Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Just Woke Up.

7:05 a.m. I slept well. I just woke up. My throat still hurts, I asked Rob if we have throat medicine. I need a shower. Aaliyah got to sleep in a little because her Mom is taking her to school today. I'm typing via mobile because I don't feel like getting on the computer right now. Sick and waking up. God bless. He's able! Jesus loves, lives, Saves.

Morning sunrise.
7:53 p.m. I had a shower and dressed. Then I did my exciting dailies on Neopets. :D And finally, I'm editing a couple photos and working on my blog.

8:02 a.m. Done and say hello to the morning selfie!

8:08 a.m. I'm considering writing today.

11:20 a.m. I just finished writing Chapter Seventeen after adding twelve whole new pages of story and I'm very, very pleased with how it went. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the Highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able! P.S. I've also been listening to music which has been surprisingly helpful setting the pace for my store, Praise the Lord. And I moved to a quiet space in Aaliyah's room to write. So after some extensive editing, this one should be ready. How long of a hiatus was it? Oi.
12:31 p.m. Finished both editing and promoting..and web the hour. Ready to bring on Chapter 18 at some point..just not right now. Can't wait to go home. I've been missing my bed all week. 

2:27 p.m. Been photo editing and enjoying pot pie right now. 

2:49 p.m. I ate, played with Harmony a bit, and read American Baby. Maranda is on a 90210 (new series kind) marathon. I feel like drawing again...

6:15 p.m. So I pretty much have been drawing for the past few hours plus...and I was on Instagram, too. 

6:26 p.m. I've been homesick. I've been fearing being abandoned by the other adults and unwillingly left to babysit screaming rambunctious children...because there is no gas money...because I can't possibly go home tonight. Possibly tomorrow. I cried, I did. I long and dream and when it doesn't happen, it hurts. 

I'm extraordinarily lonely on a frequent basis...I'm often comparing it to home where there seems to be someone there to talk to...who will carry a conversation with you if you try...about 90% of the time. I've had very few conversations this week..

I've tried, I've been brushed off and left answerless. I stand alone and often nobody engages with me.

I will say there's been maybe a 20-ish percent increase in adults wanting to interact with me from Miranda and the other woman staying here. The others, even Mom barely talk with me. So yeah it makes me long for home and breaks my heart. 

Can nobody hear me scream internally for companionship? Can nobody read the signs on my face? The heartbreak? Does anyone want to change that? I do. I want to go where I can have that.

It's been a long and unquiet week. I need the peaceful country. My eyes well up every time I mention my broken heart and unanswered longings. I'm the one in a crowded room who is more alone than if I were by myself. Oi, or another name for all this is depression, which I have. 

8:48 p.m. Over two hours later and I'm actually home, where I'm happy and I belong. Here's how it happened:

I desperately needed someone to talk to, so I talked to Rob. Meanwhile, Mom came home and asked me to talk about it so I did and sobbed and let everything out. Then she offered her last dollar to go home.

Maranda said if I stay one more night, I could go with her to the mall but I passed. I couldn't do it. Thankfully, to God and Mom, I could go home and I packed all my things. I lost my mp3 player at first but then found it in my purse while we were in the car.

We left around 7 p.m. and got her around 7:30 a.m. after which Rob and I shared a long talk about going on of events (what a release to do this after a week!!!!) and he said it's been too quiet here, quiet the opposite for me.

I thought Carlo would greet me but I guess not.

Anyway, I unpacked my stuff including the Lamilly doll, which I will review in another post entirely. Praise Jesus, I finally got medicine in me and already feel the tingling effects of needing to go bed..but I can't skip my meds.

Grandpa wants to put money in my overdrafted bank account, bless him!

Even though times are tough, I can never say my family doesn't help me. If I ever did, it's a lie.

9:07 p.m. Wrote my review and feeling very pleased as punch about it. :D Click Here To Read My Review of the Lamilly Doll.

12:09 a.m. After hours of trial and error, I made Lamilly the first custom top.

1:22 a.m. Been surfing for new music and I'm super tired. Rob surprised me with chicken noodle soup which was super sweet.

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All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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