Friday, November 28, 2014

It's My Birthday But...

8:50 a.m. I'm pretty sad. I went to bed sobbing, slept until 8 a.m. ish, and woke up to the baby crying, DJ not getting the milk because he'd rather sleep and two piles of dog puke on the floor....all just on waking up. I've holed myself up in Aaliyah's room, frowning, not really wanting to deal with the world.

The whole fiasco last night really knocked me down a few pegs. Having to babysit for hours and then being given another child to watch, without notice of how long it could be, to stay up for hours with baby wails...wchi made me burst into sobs because it was almost midnight.

DJ decided to take Maranda black friday shopping and insisted she had to go with them to pick out his baby clothes. I've been unhappy because their baby priorities are terrible. They just leave the poor kid with whoever is there to enjoy a cigarette/beer break out back Put the beer bottle and cigarette down and have fun with your baby who needs you for the love of God in Christ Jesus.

At least they're with him this morning.

I'm sorry for the sour mood. Like I said, I'm being distant and mostly not wanting to deal with the world right now. -_- I miss being home, where it's a quiet and normal existence. Emphasis on the word quiet.

I'm not as social here. Joe says it's a two way street and he's right...but that doesn't help when I'm ignored when I actually do try...and get like, silence. I had more conversating...than normal..with those who aren't here as often. Oi.

Now I see how April felt days ago...lonely...yet wanting to hole myself away. It makes me feel like I've separated myself from any chaos or stress...mostly. Knowing it's still there does make things a bit stressful...if not, depressing.

It's my 26th birthday. The day has to get better..I mean, it just started.

In other news, I have reconnected with Caleb after a couple years. Thanks God, and the thirty day Single woman's challenge, for inspiring it. Positive...and just hoping it stays that way. I think I may have dreamed I got back together with him...but this is a chance for closure where need be. Like I said, it didn't end very peaceful last time so this is good.

I re-activated my livejournal account...just because. I don't mind.

9:07 a.m. Talking on FB did help. A little :P I should probably eat something and shower.

9:26 a.m. Everyone is up this morning...except Joe I think. I just had a hot shower, gradually feeling a bit better. I really have to talk to April about the way she -_-  I had to get it out of my head because I've been thinking it since yesterday and it would only contribute to the 'down and out' mood of today.

I forgive.

9:34 a.m. No, it didn't make me feel better

9:41 a.m. The day has to get better. Who has a bad day on their birthday. Seriously? I am thankful for family...though they don't speak to me or acknowledge me often when I try to talk to them. Seriously, when I'm sitting among them ---I can't even.

I went back to Aaliyah's room to cry. I'm sorry...I'm just all kinds of depressed. I'm mad at my best friend, I can't talk to family, (and they are both my entire social circle) and I just can't deal. God is here though.

I was gonna go into this long thing about how I choose to feel this way. It is a choice...a foolish one at that. At the same time I can't help when the painful truth breaks my heart. And with my heart, it tends to feel worse just because it doesn't want to be broken. This day has to get better soon.

By the way, there were three piles of dog puke, not two. :/

9:55 a.m.  I listened to Foolish Games by Jewel and added it to the profile..seemed to suit for the most part. I should probably give this social thing another try....

10:13 a.m. Had a slice of chocolate cake first thing in the morning....ah..what it is to send the happy feels to your brain from dessert. Then, I had Thanksgiving leftovers. Grandpa and Jen wished me a Happy Birthday which boosted my mood more than you know.

I have every desire in my heart to forgive all the while I'm breaking through, and down, the wall of anger.

10:24 a.m. I sent a message to Rob..but I don't think he's awake. I let Mom know that we need to pick up my prescription and my cake. What a sentence.

10:37 a.m. Mom wished me a Happy Birthday which was nice. :D

10:45 a.m. I love April, I do. This just needs to change. She has to want to change...this.

11:01 a.m. Watching Yogi bear with the fam. :)

1:13 p.m. April and I are talking things out and the day is, indeed, getting better. Especially with all the well wishes!! :D

This was my favorite, from Helen, sent last year.

1:23 p.m. Print screening...and appreciating the hectic rambunctiousness of my family a lot more than I did this morning.

1:27 p.m. Lol at the email. I was active as a goth teen, since then I've saved it from an inactive account purge for fun and browsed the photos of my teen years in the photo album.

2:41 p.m. Leaving with Mom soon to get meds and cake. Oh, and the Santa was out in front gathering donations so Prayers of blessing for his collections today in Jesus Name! His bucket was so stuffed that I watched him cram it down to fit room for more donations. :D God is good, people!

4:07 p.m. I went with Mom and got the meds and cake, and some tea, and we came home. 

There was the little blonde girl, her Mom..I think it's her Mom..DJ, and Zack. I wanted a corner piece, so did DJ, the little girl, and Zackary. So right away the corners were cut off. The kids also sang Happy Birthday for me.

Meanwhile, DJ tried to use a cake cutter, since I was butchering it with a steak knife, and the cutter BROKE OFF!! 

We all sat and had cake. The verdict was that it was very, very, sugary. 

Afterwards, I put it in the fridge and edited some more photos.

4:14 p.m. Added photos to this blog. And..I let Rob that I'm staying a few extra days (until Monday or Tuesday) to get my medical records released to prepare to apply for disability. Pray for me in Jesus Name, Amen! All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the Highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves!

9:34 p.m. I watched tv with Mom and hung out with the family, then went with DJ to the store for some stuff. After that I hung out by the fire for a while and took photos...and enjoyed the night sky.

Caption this moment.


9:45 p.m. I can't believe all that's happened today. The day DID get better. The week has been God-blessed and people-filled. My complaints, sorry for them, will not change this wonderful gift that continues in my life and begs not to be taken for granted. The week just looks like a wonderful life. Thanks God. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves. All Glory, Praise, Thanks, and all things be to God on the Highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!!

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All Glory, Praise, Thanks and all things be to almighty God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus name, amen. God is able to do above all we ask or think!

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