

God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able! Jesus Died for me!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Jesus Rejoices.

2:38 p.m. I just woke up. Yesterday, I got up at 5 p.m. Rob and I said goodbye to our neighbor Marina yesterday, who is moving away, and we FINALLY got grocery shopping out of the way. Later, I was on a 4400 marathon until morning with April, then Rob.

Donny knocked on our door, just to say it was going to be cold...then I couldn't go back to sleep. Here. I. Am.

5:11 p.m. I've probably been online too long. The usual checking of social networks, surfing of Wikipedia for oldest people/slaves alive, and findagrave.com. Good times.

5:42 p.m. For old time sakes, I went to ghostofthedoll.co.uk I hadn't posted there since August 2013 but I still love all the vintage toy searches going on. I should get back into it one day. P.S. I need to do my laundry one of these days as well...Oi.

8:23 p.m. I hope I dodged a bullet. There I was, reading a Wikipedia about the mother of Marie Antionette when I get this:

It made all the Skype phone ringing noises as I tried to click the little 'x' on the black box. I DARE not click Answer or Decline because of what it could have opened. When that didn't work, I opened Task Manager and closed the Skype process. 

It closed. Nothing seems off right now or worse, downloaded, but I'm hoping there isn't some virus hiding that will jump on me later somehow. Beware the Skype virus.

Anyway, today I've been in between Netflix, Wikipedia (I sought the origins of the phrase 'let them eat cake') and watched Youtube...grav3yardgirl. :) Nothing else to report.

12:39 a.m. Currently hanging out with  April, on a laptop, and eaiting M&M's. I made pasta tonight and cleaned the kitchen, an accomplishment of the day.

I'm getting back into Tumblr. Oh dear....I'm somewhat dying to treat it like a 'mini' blog. 

God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen!~ God is Able!

I'm not ashamed to confess Him, Jesus, who died on a Cross and was Risen from the dead by God. Bless those, father, who read this post. Forgive me in Jesus Name, Amen! 

That's all I'm posting for now. It's past midnight and I'm likely up until morning. My imagination has kept me quite amused for today, by the way.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

It's Been A Lazy Month

5:07 p.m. Yesterday, I was up at 4 p.m. after staying up until morning again and I spent the entire day hanging out with April. Today, I slept in until 3 p.m. after staying up until morning....only this time I am alone. I watched the newest episode of Supernatural though, which is moving to Wednesdays.

Last night was kinda fun and involved a lot of play at one point. Around 3 a.m. they made biscuits and gravy with eggs, which was a bit on the salty side, but fun nonetheless.

April was still fixing her recent faux-hawk that she cut and is mildly satisfied with it.

I have been thinking of some things.

I haven't done much with life in the past month...in the sense I say that I haven't been doing the actual hobbies thing, or even going out for walks anymore. I am thankful to God for the MOSI trip, however, which was a break from routine.

A recent dream of me painting words of a story onto something shaped like the hood of a car told me I might want to start writing again. The urge to browse old photos in my books this morning said I want to pick up a book once more. But I'm no closer to wanting to draw. No biggie.

I have Part Seize but I've been a lot less inclined to add imagery into it which makes me wonder how interested I will be in it in the long run of things. MOSI would have plenty of images to share, certainly, and I should probably update my blog with such at some point.

Another thing about Seize is that I have been working on it since the beginning of September and have so far filled a bit over half with the life events of the past six months. It amazes me how far I have to go but I thank God I have the funds to buy the book when I'm ready to...if it doesn't somehow crash and in worst case scenario I lose six months of work.

I'm not fond of the book program and think I will switch back to the other one when this is over. Especially since it's update declared that a huge chunk of the book needs to be fixed before it's suitable to be ordered, by putting the text blocks in the proper margins which are probably only off by a millimeter or two. -_- More work than I'd like but will probably take care of.

I think that's all for now. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

7:40 p.m. Web stuff and was feeling generous on Neopets. Browsed for the first time in forever. The air around here is just one of those nights.

Nobody has sounded thrilled or happy from the moment they woke up. April, mostly. I lazily left one plate and one fork stacked on another, which had biscuits and gravy left uncovered. I was up too late and too tired to care about it last night. It irked her and I didn't want to speak up.

Then someone lost the cover to the pickle jar but nobody knows who.

Thus I've purposefully separated myself from the group instead of joining her, since there is no happy things going on. Too tense of a night. Eggshells sometimes.

I browsed Tumblr a bit and April's favorite posts are the anti-American, racism, politics, angry about civil rights, and all around just plain 'angry' posts....which isn't very fun. -_- I did post some fun things though like Coco Rocha and Walking Dead so that was interesting.

Wish something would cheer me up. There's too much anger in the world.

7:47 p.m. The cat is sleeping in between my knees, lol. I also dreamt that Skyla the pit bull was licking my face playfully, then I made her do it some more. It was adorable.

9:28 p.m. Just watched the documentary "And The Oscar Goes To" and really enjoyed it.

11:10 p.m. I've just popped cinnamon buns, made from scratch, in the oven. I found the preparation a bit stressful considering how much the kitchen was already a mess, the lack of space, and having no milk. -_- Why must baking ideas come when we are lowest on groceries? Oi. Anyway, this too shall pass and I can't wait to see them done.

11:37 p.m. Well, they finished. Not sure why some fell apart though and some didn't. Twas a sugary mess, lol. P.S. Watching Fools Rush In.

Monday, February 16, 2015

A Summary of the Past Few Days.

12:22 p.m. So! the other day, Mom sent DJ and Grandpa to us in the afternoon. Then, DJ claimed we were not going shopping and that he was taking me to Mom's. There was a slight argument, then I called Mom and she postponed it for the next day.

So I went to her house and hung out...babysat the kids on a low Wifi connection...and then was woken at Noon the next day (after sleeping at midnight) to go to Malania's party at MOSI.

On the way there, Aaliyah got Harmony's shirt wet when I gave them some water, which didn't thrill Mom but we moved on. I had a lot of fun bonding with Lili until I learned we were supposed to be at the 'party' section for that time and I brought her back. Then I ate as they did activities. I took a LOT of photos that whole day and a little video.

Then I took her AND Harmony to go play, then Mom joined us, and we played some more. We did the hurricane and earthquake room and Aaliyah got a piggy bank to fill for Charity.

By then, we had been there like three-four hours...but there was even time to stop and watch some butterflies in a sanctuary made for them...before heading to go get Grandpa.

Mom learned that Sam's Club closed at six and there was no time to get to the house, then take me home, pick up April and Rob, then go all the way there in time. So we postponed another day again and she kindly bought me chicken to cook at home. :) I love Mommy.

So we wait again today.

Anyway, I was brought to Mom's and Grandpa took me home. I got here at 6 p.m. sharp and the rest is history. I spammed my Instagram full of queue now that I had internet again, Praise Jesus! I hung out with April and watched a TON of Youtube videos with her, and a LOT of grav3yard girl, and eventually Rob, until 6 a.m. in the morning.

There was ALSO a lot of talk about April getting a pixie cut, which should look adorable.

I woke up around 12 p.m. and realized I lost my mp3 player, so I had to hunt that down. I found it in my sewing footstool which was odd, but anyway.

I intend on seeing the latest episode of The Walking Dead I missed last night, no spoilers please~ P.S. I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day. :(

5:08 p.m. I just watched the episode and the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Shopping is cancelled, as it stands. DJ took the car and Mom can't get a hold of him. -_-

I don't like this. Not the car thing, just there never needed to be a big deal made over who is taking us to Sams Club but this was at the command of April's Mom that someone other than her take us.

Just with my family, trying to arrange something from 30-something miles away puts a burden on me. I HATE this.

I don't like having to bear the burden of having complaints made about my family when something goes wrong. If anything, it breaks my heart because I can acknowledge that they are there for me in more ways than I can count. I know my family.

We have been trying for three days now to go and it hasn't worked for one reason or another, and so the burden, and the dreading, of the moans and sighs is on me alone.

That's why. It all started with the paranoia from April's Mom that a nice act my Mom did, a Sams Club membership, was 'somehow' her way of pushing off her responsibility to help me, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

Stress further exacerbated when I try to convince April's parents to do it, and they refuse. So I have to go to my family, and insist...and remind...and plan...and deliver and bear the news when something goes wrong. I don't want to deal with it.

It was supposed to be a gift but paranoia and demands just burden me. I can't even deal right now and need to run away to my room. I'm dreading having to tell them we aren't going, crying. I'm done.

EDIT: I stayed in my room until past 7, then told them, and finally it was settled we do Publix and give up the whole thing. Then we hung out for the rest of the night.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Day Before Valentines Day

4:08 p.m. I slept in...only because I was up until 5 a.m. something with April. Mom said she would come tonight, if not, tomorrow. She's out car shopping for today. :)

I got my web stuff and dailies in, that's all I have to report for now.

4:55 p.m. I got my grocery list done, and added up. Feeling optimistic and excited. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

12:48 a.m. Mom is coming in the morning and I'm spending the night in order to attend Malania's birthday party! :D Woot! I've been watching Season Five of the Walking Dead all day and I'm finally on the most up-to-date episode.

Unbeknownst to me, Supernatural has come back and I have FOUR more of those episodes to catch up on. :D So yeah, two shows to follow. No biggie.

I made al-dente pasta tonight and had some chocolate milk. Not much else to report past midnight.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

I Took A Few Days Off.

3:00 p.m. My Mom gave me 200 bucks for starters! YAY!!! I'm not gonna go crazy on it, I assure you. I'm mostly keepingthe news to myself for now since certain people I would tell might be insistent on what I should do with the money. Anxieties, man. :P

ANYWAY! I have been spending the previous days on a Walking Dead Marathon, ever since I finished the Keeping Up Appearances series. In between, I've cooked, done dishes and laundry, read my Bible, but for the most part stayed indoors all day and night. I've also been staying up until 3-4 a.m. and waking up in the afternoon hours.

I have bonded with Hissy, so woot on that note. XD I couldn't wait any longer to give these highlights, in the same breath, there hasn't been many eventful things going on. I still want to go to that museum, for example.

Mom is supposed to take us grocery shopping tomorrow at Sams Club and I can't wait to see her. We ran through food pretty quickly this week and April and I have had our own guilts about it.

The biggest thing is my Grandpa and Mom are recovering, with bruises, from a recent car wreck the other day. I didn't even want to make her go through with it if this was the case but she insisted it was fine.

I DEARLY want to see Jurassic Park Four and POSSIBLY the Poltergeist reboot.

I've had FourFive Seconds from Rihanna, Paul McCartney, and Kanye West stuck in my head. I've withheld from buying it yet because I wanted to make sure I wanted to keep this song without tiring it. I'm not even sure what this song means, lol.

A comment says it's about the stresses of fame...not a bad way to put it.

2:55 a.m. Spent the day with friends. Made plans with Mom to possibly attend Malania's b-day at MOSI. Learning about survivalism from April. Made plans for a party here in about a week with our neighbor Marina. It's gonna be good.

No more marathon of the Walking Dead I guess. I must make it into season five at some point.

God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All glory, praise, thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able to do above all we ask or think.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Well, It's Something.

2:45 p.m. Yesterday, I met with the neighbors and my W2 came in. I asked Grandpa to come by and pick it up. so it can get to Mom and she can file my taxes. She had a nice time with her firends yesterday.

I slept in to the afternoon again and the highlight of my day is Rob's breakfast burritos with hamburger, Netflix, and my journal getting updated. :X

3:10 p.m. April's parents have arrived and the neighbors are coming over to play cards. Still uploading my book, which had a lot of errors suddenly due to an update. -_-

6:13 p.m. The house has cleared and it's just Rob and I. Grandpa picked up my W2 and informed me I missed at backyard wedding at Mom's yesterday. :P I'll be fine. I've been watching Keeping Up Appearances, my eyes are a bit burny, and I feel like napping soon.

8:28 p.m. I had my nap, and now I have tacos.

10:17 p.m. Hyacinth and Secondlife play. End of Updates.

God Bless, Jesus Died for Sins and God raised Him from the Dead! Saves!

Friday, February 6, 2015

A Day To Be Thankful For.

1:50 p.m. Yesterday, I had another Walking Dead Marathon, hung out with the neighbors as they played cards (and got a new puppy), and watched the ENTIRE new season of The Paradise...GAH!! Wish they made more of those because it was a brilliant show. Anywho, I went to bed at between 4-5 a.m. and slept until past 1 p.m. I just got the grocry list done for today so yay on that.

Been thinking of meeting the family again soon but given certain circumstances that come with my visit, I may have to decline myself until I really need to be over there. Too bad.

2:08 p.m. My sister told me to call our family doctor because they need to speak with me, probably to schedule bloodwork I can no longer do because I don't have insurance anymore. Ah well.

2:32 p.m. Appointment cancelled and on with my day.

10:23 p.m. I watched A Knight's Tale and Fools Rush In (Google translated some subtitles which was fun) and went grocery shopping with Rob. Thinking of my family. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Died for my Sins, Rose and Saved! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able! P.S. Making pizza. YUM!

11:46 p.m. Had pizza and chips and watched a documentary on the Lindburg murder.

1:40 a.m. Hyacinth, Coco Rocha, and a little Google before I clean up for bed.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Oi Vey

1:09 p.m. I stayed up until nearly 3 a.m. on a Walking Dead marathon with April and Rob. I did not watch Season Five but I slept well, nonetheless. I just woke up and April is just NOW going to sleep. The house is both quiet and lonely now.

2:46 p.m. Did my usual online stuff. I got a phone call from a scammer pretending to be from PCH and asked if I played before. It's a new number, but this happens a lot on the SafeLink phones, and I said "I'm sorry?" in a perplexed manner...then they hung up. Googled the number and found out it was a scam, as expected. Prayers and forgiveness in Jesus Name, Amen!

I really need to fold clothes today and make my bed. I got some dishes washed though, so that was an accomplishment. P.S. Excited for the new Poltergeist movie. Huzzah!

3:11 p.m. I like when one day seems starkly different than the one before it. I got my tasks done...dying to draw in crayon but have no idea what to draw...I think inwardly I put pressure on myself to make it the next masterpiece. Meanwhile, my sketchbook is gathering dust. I don't even have the patience to flip through an entire magazine for inspiration anymore, half maybe, but not a whole one. The funk should end. I also need to read...

9:10 p.m. I FINALLY finished The Men Who Built America. I also managed to make a cheeseburger dinner and get the dishes washed! AMEN on that! Seriously needed to be done. Not sure how this all took six hours, though, I suppose time just flew by. I also read a lot of historical Wikipedia today in between Netflix but anyway...it should be time to retire soon. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!

10:17 p.m. Did my internet run-around and really must say again...I need the sleep. Prayers again in Jesus Name, Amen! God is able!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

A Brand New Day.

1:15 p.m. I've been up for an hour. Woke up to some lovely Mara IG photos, thanks dear for sharing. I have done my usual web surfing and had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,

I only recently learned this town actually has a museum which I have ironically been wishing to find for a while now, so I hope to walk there today. It would be quite a walk....not even sure if it's open. It's in a 'white chapel' looking building.

Last night, I stayed up watching season three of The Walking Dead with April. It is the last show on this earth I thought I would sit and watch, because I hate gore, but like anyone else...I got sucked into the drama. I looked away at certain parts, of course, but it was an okay time.

The day is going away.

I miss drawing. I miss reading a book. I miss doing my laundry...all of which I've held back from lately because though I'm up for it, some part of me isn't. My bed also desperately needs to be made.

I woke up to find two 12-packs of coke and a couple 'one box' meals on the counter. I found it odd and not sure if anyone else knows about this.

God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the Highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!

2:02 p.m. So I didn't make it to the museum...exactly. The landlord picked me up on the way and I learned that it was closed...at NOON. But after she went to the bank, she kindly drove me home and saved me a walk. God be with us in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!

5:20 p.m. I haven't done too much else that was noteworthy the past few hours. Netflix (The Men Who Built America), popcorn, and Youtube. I tried flipping through a magazine and drawing, somehow, dreaded me. I don't know why I don't enjoy what I used to.

I'm mostly ready for a bathroom break and a good nap...even though it's coming towards evening. I know one day I can look back at this and wonder at myself, God willing in Jesus Name, Amen!

6:47 p.m. I had a light nap, went on a hunt for the cat who is MIA, and got the dinner boxes going. Chicken, biscuits, and gravy. YUM~!!

6:54 p.m. -falls over- Netflix isn't working. Onto Youtube...Oi.

7:45 p.m. Dinner finished out great. The cat just suddenly showed up minutes ago..on the kitchen table..after a long search for him originally turned up nothing. Will be ready to go to bed soon and be in for a long night of tossing and turning...where God is with me every time...in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!

Monday, February 2, 2015

There's Really Not Much To Say...

3:24 p.m. I've spent the past couple days hanging out with April, watching grav3yard girl, sleepless at night...I have some weird twitch in my legs...and I have weird dreams. I got towels washed FINALLY and they are drying now. I kinda want to see the new Jurassic film, but kinda don't, because I don't want to see anything gory etc.

Dealing with my anxieties which I really need to write down at night. I still cringe at some things I did in my past, and forgive it over and over. Yada yada. P.S. It went from being really sunny today to being really rainy, which makes doing further laundry difficult. Trying not to eat out of boredom lately, as well.

6:00 p.m. Youtube, laundry, macaroni and icecream, and not much else...could use a nap though.

9:00 p.m. Had my nap, need a shower, and to go down for sleep soon....HOT!

10:03 p.m. Cleaned up, had leftovers and Chex..since the popcorn tasted weird..and had some Youtube, Ready to head back to bed soon. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever amen!

Jesus, God's only Son and our Savior, Died for me on a Cross and was Raised by God from the Dead.

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