2:12 p.m. I'm at a doctor's office, after having a big morning.
April woke me up to tell me that Rick was having legal trouble, he scratched a car and people tried to flag him down...he didn't know why and told police that. But they said he did know and kept moving. He can either contest, and get points off, or accept, and get a point off..either way which could result in a license suspension and even loss of his job. So we have to switch up our diets, to more wholesome 'from scratch' things because groceries will be tight...and the food stamp uses will be scrutinized.
If Rick loses his job, April is considering moving out to support her family and I'm considering moving out after, leaving Rob, who would be upset, as he's said before.
I made blueberry pancakes, not for Rob because he woke just after they were done. But he made egss and there was a blow up when informing Rob. Mostly over the idea of cutting off internet but he said some words April didn't like then walked out, wouldn't come back. She followed after.
I went to my room. They talked it out, I went away to pray. I tried that 'letter to God' thing I heard about and it started out fine, and then I found myself trying to fill up every inch of the single sheet of computer paper with a request, praise, or thought. That really helped.
When I came back, it was calm again. We watched videos. April went to sleep. The handyman came by and I waited on Joe.
Rob and I watched Love it or List it, yes that one. And then a little of the game documentary.
I left with Joe and had to come back, forgetting a copy of Mom's insurance card, which I couldn't find. So I left without.
On the way, Joe got me to open up. It went good in some way, deeply unsettling in others. I mean I was deeply uncomfortable with talking about it, even though he suggested otherwise. I need therapy, that's why I'm here at the doctor, to get referred to for the help I need.
He did tell me if I move out that I'll have a place to stay at Mom's, so that's comforting.
Oh, and we stopped at the gas station on the way but they didn't take EBT. :/
I brought my netbook to pass the long wait time at the doctor. I got in quick enough, not even long enough in the waiting room to run this writing program, and then got my blood pressure done. I'm 'so-so' there I'm told and we discussed diet and exercise.
I want to try and get my old blood work info, even though it's months old. I was told if there was no phone call, then things were normal. Still, I'm curious about what went on, or could still go on, inside of me. Especially, if I'm at risk for diabetes.
I had to disagree with Joe today, who, after I basically said the worst of the insanities, felt I was just human and there was nothing truly wrong with me. He also was trying to get me to step out of my comfort levels...something I cannot do. Per my religious beliefs, if you will.
There are things not okay with: 'Hearing your thoughts outside of your head, as if a voice were coming through an airvent' 'Having an angry voice in your head shouting at you because you won't think of pornagraphy' or 'constant, unwelcome thoughts, or gratuitous sexual images or oral sex'...coming like an intruder who kicked the door down of your house and forced his way in. Obsessive intrusive thoughts. Schizophrenia. Trembling jaws, yelps, and growls out of my control.
This is not okay. I'm not okay with living like that. It's not 'me.' I KNOW me. And that is not me.
But Jesus is with me, I know it.
I need to go but more soon, God Willing. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves. Glory, Thanks, and Praise, be to God on the Highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able! P.S. I've had plenty of time to write this and get it off my chest while I wait in the doctor's office.
5:12 p.m. The doctor didn't refer me to anyone, because the insiurance is so good I was told I could go to any psychiatrist my heart desired. She printed me out a list...and gave me my old bloodwork records. Aside from UTI, I was very normal. Have to redo bloodwork in February.
I went home, listening to music. Joe kindly charged my mp3 player and he was actually interested in hearing my metal, although I threw some opera in for good measure. No comment there, lol.
Oh, and he gave me five bucks. Yay. :)
Right now, I'm watching Mysteries at the Museum with Rob. God Bless, Jesus Love, Live, Save! Glory, Thanks, Praise, and all things be to God on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!
5:50 p.m. I'm tired and I need a nap. I've opted out of grocery shopping tonight. LONG day!!!!! God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves!!!
12:19 a.m. Slept until now. Had a dream about JRM and Mara. It was sweet up to a point, they were interacting with fans and talking about how Jonny was getting closer to them. They are my OTP, what can I say? Lol.
In a weird moment, she was a stuffed animal and we tried to talk to each other..because I was so quiet then it was like this devil thing and I had to exorcise it.
12:30 a.m. Finished some of my blueberry pancake from this morning. I need a shower. :P
12:35 a.m. Edited brain dump notes about my doctor's office experience this afternoon. P.S. Lamilly doll is on the way and it's supposed to arrive before Christmas. So elated I can't even!
P.S. The cat is oddly attached to me tonight. Perhaps because everyone is, and has been, sleeping.
12:54 a.m. That being done, I'm going back to bed.