My favorite blogs are actually from the older female teens and women in their early 20s of our generation. They just have the voice that speaks to this 25 year old...who has probably felt too old for the past four years. I'm getting just outside of that young woman age bracket and heading into a margin that includes people in their thirties. To me: Yikes!
FYI. my entire life is not figured out yet. Since about 16-18 years old, I thought I would've by now but I don't. I still have a message I wrote myself back in high school about all the wonderful things I was going to be by now...much of that didn't come to pass. I've just begun the process of sinking into being a writer and I am trying to get re-hired at McDonalds because I need whatever income I can get. I'm single, no kids (God knows I want both, like in a 'biggest dream' kind of way) but I also know I have to be very patient for it.
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I do look forward to writing myself back on the five year letter. Back in November 2010, I wrote myself a letter addressed to the me 'Five Years Later' and I can't read it until November of 2015. I've accidentally glanced over it several times in the years since then, but not enough to spoil everything that must be in there. There were moments where I'm remembering some questions and I'm like 'Oh yeah, I know how I want to respond to that the day I get to write back.'
It's unbelievably astounding how much can change in five years. I'm no less curious about the next five, to be sure. (That second GIF is enormously distracting as I write, like seeing a bunch of lines being scribbled in the corner of my eye) Ah, those years. So yeah.
Back to the networking thing, I know I said I wanted to gain an audience before my first book is released, because that's one way authors find success. But I'm also looking for someone to share my emotions with, a relationship, to find I'm not the only person 'like me' because it would be a real comfort.
Be back for more later. April is asleep and after something to eat and some ample 'getting ready' I can update my offline journal on her computer. She washed, folded, and dried my clothes which was amazingly sweet of her to do. P.S. I had bad bladder trouble this morning, Prayed my way through it and was blessed to even fall asleep a couple times.
6:38 p.m. I did my networking and promoting..with white cheddar popcorn and ginger ale.
Then, I finally went outside, catching the sun before it was gone. I didn't take pictures this time since the phone died but the experience was all the better. As soon I left the house, the smell of fresh cut grass hit the air, then the harder scent of something burning. As I walked further, a group of people were outside. Some laying out on the grass, other's were on cell phones.
I walked further and got honked at...twice..for unknown reasons.
6:58 p.m. I got those words from my senior year scanned, it took a minute or two but it worked. Still need to update Part Seize while I can...
7:25 p.m. Praising God Jesus on the highest forever and ever! I FINALLY added to Seize and I'm overall pleased. :D
7:32 p.m. I FINALLY figured out why I couldn't see my backup book file when I was moving it to my flash drive or even looking it up on the computer. It was marked 'Hidden' in properties. Really not sure how that happened. I knew it must have been this but for some reason, it didn't occur to me to fix it the way I ought to before. I'm off to go edit my book...I think. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Died, Risen, Saves, Home Nuggets! Later!
7:38 p.m. Better yet I could get started on dinner...If I'm not the only one awake.
7:55 p.m. Dinner is started .Frozen boneless tenderloins marinated in Worcester sauce, mustard, Creole seasoning, seas salt, and pepper. for 45 minutes...stopping to marinate again after 30. Hoping to have Checkers fries along side it..
8:08 p.m. April's toothache from grinding her teeth woke her up. Switching computers....at least she's in a surprisingly pleasant 'non-irritated at every who looks at her' mood. I notice cause I care.
8:33 p.m. Chicken is still cooking. I moved to the larger laptop, shared by the household. It's a LOT slower and AOL can't even load, as seen below, but I got my tabs pinned the way I like them.
This is the best way to keep up with all my social networks at once. If I'm missing others I usually have God Willing, I'll remember those later too.
8:43 p.m. The chicken is done, marinating in it's own juices for close to the next half hour while I get Checkers fries cooking. I've never made this meal before, inspired by WikiHow but not followed exactly, so Praise Jesus, I hope it comes out great! :) Our dinner depends on it.
9:06 p.m. I have successfully added to Seize from the large laptop so I'm cool with that...waiting on food to get done...God Bless, Jesus Love/Save Home Nuggets.
9:58 p.m. Well, I finished a fantastic meal. Watched a bit of Good Mythical Morning, where they try out Wal-Mart vs.name Brand foods. Hung out with Rob as he played Sims 4, and thenApril, who watched Youtubers Dan and Phil play Sims 4...while Rob is downloading, for her, Sims 4.
10:36 p.m. Finished playing on Neo and watching the video.
10:47 p.m. April needed me to call some relatives, this late, and ask if they know a dentist. Jen didn't answer, Mom's on a plane, DJ was bewildered by my question outright, and Grandpa didn't answer. She's suffering terribly right now and is looking for a cheap dentist in the area who does extractions.
10:54 p.m. Jen called back, equally as bewildered as my brother was for requesting a Dentist. Nonetheless, she said April would have to contact the Health Department since she doesn't have insurance. On a completely different note, April sent me the best Red Riding Hood costume ever:
11:38 p.m. I'm having self esteem issues again. :( I tried taking a web photo and I look like I weigh about 200 pounds, no joke, which is something I'm not used to. I know, I know. Why should a meaningless external thing be allowed to take my happiness down a notch?
It looks unhealthy...for one thing. It's also a body I'm not use to seeing...or having. I'm very much overwieght. I stay up all night, late night snack on popcorn. I don't exercise quite as much as I used to. Part of me is hoping that it's just the ginger ale that has me so bloated...but I'm very, very round.
Is this a new body I'll have to accept? I love me, as a person. I obviously am wishing right now that I looked a healthier size or at least look in a way I'm used to. This too, shall pass. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Save us all. Glory, Thanks, Praise on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able!
|Clearly here, I need to drop a few pounds. You see what I mean? I'll get back in gear.|
I have a very wide waist, width wise, always did. The side waist always looks significantly more narrow than the front. You can't see the side in the picture. My belly is not a full circle all the way around, it's more like a rounded rectangle. My waist is not who I am. I'm me. God made me, I mean it.
So what if I gained some arm and thigh fat?? Doesn't mean I'm not the person I always was. Right? Obviously. I'm not saying being overweight is healthy, I intend to help it. I'm trying to bring down unnecessary self-loathing, however, before it gets serious.
It takes more than the words I'm writing, I have to believe in them with mind, body, spirit, and soul. Let me work on that because it'll take more than a few seconds and several paragraphs...I think I'm starting to feel something. Someone did once say 'You have nails, but your aren't nails. You have fat, but you are not fat.' You are you, and I am me. What's wrong with that?
12:32 a.m. So I should probably sleep. I'm hoping to come up with a schedule after that to get back on track and out of the funk of being online all day but God knows. God Bless, Jesus Loves, Lives, Saves, Thanks, Praise, Glory, on the highest forever and ever in Jesus Name, Amen! God is Able! 14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16